One of the few places in Stars Hollow where Jess Mariano could go to find peace was the gazebo; something about it just calmed him. And he couldn’t go to the bridge because he didn’t want to think of her, since she obviously wasn’t thinking of him. She had been avoiding him for the past two weeks and he knew it, and even though he wouldn’t admit it, it really did hurt him. He sat there, allowing the night air to cool his face, just staring into space, trying to think about anything but her, anything but what he was feeling. He rubbed his temples, trying to quell the thoughts running through his brain. He wouldn’t allow himself to get his hopes up, one of the only good things that came from his life in the city was the knowledge he possessed telling him to never allow his anticipation to take control. He exhaled and replayed the scene between the two of them at Sookie’s wedding, and then he wondered when she would make the next move, because the ball was obviously in her court, after all it was her who had kissed him. 

Just then he heard the steps to the gazebo creak, and his head snapped up to allow his eyes to rest on her. He looked at her slight form as she stood before him and realized she was shifting from foot to foot periodically, obviously nervous. He didn’t say a word as he saw her walk over and sit down across from him; for fear that if he did speak she would hear the hope lingering in his voice. He looked at her for a few seconds, trying to read her _expression and failing miserably, her features were as blank as his own,

Rory sat down across from Jess and for a few seconds she held the blank look she had forced onto her face, but the pounding of her heart in her throat got the better of her and she began to chew on her lip, her brow furrowed, trying to figure out exactly how to say this to him. She allowed her hands to clasp in her lap and she stared at her whitening knuckles for a moment before speaking very softly and very slowly “I’m going to Washington D.C. for the summer.” She whispered, still fixated on her hands “I’m going to Washington and when I come home it will be to Dean.” After drawing a deep steadying breath she allowed herself to look up at him, and she saw exactly what she had expected. There was an _expression of confused hurt painted on Jess’ sharp features, and somehow he looked almost younger, vulnerable. He closed his eyes and drew his own shaky breath “Why?” was all he could force out without revealing to her that inside his heart was breaking. Rory could see the pain in his gaze as he looked at her and she couldn’t hold it any longer, so she looked away and searched for words. She hadn’t expected it to be this difficult. She was with Dean, she shouldn’t be feeling this sadness and defeat spreading through her body, and she shouldn’t be longing to forget everything her mother had said to be with him, however hard this would be, she told herself she would stay loyal to her first love, and to her mother. “I don’t…its uh, well its just…” she trailed off not wanting to admit to him, or herself for that matter, what she was feeling swelling deep in her heart. Jess felt a flush of anger rising in his face and before he realized it he was yelling “Just what Rory? You expect me to just forget it? Pretend like it never happened? Act as if there’s nothing there?! I can’t do that Rory, I-” He stopped himself and shook his head at her with clenched his teeth, willing himself not to let his emotions get the better of him, willing himself not to fall apart in front of her.  Rory could feel her eyes filling with hot tears and she tried her hardest not to let them spill, to stay strong, to do what she thought was right, “No Jess…I just, I mean…I can’t-“ but she stopped short when he rose to his feet. She could see his heart pushing through his hard exterior to show in his _expression, aware of the appearance of hurt on his face and the anger raising in his voice “Rory I can’t just forget what happened, I, I don’t want to! The only reason I came back…And now you’re just going to run away and leave me here after what happened, after knowing how it could be? Because I know you felt it to, I know you felt that connection, you cannot deny that Rory!” His voice was wavering dangerously now and he locked his fists together trying to steady himself. But before he could regain his composure Rory was on her feet also. “So what if I felt it!” She shot back, now feeling rogue tears trickling down her face “Maybe I did, but Jess I just can’t do this! I can’t turn my back on everyone I love for just one person; I may have felt the sparks but what about Dean? I can’t let my love for you just take over and.-“ but then she stopped when her eyes rested on his face and she became aware of the stunned look on Jess’ features, and she realized what she had just said. She had gotten swept up in her feelings and just let them all pour out, even ones that she hadn’t even admitted to herself yet, let alone anyone else. Jess just looked at her, completely speechless; he didn’t know what to think, at that moment he didn’t even know if he could think at all. Rory had just said she loved him. Rory had just said she loved him. He just stood there, breathing shallowly as he looked into her eyes. Rory just stood there for a few minutes, captivated in his gaze, and before she knew it her feet were moving involuntarily, and within seconds she was only about a foot away from him. She looked into his eyes, still seeing the shock in them, mingling with fear, frustration, and pain, and without even realizing what she was doing, she inhaled slowly and raised her hand to be beside his cheek, and after hesitating for a moment let it gently press into his face.

Instantly she saw his last barrier go down and he closed his eyes at her touch, letting his head become slightly limp in her palm. She then ran her hand down to his chest where it was joined by her other right over his heart, which she felt beating rapidly under his shirt. She let her hands run down his stomach and onto his hips where they left his body to find his hands dangling by his sides. She had taken his gaze at the second they made contact, and she never dropped it, seeing his longing reaction to her touch. She laced her fingers through his and clasped their hands together, and slowly, while still holding his eyes, she brought his hands up to her lips and kissed them gently. Then, finally breaking eye contact, she said softly “I’m going to kiss you now, then never again Jess” and she looked up when she heard him exhale dejectedly as he realized that she was going to just walk away from what they had, she was going to turn her back on them and not look back, and she saw his brow furrow with tears as she brought her lips closer to his.

The kiss began slowly, each savoring every second because they both knew this moment would never come again. And they shared a deep, passionate kiss, which was strengthened by all of the emotion they were experiencing flowing into the embrace, and when they parted Rory pulled him close and let the tears come without restraint, and Jess held her, trying to control his own tears, feeling he needed to be strong, and to give Rory the impression that he would let go if that was what she wanted. So he leaned down and tenderly whispered into her ear “I love you to” and then he took his hands and placed them around hers, drawing her arms from their position around his neck. He brought them together and pulled them toward his lips, then kissed her hands softly, all the while holding her gaze.

When Rory realized what he was doing it only made her crumble further, her tears continuing to drip onto her shirt as she realized that he was repeating the action she had taken just minutes earlier to tell her that if she wanted to go he wouldn’t stop her. He was going to give her a choice, and it took every fiber of her being not to pull him close again, she instead turned slowly around and walked home. She climbed numbly through her window and her eyes fell on the picture of Dean again, and the gravity of what she had just done fully hit her, and she put her arm out against the wall to steady herself as she sunk onto her knees and just melted onto the floor in a pool of tears, regrets, and emotions.

To be continued....