Chapter Four: Luke

          Luke sighed. 

          There’s always something going on in Lorelai’s brain that only she could understand.

          “Lorelai!  Wait up!”

          She stopped and glared at Luke.

          Whoa.  Okay, Luke, you’re crossing dangerous ground here.  This is no ordinary girl—this is Lorelai Gilmore, the Queen of Insanity.

          “I am not going to stay in there and be treated that way!”

          Careful, Butch.

          “What way?”

          “You didn’t see him?  He was mocking me!”

          Did my inner voice just call me, “Butch”?

          “How was he mocking you?”

          Lorelai was at a total loss for words.  Suspiciously, she glared at Luke and said, “You’re defending him.”

          Oh, God.  Red Alert, people, RED ALERT.

          “No, I am not defending him, Lorelai.  I just didn’t see anything wrong with what he did!  Everybody laughs at everyone!  Hell, I laugh at you.  You even laugh at me.  What’s so wrong with Jess laughing at us?”

          Did ANY of that just make ANY sense?  I think I used the word, “laugh” a little too much.

          “He brainwashed Rory.”

          Wh- hi- o- ah… tsup… meh?

          Luke just looked at her as she took a mighty leap out of the current topic and landed onto a new one.

          I need a few seconds to catch up to this woman.

          …

          Still not where she is.

          “Excuse me?”

          “He’s brainwashed my little girl!  Do you not see that?  Rory never said those kinds of things to me before!”

          “And you think this is all Jess’ fault.”

          “Yes, I do.”

          “That’s unfair, Lorelai.”

          “It’s just…” Lorelai trailed off.

          “What?”

          Lorelai deflated.  “I’m afraid of what will happen, Luke.”

          Luke sighed once again, but instead of annoyance or confusion, it was a sigh of sympathy.

          Lorelai really loves Rory.  I have to try to understand that.

          “You’re beating yourself up over nothing.”

          Really, you are, Lorelai.

          “Am I?”

          “Nothing’s going to happen.  I’ll make sure of that.”

          “Give me your word that nothing will happen.”

          Luke rolled his eyes and mumbled, “I give you my word that nothing will happen.”

          “Great.  So if anything does happen, I can blame it all on you.”

          How nice.

          “Lorelai.  Please, let it go.”

          “Fine.  But I still want to be nearby.”

“If you want, you can stay with me in the apartment, and we can watch a movie or something.”

          …

          Wait a minute.  That didn’t come out right.  That actually sounded like a…

          “Like a date?”

          Ah, crap.

          “No, not a date.  ‘Date’ does not equal ‘Movie’.”

          Please, please, PLEASE buy that line.  Do I have to dress up as a whacky salesman for you to just accept that lie? 

Because I will.

          “Can we see Ryan O’ Neal?”

          Huh.  I guess not. 

          …

          Who the hell is Ryan O’ Neal?

          “Who?”

          “Oliver.  Love Story?”

          Eew.  Love Story? 

          “Are you serious?”

          Lorelai looked at him pleadingly.

          Why in the world would Lorelai want to see something called- Luke shuddered- Love Story?

          With great reluctance, his reply tumbled out.

          “Fine.”

          Lorelai is the only one who can make me actually do these kinds of things. 

          My manhood feels threatened all of a sudden.

          Hmm… not a very good line to think about.

          Luke led her back to the Diner slowly.

          When they got inside, Rory quickly ran to her mother.

          “Mom, can we talk for a second?”

          Good.  They’re making up.

          Luke’s eyes traveled to Jess’ waiting form.  He squinted at him and walked over.

          “Hey, Jess?”

          “Yes, Uncle Luke?”

          “Don’t call me that.  Um.  I was just wondering if you could tone it down with the Lorelai thing.”

          “Why?”

          Why would Jess question me?

          “What?”

          “Why?  I said, ‘Why?’.”

          “It’s just that a lot of things are going on in her head right now, and I really don’t want her having a nervous episode anytime soon.”

          “I know.  Whacky lady, that Lorelai.”

          “Jess…”

          “Okay, okay.  And just so you know, I was the one who talked Rory into making up with her mom.”

          I think I heard this boy wrong.  He may have developed a lisp.  I could have sworn I heard…

          “You talked Rory into apologizing.”

          “Yes, I did.  Shocking.  I know.”

          Luke smiled a bit.

          This kid may not be too all bad after all.

          “Thanks, Jess.”

          “Don’t get used to it.”

          Hell, I’m never going to get used to you.

          “Okay.”