Of Gods and Monsters

Angel stood, watching the soft rain moisten the green, grassy hills just behind the old farm. He sighed and pulled the dark leather duster tighter around him. He walked slowly down the rain soaked path, struggling to keep from getting muddy.

The night’s events played through his mind, though it was a million nights ago. Horrid events he wished he had never lived through, never caused. He could still hear the shrieks of his younger brother as he died, could still hear his mother, gasping for life, calling her son’s name over and over till it was just a whisper, then…nothing. He could see his father, ready to bitch him out again for being a worthless, and then he saw his father’s head, disconnected form his body, his dull, lifeless eyes staring up at him. He remembered Darla’s beautiful face, grinning at him as she dropped his sister’s body.

He shivered at the memory, remembering the blood staining her lips and gown. He slowly turned off the muddy path and made his way through a grove of willow trees. The sound of the rain grew softer, though he could still hear it clearly with his heightened senses. All sounds seemed muffled and distant to him though, as he continued on his grave task. He bent over to pick a few wildflowers, their bright white petals sharp contrast against the deep, black of the night.

He left the grove and walked into a small clearing. He halted a few feet from the five graves, feeling scared and very alone. He felt as if he didn’t belong with the five members of his family he had loved so dearly. A light breeze floated by and he closed his eyes, smelling the sweet smell of rain, grass, flowers and something else he couldn’t quite name.

For the first time in over two hundred years, he felt peace in his soul. He didn’t feel guilt for their deaths, only faint sadness.

He laid the meager bouquet on his mother’s grave, then added one flower to his little sisters. He turned and walked away, as the rain washed the small town of Galaway clean of his sins.

Later as he went to lay down in his boyhood bed, he smelled a sent all to familiar to him. A sweet perfume that reminded him of lilacs and old lace. Of summer’s spent chasing dogs and sitting on the front porch with his siblings. He smiled softly at the new memories flooding his mind.

“Angelus…” a soft voice called behind him. He turned to see her, a girl he had dreamed of all his vampiric life, not knowing if she truly lived. He starred at her, taking in her long brown hair that flowed in soft waves down her back, her sharp, piercing blue eyes that had made her different form the rest of her family, he noted she hadn’t grown an inch since he last saw her, she was still four foot three, short even for her age, then he realized why she had never grown…she was dead. A soft white light emigrated from her as she smiled.

“She came back for me after you left…” The girl said in the same soft voice.

Angel’s smile disappeared. “Sammy...I’m sorry, I..”

Samantha raised her hand to silence him. “Don’t…”

She stepped away from the corner and he realized why she had been glowing, she was standing in front of a candle. She walked slowly towards him and sat on his bed. “Two hundred and twenty years, over two centuries, why didn’t you come back sooner?”

“I’ve been…busy.”

“yeah, feeling sorry for yourself, Angelus, you can’t change who you are, what you were, what you did, no one can.”

“You don’t understand Sammy, you couldn’t.”

“Why couldn’t I? Because I’m a slayer turned whom never lost her soul? Because I didn’t’ go out and kill millions of people, many of whom cared for me? Well think again dear brother. I go out there every night and kill my own kind. I kill those whom are my friends turned. Then I come home to an empty house and cry myself to sleep. I sit here in the dark and try to remember the world filled with sunlight. I pray to a god that had abandoned me for being a demon. And then I go out and do it all again.”

Angel turned away from her, not sure what to say or if he was to say anything at all.

“And you, you’ve got the good life, you have a someone whom loves you, granted you two can’t get physical, but she’s there. You have friends, money, hell Angelus, you have a CAR! I don’t even know how to drive!”

Angel gave her a look at the last part and she giggled slightly. He sat next to her and she buried herself in his arms and cried, they talked long into the night and into the next morning. When day finally broke they were barren, emotions left raw and hurting. They looked at each other and smiled sadly. Angel lead her down the stairs and into the front yard. As the sun broke through the thick hazy fog, they joined hands and left the world behind.

Whistler, Buffy and Giles walked into the clearing quietly, as if not to disturb the seven people sleeping there. Buffy wiped away her tears, but to no avail, she still tasted their bitterness as they flowed down her cheeks. Giles stood stiffly by her side, his eyes red from the tears he had already shed.

Whistler bent down and traced the letter’s of Angel’s name, softly reading aloud the words beneath them.

“Of Gods and Monster’s, to this life’s end, joined as one, then and again.”

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