My hideout
DreamLog
Wednesday, 6th of March :: 6.20 pm
Done, done, done..!
I think my current mood is something of a post-traumatic emptiness. The kind of state where
all the worry and anxiety and stress has evaporated, and I find myself slightly confused because
I can't think of an urgent school-thing I should be doing all of a sudden. And my headache is gone.
Wow, I'm free.
For the time being, that is. I'll have new work piled on me soon enough alright ^_^
My seminar presentation went fine, of which I'm totally incredulous about. I honestly thought
the essay sucked and all, but my opponent seemed to like it, the professors seemed to like it,
and the rest of the audience in general didn't have anything to add (yeah I know half of them were
asleep but all the better for me *g*)
The only real critic from the professors seemed to be that I ought to speak louder,
and try to look alive up there *chuckles* I feel quite accomplished, the two weeks of fretting
was worth something I suppose ^_^
Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go home and...collapse or something. And sleep for a day ^_^
Or whatever. *hugs for everyone!*
Wednesday, 6th of March :: 11.30 am
I'm somewhat convinced that I'm going to die in two hours, but
my classmates seem to think I'm going to be just fine.
It's just a seminar for chrissake...
Tuesday, 5th of March :: 9.35 pm
doing nothing and liking it ^_^
Well, I did take a day off *grin* Just because having a nervous breakdown wouldn't be particularly lot of fun.
I slept until noon, skipped my classes -even Japanese for the first time in six months, hooboy- and spent the day
wandering around downtown, looking at things and people. And it was such a beautiful day for doing that, really,
the weather's been royally crappy for the past two months but today it was all sunny and bright and warm and
I usually am annoyed when I'm practically blinded by bright northern sun but today it felt very very nice *^__^*
I eventually found myself from a comic book store *hehe*
I was looking for more bilingual (Jap-Engl) manga, but it seems that pretty much the only bilingual series this city has
is Love Hina, the one that I've been reading so far *groans* which is...cute, somewhat, funny even, but I could
really use a more serious thing to read.
(hmm yeah, my collecting of the Sandman Library is on a break for now, having reached the fourth issue, but
it's an American comic and hence another thing entirely anyway)
Since they didn't have anything bilingual I randomly grabbed one that was solely in Japanese --just for the challenge,
and because the cover had a really really good-looking samurai on it *gheehee* It turned out it had furigana for
all the kanji (ie. the kanji characters had the readings written above them in hiragana) which basically means all I need is a
common dictionary to make sense out of it. Happiness! ^_^
I had lunch in my fav Chinese restaurant, excitedly leafing through it (oh indeed, the name is Kyou, which is the name
of the yummy main character) (...the name of the restaurant is Dragon Spring) The waiter stopped in his track
when he saw it, staring at me a tad confused, and said
Can read?
in his fluent but grammatically terrible Finnish. *chuckles* I replied very little. Then he went back to the kitchen and
apparently told the kitchen staff about it --I thought I heard someone exclaim the English word 'Japanese?'.
Continuing my wandering I came across two of my friends whom I hadn't seen in...probably eighteen months or so. They study
theology and were grumbling about their studies on Hebrew and Ancient Greek --I bet they came up with that verb form just to
annoy the theologists of the future!
I don't know, I thought it sounded terribly interesting. I wonder what the heck am I doing in the Faculty of Science when I'm clearly
more interested in foreign languages anyway.
Well, then there's my roommate who has an upcoming exam on French linguistics and she's totally fed up with it. (she's a French major)
I kind of trust her judgement, dull sides on every field I guess. I should just try an bear with mine as well.
Good god it's late, btw, and I have a million and two things to do tomorrow.
Later ^_^
Monday, 4th of March :: 4.15 pm
Watashi wa kyuujitsu ga hoshii...
...in other (English) words: I want a day off. I pretty much went straight to work last night, came back home
around 7 am, slept for two hours or so and took a bus back to campus. Well, I got the damned essay
ready and printed out and all finally, but I'm a terrible mess now.
sad : that the thing is really hastily done and everything but my best piece of work.
that I'm lacking motivation for this whole geology-thing right now and I can't help it.
that the two above make me feel like a failure.
happy : that my classmates don't think like that.
that Sryshtikai called me last night at 4 am and asked how I was doing.
that Destiny-chan drew me a picture that I absolutely fell in love with.
