Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. I'm just borrowing them. Author’s Notes: This is another version of Angel coming back to Buffy.

Nightmares

by Amber



The nightmare was the same everytime. It always made me feel unloved, unwanted, and betrayed. I knew that that night would give me no peace, just as none of the others had. I shuddered at the thought of the pain I would go through that night. The cold sweat that would pour off my body in waves. The screams that would wreak the night as I yelled his name in my moment before consciousness. The words from the sewers, echoing in my head over and over: *"You don’t want to be with me?" I had said hollowly, not believing his words.
"I can’t believe you’re breaking up with me."* The agony that had followed had been more than I could stand. Crying into Willow’s shoulder, forcing Angel to suck my blood. It had all amounted to nothing. I sighed and stopped reflecting on my guilt-ridden past. I lay down to sleep, thinking as I drifted off:
*This one’ll be different. This one will bring him back. He will know that the pain he caused is still fresh even after a year and th! ! at will bring him back to me.* I doubted my thoughts and yet I believed myself.
What a paradox. Not believing in your own subconscious was a sure sign of instability. . .



*"Angel, drop the cryptic. You’re scaring me."

"I’ve been thinking. . . about our future. And the more I do, the more I feel like us- you and me, being together is unfair to you."

"Is this about what the Mayor said? Because he was just trying to shake us up."

"He was right."

"No. No, he wasn’t. He’s the bad guy."

"You deserve more. You deserve something outside of demons and darkness. You should be with someone who can take you into the light. Someone who can make love to you."

"I don’t care about that. . ."

Then the dream flashed forward a few minutes to the last most painful part. . .

"I want my life to be with you."

And then, a whisper, like it hurt him to say it, he didn’t want to say it. But he did.

"I don’t."

"You don’t want to be with me?" and he just stared at me. "I can’t believe you’re breaking up with me. . ."*

Then the dream would go even farther back in time to a hill where Angel was waiting to destroy himself.

*"The world needs me gone." he had growled.

"What about me?" I had sobbed. "I love you so much. And I tried to make you go away. I killed you and it didn’t help." and then I had shoved him off me and screamed, almost hysterically, "And I hate it! I hate that’s it’s so hard and that you can hurt me so much." My next words were calmer, more composed. "I know everything that you did because you did it to me."*

And then ahead to one of my most recent encounters with Angel where I forced him to drink my blood.

*"Drink. Drink me."* I punched him three times to make him put his game face on and drink my blood.

The first part of the dream was always memories. The second part was the bad part. The part that I knew would never happen, but I believed all the same. . .



*Angel leering at me, like he was Angelus again. "Haha! I broke up with you because I never loved you. I got tired of stringing you along."

"You can’t mean that!" I yelled.

"Oh, but I do!" he chuckled. "Of course I do! You killed me, then you started dating that jerk Scott. You betrayed me! I hate you!!"

"No! That’s all wrong! You’ve got it backwards!" I screamed. But he just laughed and kept on repeating, "I don’t love you! I don’t love you! You’re nothing to me!"

"No, Angel! Angel!" *

At this point I would wake up and scream his name at my return to consciousness. Only this time I didn’t wake up. This time I was stuck in the nightmare and I didn’t even understand why. . .



Part Two "Buffy!" I fell out of bed and lay on the floor, panting. (I didn’t need to pant, but the shock had forced me to.) What had awakened me? Suddenly I remembered the dream. Buffy thought I didn’t love her! I had to go to her

I rushed around frantically, throwing clothes on, not caring what I destroyed in my haste. I was struck by a thought. Why was I hurrying so? Just because Buffy felt unloved didn’t give me an excuse to race to her aid. There was something else wrong. Something that made me double my speed.

I realized what it was as I jumped into my car. She was weak. Her defenses were down. Because of that, this dream would kill her. Buffy’s mind was playing tricks on her.

I put the pedal to the metal as I raced towards my love, knowing that if I was a second too late, Buffy’s mind would destroy her. . .



I pounded on her front door anxiously. "Buffy!" I yelled. There was no answer. I busted the door down, jumped through the wreckage and sprinted up the stairs at record speed.

I broke her doorknob in my haste to get into her room.

I stared in horror at her ashen feverish face. "Oh, my God, Buffy." I whispered in disbelief. She was so pale. I walked over and took her hand, kissing it gently. "Don’t worry, Buffy. When you wake up, I’ll be here."



Part Two "Buffy!" I fell out of bed and lay on the floor, panting. (I didn’t need to pant, but the shock had forced me to.) What had awakened me? Suddenly I remembered the dream. Buffy thought I didn’t love her! I had to go to her

I rushed around frantically, throwing clothes on, not caring what I destroyed in my haste. I was struck by a thought. Why was I hurrying so? Just because Buffy felt unloved didn’t give me an excuse to race to her aid. There was something else wrong. Something that made me double my speed.

I realized what it was as I jumped into my car. She was weak. Her defenses were down. Because of that, this dream would kill her. Buffy’s mind was playing tricks on her.

I put the pedal to the metal as I raced towards my love, knowing that if I was a second too late, Buffy’s mind would destroy her. . .



