How does humiliation makes a submissive feel? What is her "head space" during humiliation? First of all,
I should say what I think humiliation is/is not.
It is NOT degradation.
It is NOT destroying self-esteem.
It is NOT mental or emotional abuse.
It is NOT belittling someone.
Humiliation could probably be called embarrassment. It involves forcing one to admit or "own up to"
certain things that are a turn-on.....things that society would frown on as sexist, degrading, or bad.
Humiliation, for some subs, is a "freeing" experience. It allows them to admit or acknowledge that certain
things cause them to become sexually aroused. It also lets them know that their partner accepts them and
doesn't disapprove of them having those feelings.
To be honest, I have no idea why humiliation can be a sexual turn-on. However, I do know how it helps in
other ways.
It helps the submissive to know their place. Another word for humiliation is "to humble" or to "create
humility". Being humiliated, in certain ways, such as pet names ("baby girl" or "little one", etc) makes a
submissive FEEL their place. It helps them to open up, knowing that they won't be judged. Being
referred to a a "bitch", "slut", etc allows them to tap into the place inside that truly wants to BE those
things. With a partner who understands this, the submissive knows that when it is over, she/he won't be
looked at as less than they are. They won't be given less respect as a person. The humiliation of being
ordered to perform some sort of degrading act frees the sub to experience it without having to be
responsible for it. After all, she/he was ordered to do it.
It helps the submissive to overcome the fears of rejection. There are some things that are difficult for the
sub, because they fear rejection. They realize that some of these things are simply baggage from the past.
However, humiliation lets the sub do those things, even with the embarrassment that goes with it.
Example: All the sub’s life, she was taught that "playing with herself" was bad and unacceptable. So, she
was never able to do that in front of a partner. It was too embarrassing to even admit that she did it, much
less do it in front of someone. So, for her, being ordered to masturbate while someone watched is
extremely humiliating, even though it is something that would be sexually exciting for her.
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It helps the submissive to focus. When being humiliated/embarrassed, all the energy causes the submissive
to feel a "rush". When that happens, all the energy causes the sub to concentrate on what is going on with
their partner. It helps to shut out distractions.
When experiencing humiliation, it creates a sense of anticipation. The sub knows that, when it is over,
their partner will make sure that she/he knows they were pleasing, even in a humbled state. The
submissive receives a sense of satisfaction from knowing that, regardless of how embarrassed they may be,
their partner is happy.
Being humiliated is the ultimate power exchange. Almost anyone can give up control of themselves
physically by distancing their spirit from their body. (Example: rape victims) However, giving up
control of oneself mentally or emotionally requires a much deeper surrender.
Humiliation requires a surrender that is much deeper than physical surrender. It is a way to show a
partner, and possibly others that may that witness whatever is going on, that a much greater shift in
power has occurred. It also shows that a deep level of commitment exists between the two partners.
With all that said, I know that there is something more personal to humiliation than all that.
What FEELINGS happen to the submissive during humiliation?
SATISFACTION because her partner knows her so well.
AROUSED because her partner knows her secret desires, ones that have never been admitted to anyone
else.
HUMBLED because she knows her role, her place, in this thing between them.
COMFORTED because she know that she is pleasing her partner.
HAPPY because of what she shares with her partner.
~by dancer
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