I don't know what I'd do without you people ^_^
Actually Sryshtikai sent me a picture for Christmas that I have not put up in my guest gallery.
This because I accidentally deleted the scan I had, and I haven't gotten around getting a new one.
And I owe emails to people, but it has to wait until I'm in a more comprehensible state of mind.
Yooshi,
I'm going to get something to eat.
Sunday, 3rd of March :: 8.55 pm
book of endless whining
Have you ever been so stressed out about something that it renders you unable to do
anything at all, really? That's pretty much the relationship I have to my dear essay right now
--the one with the deadline of 8 am tomorrow morning and that still isn't finished.
And I can't even stay here all night wrestling with it, I have to go to work, as if I hadn't been
suffering from lack of sleep since Thursday anyway.
The essay is nothing, really, I could happily go and give in any kind of pile of paper and
see if I pass or not, god knows I've been successfully doing that before, it's the fact that I have to
give a 30-minute speech based on it, and the fact that there's going to be an audience,
an official opponent (who, thankfully, happens to be one of my classmates -_-) and two professors
evaluating the whole thing.
And it's not about my performance being good or bad, really, it's just the mere idea of performing.
I'm insanely afraid of giving speeches, and the occasion is so official it sickens me.
Have to get back on it even though at this point I'd rather go insane than type another
word about contaminated soil. *groans*
Thursday, 28th of February :: 9.35 am
And now with any luck, it may even work. ^_^
(god my html sucks)
Wednesday, 27th of February :: 11.07 pm
First it's the Word shutting itself down in the middle of the sentence, swallowing my essay
and whining something about inability to find network path, refusing to restart.
Then it's Netscape following the example and kicking me out of my own Lair in the middle
of a blog rant about the former matter.
This must be universe telling me to go home and sleep.
Ehheh, I suspect I only got rather an unstable connection up for a brief while because
I promised I'd just take a few more minutes and then log out ^_^
Linked Gilda's and Sryshtikai's weblogs ^_^ (yay to Gilda for getting a journal!)
Tuesday, 26th of February :: 3.06 am
...provided, of course, that the printer would work.
Tuesday, 26th of February :: 2.56 am
In order to get some schoolwork done in time I arranged myself an access to the twentyfour-seven
computer labs at the university. Buys me an immense amount of time but also gives people yet
another reason to remind me about sleeping *g* I was hesitant about pulling all-nighters at the university
before because I was afraid I'd be more tempted to surf anime fandoms all night than work on my studies
but I think this is going to work out just fine *g* (absolutely no attention should be paid to the fact that I am
blogging now instead of typing my essay *eheh*) (what? I'm on a coffee break)
Actually I'm pretty much done for tonight, I could stay all night of course as I have morning lectures; would
at least save me the trouble of getting up and all, but my books are at home and I'd have to go get them anyway.
Duh ^_^
Sryshtikai, I'll get the tickets booked asap XD And looking what I just wrote above makes me cringe
knowing how I bitched you for not getting enough rest and everything *meep* I just might be a bit
of a hypocrit. Might. *hehe* At least I'm not running fever because of it. *hugs*!!
Shadowstep, I have to thank you for the pictures you dug up for me, they're really awesome
and I'll tell you that in person as soon as I get around answering my mail ^_^
John, once again, somewhat the same ^_^
Ahh damn, I forgot to print out the draft, I have to go do that before heading out.
Mata ne XD
Friday, 22nd of February
I'm reading J.D. Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye.
No I haven't read it before, don't give me that look ^^; I have somehow made it
through the Finnish schooling system without, in fact, reading much anything but
fantasy --I've even managed to avoid The Unknown Soldier which I think
is quite unforgivable even though patriotism doesn't really do it for me.
There are some basic things I should know about literature after all. Gheh.
--uchi e kaerimashita, 8.12 pm---
Wednesday, 20th of February
what's new
I suspect Elfwood might be updating again. ^_^ It looks like it but I can't say for sure,
and that's just because I don't bother to go find out right now. I'll check that
tomorrow when I just might have right discs with me so that I could upload something
to my gallery. The lazy dragon -pic at least, it's not like I have anything totally new to add..