I pounded on her front door anxiously. "Buffy!" I yelled. There was no answer. I busted the door down, jumped through the wreckage and sprinted up the stairs at record speed.

I broke her doorknob in my haste to get into her room.

I stared in horror at her ashen feverish face. "Oh, my God, Buffy." I whispered in disbelief. She was so pale. I walked over and took her hand, kissing it gently. "Don’t worry, Buffy. When you wake up, I’ll be here."



Part Four

I awoke to see Angel’s face staring down at me. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah." I replied, still drowsy. "Were you in my dream, Angel?"

"Yes." he said quietly.

"What did it all mean?"

"It meant," he said softly, bending over to kiss me on the forehead, "that I love you."

I started crying.

"What’s wrong?" he asked worriedly.

"I’m so happy." I cried. "I love you too."

I tried to sit up and hug him, but I couldn’t. I looked down and saw that Angel was still holding my hand. I let go and tried to sit up again, but I still couldn’t. "Angel, what’s wrong with me?" I asked nervously. "Why can’t I sit up?"

"You’re very weak." Angel replied.

"Why? Why am I weak?" I asked. "You said you’d explain everything to me when I woke up. Now explain!"

"All right, all right." Angel consented reluctantly. "Your soul was caught by a demon which specialized in torturing people through their dreams. It was my job to here from LA and save you."



"Job?" I echoed. "I was just a job to you?!" I cried, my voice breaking. "Just another lost soul, right Angel?" Oh, how my heart bled at those words! Angel didn’t love me; he was just here because I needed help. It was all I could do to keep from bursting into tears.

"No, Buffy. You’re not like that." he said soothingly, reaching out to take my hand.

"Stay away from me!" I moaned in anguish, jerking my hand away. I threw the covers off and forced myself to get up, away from him. My legs felt like jelly but I ran anyway. I had only gone a few feet when my legs gave out. I instinctively put out my hands to stop my fall, but there was no need. Angel had jumped out and saved me from falling. I gazed up at him dreamily. "My guardian Angel." I sighed. I forgot why I was so mad at him. I just wanted to sleep. I felt so safe in his arms. I knew that no dreams would disturb me for the rest of the night because Angel was my cure.





Part Five

I woke up this time to find myself on a warm body with a strong heartbeat. *Hmm,* I thought comfortably, *whoever this guy is, he sure feels good.* After a second I remembered everything. Angel had come to save me from a horrible demon that wanted my soul. He had succeeded but I had gotten really mad because I thought I was just another lost soul to him and I had tried to run away. I had failed, because I was still weak from having my soul drained away. I realized that now I wasn’t weak anymore. *I must have slept at least twelve hours to be back at full Slayer strength.* I thought.

I remembered something else that I had observed as I had woken up. Angel was warm and breathing and had a heartbeat. And, as I saw the morning sun beaming down on him, he wasn’t affected by sunlight. That could only mean one thing. . .
But I had to be sure.

"Angel, wake up." I hissed in his ear.

He stretched and yawned. "Could you get off my legs?"

"Oh, sure." I got out of his lap and gazed at him. I let him work out all the kinks and aches from a night of having me on his legs and then I asked him the *question.*

"How is it that your heart is beating, you’re unaffected by sunlight, and you’re warm?"

He just looked at me. "You’re so beautiful in the sunlight."

"Great, I look terrific in sunlight. Big deal! Just answer my question."

"Well, I was going to tell you before you ran away."

"Yeah, thanks for reminding me. Stand up." I said carefully, standing up. He stood up and WHACK! I punched him back on the ground. "That’s for telling me I was just a *job*, you bastard." I said angrily. "Now," I said sweetly, as if nothing had happened, while I sat back on the floor, Indian-style, "Please continue."

Angel looked at me strangely for a minute then he sat down across from me, first checking to see if his nose was bleeding (which it wasn’t). "As I was saying before you punched me on the ground, you are my last lost soul that I needed to save in order to redeem myself. I’m free now, Buffy."

"What do you mean ‘free’?" I questioned, ignoring that "lost soul" crack.

"I’ve made amends so the Higher Powers That Be have decided to give me back my life. They took away the demon and just left the soul." he finished.

"So you’re. . ." I whispered, unable to say the word unless I was wrong.

"Human? Yeah, I guess you could say that. I still have my vampiric strength but other than that, I’m fully alive."

"Then why are you still here?" I demanded.

He looked surprised at my question. "Because I love you." he replied, as if it were obvious. He clasped both my hands in his own and kissed them gently. The next thing he said was in a whisper, but this time he was hesitant because he wasn’t sure of how I was going to react.

"I’m yours if you’ll have me." he whispered, pleading, hopeful.

"Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" I yelled exuberantly. "I love you too."

I kissed him softly on the lips and Angel kissed me back. We kissed each other gently, as if to test to see if the magic from a year ago was still there. It was. Our kisses became more persistent and I knew that a few kisses wouldn’t heal everything, that I still was mad at him for leaving me in the first place but right then I didn’t care.

I just loved him.

THE END