It is a long day

Drowning Lessons

Jerome Iginla / Gary Roberts

This is a work of fiction

Notes Mentioned:

Tammy Roberts (Gary's wife)

Tina and Joe Nie..dyk

Tom and Kerry Fitzgerald

Marty = Martin Gelanis

Jordan Roberts Gary's daughter

Ok, Tammy Roberts was not at Gary's 1000^th game the other night. Depending upon whom you believe, she was out of town or they have separated. Given the total silence on the matter in local papers (who would usually print a lie if they were told one) I am going to assume they have separated. In which case, sorry to the Roberts family. That is never an easy thing. But, being the kind of girl I am, this leads to fic. This is a H/C fic, so I dedicate it to Chrissy.

* ** *** ** ***

It is a long day. A long day for both of them, but longer for Gary I think. They are interviewed by everyone in the city, and manage the whole time to keep their cool. Gary has vanished a few times today, only to reappear when needed. Looking, not calm, just focused, like there is only one thing that is important about today, a game, and nothing else is happening.

I found him once, when he disappeared, he was leaning against the wall by the dressing room. He could have just waiting outside for someone, but if you looked down you would see him screwing his hands up into fists.

He would unfold them and press his fingers flat against the wall, but then they would slowly curl up into fists again. He would unfold them, press them flat, and tap his fingers, but eventually he would be squeezing the air between his fingers again, his knuckles turning white.

By the time we are skating around the rink for the warm up, a muscle in his cheek is jumping. It could be nerves, but like everyone else I have heard the rumors. Someone is not going to be here this evening, and it is going to cause talk.

We are all waiting in the wives room, discussing the ceremony before the game. Gary is slowly relaxing, until Joe and Tina walk in with Jordan.

She looks pissed off. But, in a move she must have learned from her dad she smoothes her face into neutral lines when people move toward her.

Gary whispers something to her and she rolls her eyes and walks off to talk to Tom's kids. They oldest one grins up her and finally she smiles. Gary's parents arrive to escort her onto the ice and before they leave she spins around and standing on her tiptoes kisses her father quickly on the cheek. I don't know what she whispers to him, but it is the first time he offers a genuine smile that evening.

I know that everyone watching this ceremony is wondering where Tammy is. Especially since Kerry is there. He carries it off with, grace I suppose. When I skate over to unveil the painting Gary is fixed looking at his family and not at Tom's. But his voice sounds normal and is handshake is the same as ever. But he isn't listening when I congratulate him, and it looks like he just wants this to be done.

I lean over to say something to Jordan and her face is slightly frozen. She smiles for me though, but keeps flicking glances at her father. The all look like they just want this to be over. All shuffling around on the ice, making room for someone who is not there.

Maybe when we shook hands Gary's nerves were transferred to me. Cause the Leafs won and we did not play a very good game. After there is the usually blur of press. I don't know why but I look for him afterwards. I tolerate the blur of press because there is no way he is going to leave early, although he deflects most the cameras onto Tom.

I stretch out, hanging around the room, talking to Joe since I knew him a little bit at the Olympics. I see Gary turn down various invitations to go out, and when I see him slip out after a quick conversation with the Leafs press guy, I just know he has no intentions of coming back.

I follow and catch up with him by the door to the parking garage. I see him check out how many fans are still waiting around

And shake his head and wait, leaning against the door. His lips are moving, like he is staying something to himself, but I can't hear from here. The solution is to move closer, of course, not stand here like an idiot.

"Are you looking for someone?" He doesn't look right at me, but his eyes are open a crack and I guess he can see me out of the corner of his eye.

"Not really."

"Lost?"

"Not really. You're not going out to celebrate?"

"I don't really feel like being sociable tonight." That is an invitation to leave that I ignore. I cast around desperately trying to think of something to talk to him about, to offer him, I am not sure what yet.

"Jerome are you waiting for someone? Because otherwise you may miss your team leaving."

"Umm, it's ok, they are going out. I wanted to see you anyway?"

"Why." He manages to not make that sound like a question. In fact he makes that sound like 'fuck off'.

"To congratulate you."

"Thank you." And he makes that sound like 'so now fuck off' but for some reason I stay. He is scowling right at me with his arms crossed. "Was there something else…?"

The sentence trails off and I know we are supposed to mentally complete it 'well, nice to see you, you can leave now.'

But I don't leave, I just sort of stand there waiting for him to do something so I can react. Gary sighs. When he leans back and closes his eyes I can see the lines under his eyes and how tight the skin around his mouth is.

