POKING NORMALCY IN THE BACKSIDE

By Oregano

                Lorelai opened the door to Rory’s room and quietly entered.  From the bed, she could hear Rory softly sniffling.  That thing with Jess and the Awkward Kiss was just plain weird.  Rory didn’t do stuff like this.  It was always around Jess when she was like this.  Jess was changing her; and frankly, Lorelai was getting worried.

                Jess was capable of the things that could hurt a lot of people.  Jess might do a Christopher on Rory. 

                “Why didn’t you tell me, mom?” Rory asked without facing her.

                “It wasn’t my story to tell.  It didn’t occur to me that you’d give him one hell of a welcome like that.  He came over to tell you himself, but, hey; his lips were busy.”

                Lorelai saw her daughter’s cheeks redden.

                “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  My brain just kicked me and suddenly, I was kissing him.”

                “Ten brains sewn together couldn’t have made that kiss happen, honey.”

                She hugged Rory and they both fell asleep dreading tomorrow.

                The next day, Lorelai went to the Diner, as was her usual routine.  Coming inside, she only found Luke behind the counter with the scowl that could have set fire to Stars Hollow. 

                “What’s up?”

                Luke was about to answer when Jess came from inside the kitchen with a handful of plates.

                “Watch him, Lorelai, and you’ll find out.”

                Jess went around the Diner and dropped the plates at random tables.  Lorelai noticed a zombie-like likeness to Jess’ actions.  His face didn’t seem to move.  His hair was unkempt, and his shirt was on all wrong.  A thin trace of a beard was growing around his chin.  He hadn’t shaved.  His eyes were forlorn and red.  He made his way back to the kitchen and tossed a haphazard glance at Lorelai.  A hint of recognition went over his dull eyes, and then he was gone again.

                “He’s been like that since last night.  The kid is so disgusting.  The Health Department could close me down on the count of, ‘Jess is a bum.’”

                “He looks like he just lost his best friend.”

                Luke gave her a look and said, “I thought that would be obvious, but that crazy volcano in that crazy head of yours probably erupted, spewing forth these crazy gallons of crazy magma, blurring your eyes with insanity.”  His voice became louder and louder until his face went all red.

                When Lorelai looked at him with a confused face, he added after a beat, “Jess is really pissing me off.”

                “I can see that, Mr. Stable Mind.  You’ve got to get off that honey water.”

                “What I really hate about it is that there seems to be something else besides that Incident from last night.  But the little prick won’t tell me!”

                “Mr. Stable Mind Whose Curiosity Is Killing His Cat.”

                “Stop it with the crazy jokes, Lorelai.  You’re confusing me even more.”

                “Sorry, dude.  Hey, do you think I can talk to him for a second?”

                “Wear protection, his ugly bum germs might jump onto you.”

                “Trojan or Durex?”

                “Jesus, Lorelai!”

                “Don’t get your jockstrap in a knot, I was kidding.”

                Lorelai entered the kitchen and made her way towards The Undead Formerly Known As Jess.  He was bent over the sink, washing the dishes.

                “Hey, Jess.”

                He looked at her stonily and turned back to his work.  After seventeen hours of silence, he murmured, “How is she?”

                “Quiet.  Scary.  Like, Exorcist scary.  She won’t get up from bed.”

                “Huh.”

                Lorelai gulped.  “I’m glad you told her up front, Jess.”

                “Nearly killed me to do it.  But now I guess you have one less pebble in your high heels.”

                “Jess—“

                “Just go, Lorelai.  Tell her she can go back to Frankenstein for all I care.  She deserves more than him, but he can do so much better than I did.”

                Jess wasn’t anything like Christopher.  He was willing to let Rory go because he cared so much.  He was a lot like… Lorelai.  Yehah, took a little moment to pump her ego up a notch.

                “Well, for what it’s worth, Jess, I think you’re more than Dean.  A little bit.  Dean’s got that height thing in the bag.”

                He looked at her astonished.  Kind of.  Jess was as much the astonished type as he was the smiley type.

                “Bye, Jess.  You’re shirt’s backwards and inside-out.”

                On her way out, Lorelai heard Luke call her back.  She walked back to the counter.  

                “What?”

                “Forgot your coffee.”

                Luke gave Lorelai two large cups of coffee and a big box.

                “Brownies.  Extra fudgy.  I heard that when wallowing, girls tend to eat chocolate.  I may be helping you guys be even less normal than you are now, but I guess this time’s an exception.”

                “You watched Oprah, didn’t you?”

                “Do you want your brownies or not?”

                “Thank you, Luke.”

                Luke grunted, crossed his arms and nodded.  When Lorelai got to the door, she opened it.  Just as she was about to leave, she suddenly yelled, “Luke is a softie!  Bye Sweet-Cheeks!”

                “Dammit, Lorelai!”