Letters

Fred McCaleb on top of a junked B24 on Saipan in 1944.All sorts of good equipment was junked close to our shop. This was the furtherest away from home I have ever been and haven't cared too much about traveling since that time. Fred McCaleb.

This is a picture of Fred McCaleb left and Charles Hallmark taken Nov. 1987. Charles got killed in a car wreck soon after that. He was a very energetic and determined family searcher descended thru George's son George's David Monah Hallmark. He lived in Ky. and came to all the Hallmark reunions. I miss him. He could have done wonders.

Letters

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Christmas Letter

I will try to cover some of the things that have happened to me and some of my thinking during the year of 1997 in the lines that follow.

The first part of the year I was inclined to brag about myself. I was bragging about being 80 years of age and how strong I was in old age. I had been telling people that I intended to start bragging upon reaching 80, so I was fulfilling my dream. I entered a “run for Wendy Home for Unfortunate Youth” in January. It was a five mile run, but I walked four miles at a brisk pace and won first place trophy in the above 65 group. That was the first trophy I had ever won in athletics. Got cheering at the end of the run and all that delightful stuff, so that made me feel good abouit myself.

The rest of the winter was sort of uneventful except for going to church at Winfield for most of the Sundays. On the way back from church on pretty days I would walk the last two and a half miles. Some of the ones along the way thought that was unusual for a man 80 years young, since many of the ones 50 and above couldn’t walk a quarter of a mile. So all that made me feel good.

In the last week of May 1997 Bettie and I went to the work program at Berry College in Rome, Ga. I had graduated from there 56 years ago, so felt at home around that place. We helped with the chair bottoming program where we have learned a large amount about doing that in the last two years. We were kept full of good food and drink and plenty of things to attend while there. Our coworkers were old and many hard of hearing, but my hearing and understanding seemed good, or at least better than some much younger. I was interviewed and recorded on tape by an attractive young college student and later received a copy of the tape. I told her what Berry was like when I was there.
On leaving Berry College we went to Johnson Bible College near Knoxville,Tn.
There we attended what sessions we wanted to and went on a trip to the mountains and on a trip to the Museum of Appalachia northwest of Knoxville. There was a walk up a mountain, a walk along the Holston river and a walk through the Museum. The Museum had how the pioneers had lived. We have lived in the greatest era the U.S. has ever had. May this be a crude age to the future generations.

Back home it poured rain all during June. I lost what was planted late in the garden. About the last week in June I had a light stroke. This took the bragging and optimism out of me. I had about 4 weeks of physical therapy in learning to walk again. I was hoping to get back strong in my walking again, but this hasn’t happened yet. I can walk and stagger along slowly. For this I am thankful as many people are left completely handicapped. I am not supposed to talk about being old, but there is a constant reminder that not too many days to be around these parts are left for me. I can still use the computer for genealogy and to write letters. In this I am only a youngster of 81 years. Enough of all my problems.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all. Fred McCaleb
Christmas Letter 1998

Dear Friends everwhere,

This has been one of our old age years. We were afraid to do much traveling to more distant places on account of poor eyesight and the ease of tiring out too quick while driving. The average road speed in on a steady increase, and we don’t feel like keeping up the rapid tempo. We are sorry we haven’t come to see the more distant children, relatives and friends.
The year saw us getting along fairly well for “old crippled folks” as I always say. I can walk about as well as the average drunk. This was caused by my light stroke of 1997 I suppose. Bettie walks a little better with her arthritic legs. About March I had a bad case of bronchitis and thought I was going to die with that, but did get better in about six weeks. The doctors medicines and advice all proved of no value and I just had to wear the infection out. My daughter Jean Ellen Fredrickson came to see me before I was completely well, and my talk to her was not too much of the optimistic nature.
The saddent thing that happened during the year was the death of my brother Hubert McCaleb of Marietta, Ga. My daughter Bettie Dawn Boswell and her son Eric were here for the school spring break, and the message came of Hubert’s death during that time. Bettie Dawn took us to the funeral and my sister Jean and husband Ardell Reach brought us back to Alabama. What a nice family. We saw most of our McCaleb kinfolks at the funeral. It was a sad get together, though I enjoyed seeing them all. Two girls and a boy (me) are the only original H McCaleb children alive.
I have been somewhat busy with computer genealogy this year as well as last. My greatest genealogical friend has been a distant cousin Larry Whitehead. He put a lot of the genealogy he got from me on the computer plus a lot more and then gave me copies of it. So I am up in the world on that subject. Some of the family researchers around think I am the greatest researcher that has been in Fayette County, Al. and elsewhere on McCalebs and Hallmarks and others. Larry is one of them. So he and others have given me the “big head” in genealogy. So I guess I have a rosy outlook in that. Occasionally someone tells me of a mistake I have made, so that disinflates me a little.
In November I had an operation for catarack on the right eye. I see real well with it in the distance and can see where the auto is at night now. Maybe I am seeing too much. I am not wearing glasses except for reading . Maybe my outlook will be a little rosier. Hope so anyway.