"What exactly do you want Jerome?" He clips the ends off the words, speaking deliberately.

"To see, to see if you were ok." I stumble over the words.

He hazards a grim smile at me. "I'm fine. Thank you for asking. Goodbye Jerome."

I still don't leave and I still don't know why.

He slips out the door then, when I am still trying to think of what to say. I catch him just when he reaches his car. He has his keys on his hand and is obviously planning a quick get away.

When I tap on the window he clearly does not want to let me in, but at the same time we have been spotted. Clearly against this better judgment he opens the door for me.

I barely have the door closed before he is backing out away from the fans coming closer. They look disappointed, but I only catch a flash of images as he is really driving too fast for a parking lot.

He slams to a stop when we are in the tunnel to leave the ACC.

"What? Or you can just get out here and go that," he points. "That door over there, it will take you past the media room."

"I don't know the way that well." I shrug, "and the bus is most likely gone, so why don't you just drop me off at my hotel?"

Gary scowls and his hands tighten on the wheel. He is pretty close to telling me to get out and fuck off, but he just wrenches the car into gear.

"Fine. Where are you staying?"

Truthfully and the there is no way I want to admit this to him, I have no fucking clue. Not the hotel we usually stay in. And my bag is still back at the arena.

"Umm, could I use your phone?"

"It died." He says grimly. "You can use the one in my hotel room."

"You're staying in a hotel room?"

He shoots me a look of pure annoyance. "I think you know the answer to that."

"Sorry." The rest of the drive to his hotel is completed in silence. Gary just gets out in the parking lot, the set of his shoulders clearly tells me he doesn’t care if I follow him or not.

We arrive at his room in stony silence. "There." He points at the phone "don't bother to taker your coat off." He tells me. "I can take you straight back out." He vanishes into another room.

Do I do the sensible thing? I know Marty's number so I call him.

"Where the fuck are you?" He sounds drunk already. "Do you need the name of the club? And you are fucking dead for skipping out."

"Yeah, I'm with, umm Gary Roberts. Captain thing." I say.

"Bullshit. Sundin is here. What the fuck are you doing there."

I don't answer. Marty knows me.

"He will kick your fucking ass Iggy." Marty tells me with no hint of humor in his voice. "Leave the guy the fuck alone Mr Nanny and come and have a fucking drink."

"What hotel are we in? I need to catch the bus tomorrow."

"The Sheraton. You're a fucking idiot. If you aren't here at 8.30 I'll send Domi around to collect your remains."

Marty clicks off, and I know he is pissed. He has told me before about making the world's problems my own.

I walk though the door that Gary disappeared into

It looks like a hotel room in here. Everything is tidy. His coat is on the end of the bed and a framed picture on the bedside table. Everything else is just like every other hotel room in the world.

I watch him for a second; he is staring out the French doors at the city. We aren't that high up, but the twinkling lights seem a long way away.

"Ready to go?" His voice is totally without inflection.

"Not yet."

I hear him blow out a long breath slowly and evenly. He turns around and I can't see his face. The light from the other room doesn't this room, and there isn't enough light coming from the city to illuminate him.

"What. Do. You. Want?" He spits out the words, and if I can't see it, I can feel it, the anger rolling off him.

"To help." I finally say shrugging. "Are you sure you want to be alone?"

"Yes."

"Gary…"

"I'll call you a taxi."

By the time he brushes past me I have made my decision. Bar him physically throwing me out, which I have no doubt he could do, I'm not leaving. I just wish I knew why I was staying.

Hi is half way through dialing the number when I hit the release button.

"Jerome." His voice, his demeanor, the way he is holding the receiver, everything lets me know he is mad. Instead of responding I run my finger down the scar on the back of his neck.

"Let me help you."

"Help me with what?"

I shrug and leave my hand pressed flat against the top of his back, I'm standing right behind him now.

"To sleep, to talk, whatever you want."

He steps forward shrugging my hand off.

"And if I want to be alone?"

"Tonight? Of all nights? You want to be alone?"

He turns back and walks over to me. He rests his hands on my waist and even through the fabric of the pants I am wearing I can feel the tips of his fingers digging into my side. "If I had wanted to pick someone up to fuck, I would have done it earlier."

Ok christ that hurts. When he lets go I can still feel where his fingers were and the marks are throbbing.

I'm some kind of pain junkie, that is the only possible excuse for it. Instead of going and finding the rest of my team I'm going to stay here. "Is there anything to drink?"

"Pour me one." Gary points at the cabinet by the TV. "In fact, bring the bottle."

