Title: I want to be in love. (Happy Birthday Tammy!)
Author: Bernie
Pairing Owen Nolan / Mikael Renberg
Also Scott Thornton /Niklas Sundstrom. These two are
ripped form the "Edelweiss universes, with Mae's permission. :: hugs Mae::
Rating NC-17
Disclaimer: This is fake!
Dedication: Clearly this is for the best person ever
from Southern California in the world whose name starts with 'T'. ::hugs
Tammy:: I hope you have a wonderful day.
A/N's Link to Mae's site:
http://tika.bravepages.com/hockey/slash/index.html
Thanks Mae for letting me steal the Edelweiss universe
and answering my questions and picking a Playstation game.
And this fic and Mae's birthday fic are companion
pieces.
Title stolen form a Melissa Ethridge song.
"Skate with the Leafs" is a community
initiative where a bunch of kids get to skate with the Leafs basically.
Owen's nickname is "buster"
That is all! Enjoy!
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Owens POV
LONG ISLAND – AFTER SIX IN THE MORNING
"Scott?"
"Wha.. Hello?"
I smirk at the sleepy voice on the phone. "Is
Sunny still there?"
"Yes, why are you calling me?"
"Scottie." I take a deep breath and hear him
shush Sunny in the background.
"Yes? What? Are you ok?"
"At the Olympics?"
"Yes?"
"Did Sunny tell you?"
"That there was someone? Yes, who!!?!!"
"It wasÉ" And I hang up.
I turn off my cell and snuggle into the warm body
beside me.
"You are such a bastard." Warm body's voice
says.
"Yes." I grin and wonder if I'm falling in
love. "It's part of my charm."
TRADE DAY
And like that I am not a Shark. I'd feel angry if I
wasn't so empty. I close the door after Dean.
"Nice of him to tell me in person." I say to
Scott. "Even if I hadn't already seen it on the news."
He shrugs. "I'm going to have to find someone
else to beat at Tekken now."
"You never beat me." I say automatically.
"I need a fucking drink." Something expensive I think.
"Am I using this whiskey to drown my sorrows or
to celebrate?"
"Drowning your sorrows." I turn to Scott's
voice.
"You think I should be upset by the trade?"
"The trade?" He smirks, "with you who
knows? But when you weren't looking I turned the game back on and beat
you."
"I hate you." I tell him smiling into my
drink.
"No you don't." He steps up behind me and
wraps his arms around my waist. "Don't be to upset, you're going to a
contender baby, when the rest of us are going to be golfing."
I turn around and holding Scott's face kiss him. It
isn't anything to fancy or romantic, I just push my lips against his and shove
my tongue into his mouth. He kisses me back for a bit until he pulls away,
putting his hands on my wrists he leans his forehead on mine.
"Was that because I call you baby? Cos I think I
will stick to Buster now. And Nikky is open minded but he draws the line at me
kissing other guys."
"No." I laugh. "Captain's don't kiss
their team-mates, and I guess I wanted to do something un-captainish. And I can
kiss anyone I like since I am not good enough to be captain anymore."
"Ah this blows." Scott grabs me around the
waist and holds me against him in a bear hug. "Don't fall apart on me
please? I suck at this. I wish Sunny were here, he would know what to
say."
"Don't say anything." I whisper and we stand
there for a long time.
"I have to pack." I finally pull away from
the only warm body I have been near for months.
"I'll help." Scott seems to think helping is
grabbing the bottle of whiskey and two glasses.
"Was it Mats? At the Olympics?"
"What?" What the fuck do you take when you
have been traded? How much stuff am I going to need?
"Was Mats the one you had a fling with, cos that
could be why they were eager to trade for you."
"Pat Quinn was eager to trade for me I
think."
"You slept with Quinn! You sick fuck!"
"Well it wasn't Hitchcock." He looks like he
may be sick and I crack up laughing. "Scottie, for the last time, there
was no one at the Olympics."
He passes me a drink and flops back on the bed.
"One day you'll crack and tell me."
"There is nothing to tell. Fuck packing, I'm
fucking rich, I'll buy new shit." I lie down next to Scott and we drink
ourselves to sleep.