...I think I have an official minor now, btw. I went to see Uemura-sensei today and
she said that all I pretty much have to do is take a kanji-exam in July or something to be able
to continue studying the language next fall with the actual Japanese department (so far I've been
with the Japanese class of the Language Center which is far less extensive in the long run)
though she said it'd be best if I took Japanese as a minor while I'm at it, much more useful
that way or something.
Right ^_^
So I went back to my own department and asked about it from my professor, who seemed amused
and asked how am I planning to combine Japanese with geology (actually Uemura-sensei too looked
a little shocked when I said I was studying geology, science majors don't often go there I suppose.
Said they'd had one mathemathics major before, but that's about it *kheh*) but I mentioned trade
programs, and he agreed, saying that naturally, if I'm planning to go trade there I need the language
studies, it's a deal.
Ahem, this is really nice, everyone here is really nice ^_^
Finished reading Sense of Snow that immediately went to my favorite books -list, even though
the ending felt a little...sudden and everything. I only realised it had ended because the next page was blank,
and then I had to go back a couple of pages and re-read them but I still couldn't quite comprehend
how the last sentence could be the last sentence when it --admitted-- sounded like it, but the rest of the
text before didn't seem to give proper implication to the quickly upcoming end.
I loved the book, but if possible I'm now afraid of ships and open sea even more than I was before. *shudder*
Went to see Ocean's Eleven that didn't go to my favorite movies -list, but was somewhat entertaining,
reminded me much of Casino though the latter was all dark, twisted and cruel with a lot of people
dead at the end, but both of them have certain class ^_^
(even Clooney and Pitt had some sense of style in this one, gheh)
current mood: ^_^
--Chaos Left the Lair at 6.55 pm--
Tuesday, 19th of February
ahem..
Where do you have to go in this friggin city to find one bloody evening dress?
Not to mention a pair of dress shoes that'd match. *groans*
I don't believe this place, honest. You'd think that no matter *what* the current
fucking fashion trend is every downtown clothes shop with at least some class
(or attempt to such) would have some kind of collection of dresses for
--oh, I don't know, dances, fancy restaurants, operas for chrissake..
I don't even know why I'm going to the goddamn party other than to annoy
myself out of my wits just in case work and school stress alone won't do the job.
And I have a low tolerance for shopping, really.
current music
Busta Rhymes :: Break ya Neck
(no I'm just frustrated, it happens)
--Chaos left the Lair at 17.03 pm--
Tuesday, 19th of February
People, friends, you know, whoever's out there, mina-san.
I love you folks. ^_^
I hate my birthdays, and irrationally you always manage to make me feel
all warm and fuzzy about it.
*hugs everyone*!!
--dropped by at 11.34 am--
Wednesday, 13th of February
I wouldn't want to be awake today
Something I didn't think was possible: my roommate is pissing me off. Seriously.
I'm not pissed of at people often so I have very little idea what to do about it.
*sigh* *rubs temples*
I'm tired and overworked and over-everything, I have to attend a seminar today and
play an opponent which I really hate, but the sooner I get it over with the better, I guess..
And once I'm through that I'm *so* going to spend the rest of the day answering my mail. *hehe* ^_^
--Chaos left the Lair at 10.55 am--
Monday, 11th of February
I'm actually a little curious..^_^
I picked up a Vietnamese guy from the train. Eh no, it's exaggerating to say that,
I just wanted to know what music he was listening. I was drifting off to sleep all the three hours
my train ride back to Helsinki took, having Gackt's Mizerable on repeat in my head,
and at some point I became aware of the music the person behind me had on his CD-player.
The tone had similarities, and he was playing it loud enough for me to hear that the language
wasn't english. I caught a glimpse of the guy himself and he looked Asian.
I was just like "Hmm...?" ^_^
He was headed to Helsinki too, and getting closer to the station he got up to gather his stuff
and everything, and I a little timidly spoke up.
Anteeks, mutta mitä tuo on mitä sie kuuntelet?