Merry Christmas and a happy new year to all.

Fred and Bettie C. McCaleb

Christmas Letter 1999

Hello outthere everybody, sisters, brothere (all gone), aunts (one left), cousins of all ranks & varieties,nephews, nieces, friends, genealogists and whoever happens to read this,

I wish you a happy Christmas and new year and new millenium. Decide you are going to be happy whatever your circumstances. I am happy and thankful that I got this far. I have come a long ways since 1916 when I was born and 1921 when my greyheaded and long whiskered g grandpa John R. Hollingsworth who was born 1838 was sitting on the porch at my McCaleb grandparents,pointing his walking stick at us, and telling me and the other great grandchildren to behave or he would see that we did. I never imagined getting this far in age. Maybe I will reach the next milennium if I pull through the next few days. Have attended schools from the one room varieties to outstanding colleges. I thought a teacher was old at 30 years when in Jr High school. Had good and bad teachers and those in between. Found that achievement depends on what you do, not the capacity of the teacher. Been through the roaring twenties (we had nothing then) and through the great depression of the 30s and smaller ones since. Got through them all—if you have nothing adjust your wants accordingly and want nothing and be pleased to get nothing.

Finally I have been in the age of cheaper and cheaper money since WW2. Everybody gets more and more cheap money and the loan agencies get what of that they have. What high priced item the average person doesn’t have he thinks he has to borrow and putchase it right now at high interest and call it his own possession. It belongs to the lender. Even teen agers have to have an automobile and get one one way or another. A great busy, unhappy age trying to have all the material goods that are out there.

I have come from being proud of my grandpa McCaleb letting me plow his mule hooked to a cricket turning plow at my age of 9 to operating a computer and setting up a net page at the age of 83. Great to have come through all this and met all the varied people of humanity that I have come in contact with. Have known people born more than 160 years ago and know younger people that may live past 2070. Time marches on. Best of happiness to all. Fred McCaleb

Does anyone have proof that Charles Dudley of Surry Co. NC was the son of Thomas Dudley and
Hannah Marie Keeling of Sedgley-Stafford England, son Charles christened 27 Jully 1752? A photo
of his old psalm book shows his birth Dec 21,1750. My ancester was his son Robert b. 1772 d
1834 who married Clarissa Ross. Were these Rosses from Va.? Where? Be glad to correspond
with anyone researching Charles Dudley's ancesters or descendants. Bettie Cline McCaleb

Something I wrote to put in time capsule at Tuscaloosa, Al.

Hello People of 3000 A.D.,

We have all the physical items, food, clothing, shelter, transportation, communications and toys for amusement that one could desire. A few people are working to provide these things. Many are working at high salaries at mental jobs at computers that produce nothing of a physical nature. A high percentage of the population is on welfare and drawing enough money to buy most of the above items, some second handed, due to money furnished by the politicians taxing the working people and a 5 trillion dollar debt. Morals are about the same as at 5000 B.C.

Fred McCaleb

Telephone 1 205 932 8880

Something I wrote to put in time capsule at Tuscaloosa, Al.