Since he is there I make him and his hangover drive me
to the airport.
"You were a great Captain." He says finally.
"Now get the hell out of my car."
"Thanks Scott." I give him a brief one-armed
hug.
"Look no more mushy shit ok? I have a meeting
with a manly breakfast of beans and sausages and I don't want these girly
emotions ruining it."
I get out of the car, and then lean back in the open
door; "you were a great team-mate, but you suck at playstation."
He flips me the finger and drives away.
LONG ISLAND - AFTER SIX
"Cocksucker! Turn on your phone!"
"Owen you cunt, call me back!"
"Asshole!" There is the sound of a deep
breath. "ASSHOLE!"
"This is Niklas, Owen, Scott is throwing shoes at
a picture of you, look call me onÉ." Then a different voice;
"bastard! Call back!"
I grin broadly at the phone. "I love checking my
messages." I tell my bedmate.
"That was cruel." He tells me in his soft
voice.
"It's not cruel, it's Scott." I explain.
"Are all you Swedish people nice? I bet Tie would find this funny."
"Lidstrom is a bastard." He says sleepily.
"Really?" I'm incredulous.
"Seriously?"
"No he's really friendly actually, but see you
didn't like it when I did that to you."
I think. "You're right." Leaning down onto
the floor I grab my phone and turning it back on phone Scott.
"Scottie?" Excellent his service. "At
the Olympics? CaptainÉ" And I cough really childishly. "Glad we
cleared that up. Talk to you later."
I hang up, turn the phone off and flop back on the bed
cackling madly.
"You're awful." He tells me. Kissing me
softly so I know he is joking.
"You got a punishment in mind? I leer up at him.
"Yes." He smiles a little shyly and swings
his leg over my body. "It might not be 'nice' though."
"Good." I put my hands on his hips to pull
him closer. "If I wanted nice I would have fucked Lidstrom at the
Olympics."
THE DAY AFTER THE TRADE
I call Sunny from the airport, so I can get my guilt
out of the way nice and early.
"I just wanted to tell you I kissed Scott."
I blurt out as soon as he says hello.
There is dead silence. "Oh-kay." Sunny
finally says. "Why did you kiss Scott?"
"I was traded. Sorry. The last time I was traded
I accidentally slept with my then former back-up goaltender in the showers. But
I didn't have sex with Scott; I just felt confused and kissed him. Cos he was
there. If someone else had been there I probably would have kissed them over
Scott. But there wasn't. So I couldn't have sex with someone else. There was
just Scott. But we didn't. Have sex I mean."
"Well. Good." Sunny finally says. "Are
you aware you're babbling? Because I have never heard you babble before."
"Was I a terrible captain?"
Sunny sighs. "Was I a terrible player? Why didn't
Teemu get fifty goals, why did people not sign their contracts and retire? Why
did we stop listening to our coach? It's not your fault any more than it's my
fault. It just didn't work out.".
I sigh and he says; "you were a good
captain."
"Thank you."
"Kiss my boyfriend again and I will kick your
ass."
I laugh. "You couldn't kick my ass if I was in a
coma."
Sunny laughs. "Why did you kiss Scott anyway? I
mean I have to kiss him, he's my boyfriend, surely you have choices?"
I snigger. "I'll tell him you said that. And it
had just been to long between kisses. Keep Scottie away from the Finnish
goalies."
Sunny laughs. "Will do. And Owen? You are going
to love the media in Hell-town."
LONG ISLAND – AFTER SIX
"I love the way you feel." I confess.
"What?"
"I hate being with people who are smaller than
me. Makes me feel like I am going to hurt them or something. I like the way you
feel on me though."
"That is quite the thing to hear at six in the
morning." He leans done so we are pressed together. "I like the way
you feel under me."
All I can think before my brain threatens to shut
down, it 'why did I go this long without having someone like this? What have I
been waiting for, what have I been missing?'
"I like my punishment." I whisper to him.
"You'll love it soon." He whispers back.