He instantly leaned over with a question mark on his face, surprised at being addressed, and
clearly not understanding what I had just said. Okay, he was definitely not Finnish.
A shot in the dark, I tried japanese.
Umm...shitsurei desu ga, nani o kikimasu ka?
No, he didn't even recognise the language.
What? was the only response I got, though he was smiling amused. Fine, english then.
I was just wondering...what are you listening to?
A downright casual guy, instead of saying anything he just grinned, putting the earphones close to
my ear so that I could listen myself. Well, that kind of answered my question, but...*g*
Since he was so open about it, I started demanding who the artist was and what language was
he singing in and where could I get that stuff myself.
The singer's name I couldn't even pronounce, let alone write, it's vietnamese, and no, there's no way to
get that stuff in Finland --and I didn't even have time to get a "oh, that's a damn shame" -look
on my face as the guy said he'd record them for me.
I just gawked at that, because I didn't believe what I'd just heard, and he in turn interpreted this as if
I hadn't understood, and wrote "REC" with his cell phone and showed it to me.
You know, record?
I gawked some more realising that he indeed was serious. But hey, if he wants to do that then I'm certainly game for it.
I told him it would be awesome, and tried to ask how much he'd want for it, but I don't think he quite got my
question and I couldn't quite get the vague reply he gave me. Ah well.
We chatted some more on the way to the subway, and he said he'd call when he'd finished with the CD's or something.
And he hugged me and went on his way.
Ehh, cool. ^_^
..I wonder what I've gotten myself into this time?
I confiscated a set of VCR from my parents' house so now I'm dragging that around campus
because I don't have time to drop this stuff home before the afternoon lectures. I don't even know
what to do with it exactly, I haven't decided yet ^_^ Then again, now I don't have to call my brother up
every time there's something on TV I want to have on tape, and there's no one in my parents' house
who'd actually use the damned thing anyway.
Just for the record, I went to sleep at 4.38 am this morning, got up again before eight because
I had a train to catch. *sigh* I can't seem to help it. *yawns*
Music still playing in my head:
Gackt :: Mizerable
--Chaos left the Lair at 2.14 pm--
Sunday, 10th of February
I just checked the time
There's no point in being up at this hour, really, it's not like I'm doing anything useful.
Been merely lazily browsing random sites for hours and this only because I'm living
the kind of moment of bored indifference to do anything else.
Night person?
It's my night off and I realise that I'm tired.
Still, I'm staying up out of habit without even really noticing. Though I would think that
now that I have noticed it's rather late a day -or early, as a matter of fact-
I should probably turn the computer off and go get some sleep.
I can't stay up next to 24 hours a day, after all. At least not in the long run. ^_^
And not on my free time when I should be resting in the first place.
I wonder why I seem to think that sleep gets in the way of my life even at the times
I'm doing absolutely nothing with it..? ^_^
--left the Lair at 4.36 am--
Saturday, February 9th
vanillavanillavanilla..^_^
Shoved the previous page to the archives due to rapidly increasing length.
18kb seems to be my limit, I'm obsessed with having this site easy to load.
And as for obsessions...
I'm all over MP3's again, --well, *one* particular download to be exact, namely Gackt's Vanilla
(what kind of name is 'Gackt' anyway, are all j-rockers called something this odd?)
I lovelove the song, the praise it has gotten on certain fandoms on the net is well deserved,
("ultimate sasoi uke song", I second that XD) gets me on such a good mood listening to it,
and due to amusing associations I'm all over whatever with the word 'vanilla' on it *heehee*
Dee-chan gave me simply adorable vanilla-scented bath foam and soap
and everything for Christmas and I've been pretty much going about
smelling like a candy cane since XD
I'd have it on repeat and just sing along but the people in this house get suspicious.
Mon keeps reminding me to speak Finnish. Ah well
"...Aishitemo ii ka?
yureru yoru ni
aru ga mama de ii yo
motto hayaku
kurushii kurai ni
nareta kuchibiru ga
tokeau hodo ni
kimi wa boku no vanilla."
Kimi wa boku no vanilla = You're sweet vanilla to me
(you don't want my translation for the rest, trust me, you don't *g*)
--Chaos left the Lair at 1.38 am--
