POKING NORMALCY IN THE BACKSIDE

By Oregano

                Jess straightened up just as Luke came into the apartment.  He was already done packing.  He just needed to check one last time, and then he would be far, far away from Stars Hollow and Miss Rory Gilmore. 

                He turned to face Luke and shoved his hands in his pockets.

                “Uh, when are you leaving?”

                “Now.”

                “Oh.  Okay.”

                Luke seemed a little bit agitated.  They stared at each other as long as two men can without having to worry about any destroyed macho image.  Finally, his uncle gave out a cough and got out of the way.

                Jess shouldered his duffel bag. 

                “I’ll, ah, send this stuff to you when I get the time,” Luke said.

                “Okay.”

                Not knowing what to do, Luke awkwardly slapped him on the back and led him downstairs.

                Jess got on the bus without any trouble or delays.  With an unspoken goodbye to Luke, he sat on the seat and faced forward, not really eager to go home, yet not dying to stay either. 

                After a long while, the bus still did not move.  Jess furrowed his eyebrows and got up.  He walked the narrow path towards the front and was surprised to see Kirk on the driver’s seat.

                “When are we leaving?” he asked.

                “Never.”

                “Wha—“

                “Just get back to your seat, kid.”

                He glared at the lanky man and turned around to go back to his seat.

                “Ah, Jesus!” he cried when a flesh cardigan jumped up to greet him.  It was Taylor.

                “What did I do now?”

                The old man didn’t answer, but swung his fist back, and sent Jess a sudden jab to the nose.  Jess’ head whipped back, but he wasn’t really hurt. 

                “You punch like a girl, Taylor,” he said flatly, “What the hell was that for anyway?”

                “That was supposed to knock you out!  That was my best hit!”

                Taylor was such a woman.  “My grandma can sneeze me to oblivion, compared to that pathetic tap you gave me.”

                “I’ll do it,” a voice from behind him said darkly.

                Dean?  Jesus, was everybody going to New York?  What were these geeks planning?

                But before Jess’ brain could develop an answer, his face was greeted by a hard punch from Dean.  And then all went black.

                Jess groggily regained a bit of consciousness after a while.  Dean could hit like hell.  Wonder what women’s self defense classes he took to learn how to punch like that.  His eyesight blurred, but he could hear people talking around him.  Was he in a standing position?  Yeah.  He felt a few hands support his back, as a few people worked around his semi-conscious body.

                He hoped that nobody was trying to rape him or anything.  Hey, you never knew what psychos Stars Hollow could be hiding, eh?

                “He won’t hold it, Lorelai!” he heard Sookie St. James say.

                Hold what?

                “Well then, just… here!  Use this!  Tape it around his hand!” Lorelai answered.  Then Jess felt something wrap his hand to a fist.  It was sticky.  He suspected it to be tape, but he wasn’t too sure.

                “Shit!  He’s coming to!  He’s coming to!”

                Suddenly, he felt himself being let go to a freefall.  His face landed on a hard surface, but it still made him stay in a standing position. 

                He groaned and realized that he had just smashed his nose against a door.

                “She’s coming!  Everyone hide!”

                Before Jess could turn his head, he fell, yet again.  But thankfully, something broke his fall this time.  He opened his blurry eyes and looked at what had caught his almost lifeless cadaver.

                The birds and stars that danced around his field of vision disappeared, and he finally saw it.

                Her.  Rory.

                Good Lord.  Stars Hollow truly was the loony town of Connecticut.  They had just knocked him unconscious and brought him here against his will.  Hey, he could press charges for assault and kidnapping.  He knew his rights!

                “Oh, my God, Jess!  Are you alright?”

                He then felt Rory against him.  Mmm.  Maybe he wouldn’t charge for kidnapping.  Maybe just assault.

                Waitaminit!  He was in Rory Gilmore’s house!  She hated him to death!  He had to get a grip on himself!

                He tried to answer her, but only a groan could escape his lips.

                Jess felt Rory put an arm under him and led him to the couch.

                “What’s on your hand, Jess?”