FIRST DAY WITH THE LEAFS
I blink as I go into the locker room. I think the
flashing lights have burned holes into my retinas. I am never going to be able
to play a game for the Leafs because I have been fucking blinded.
How many frickin' papers are there in this city?"
I bitch to no one in particular.
"Four."
"Five."
"Four."
"Five."
"Four." Mats cuts in. "Stop it you
two." Alex and the tall Russian kid ignore him and start to whisper what I
think is 'four' and 'five' in Russian.
Then the tall kid whispers something to Alex who turns
to me and says, "Nik is right. Five. Excuse us."
They walk quickly to a door on the other side of the
room.
"Lock the door this time." Mats calls to
them, wrapping tape around his stick.
I laugh; "doesn't it bother you?"
Mats grins at me. "I'm not the best example.
Besides it is new, they will calm do soon. And it is four papers," he adds
blandly.
"You hope." I turn around at one of the
wingers. He has just come of the ice and sweat is pouring down his face. Gary
is beside him and he goes to Mats and after checking for outsider's kisses him
on the cheek. They share a secret smile and jealously I turn away. Does
everyone here have someone?
Mikael licks his lips and I watch his tongue come out
and sweep the sweat off his top lip. And I must stare for to long because he
blushes a little bit and excuses himself.
Great I just terrified someone my first day here. This
is why I was clearly never captain material.
LONG ISLAND
He starts just under my jaw and kisses, in a tiny nibbling
way, to the top of my chest, then he moves over a tiny bit, and kisses all the
way back off.
He is very through. It is very distracting.
"Umm we haven't really talked about..."
I like his voice and the way he sounds, but still;
"why did you stop kissing me?"
"I'm.. Well, sort of, on /top/ of you, and you
might" he goes pink, "some people don't.. That is to say,
/appreciate/É"
"I want you inside of me."
"What?"
"What I said. Can I be any more direct?"
"Good." He smiles sweetly at me. "I
want that to. And for you to do that for me, or to me, as well."
"I promise." I say back, smiling stupidly at
him. "But me first?" And he kisses my neck again and I have to bite
down on my bottom lip so I don't sob at how good this feels.
FIRST ROAD TRIP
Mikael takes one look at me when I step into our hotel
room and bolts to the bathroom. I hear the water start to run and his voice, I
am going to assume he is talking on his cell, cos it would creep me out to
share a room with a guy who talked to himself in the mirror.
I sneak to the door like a stalker and I can hear what
I am going to assume is Swedish.
When in doubtÉ I take out my phone and call Scott.
"What is the longest you've ever gone without
sex?"
"Six months."
"I think I need to get laid."
"Who did you sleep with at the Olympics? Are they
free?"
"Scott, I didn't sleep with anyone at the
Olympics."
"Was it Yzerman?"
"No he was fucking Shanahan." I see the
bathroom door slightly open and see my new roommate come in.
"Good-bye." I say and turn off my phone. I
try to smile reassuringly at him; he walks to his bed along the wall and tries
not to make eye contact. Surely I am not that scary?
"Do you want to watch anything on the
Television?" I ask in a quiet voice.
"The News?"
"Like sports?"
"No. I meantÉ" He stops. "Whatever you
like is fine."
"But what do you want to watch?" I ask.
Maybe it was loud because he mumbles something and darts back into the
bathroom. This time I hear the shower and his voice again.
I sigh and call Scott.
"Fuck your roommate." He says as soon as he
picks up.
"He's scared of me." I say. Then I say,
"stop laughing."
He doesn't. "Jesus how long did that take? You've
only been in Toronto for a couple of days."
"Shut up." I hiss.
"Why are you whispering?" He asks.
"Because I can't speak a foreign language."
"Doesn't he speak English?"
"He's in the bathroom," I whisper.
"Why is he in the bathroom? Is he really a
girl?" Scott whispers back.
"I don't fucking know!" I shout in a
whispering way. I think it is a hiss.
"Why am I whispering then?" Scott whispers.
"You're an idiot." I whisper.
"Fuck you." He whispers back and hangs up
cackling.
I laugh and turn off the light so Mikael will at least
come back in to the room.
