Exploring Bipolar Disorder
Causes and History of the Disease:
Page 2
Bipolar stems from a genetic weakness that runs in families. Researchers have identified a number of genes that may be linked to the disorder. Studies have shown that if both parents have a history of Bipolar Disorder there is a 50-75% chance of their child developing a mood disorder (Fawcett 49-50). There are no available studies from this source regarding a single parent's history.
There is a cyclical nature in Bipolar Disorder that must be accounted for, also. The cyclical nature is the illness' tendency to recur. Without adequate treatment the disease recurs over time (Fawcett 52). The disease can recur even with proper treatment. The psychiatric field has not, yet, found a cure.
As current research has focused on genetic vulnerability, neurotransmitters have been observed sending messages across little spaces known as synapses. The neurotransmitters are many different sizes. They fit into receptors that are located on the surface of cells. Chemical reactions that take place within nerve cells by the receptors, the effect on releasing complex chemical messengers within the cells, and the activation of certain genes are all being studied carefully to determine their roles in the illness (Fawcett 52).
My Story:
I.
I come from an upper-middle class, white home. My parents separated when I was 12 years old. I have three older brothers. I am the only girl.
I was a classic over-achiever in school. I graduated from high school with high honors. I graduated from college with honors. I was extremely well-rounded---participating in sports, debate, student government, a sorority, etc. My dreams and aspirations were always set to the highest mark possible.
My moods were always marred by some abnormality. As a child I would get depressed and even think of death. The frequency of depression during childhood was low. As junior high entered the scene, my mood swings increased in frequency and intensity. (Several factors co-existed during that period: puberty onset, separation of parents, loss of best childhood friend to illness, peer shift from elementary to junior high school, etc.) Death became a fascination. Creativity became strongly developed in me---I wrote poetry, short stories, and did my own art work. Mood swings continued to increase in both frequency and intensity during high school (High school involved a family blow-out which resulted in my move to another state right before my senior year).
Depression enveloped me at 17 years of age. I attempted to commit suicide and sought counseling briefly. I submitted to more counseling my senior year. I was placed on the antidepressant, Prozac, after a trial of one other antidepressant family. I remained on that medicine for a couple months. During that time, I, also, experimented with alcohol.
When college started, I ceased taking Prozac. I continued to drink alcohol quite frequently. My drive to succeed was high. I was a student at a highly competitive, major, state university. My creativity was at its peak. I would have bursts of energy coupled with devastating depressions. My sleep patterns that had always been quirky became even more erratic. Eventually, I began placing myself in precarious situations. I became scared and sought help. Once again, I was placed on Prozac. This time the duration was longer.
I began feeling extremely high, extremely creative. The creativity seemed to start taking on a life of its own. I went on a crazy, frivilous, fantasy-based spending spree. I flew to my mom's to counsel her about her life/her mistakes. My moods and words, as relayed to me by people in my life, were sharp and aggressive. I stopped the Prozac abruptly when I caught myself not connecting with reality. I was confronted by my roommates and admitted to a crisis stabilization facility. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and prescribed Lithium and a temporary antipsychotic medication.
Initially, I thought I had had some sort of nervous breakdown. No one really took the time to explain what had happened to me. I was told by my doctor to never cease taking my medication (his primary concern was the Lithium). He said if I did I would end up even sicker than before.
The transition back to reality was difficult. The antipsychotic was harsh. My vision was even temporarily impaired. I spent most of my time in a "fog". I was removed from the antipsychotic and its buffer right in time for me to return to my university's fall semester. Little did I or my family know that my cognitive skills had been temporarily impaired.
I experienced a terrible shock when I went to my Educational Psychology class and could not absorb or retain anything I read or heard (I will never forget the feeling I had...it was horrifying). That shock sent a wave of instability through me.
I didn't know the disease. I had no way of knowing there was another side to my illness. I was unprepared and uneducated. I was alone, six hours away from my father's home. My emotions spiraled. They plummeted. Anxiety engulfed me. I could not differientiate between my fears and what was real. I panicked. I was completely irrational. Suicide seemed like the only way to stop the terror that gripped every part of my life. I spent hours calling long-distance to my mother, my father, anyone who could potentially save me.
In a moment of horror, I got in my car and drove the six hours to my dad's. I was hospitalized, again, the following day. I spent two and half weeks in the hospital for severe, clinical depression. The first week of that stay was spent in a status the hospital calls, "Suicide Watch".
I was placed on Prozac, once again. I eventually leveled off but was unable to attend school. I spent the semester living with my aunt and uncle. My father and his new wife struggled with all the issues surrounding that four month period. I needed a place of safety to recover from my disease's first strike zone.
A number of things changed for me during that semester off. I gained approximately 35 lbs. My skin went from a "China doll complexion" to ruddy and "acne"-laden. My hands developed a tremor. I lost my confidence.
I did, however, regain my cognitive abilities as well as my creative instinct. I returned to the university in the spring semester. I had mood swings from time to time; but, I basically adapted and became a successful student, again. In fact, I graduated with Honors.
Part II.
