Willow's Fountain Of (Semi-)Useful Knowledge

Thirty years from now, it won't matter what shoes you wore, how your hair looked, or what jeans you bought. What will matter is what you learned and how you used it.

You can't possibly hit the ball if you're thinking about all the ways you can miss.

Knowledge itself is only silver, but the wisdom to use it is golden.

It is wise to direct your anger towards problems, not people; to focus your energies on answers, not excuses. ~ William Arthur Ward

Make something idiot-proof and they'll build a better idiot.

Power corrupts. Absolute power is sorta neat, though.

If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, feels like a duck, and smells like a duck...go and get a new hobby.

In this dog eat dog world...be a cat

Say what you want, floating pencils are cool.

Someone once said: "Bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change. Not really, but it does. So what are we? Helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are...

In the end life is only what YOU make it

Sayings that should be on buttons...

1. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.

2. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.

3. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?

4.Life is like a box of Chocolates...and the center is coconut.

5. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

6. Do I look like a freakin' people person?

7. This isn't an office-It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

8. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

9. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

10. I majored in Liberal Arts. Will that be for here or to go?

11. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

12. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.

13. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.

14. Bottomless pit of needs & wants.

15. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.

16. Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way!

17. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.

18. Does your train of thought have a caboose?

19. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

20. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

21. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

22. And just how may I screw you over today?

23. And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

24. I'm not mad, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

25. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

26. A PBS mind in an MTV world.

27. I'm not tense. Just terribly, terribly alert.

28. Allow me to introduce my selves.

29. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

30. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."

31. Better living through denial.

32. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

33. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

34. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.

35. Are these your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

36. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

37. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

38. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

39. Meandering to a different drummer.

40. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?

41. Back off! You're standing in my aura.

42. Adults are just kids who owe money.

43. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?

44. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.

45. You say I'm a ***** like it's a bad thing.

46. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?

47. Macho Law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong.

48. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

49. Too may freaks, not enough circuses.

50. Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.

51. A woman's favorite position is CEO.

52. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

54. Is it time for your medication or mine?

55. I plead contemporary insanity.

56. And which dwarf are you?

57. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Thanks to everyone at the WB Buffy Posting Board and to Cimorene.

Certified LOONY Bumber Sticker Slogans. Thanks to Sprout from the WB! Buffy Posting Board for these.

Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your A$$?

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an *******

100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?

Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

DON'T PISS ME OFF! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES.

You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT

Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date!

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

WANTED : Meaningful overnight relationship.

BEER : It's not just for breakfast anymore.

I need someone really bad ... Are you really bad?

Love is a very splintered thing…now give me a pair of tweezers.

IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Out of my mind ... Back in five minutes.

Hang up and drive.

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Where there's a will ... I want to be in it.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Don't drink and drive ... You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry ... Then things get worse.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Be nice to your kids ... They will pick out your nursing home.

Always remember you're unique ... Just like everyone else.

And the #1 bumper sticker of the week ...

Honk If You Want To See My Finger

Some Time Honored Truths

1. Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

3. One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

4. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.

5. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

6. The older you get, the better you realize you were.

7. I doubt, therefore I might be.

8. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

9. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

10. Women like silent men -- they think they're listening.

11. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

13. A fool and his money are soon partying.

14. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?

15. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

16. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

19. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

20. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

21. If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

22. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

23. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

I've learned- that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I've learned- that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.

I've learned- that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned- that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned- that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned- that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do.

I've learned- that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned- that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned- that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned- that you can keep going long after you can't.

I've learned- that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned- that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned- that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, that passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I've learned- that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned- that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned- that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned- that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned- that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned- that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I've learned- that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned- that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned- that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

I've learned- that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological.

I've learned- that no matter how good a friend is they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned- that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you are to learn to forgive by yourself.

I've learned- that no matter how bad your heart is broken that world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned- that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned- that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned- that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned- that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I've learned- that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned- that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

I've learned- that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned- that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I've learned- that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned- that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I've learned- that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.