Hello People of 3000 A.D.,

Fred McCaleb

Telephone 1 205 932 8880

Hymn Designations

The Dentist's Hymn:      Crown Him With Many Crowns
The Weatherman's Hymn:   There Shall Be Showers of Blessings
The Contractor's Hymn:   The Church's One Foundation
The Tailor's Hymn:       Holy, Holy, Holy

The Golfer's Hymn:       There is A Green Hill Far Away
The Politician's Hymn:   Standing On The Promises
The Optometrist's Hymn: Open My Eyes That I May See
The IRS Agent's Hymn:    I Surrender All
The Gossip's Hymn:       Pass It On
The Electrician's Hymn: Send Out Thy Light
The Shopper's Hymn:      Sweet By And By

For those of you who drive, if you must speed on the highway, please
sing these......
45 mph:        God Will Take Care Of You
55 mph:        Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah
65 mph:        Nearer My God To Thee
75 mph:        Nearer Still Nearer
85 mph:        This World Is Not My Home
95 mph:        Lord, I'm Coming Home
Over 100 mph: Precious Memories

I Am My Own Grandpa

Redneck Family Tree

Many, many years ago

When I was twenty-three,

I got married to a widow

Who was pretty as could be.

This widow had a daughter

Who had hair of red

My father fell in love with her,

And soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law

And changed my very life.

My daughter was my mother,

for she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse,

Although it brought me joy,

I soon became the father

Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became

A brother-in-law to dad.

And so became my uncle,

Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,

Then that also made him brother

To the widow's grown-up daughter

Who, of course was my step-mother.

Father's wife then had a son,

Who kept them on the run.

And he became my grandson,

For he was my daughter's son.

My wife is now my mother's mom.

And it surely makes me blue.

Because, although she is my wife,

She is my grandma too.

If my wife is my grandmother,

Then I am her grandchild.

And every time I think of it,

It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become

The strangest case you ever saw.

As the husband of my grandmother,

I am my own grandpa!

