Wu Tang Swordsman.
Starring: Carter Wong and Cliff Lok
Everyone in the Martial world is looking for the Jade Crusted Sword. Little do they know that the owner has been inprisoned by the Governer and the sword is sitting pretty on display at his crib. 20 years later we find our man Carter and his sister training. Sister being the operative word, cause she isn't really his sister. But you know how it is in Kung Fu movies. Mother, Uncle,cuz'n, brother. There all relative terms so it seems. Anyway, we find the two them training. He uses a style called Shaolin Knife kung-Fu. I'm looking at this 'Knife' and thinking "damn, if he calls that thing a knife I'd hate to see what he calls a sword." It was probably a millimeter short of a sword. Our man is training to so he can defeat the owner of the Jade Crusted Sword. He wanders around calling himself by the name of swords real owner, thereby causing people to fight him. I find Carter Wong's fighting style funny. I call it Nervous-Fu. He sort of bounces around making faces and slapping people. His feet always seem to be in the air. Not as a kick though, but as if he were stomping the ground. His sister seems to have a better fighting style. She actually spanks more ass than he does.
Enter Cliff Lok as the town begger. This is the second Kung Fu movie I've seen with guys clapping sticks together and trying to rap (don't even try to say the movie was made before rap started). Anyway, he's walking around town making my ears hurt and causing me to wince everytime he goes off beat. He's singing about his hero, who happens to be the imprisoned owner of the sword. He seems to be giving hints to the whearabouts of said master swordsman. Carter and his sister slink around the Governer's mansion trying to figure out how to get in. Enter the off beat begger. He raps a warning to our would be rescuers and gets slapped around a bit by one of the guards for his effort. Later that night Carter and sis decide to go ahead try anyway. They get in and get overwhelmed by the sheer number of troops. Suddenly a masked man comes to save the day, um, night. He swoops in and snatches our B&E'rs before they get waxed too badly. They chase him around for a bit until he decides to reveal his identity. Oh my! it's the Rapping Begger. So our heroes hear the tale of the imprisoned swordsman and they devise a plan to get into the mansion. The begger goes to the Governer and says he knows where a certain trouble maker can be found. The Govs hench men rush in and capture Carter. Don't you know they throw him in the same cell as the master swordsman. Enter Sis. I forgot to add that ole girl has a different outfit on everytime you see her. Cliff Lok, the Rapping Begger adds his feet and fist to the mix also. They're running through the mansion knocking fools on their butts and taking names. Sister girl starts fight this dude with what has to be the weirdest weapon these eyes have seen. A huge ass bow with a blade on one end. Ole girl is barely holding her own when Carter and the prisoner enter the fray. they were freed by an old man that worked in the mansion. The prisoner is very spry for a man that has spent 20 years sleeping on hay. Cliff Lok finds the sword, but springs a trap. Mr. Bow-with-a-Blade makes Cliff into a pincusion. But before he buys the farm he tosses the Jade Crusted Sword to our hero. Oh no! slice and dice time! After clearing out a few of the bad guys our three heros break camp and regroup. Carter confronts the ex-prisoner and tells him that he wants a duel. He has trained all these years just so he can posses the Jade Crusted Sword. Oh, I forgot to say that the Governer gets shish kabobbed (sp?) Ok, now we have a duel. Carter wins. Only because the master swordsman lets him. Sis did a little groveling. Carter now possess the sword. He goes to town for a little celebration. He's instantly challenged by four meanies. The master swordsman gets a sever talking to by a nun so he decides to save Carter, who turns out to be his son. He issues a challenge to the four bad dudes and they accept. Tomorrow at high noon type deal. He challenges Carter so he can get the sword back. Our man Carter has the big head and laughs, but accepts. He gets his ass waxed in under five seconds. Feeling a tad small he fesses up the sword.
High noon: The four bad guys arrive and they want the sword really badly. It's on! Carter and his sister arrive to offer a little assistance. She's spanking much butt, while Carter is getting tapped left and right. Now pops gets pissed. He takes off the sword's secret cover. Oh damn! Uh oh! *slash, slash, blood, slash, blood, weapons splintering.* Four buckets are kicked. Enter the nun with the sharp tongue. She takes the sword and snaps it in two. No sword, No more challenges.
Rewindability: One scene where Sister has the Jade Crusted Sword. She places it on the forehead of one bad dude and simply runs in down his face. ouch!
Rewatchability: Sure, a few times. The story is pretty good.
Quoteability: Naw
All Things Feet & Fist: 5