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    Tinsel  Town  Yorkshire  Terriers

TALES FROM THE DOG  HOUSE

 

TALES

FROM

THE

DOG

HOUSE


Puppies Do These Things !

I can't believe how destructive a house full of growing puppies can be.   I think that if I live here long enough they will eat the house down around me.  How many people keep a bucket of sheetrock spackle handy under the kitchen sink along with a trowel?  Add to this sandpaper, extra paint, wood filler, six child gates, a and a case of Tabasco.  My new recliner has all four corners eaten off of it.  My new couch and love seat have been spared only because I bought "Scat Mats" for each of them.  These rubber mats are battery operated and will deliver a static electric shock when touched.  The problem with the Scat Mats is to remember to remove them when company comes in!  I have forgotten twice, and don't you know it, someone sat down on the loveseat on top of the Scat Mat.  Needless to say, it took them about a tenth of a second to leap up! There are just too many things that a house full of puppies can have fun with by shredding them.  In the past two months my bunch of four to eight month old kids have had loads of fun destroying:  a blood pressure cuff, an artificial ficus tree, a VCR tape, books, magazines,  telephone books,  untold numbers of pee wee pads, three dog beds filled with polyfill and wood chips,  countless stuffed toys, a broom, sheets of copy paper, rolls of toilet paper and paper towels.  My crew also has a taste for things electrical.  They have succeeded in castrating my computer mouse by chewing the rubber covering off of the ball while I was cleaning the rollers inside the mouse.  I had to buy a new mouse, so I got one that doesn't have a ball inside.  I guess it would be a female mouse.  They also disconnected my computer microphone right in the middle of the wire.  Also gone by the wayside are two caller ID's, one telephone, a new lamp, a telephone headset, and two telephone wall jacks.  I like to use tie-on chair pads for dog beds.  I think that I am going to have to start buying them by the gross because the boys love to pull the stuffings out of them.  Newspapers?  Forget it.  Every dog I own dearly loves to shred newspaper.  Now they have developed a taste for carpet.  The bottom step on my stairs is gradually being  shredded.  This goes very nicely with the holes in the woodwork along the stairs.  Their latest discovery is the edge trim and covering on the bottom of one of my chairs.  I learned long ago not to sit my purse on the floor.  They just love digging through purses for loot.  This includes the purses of company.  Oh, deliver me from teething puppies and mischievous dogs.

THINGS I MUST REMEMBER WHEN I COME BACK AS A DOG...


1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.
4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.
6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am   about  to get sick.
7. I will not throw up in the car.
8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
9. "Kitty box crunchies", although they are tasty, are not food.
10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are mom & dad's laps.
18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for dad's driver's license and car registration.
20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
21. I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage, because I don't want to have a string hanging out of my butt.
22. I will not play "roll around in the dirt" after just getting a bath.
23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.
24. I will not hump on any person's leg just because I thought it was the right thing to do.
25. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
26. The toilet bowl is not never-ending water supply and, just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.
27. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
28. Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt makes people put me outside.
29. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

 

    

 

                    

 

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