One of My Kirkland School Teachers
By Fred McCaleb

On Wednesday September 16, 1998 I visited the corpse of one of my former school teachers , Mr. John Hall Holliman , I had at Kirkland Jr. High School in 1932. He was at Norwood Chapel Funeral Home in Fayette, Al. He had died in Jefferson County, Al. at the age of 93. He had been around the most of this century. I hadn’t seen him since attending Kirkland. He was an energetic young man of about 26 or 27 years of age when I knew him and he was helping to shape my life. I wanted to see him one more time and pay my last respects. I thought he was an old timer at 26 while I was about 15. He managed to get my respect long ago. Very few friends survived Mr. Holliman since he had outlived nearly all of them. His wife was gone. His 95 year old sister was at the funeral along with her caretaker. He had a daughter that lived in Colorodo that was present. She had already retired. It was a little lonely. A few like me that used to know him were there.
We had moved from Miss. back to Alabama and I had the priviledge of rididng my first school bus to school instead of walking. Ala. was ahead on transportation but not on school. We rode a T-Model Ford bus to school . It had a long wooden seat down each side of the privately owned and converted truck. It went very slow up the hills and Murry Barns would sometimes get out the back, run along behind, and make out like he was pushing. The sides and back had curtains that were open in good weather but closed in bad. No modern windows. Murry was a basket ball player and a comedian and got our attention. He would remark that he was as active as a cow.
The thirties were the time electricity had not come to the farms in Alabame. I was acquainted with a flashlight and its batteries and the ring em up country telephone hand cranked generator. Electricity fascinated me. I shocked my little sister Clara Jean McCaleb with the phone generator. It’s a wonder I didn’t kill her. The phone generator put out 90 volts AC I learned later. We unhooked our telephone line when storms came up and threw it on the ground to keep lightning from coming in on the house. If we didn’t hook back the line was grounded and others on the party line had a hard time getting anyone else to answer. Therefore no spread of communityl news. We had kerosene lamps to give light for studying by. On arriving from school I helped with farm chores such as slopping the hogs, feeding the mules and chickens, chopping stovewood and firewood and drawing well water. We had running water. The farm boy or girl ran to the well with a bucket or the spring if they had no well and ran back with a bucket of water for the kitchen dishes, drinking, washing dirty feet etc. Our toys were all home made by a boy like me that thought he needed something to play with. I made truck wagons for us to ride down steep hills and dodge trees around here. We shared them with the Dodson boys which were younger and sometimes they would hit a tree with them. It’s a wonder they didn’t kill themselves.
One of my home jobs was to help my dad clar ten or 15 acres of land near the channel on Saturdays by pulling one end of a cross cut saw to cut down trees and wielding a chopping axe to trim up the brush and pile into brush piles We did 3 or 4 acres per winter and had log rollings in the spring. The neighboring men and women came to the log rolling. Men to help pile the logs for burning and the women for helping prepare the big dinner feast for the rolling. Everybody got to talk and work. It took strong bodied men. I could shoulder a 200 lb sack of nitrate of soda and walk across the field with it at that time. Some men could pick up a 500 lb bale of cotton. Not much concern was given to being safe. I was going bare footed and plowing a mule and wearing short hair in the summer and wearing long hair and a pair of brogan shoes for the winter. We warmed by a wooded fireplace. One side of you would burn while other froze. Stiff warning from my dad was not to burn up your shoes or you might have to finish the winter barefooted. Our standard week day clothing wear was a blue chambrey(or something) shirt and blue denim overalls We had brown or black long stolckings to wear with shoes in winter.It was an era of make do on your own or die. Not much choice- “do or die.” This was an era of ignorance and adventure for me. I picked up in John Hall Hollimans health class that we were to keep our room well ventilated. My brother Hubert and I kept our little back room ventilated winter and summer. We slept together on a home made cotton mattress in the summer and a feather mattress in the winter. Plenty of home made quilts and the feather mattress kept us warm in the winter and summer heat kept us warm in summer. I learned in the health class things that stood by the ignorant farm boy for the rest of my life. Things like not drinking alcohol, catching veneral diseases by messing with oppisite sex, getting rest at night etc. One just about automatically got his rest at night. The world was not lit up at night back then. At least the country wasn’t. The small oil light became tiresome by about 8 pm. And one hit the bed. My dad required the ones going to school to get up about 4|30 each morning in winter to start a fire in the fireplace and in the kitchen stove. It was below his dignity to get up and do that when he had a couple of big boys. My mother helped us in our school work until we got above the 7th grade. That was as far as her schooling knowledge went. My dads school knowledge didn’t go near that far, but he knew lots about using reverse psychology on his children though he had never heard of psychology. We grew up as a family in poverty and never knew the difference. Everyone was in the same boat. Such fellows as Rockefeller, Mellon, Carnegie, and Vanderbilt had the money. My mother said Rockefeller’s money is tainted, it taint for you or it taint for me.
The John Hall Holliman days are gone. His early days were before sulfa drugs, penicillin, the radio for everyone, motorized transportation for all, before television, before computers, before any income to amount to anything, before degrading of womens rights, before pay above $21 per month for armed services and pay to bring spouse along. It was before most everything we think we have to have today. There were no refrigerators, but a block of ice could be bought to make ice cream for the 4th of July. We had ice cream if it snowed in the winter and most of the time on the 4th of July. We kept from starving by eating our home grown products. .
One thing John Holliman asked in a science class was “If something that cant be stopped hits something that can’t be moved then what happens.? I could not answer that question then. During my life I decided there might be an atomic explosion. A similar thing to that happened in Siberia when an object from space came in at 240 thousand MPH. It leveled the forest for several miles around. Another question asked was “If a tree falls in the woods and there is no one around to hear it Did it make a noise. “ I couldn’t answer that one. I think the scientists decided the tree made waves and the waves struck the ear and made sensation of sound.. Maybe Mr. Holliman succeeded in arousing some curiosity in me. I didn’t know much back then and still don’t claim to know very much after being exposed to advances of most of this century. My brother Huberrt and I got interested in parachuting. We jumped off the barn with momma’s umbrella. It turned wrong side out and ruined. We got punishment for that. We survived the 10 feet jump.
At the funeral home visit of John Hall Holliman I met one of his nephews named Theron Holliman that was in my class at Kirkland. I hadn’t seen him since the 30’s either. He informed me of the Kirkland bully named James South. Said James South started bullyhing me. I got a brick bat and supposedly used it on James. I am glad I didn’t hit him in the head and kill him. He said James said I would kill a fellow and James cut ouit his bullying. I didn’t recollect being that mean back then. I wasn’t in the habit of bothering anyone and didn’t expect to be bothered. Sometime along about that time I became a member of the Church of Christ at Mt. Olive . Maybe I was trying to atone for the sins I had commiotted as a youngster. Who knows? Anyhow the Kirkland and Mt. Olive days are gone and most of this century is gone and the John Hall Holliman and Fred McCaleb era is a thing of the past. Maybe 1929 stock market failure will not repeat itself. There was another boy I recollect being at Kirkland named Theron Black. He was smart and deceent. He Joined the Navy and was on one of the ships that the Japanese sunk at Pearl Harbor. The ship is a memorial there. His name is on a monument in front of the Fayette Court House. He enjoyed very little of this century. Maybe that will not happen to someone’s future schoolmate.
Written by Fred McCaleb during 1998.

