Chapter Eight: Luke

Hookay, Lucas Danes.  Concentrate here.  This is nothing if you put your mind to it.  

Mind over matter.  That’s it.

Juuuust concentrate.  You can do it.

This is so easy.  A six year old can do this.

COME ON!

“A-hah!” Lorelai squealed as she smashed Luke’s character to a bloody pulp.  Ryu just had the beating of his life by Chun-Li.

How Lorelai managed to convince him to hook up the Playstation to his TV and actually manage to induce him into actually play it was beyond him.

          Luke frowned.  He put his controller down and crossed his arms, clearly annoyed that Lorelai had beaten him four times in a row of Street Fighter on the Goddamn Playstation.

          “Where the hell did you get this piece of garbage anyway?”

          “I just bought it.  It’s my new toy.”

          Who in their right minds would buy this piece of crap?  It’s stupid.  The graphics aren’t that evolved, the damned buttons don’t work when you want them to, and I CAN’T BEAT LORELAI AT IT!

          AAUUUUGH!

          “I’m going to go check on Jess and Rory.  I would appreciate it if you uninstalled this poisonous invention from Hell and take it back to your house.”

          Lorelai rolled her eyes.  

          “Don’t be jealous of my supreme prowess as a game-god… ess.  It’s not my fault you have fat fingers to begin with.”

          “I do not have fat fingers!”

          “Please.  I could see you struggling to press the x button without pressing o at the same time.”

          “I hate this game.”

          “You should hate your fingers.  They’re like Twinkies.”

          “Damn you, Lorelai.”

          He left Lorelai upstairs to quickly check on Jess and Rory.  

          Science is destroying the world.  Its new evolutions are more stupid than helpful.  Just like that damned i-book.  Why did I ever buy that in the first place?

          Oh, wait.  I think that was a birthday present.

          From… a good friend of mine.  Whose name I cannot remember for the life of me.

 Maybe I’m just getting old.  

          He rounded the corner and got the shock of his life.

          Oh.  My.  God.

          Jess and Rory.

          …

          Jess and RORY!

          Lorelai came bounding down soon enough, with the stupid Playstaion in her hands.

          Luke slapped his mouth closed and pointed at them vigorously.

          “Jess and Rory!  Jess and Rory!”

          “What?”

          “JESS AND RORY!”

          “WHAT?!”

          “JESS AND RORY ARE MAKING OUT!  IN MY DINER!”

          “Luke, are you okay?  That’s you and me.”

          WHAT?

          Luke peered closer and realized that it was indeed, the both of them, Luke and Lorelai, Lucas Danes and Lorelai Gilmore, at it like rabbits just freed from quarantine observation.

          He felt himself go dizzy.

          “WHY THE HELL AM I HAVING SEX WITH LORELAI GILMORE IN MY DINER—ON MY COUNTER?!”

          “AAAUUUGGHHH!!”

          Luke woke up panting wildly in the darkness of his room.

          Good Lord.

          Jess stumbled to Luke’s bed sleepily.  Luke screamed in surprise and pulled the sheets up to his chin, as of he was caught wearing a nightie in bed.

          “What the hell is wrong with you, Luke?  I was actually asleep that time!”

          “Oh, my God,” Luke mumbled as he massaged his temples.  

          That was nothing.  It was just a dream.  Nothing more.  No symbolisms, no hidden meanings, no hidden desires.  Nope.  Nadda.

          Jess, very comfortably, leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms.  “You had a Lorelai dream.”

          Luke’s face shot up to meet Jess’.

          Play it cool.  This kid doesn’t know anything.  He knew nothing about my dream.  Give an adult answer and he’ll leave you alone.

          Come on, Luke.

          “I did not!”

          Wonderful.  Very adult there.

          “If you weren’t, why would you say, quite loudly, may I add, ‘Why am I having sex with Lorelai Gilmore in my diner on my counter?’”

          Oh, God.  The boy has proof.  Evidence is a bitch.  No, actually, my mouth is.

          “Did I really say that?”

          “No, you bellowed it, actually.”

          Apparently, my larynx is also a bitch.

          “Jesus Christ.”

          “Now, let’s not get Him tangled into this…”

          “Jess…”

          “You like Lorelai.”

          Luke scowled at the boy.

          “You’re head over heels in love with Rory.”

          Ha!  Ahahahahahahahahahah!!!  I finally got you, you prick!

          Wait a minute.

          He’s in love with Rory.

          Oh, dear

“You’re in love with Rory.”

Wow.  Jess could kill me.  Remember that, Luke.  Jess may be a hidden serial killer.  Just the music he listens to is a dead giveaway.

Luke saw Jess stammer.  Actually stammer.  Geez, it was like seeing Harry Potter in a leather jacket, squeezing some girl’s tooshie in a gay bar.

Well, the gay bar he wasn’t so sure about…

“So what if I am?”

Oh, good God.

“Then it’s true.”

“So what if it is?”

“Jess, I’d like to point out to you your rapidly decreasing hold on the English language.”

“So what if it is?”

“Jess?”

His arms fell limply at his sides.

“Just… don’t tell her, okay?  If she finds out…”

“If she finds out, what?”

Jess sighed and pushed himself from the doorway.

“If she finds out, she’ll run.”

A picture of Rory Gilmore running away from Jess right after he admits his feelings sprang into Luke’s mind.  He lowered his eyes shamefully, knowing all to well that it was a very big possibility of happening.

“How do you figure that?”

“I… I just do.”

“Jess, are you stammering?”

“I’m going to bed.”

“No, seriously, you’re… you’re… you’re…”

“Goodnight.”

“St- stammering.  It… it’s like… y-y-you can’t… speak coherently.”

“Sweet Lorelai Sex Dreams.”

“O-o-kay.  I-I-I… I hope you d-don’t s-s-s-st-stutter when you meet R-r-rory tomorrow.”

“Go to bed, Luke.”

I’m pretty safe here.  Blackmail is always the way to go.  This isn’t even considered blackmail, really.  It’s just me being assured that Jess won’t talk because I know a deadly secret of his.  That’s not blackmail.

Heeheeh!  Here I go!

“Do you want me to make a life-size cardboard cut-out of Rory so you can post it in your room?  So you can talk to it at night and improve your diction as well.  Because I know that you’re ‘the closest thing she has to a creative writer.’  You’re pretty much useless if you can’t speak properly, right?”

Jess frowned.  He quickly turned to his uncle and said, “Look.  I’m not going to tell Lorelai that you have crazy sex dreams about her if you don’t tell Rory.”

 “Tell Rory what?”

Take the bait, Jess.  You know you want to sink your teeth onto that juicy dangling comment…

“You know what, Luke.”

A little closer…

“No, I don’t.”

“Fine.  That I… I l-love her.  Alright?”

BINGO!  Man, I’m so evil.  Here’s the kid, absolutely dying of fear, and I’m making fun of him.  And I actually feel good.

Luke chuckled at Jess.

What a sweet world we live in.

“Fine.”