Title: Second star on the right and straight on till morning.

Author: Bernie

Pairing Dany Healtey / Ilya Kovalchuk

Rating R

Disclaimer: This is all fiction

Also mentioned Dan Snyder. Slava Kozlov, (not together) a few other Thrashers.

For Fi! Happy horribly late birthday!! May you have many more, these ones on time.

 

*  **   *** *  **   *** *

It was a meeting only insomniacs could have. Dany was sitting in a hard chair to help him stay awake. He is unwilling to return to whatever portals of hell were over his bed bringing up such horrible memories. He can't remember his nightmares, he doesn't want to remember the type of dreams that make you wake up shaking and crying, but assumes that he is seeing the crash that he can't recall when awake.

 

It is better to sit in the chair, with his leg propped up, and think very precisely about the dull ache in his knee and stare at the backyard.

 

If Dany is very careful and concentrates only on seeing grass and dirt he won't think of three guys, drunk off their asses. He won't think of them drinking more beer anyway, and then laughing their drunk asses off.

 

He won't think of Ilya leaning over to shut him up by kissing him and the two of them turning in slow motion horror to Dan who just laughed more and said 'like he didn't know.'

 

Dany wants the memory of Dan leaning over and kissing him loudly in the cheek saying that is that is what 'he has to do in exchange for rent, well Dany is rather hot and rich…' To just go away.

 

He doesn't want to remember that, or Ilya's pout, or how hot that afternoon was, how they fell asleep in the shade and argued about barbeques. And planned to put one in the back. And make fun of Dan's obsession with the blonde girl who worked at the store down the road.

 

Because those memories start him down what happened next. They went to the gym, they had a pre-season meeting, Dan had surgery, they trained, and they went jogging. Dany hopes that he can bury it all in boring mundane memories. Shawn called them, and he said they might as well go together to the fan's appreciation evening.

 

How Ilya offered to go as well, but instead they meet for dinner. How, dinner ended and how they got into his car. Dany terminates the thought at him staring at his car in the parking lot.

 

Instead Dany concentrates on the small shadow that is moving. Detaching itself from the bushes and walking onto the lawn, before Dany can decide if he believes in ghosts he sees it is a cat.

 

He gets up and opens the door, planning, he doesn't know what he is planning, he has no plans any more. But the grey ball scampers in and stands in the middle of the lounge, obviously familiar with houses and stares at Dany. Dany stares back. He leaves the door open a crack and climbs onto the bed that has been set up there since he can't climb stairs. 

 

When he wakes up the kitten is patting his face with its paw. He is bedraggled but not starving and Dany drags himself out of bed and for lack of choices gives it low fat milk for breakfast.

 

He is still watching it explore the kitchen, meowing every two seconds, when Karin gets up.

 

"I decided to call it Hully." Dany tells her sitting on the floor of the kitchen slumped back against the cabinet doors with dark circles of fatigue under his eyes. "I hope it's a male cat."

 

* **  ***   * **  ***   *

 

The house is completely silent. Rain blankets the house, each drop of water a part of the armor between Danny's home and the rest of the earth. Steady armies of water, an infantry of raindrops, are on parade as an honor guard around the house.

 

Circling the house, suddenly they are invaders, laying siege, starving the occupants of the house out.

 

The kitten is the second thing to stir. Missing its owner it jumps down off of the bed, tossing its head impatiently at the tinkling of the bell, that and the collar that was a gift from his owner's brother.

 

The kitten finds him, staring out the window, holding a cup of coffee nodding to the troops, catching their salutes with his eyes.

 

Hully winds his tiny body around Dany's ankles, purring loudly and trying to get his attention. Unnoticed by them both dawn is breaking, but this window faces south and here the night has not yet turned into day.

 

Soon enough everyone will be awake. But at this moment, the advancing armies of water notwithstanding, Dany is completely alone. He knows that he only pretends the cat understands. Only fakes that the little grey ball now sleeping against his foot is his confidant. The tears trickling down his face, the comrades to the rain are his shields; creating armor around him to protect him from the day, he is practicing for the day, preparing for distance, preparing for penance.

 

Dany would surrender, but he does not know who to offer his army's standard to.

 

*  **   *** *  **   ***

 

"It's like being savaged to death by a dust bunny."

 

Dany looks up from where he is stretching on the floor. Ilya is wearing a pained expression. Hully is attached to his pant leg, growling.

 

"I hate this collection of evil fluff." Ilya whines, and, shaking the kitten off carefully, stalks into the kitchen.