My Grandfather James “Jim” Franklin McCaleb

He could read printed material good but could’t read handwriting. This is what my grandfather said when asked about his schooling. He could sign his name but didn’t learn to write much more. But he could read printing real well. According to my aunt Verla he won a reading contest at Fayette, Al. that was sponsered for the old people when he was an old man. I had heard him say the above way back yonder in time but had forgotten about it.

Grandma R.C. Hollingsworth McCaleb knew her writing, spelling from the Blue Back Speller, and reading. She wrote a few postcards to me when I was in College. She could spell a page in the Blue Back Speller by just giving her the first word and she continued with the rest.

Grandma’s full name was Rejina Catherine Mary Jane Adeline Martha Docia Juliann Katy Fisher Palestine Moress Morora Moriea Hollingsworth---daughter of John R. and “Bet” Jane McCaleb Hollingsworth. At least she told us that whether for fun or truth I don’t know. By her grandson Fred McCaleb. Four generation picture below of my dad H McCaleb, grandma R.C. McCaleb, Fred McCaleb and baby Jean Ellen McCaleb. I asked grandma if she wanted Jean Ellen and she said “devil no, I wouldn’t have her. I have already messed with too many babies.”

Samuel Winn “Bud” Hallmark Bible

Births

Samuel Winn Hallmark born July 16,1858
Mary Roxie Eason Hallmark born May 18 ,1864
Eva Belle Hallmark Perry born Feb. 22, 1888
Elizabeth Ethel Hallmark Killingsworth born Jan. 13, 1890
Eza Etta Hallmark McCaleb born April 12, 1892
Arthur Hallmark born April 28, 1894
Emma Susan Hallmark Blount born Dec. 16, 1901

Deaths

Samuel Winn Hallmark died April 15, 1928
Mary Roxie Eason Hallmark died Oct. 14, 1938
Susan Emma Hallmark Blount died Nov. 2, 1927
Arthur Hallmark died Aug. 27, 1973
Eva Belle Hallmark Perry died Sept. 7, 1974
Ethel Elizabeth Hallmark Killingsworth died June 5, 1977
Eza Etta Hallmark McCaleb died Dec. 20, 1981
Death listings completed by Fred McCaleb

The Family Tree

I climbed my Family Tree and found it was not worth the climb.
And so scampered down, convinced it was a waste of time.

Some branches of my tree, I found were rotten to the core.
And that the Tree was full of sap and hung with nuts galore.

I used to brag about my kinfolk, before I made the climb.
But truth compels me now to tell of those not worth a dime.

I beg my friends who boast aloud, of their ancestors great.
To climb their Family Tree, and learn of those who weren't so
straight.

I learned what Family Trees are like, and then I scrambled down.
They're kinda like a 'tater vine, cause the best is underground.

Author Unknown

I wonder why?

