Things That Will Never Happen on Buffy

Originally written by Lea.

1. Spike declares his love for Xander.
2. Buffy using a wet diaper to scare vampires away.
3. Buffy using Xander to scare vampires away.
4. Buffy and Angel taking sun-bathes together on the beach.
5. Willow dresses more sexy than Cordelia (note: I mean human Willow :-)
6. Xander running away and marrying the bearded woman.
7. The gang finds out that the Spice Girls are a bunch of girls-power-vampires that actually planning to take over the world.
8. Buffy kisses Angel without wearing high heels.
9. Lestat (Anne Rice) comes to Sunnydale.
10. Buffy becomes serious.
11. Angel (Note: I said Angel, not Angelus) becomes silly.
12. Drusilla becomes normal.
13. Willow discovers She's Cordelia's lost twin sister.
14. Cordelia discovers she's Giles's lost daughter.
15. All the scooby gang sit together and watch "Scream 2"... ("Hey, Buffy, I didn't know you have another job"!)
16. Cordelia and Giles falling for each other ("Hey, Cordy, we knew you were hurt and would do some outrageous thing but whoa"!).
17. Giles going 5 minutes without saying "yes, well".
18. Drucilla casually leafs through "Martha Stewart Living".
19. Buffy facing a hideously scary monster and not making some witty comment about it
20. Giles gets a real car.
21. Buffy uses Mmmbop as a fighting yell.
22. 3 lines of Xander dialouge without some joke.
23. One scene where Angel (not Angelues angel) isn't moping.
24. Spike stop talking about Drusilla for 5 minutes.
25. Angel watching "South Park" and saying "Cartoons kick ass!"
26. Giles not stuttering for any of his lines.
27. Seeing Spikes roots.
28. Willow wearing a potato sack.
29. Seeing Faith in a pink frilly dress.
30. Cordelia apologizing for a rude comment
31. Drusilla rolling on the floor talking to inanimate objects.
32. Buffy falling head over heels for the Troll man (Snyder)("Angel? Angel who?!")
33. Xander fights his addiction to diet pills.
34. Giles showing Willow how to use the Internet.
35. Angel and Buffy watch "An Interview With a Vampire" together ("You sure Brad Pit isn't a relative of yours"?)
36. Spikes making his accent sound authentic.
37. Drusilla singing to rap music.
38. Giles yelling out at Angel, "Oh my god, you killed Jenny, you bastard"!
39. Giles in a Jogging suit (Mr. Tweed Man)
40. Giles Strutting around the library with a Pepsi One claiming this new age stuff is as good as Tea.
41. Angel in a Hawaiian shirt, cargo shorts and flip-flops.
42. The gang finding out they are really the Brady bunch kids.
43. Giles singing along to Marilyn Manson on his headphones.
44. Cordelia in the Navy Seals.
45. Angel and Joyce becoming a couple ("Sorry Buffy, the boy is mine"!)
46. Giles reporting to the gang that he really isn't a watcher he is 60 year old alcoholic.
47. Willow skipping the rest of high school to become a stripper.
48. Snyder comes to Buffys house dressed in a lime green tux and orange cummerbund and some dandelions he yanked out of the front lawn. "Umm... Mrs Summers, Is Buffy home?"
49. Any Scooby member actually getting a job.
50. Buffy ever having a normal life.
51. Buffy's face on the cover of a cereal box with a caption saying "Did you ever have the urge to kill vampires? Or how about just rid your town of demons? Well eat this cereal and do that!!! with ease PRIZE: at the bottom of the box a free stake and cross".
52. Buffy becomes a Zen Buddhist and can't use violence.
53. Spike's face on a milk carton reading "Have you seen this girl"?
54. Dru stops talking to her dolls.
55. Xander and Giles dressing in drag and doing the hula.
56. Angel is really a pizza boy who poisoned the pizzas of Sunnydale and made everyone imagine what has been happening.

Yet More Things That Will Never Happen on Buffy

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