LONG ISLAND – AFTER SIX
I love the way he kisses me. He kisses softly, and
then he kind of licks the area, then he bites it. I think my brain is melting.
I like this sensation. I let it melt some more; I'm a hockey player it is not
like I need a brain or anything.
FIRST GAME
I scored two goals. I gladly allow my new team mates
to take me out once we are done here.
In the shower Mikael is washing his hair and Alex and
Nik are kissing under the spray pressing each other into the wall.
"Stop that." Mikael finally says. "Look
you have an audience."
"Do you mean me?" I ask laughing.
Mikael starts at my voice and hides under the spray. I
shrug.
"What is the Russian word for
exhibitionist?" I ask Alex.
He thinks for a minute as Nik gasps against the wall.
"Pavel." He finally says and kisses Nik again.
I laugh and see Mikael slip out of the shower without
saying anything else.
LONG ISLAND –AFTER SIX
I was ok when it was my chest. Even him sucking my
nipples into my mouth and running his tongue across them was ok. But this,
kissing my hips, this is too much. I am going to die without knowing what it
feels like to have him inside of me. That would be so unfair.
DINNER WITH THE TEAM - FIRST ROAD TRIP
I am starting to work out the dynamics of the team.
Mats is the captain and everyone respects him. Shayne and Darcy and Travis are
their own world, and I am jealous of them. I am also jealous of Mats and Gary.
Showing how desperate I am I am also jealous of Eddie
and Trevor. But they are nothing like my old Finnish goalies so I decide not to
invite myself into their lives.
Mats surprises me when he asks if I left anyone in San
Jose.
"Not really." I say depressed beyond belief
that I left no one behind. I stare in what I imagine is a moody fashion at the
wall.
"Was it hard to leave everything in mid-season?"
And because I am a moody bastard and because I don't realise it is Mikael at
first I snap out "of course I had people I had to leave behind; what do
you think?"
And I turn to apologise, but as the team teases Rick
Jackman about his shirt Mikael slips away.
When I get back to our room he has turned the light
out and he ignores me if he is still awake.
I fall asleep wondering when I last had someone in my
life.
LONG ISLAND –AFTER SIX
"We need something." He whispers.
"We need for you to keep going." I say
trying to catch my breath.
"We need lube."
"In my bag, top pocket. Don't get off me." I
moan. "This is torture."
He smiles and walks over to my bag. He slowly kneels
down, he slowly opens the zip, and he finally comes back.
Then he stands by the side of the bed.
"Come here." I beg shamelessly.
Instead he puts a little bit of the clear gel on his
fingers and smiles at me: "I have to let it warm up."
"Please come here." I try begging again.
"This is supposed to be punishment." He
says. But he climbs back onto the bed and rolls onto me. I had calmed down, I
swear to god, but then his hips settle against my hips and I float off into
oversensitive land again.
SKATE WITH THE LEAFS
"This will be fun Owen, we get to spend practise
skating with a bunch of kids and Pat can't yell or swear once." I look at
Mats sniggering as he says that.
"Don't fucking bet on it." Pat says stepping
on the ice where he is immediately surrounded by a bunch of 13-year-old boys
who ask him about power plays. He looks haunted. Mats laughs more.
Mats is a more laughing Captain than I was. I was a
bit grimmer. No wonder his team adores him.
"More frickin' cameras." I grumble. But when
I step onto the ice all the little kids make me melt.
I spend an hour teaching anyone who comes near me how
to hit a slap shot. Three of the girls pull my beard and complain it is
scratching them. The only people who want to flirt with me are ten year olds.
But I am laughing too hard to be upset by it.
The last kid in the line is a cute little blonde girl
in a Sundin sweater. I move her hands down the stick a bit so she is gripping
it in the right place she gets a lot of heft behind it, beautiful shot that
totally misses the net.
"Well done!" I say anyway and give her a
quick hug.
"Papa look what I did!" She scampers over to
Mikael and I wait for a moment on the ice on my knees as he picks her up and
holds her above his head and she laughs.
I skate slowly over.
"Papa he showed me how." And she waves a
hand in my general direction nearly smacking me on the nose.