Some McCalebs and Hallmarks in the Civil War

Alfred Cowan McCaleb and his brother William Franklin McCaleb were in the Confederate States of America army 3rd Confederate Cavalry, Company D. The Third Alabama Cavalry was organized at Tupelo, Ms. June 1862 and some of the companies had already seen service. It accompanied the army of Tn. Into Ky. Where it was engaged in continual and arduous duty. It was engaged at Perryville, Murfreesboro, Shelbyville, Kingston and Knoxville Tn. In the Dalton-Atlanta, Ga. campaign it was continuously engaged in protecting Hood’s movements and harassing Sherman’s troops.
In Gen. Joseph Wheeler’s report, Ky. Campaign, Oct. 8, 1862 one of the most brilliant charges of the campaign was made in column: detachments of the First and Third Alabama Cavalry, with the gallant Cols. W.W. Allen and James Hagan,being in advance, throwing the enemy’s entire force of cavalry into confusion and putting it to flight. We pursued them at full charge for 2 miles, capturing many prisoners and horses in single combat and driving the remainder under cover of their massive infantry. The enemy also fled, terror stricken,from a battery placed in advance of their general line and left it at our disposal.
General Wheeler’s communication addresses to “Soldiers of the Cavalry Corps,” dated June 18, 1864, he says: “ The Third Alabama Regiment, Col. Mauldin, having been detached, dashed into Calhoun, Ga., defeated the enemy and destroyed a large heavy-laden train of cars. A detachment also destroyed another large train a short distance north of town.” I didn’t get a description of the defeat by Sherman in Atlanta, but Alfred and William didn’t get killed and had to walk home from Atlanta. They ate ripe ears of raw corn from farmer’s fields on the way home according to family stories. They had learned how to live off the countryside while in the army. Alfred was my great grandpa McCaleb.
John Tyler McCaleb, nephew of Alfred and William McCaleb above and 10 or12 years younger, enlisted in the Northern Army, D Company, 6th Regiment Tenn. Cavalry at Corinth, Miss. 27 Dec. 1862. He was discharged at Nashville,Tn. 26 July, 1865 as a Sargent. He was 5ft. 10 1/2in., dark blue eyes, dark hair, and weight 150-160 lbs. This is from pension applications and all the info I have on his service. I was told his dad, Andrew, didn’t believe in slavery although he was called “boss Andy.” Andrew had charge of Hugh’s wife Elizabeth Holbrook’s slaves and freed them before war. John Tyler was the brother of my g grandma Elizabeth Jane McCaleb Hollingsworth and first wife was sister of Alfred McCaleb’s wife Mary Ann McDonald. In old age he suffered from bad heart, indigestion, and rhematism.
My g grandfather William Hopwood Hallmark didn’t bother with the Northern or Southern army. He hid out for the duration. His brother James W. Hallmark joined the Union Army Co. K 1st Ala. Cav. Capt Bankhead’s Co, at Huntsville, Al. Jul 24, 1862 for 3 years as private. He died of chronic Diarrhea at Louisville, Ky, Aug 17, 1864.
Brother Thomas F. Hallmark joined the same outfit at about the same time He became a corporal. He was discharged for disability Jan. 28, 1863. Never reached home.
George N. Hallmark was the third brother to join same outfit same time. He died Nov. 3, 1862 with German measels in the Nashville, Tn. Hospital. As a 22 year old pvt.
The last Hallmark brother was John M. He enlisted at about 16 yrs. old Dec 22, 1863 in Co. A. 1st Reg. Ala. Cavalry at Camp Davis, Miss. He deserted once, came back, was honorably discharged, and lived through the war. He made the 1880 Census.

Some McCalebs and Hallmarks in the Civil War

TWO LONGS AND A SHORT

by Dick Pence
Copyright 1997

[Note: This story, adapted to various changing events, has
appeared in more than 150 newspapers and magazines since it was
first written about 1984. The following version appeared in The
Washington Post in 1991, shortly after a computer glitch caused a
"long-distance blackout" on the East Coast.]

Those big phone outages of the past couple of weeks have had me
feeling a bit guilty over what's been happening. You see, I
remember exactly how all this started.

Back in 1950 I was a novice seahand aboard a cruiser based in
Philadelphia, barely six months out of high school and fresh from
the plains of South Dakota. One Friday night in November, we were
granted shore leave at the end of a two-week training cruise.
Homesick and seasick, I headed immediately for the row of pay
phones that lined the dock.

Depositing a carefully preserved nickel (remember?), I dialed
"O." The following is a roughly verbatim account of what
transpired after the Philadelphia operator answered.

"I'd like to place a station-to-station collect call to the Bob
Pence residence in Columbia, South Dakota," I said in my best
telephone voice.