I guess he realizes I am not going anywhere.

There are a couple of different types of scotch in there. I grab the bottle that has the least amount left in it and follow his trail of anger to the bedroom.

In the bedroom he has stripped off his shirt and is sitting on the edge of the bed staring out the window, waiting for me now I suppose.

"Come over here." He holds out his hand for the glass, but then just transfers it to his other hand and grabs my fingers. I watch him drinking, he doesn't jump at the sound of the bottle landing on the table, just drains his glass in a couple of gulps. His fingers slide down to my wrist and circle it like a band.

"So if you want to be useful, why don't you kneel down here?"

"Gary…"

He drops the empty glass down and grabs the front of my pants by the belt and drags me closer to him, tugging me between his legs. "You said you wanted to be helpful, so kneel down."

But since when have I listened to him today? Instead of doing what he said I run my fingers across his slightly wet lips, and lean down and kiss him. When I open my mouth he slides his tongue in, in instant aggressive invasion. It is warm and whiskey in my mouth and his lips are pressed hard against mine. I can feel him tugging my shirt out of my pants and undoing the buttons.

"Wait. Wait a sec." I pull back enough that we aren't kissing and Gary makes a low sound of anger.

"Fucks sake, what are you offering? Because I do not want to talk. Period. I do not."

"Ok, we don't have to talk, but," I think for a moment. "Let me take care of you ok?"

"I don't particularly want anyone to take care of me."

"Well," I shrug a bit, "it's what I do."

He laughs then, it's not a particularly happy sound, but it is a natural sound.

"But, I really don't want anyone to take care of me anymore." He runs his fingers across my belt and this time when he pulls me closer I go to him.

"And I don't want to take care of anyone else, that isn't Jordan, or my family, or." Gary untucks my shirt and smiles at the fabric. "Or anyone else after all."

He pushes the fabric of my shirt up. Scrunching it up in his fingers so his hands are flat against my skin, his forefingers and thumbs touching, making a diamond pattern on my stomach. He leans forward and kisses the skin in the diamond. His lips are soft in the tickly hair of his beard.

I rest my hands on his shoulders, my thumbs stroking the sides of his neck softly.

He pulls back, smoothing the fabric of my shirt to undo another button. I wonder what ritual this is, as he kisses my stomach softly. Then stops, then just leans forward taking mouthfuls of air off the skin of my body. His fingers trace circles on my hips.

I grab his hands. "Let me ok?"

Gary shrugs and leans back on his elbows. When he looks up his eyes have clouded over.

Stupid to feel shy, I basically forced my way in here, but as I look down at what I am doing not at him, but I can feel his eyes on me. I throw the shirt onto the back of the chair in the room, but it slides down and pools on top of his.

It is kind of awkward, I'm kicking my shoes off, trying to think if this is supposed to be a strip tease, and maybe it would have been easier if I had just let him to it. And undid buttons and kissed feathery and bristly trails up my chest when I almost overbalance. He puts his hand out for me to grab. By the time I am righting myself he is smiling, shaking his head slightly.

"Your balance is better on skates." He says quietly, I think trying not to laugh. I smile down at him as he makes quick work of taking off my belt and my pants.

He slides his hands down my hips, into my underwear, running hard circles over the marks his fingers will have left there.

"What do you want Jerome?" he finally asks, pushing them down and pulling me onto his lap. I straddle his legs and rest my hand on his shoulders. It feels like smooth warm concrete.

"To give you what you want."

"Really?" Gary rests his hand on the back of my neck and closes his hand. Not enough so I can't breath but so I am aware of the pressure, he guides my head as I kiss down his neck and across his collarbone. "Well you wouldn't leave, or even shut up when that was what I wanted."

"I'm sorry." I whisper against his skin.

"Tell me what you wanted?" Gary runs his fingers lightly up my back. "What did you expect to achieve?"

"I don't like people being unhappy. I didn't think you should be alone." I twist my head out of his hand when he tries to move my chin to look at him.

"But I had offers for company. People anyone would approve off. Old friends." Gary laughs so softly I more feel it than hear it. "Old flames even.

"Besides," Gary tightens his arms around me and leans his head on my shoulder to whisper into my ear. "What makes you think I am unhappy?

"Why not relieved? Or free or just tired, or injured? Or something else?"

"Where is your wife?" I say back "Why aren't you at your home?"

"In a funny way, I haven't had a wife for a long time."

He has one hand behind him and it's taking all our weight as I lean forward to kiss him again. I run my palm down his arm. "Can we move around on the bed a bit here?"