"I didn't know you were Mikael's daughter."
I say smiling at her.
"Yes. Owen this is Emme." And we shake
hands. Then she wiggles in her fathers grasp.
"Papa, it's Mats. Let me down." And he drops
her down as she skates to our captain and puts her arms up to be hugged.
"She is adorable." I tell Mikael, and
flushed with paternal pride he forgets to be scared of me and we finally talk.
"She has a big crush." He laughs and waves
at Mats.
We talk about Niklas and Scott and I ask about Emme's
mom stammering out 'sorry' when he says they have divorced.
"It's ok." Mikael smiles. "We were just
too young."
And when Emme calls for him he skates off to her side
and she chases him around the traffic cones on the ice and he finally lets her
catch him.
And I wonder if it wasn't Emme's mom what Mikael's
perfect person looks like. And I wonder what it is to be adored, and what it
feels like to adore someone back.
I gave everything to San Jose; it didn't leave much
time for me. Now that I have time I have to work out what I want.
LONG ISLAND – AFTER SIX
When I feel him press a finger to me it has been so
long it feels uncomfortable. But then he kisses me and I relax and he slides it
further into me. I can't even move to wiggle around on the bed. I can just lie
here and try to remember to breathe.
Breath in. breathe out. I can remember that.
When he slides another finger into me, kissing down
the inside of my thighs I decide breathing is over-rated and I will get enough
oxygen from whimpering.
AFTER TRAINING THE NEXT DAY
I call Scott. "How did you cope when Sunny
left?"
"I didn't." He says cheerfully. "I
broke shit and wanted to kill remember?"
"Then what?"
"Eh." Scott shrugs. "The joys of
anticipation, phone sex, I didn't have any choice."
"How did you two end up together?"
Scott is silent. "You told me to stop being an
idiot remember?"
I laugh. "Yes. But, how did it start? How did you
know?"
"I don't know. It just was. How did you decide
with your Olympics guy?"
"There was no Olympics guy."
"Buster?"
"Yeah?"
"Whoever it is, go for it. You already know you
could be traded at any moment."
"And that is it?"
I think Scott is shrugging on his end. "It's not
fucking rocket science buster. If you want someone let them know."
"ButÉ" He's terrified of me I start to say,
when Scott interrupts me.
"Got to go, that's Sunny." And I hear to
beeps of call waiting.
"Night baby." He says cheerfully and hangs
up on me.
"Micke?"
"What?" He yells back from the bathroom.
"Do you want pizza?"
"Sure."
"Right. I'll be back in ten minutes." I get
beer and pizza, knowing enough to buy four to palm off on the locusts that come
out of their hotel rooms when they smell what I have.
I hide the beer from view saying it is pop.
And all it takes is a drink and a few questions about
playing hockey in Sweden for him to be relaxed around me. I let him pick the
channel on the television.
He is funny and his voice reminds me of Sunny
sometimes. I wonder if this is how Scott and him started out. There had to be
drinking if it was Scott. We both end up crashing on the same bed as I wonder
if Micke has a play station.
LONG ISLAND AFTER SIX
He spreads his fingers out a tiny bit and I bite on my
bottom lip.
"God now, I am serious, I can't wait."
He grins down at me his hair falling in his eyes.
"Ok. Let me get some more lube."
I thank whichever gods are floating around Long
island, obviously slumming, that he left the lube on the table and didn't put
it back in my bag. That doesn't stop me moaning when he moves and his stomach
brushes against my dick.
"Hold your hand out." I look up at him and
put my hand out. He squeezes some lube onto my palm and then puts his hand over
mine. "Got to warm it up." He smiles so sweetly you wouldn't think he
was about to sex with me. But if I have to kill he is.
He guides both our hands to his dick and then I am
holding him in my hand. Holy god that feels good. "Fuck." I moan,
this is so right. Hard and hot and just a tiny bit of give so you know it is
real, not plastic or in your imagination.
"Fuck." I breathe out again.
"Ok." And he smiles at me again. Just as
sweetly, but with a touch of promise this time.
