POKING NORMALCY IN THE BACKSIDE

By Oregano

                Jess’ heartbeat went irregular.  He thought that a friendly visit would bridge the awkward gap that was between them both.  This kiss kind of went from bridging the gap to actually connecting two landforms.  Literally.

                Rory was still kissing him.  His hands involuntarily, just like during the wedding, went around her.  Each second brought back the feelings bottled up deep inside him.  He realized this and gently and reluctantly pulled away.  This wasn’t right. 

                Rory sighed and leaned her forehead against his.

                Jesus Christ.  Rory Gilmore would be the death of him.

                He hesitated for a moment, and then indulged himself to another kiss.

                “Jess,” he heard Lorelai lightly plead.

                He had to tell her.  Damn it.  Damn it all to Hell.

                He’d worked so hard to be good for Rory, and now he would once again be the jerk who broke Rory Gilmore.  The asshole everyone hated.

                With a deeply apologetic glance at Lorelai, he sighed.  He turned his eyes towards Rory.  The words tumbled out of his lips and it was like he had slapped her.

                “I have a girlfriend, Rory.”

                For saying that, his punishment was to watch Rory’s hopeful, content face turn into an image of embarrassment and hurt.

                He would have gladly ripped his own head off, just to prevent himself from seeing that.

                Jess turned to Lorelai.  She was crying.  Good Lord.  He had really done it this time. 

                Lorelai tearfully showed them outside.  Once at the porch, she just gave him this look that broke his heart.  She nodded a farewell and went back inside to comfort Rory.

                Walking home with Luke that night had to be one of the most uncomfortable moments in Jess’ life.  A sidelong glance from his uncle made him speak.

                “What do I do, Luke?”

                Luke seemed surprised that Jess asked him such a question.  He turned his head to face him fully. 

                “She’s been in love with you for quite a while now.”

                He led Jess to a bench and they both sat down.

                “What?” after the words hit him.

                “You heard me.  Now you have to pick one of them.  You can’t not break anyone’s heart.  One of them has to get hurt.”

                The both of them sat a little longer in thoughtful silence. 

                Then they went home.

                Actually, sleeping next to Shane that night had to be the most uncomfortable moments in Jess’ life.  But Jess was good at pretending.

                Shane’s arm went around him and he heard her whisper, “I love you, Jess.”

                “I love you, too, Rory.”

                When he felt Shane tense up, it was then he realized his Godamn blooper.  Crap.  Two Let’s-Kill-Jess-And-Dump-His-Body-In-The-River mistakes in one night.  This had to be some kind of stupid record.

                He should just commit suicide and get it over with.

                Jess sadly watched Shane as she walked away from him.  One night.  It just took one night to make everything fall apart.  It was just because of Rory Gilmore’s Homecoming.

                No.  He couldn’t blame Rory for all his screw-ups.

                He was just a totally stupid person.

                The urge to go to the Godamn Bridge was overwhelming, but he knew that the place held too many memories that would just haunt him.  Those memories used to comfort him, but now it seemed that they tortured him.

                Jess had officially reached another one of his life’s low points.