He shrugs, and puts his hands on my hips almost picking me up off his lap. I wait while he sheds his clothes and we both crawl onto the bed.

He lies down, with his hands flat by his sides. He's not hard, not really. I kiss down the skin of his stomach and it is cool and solid under my lips.

He sighs, and touching my shoulders motions for me to come up to him. I lie carefully over him and he smiles slightly.

He kisses me quickly. "I want you to fuck me."

"Ok, let me get…."

Gary shakes his head. "You said you do what I wanted? Just do it."

"I can't, hurt you…"

And Gary laughs, a very hollow sound. "No way you can hurt me." He whispers. "I swear I will be fine. Just go for it."

He is already reaching down between us to stroke my dick. He may only be half hard but I'm quickly ready. I'm a bit slick from come but when I try to slide my fingers near Gary he twists away.

"Just, now, right now."

I pull back, "I'm not going to hurt you…"

"You aren't going to hurt me." Gary humms quietly under his breath. "You can't, trust me."

Gary pulls me down over him and kisses me softly. He moving around under me, getting comfortable, is carefully lining our hips up. It's weird but I know he is perfectly serious.

I brace myself over him. "No way."

"It's not really your choice. And I want you to fuck me." Gary pulls me down into a softer kiss. "Right now." He spits into his hand and slicks me up a bit more. He kisses across my cheek, licking at my ear. He's really good at that. I can feel him arch his hips up under me. It feels so damn natural, to push down at him under me.

But he feels unnaturally tight. "How long has it been since you did this?" I whisper against his lips.

His eyes are closed tight. "Not that long." He lies to me. "It's ok really. I want you to fuck me."

It’s a fight between up. Gary trying to pull me closer, me trying to go slowly, when I am finally all the way in. he never really gets hard, and by the time I come, with him encouraging me, running his hands across my back, kissing my neck he is totally soft.

"I feel fucking awful now." I tell him when I have managed to pick myself off him. He won't let me roll off him though, instead holding me close.

"You gave me what I wanted."

"Not what you needed." I can feel Gary shrug under me.

"You don't know what I wanted." Gary says harshly. "You have no clue."

"Punishment." I say softly against his neck, I can feel my skin crawl under his fingers. Did they feel good before? Did it feel like pleasure?

"What I deserved."

"No, you don't…" Gary cuts off my words with a kiss.

"Some things can't be comforted away." Gary shrugs. "I know that it's time that is going to make this all different. "Move off?"

I pull out slowly and Gary doesn't try to hide his wince of pain. He rolls onto his stomach and sighs into the pillow rubbing his face against the fabric of the case.

"Let yourself out."

"You're bleeding."

He laughs briefly. "It'll stop." I lean over him and kiss the scars on his back. Even though he tries to shrug me off I throw my arm over his waist and lie next to him.

"You can't carry the weight of the world on your shoulders." I tell him and he laughs again.

"Why do you do this? Is it being captain?" Gary sounds only half-interested.

"Nope. I did this before."

Gary turns over and rolls on top of me. "Do you want to know what I did?"

"If you want to tell me."

"I had a house that was a hotel, and a training room, and a kitchen and a place to keep my telephone and a home last. And in it was a woman I made a nurse, a business partner, and a mother, but I made her a wife last."

Gary shrugs. He lies down besides me. "Roll over." He finally says matter-of-factly. "I'll tell you a secret."

I turn on my side and lie back against him when he spoons behind me. "I made myself a hockey player. First, then a friend, and maybe a lover, and then a parent. And then dead last, a husband. And I have played a thousand games, and had more than a thousand nights on the road, a thousand days with friends, and not close to a thousand nights with lovers. I doubt I have spent a thousand nights with my daughter, or even read her ten thousand nights when she was a girl.

"You're not married?" Gary asks and I feel his lips curve into a smile against my back.

"Engaged." I tell him.

"Do you take care of her?"

"I try to."

"I should thank you, I have come to a conclusion tonight." Gary laughs. "Because I chose what I wanted, and I got it. And Tammy choose what she wanted, and she got it."

He takes a deep breath. "I am not unhappy. Or unsurprised. Or this talkative, usually. But I am tired."

"Go to sleep." What else can I say?

"I'm going to get up early to go to the gym." Gary sighs and begins to fall asleep. "The door will lock behind you when you leave."

And he says finally, "take care of yourself Jerome." We both take a breath and he squeezes me around the middle. So I don't say anything else and we both breathe out at the same time. Eventually we both fall asleep.

End.