TWO DAYS BEFORE LONG ISLAND
"A date? What the fuck?"
"Yes Owen you idiot. Ask him on a date."
Sunny's normally level voce has taken on a slightly gritted quality. Still I
have said 'date, what the fuck?' about five times now.
Scott's voice comes on the line. "I'll tell you
how to get him if you tell me who you fucked at the Olympics."
"For that last time! There. Was. No. One. NO
ONE."
"I don't believe you." Scott says laughing,
"but just get him drunk."
"That is your advice?"
"Was it Jagr?"
"I hate you." I say and hang up.
Still I call up a few of my team mates and do in fact
get him drunk. And then I 'help' him out of the pub and 'help' him into the
taxi. In the elevator to his condo I am most surprised to find him pressed
against me.
/He/ kisses /me/. So I guess he is not scared anymore.
And he kisses me again on the way down when we forget
to get out of the elevator, and he kisses me on the way up, and he kisses me
outside his door.
And then he stops.
"Owen, damn." He is breathing as harshly as
me. "Emme is here, you can'tÉ"
And I sigh and assure him it's ok, even though it
fucking /isn't/ and run home.
The twenty-five minute jog to my hotel and the cold
shower do nothing for my raging libido at being pressed to him and nibbling his
lips.
When pissed off, call Scott.
"Someone better have died Owen," he grits
out, and I hear Sunny in the background.
Well duh, I had forgotten he was there.
"Your plan was imperfect." I announce
stuffing half a piece of cold pizza in my mouth. "You owe me phone
sex."
"Tell me who you pulled at the Olympics and I'll
leave the phone on the bed with Nikky and me." Scott tells me. I can hear
Sunny snort in the background.
"Was it Rob Blake?" Scott goes on; "is
it true what they say about noses?"
I laugh. "Fuck you."
"I'm already being fucked, don't call me for two
hours."
"You're pretty full of yourself," I laugh at
how his voice is a little higher than usual.
"I'm full of something." He gasps out
happily and hangs up.
LONG ISLAND – THE NIGHT BEFORE THE GAME
I can't fucking believe they have changed my room
mate! Jonas is the wrong Swede!
I change with Tie. He is quite keen to switch as well.
I would be offended but I don't want to think about what is between him and
Jonas.
Although then Jonas changes with Robby and I lose
track of the musical beds-go-round.
This time Micke and I talk for hours without the benefit
of booze. And he falls asleep before me and I sneak off to the other bed in the
room, because I think it is a bad idea to try and sleep pressed up to him.
When I wake up that morning he is pressed to /me/.
"Hello." I say stupidly.
"Hey there." He kisses the bottom of my jaw
and I fall back asleep grinning like a moron.
LONG ISLAND THE NIGHT AFTER THE GAME
"Did you sleep with someone at the
Olympics?"
"Hmm? Yeah, but it is no fun if Scott
knows."
He laughs; even his laugh has a Swedish accent. "Night
Owen."
"Night Sunny." I hang up and smile at the
other Swede who crashed on the bed.
Taking my chances I crawl in next to him and am
rewarded by a mouthful of hair as he settles his hips back against mine.
It's great.
LONG ISLAND – NEARLY SIX
"Let me get my phone, I have to annoy
Scott."
He grunts at me. "Why do you have to call Scott
at," he checks his watch holding it right next to his eyes, "at six
in the morning."
"Because he was right." I say happily.
"And so he has to suffer."
LONG ISLAND –AFTER SIX
"Do you want to roll over? Like hands and knees?
Or how are we going to do this?"
I think for a second. "I want to look at
you." I announce. "Pass me a pillow."
He grabs one off the floor and I put it under my hips.
Now we are at a good angle.
And he leans down to kiss me and I feel him guide the
head of his dick into me. And before I lose the ability to think at all I
wonder again if I am falling in love, or if this is only a one-time thing. Then
I decide to stop over-analysing it and enjoy it.
He slides all the way into me, he starts a rhythm. So
I enjoy it.
End.
Bernie
PS if the Birthday girl wants to know I'll tell you
who Owen slept with at the Olympics.