The Philadelphia operator was sure she had heard wrong.

"You mean Columbia, South Carolina, don't you?"

"No, I mean Columbia, South Dakota." I had tried to call home
once before and I was ready for that one.

"Certainly. What is the number, please?" I could tell she still
didn't believe me.

"They don't have a number," I mumbled. Like I said, I'd tried to
call home before and I knew what was coming.

She was incredulous. "They don't have a number?"

"I don't think so."

"I can't complete the call without a number. Do you have it?" she
demanded.

I didn't relish being even more of a bumpkin, but I was in the
Navy and I knew authority when I heard it.

"Well, the only thing I know is . . . TWO LONGS AND A SHORT."

I think that's the first time she snorted. "Never mind. I'll get
the number for you. One moment please."

There followed an audible click and a long period of silence
while she apparently first determined if, indeed, there was a
Columbia, South Dakota, and then if it was possible to call
there. When she returned to the line, she was armed with the
not-insignificant knowledge necessary to complete her task.

In deliberate succession, she dialed an operator in Cleveland,
asked her to dial one in Chicago, asked Chicago to dial
Minneapolis, and Minneapolis to dial Sioux City, Iowa. Sioux City
called Sioux Falls, South Dakota, and the operator there dialed
one in Aberdeen, South Dakota. At last, Aberdeen dialed the
operator in Columbia.

By this time, Philadelphia's patience was wearing thin, but when
Columbia answered, she knew what had to be done.

"The number for the Bob Pence residence, please," she said, now
in control.

Columbia didn't even hesitate. "That's two longs and a short,"
she declared.

Philadelphia was set back for an instant, but valiantly plowed
on. "I have a collect call from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, for
anyone at that number. Would you please ring?"

"They're not home," said Columbia, again not missing a beat.

Philadelphia digested this and decided not to press the issue.
Instead, she relayed the message I'd already heard:

"There is no one at that number, sir. Would you like to try again
later?"

Columbia quickly interrupted: "Is that you, Dick?"

"Yeah, Margaret. Where are the folks?"

Philadelphia was baffled, but her instincts told her to look out
for the company.

"Sir, madam . . . you can't . . .," she sputtered.

Margaret ignored her. "They're up at the school house at the
basketball game. Want me to ring?"

I knew I was pushing my luck with Philadelphia, so I said it
likely would be too much trouble to get them out of the game.

"No trouble at all," said Margaret. "It's halftime."

Philadelphia made one last effort. Mustering her most official
tone, she insisted: "But this is a station-to-station collect
call!"

"You just never mind, honey," said Columbia, "I'll just put it on
Bob's bill."

Philadelphia was still protesting when the phone rang and was
answered at the school house.

"I have a station-to-station collect call for Bob Pence," she
said, knowing at that instant Ma Bell had somehow been had.

"This is he," replied my father.

"Go ahead," whispered an astonished Philadelphia.

I'm glad I couldn't see her face when I began my end of the
conversation in the time-honored fashion of all Mid-Westerners:

"Hi, Dad, it's me. How's the weather?"

"Jeez," said Philadelphia and clicked off.

Here is the confession.

I have a friend who's retired from AT&T and he insists it was the
next Monday morning that the company began to automate its
long-distance service.

Our country ring was 5 shorts when I was growing up in Fayette, County, Al. Fred McCaleb

The Tater Family

We've all seen each of these Taters

There are those who are content to watch, while others think and work.
They are called "Spec Tators".

Some never help, but are gifted at finding fault and telling others how
to do it.
They are called "Common Tators".

There are people who cause problems by asking others to agree with them
that it is too hot, too cold, too sour, or too sweet.
They are called "Agi Tators."

Then there are people who say they will help, but somehow they never get
around to it.
They are "Hezzie Tators."

There are some people who pretend to be someone they are not.
They are called "Emma Tators."

Those who are bossy and like to tell others what to do, but would not
soil their own hands may be called "Dick Tators."

Then there are those who smile and do what they say always prepared to
lend a helping hand. They bring real sunshine into the lives and work of
others.They make work and life flow more smoothly for everyone.

They are called "Sweet Tators".