 

Hearing the fridge door open Hully bounds around the room and hitting the tiles of the kitchen floor skids to a stop by the open fridge.

 

All is silent. Until…

 

"Dany the cat is in the fridge. Will it die if I close the door?"

 

"Get it out of the fridge."

 

"I tried. It bites."

 

"Try again."

 

"No. It will succeed in biting me."

 

"Well, come and help me up."

 

"No the cat is trying to knock over the milk. The cat is SATAN!"

 

"Oh for gods… sake… fuck… ouch…" Dany struggles to his feet, grabbing one the crutches and limps to the kitchen.

 

Hully is pawing at the cellophane wrap over a plate of ham.

 

"I'm giving that to Mark." Dany says finally leaning over and grabbing the kitten.

 

"Devil cat? Good idea, Mark will sort it out."

 

Hully comes up with a mouthful of plastic wrap that he drops and snuggles into Dany's neck.

 

"I meant the ham." Dany petted the cat softly." You can shut the fridge door now."

 

"It scratched me." Ilya says scowling slightly.

 

"I could kiss it better...?"

 

Ilya holds his hand up and Dany leans forward and presses his lips briefly to the angry scratch on the back of Ilya's hand.

 

Ilya smiles and walks to the other side of Dany, away from the cat and kisses his cheek. "And if you would let me I would kiss you better."

 

Dany shrugs and looks down. "Not at the moment ok?"

 

Ilya smiles, "of course", he brushes his lips across Dany's cheek, pretending not to notice Dany flinching away from him. Instead he rests his head on Danny's shoulder and leaning over tugs gently on the kittens tail sniggering at his outraged squeak.

 

"Don't." Dany said laughing.

 

"Why not? It hates me anyway." Ilya peels himself off Dany. "Are you coming out for dinner?"

 

"Um, no, I mean, I think mum left me something."

 

"Ok." Ilya strokes Dany's hair softly, frowning when Dany pulls away to limp into the lounge.

 

*  **   *** *  **   *** *

 

Dany had a boys need for speed. And a competitive streak a mile wide. He had a hockey players respect for rituals and had never once called them superstitions. He was always utterly sure of himself. Not arrogance, not invincibly, but something close enough to be mistaken for that. Maybe that, maybe exactly that. But he had been so good, planned so carefully.

 

Not that he ever told anyone how exact his plans were, how he saw, juniors, draft, world juniors, rookies season. How he added, Calder trophy, world champs, and never had to take away. How he planned at least ten seasons, knocking on wood mentally every time.

 

What had he done wrong this time, what step had he missed? What had gone wrong? He had gone no faster than every other time. What had he been dodging every time he got behind the wheel of his car? And he couldn't even see the outline of his car in his mind anymore even though he had loved it, known exactly what he wanted before he had brought it.

 

Somehow, in the immediate seconds after the crash that had changed, and Dany could not remember why those plans had seemed so important, or even what they had really been. A type of concussion, amnesia, post traumatic stress disorder. Dany can't plan for anything until he knows what he did wrong. In the morning when he wakes up he is desperate to find someone to accept his apologies.

 

In a secret fulfillment of a promise he made to himself when he was very young he had slipped a copy of his first contract into an envelope and tucked it into the braches of his family's Christmas tree. Very early Christmas morning he had risen and was delighted to find it still there. That it hadn't turned into dust in the night.

 

He will not do that this year, he won't keep any promises. He won't make any plans. But the tree is there, in the corner of his lounge. The kitten has claimed it as it's spot, and can be found napping on the blanket that covers the base of the tree.

 

*  **   *** *  **   *** *

 

Dany makes patterns in the salt that Hully knocked over. He can't bring himself to clean it up, or to seek out the kitten that leaped a foot in the air and fluffed its fur into spikes at the sound of the glass shattering on the floor of the kitchen.

 

"Mum?"

 

"What?"

 

"Are cats allergic to salt?"

 

"No, they shouldn't have a lot of it though, especially kittens, what did it do now?"

 

"Umm it knocked over the salt shaker."

 

"Did you clean the salt shaker?"

 

"Um, yes?"

 

Dany can hear his mother laughing in the kitchen and the sound of cupboard doors opening.

 

Later that night, the cat is curled under Dany's chin, steadily getting damper and damper from the rain of tears falling on him.

 

"I don't think I am very good for you cat." Dany whispers at the kitten licks up the tears falling on it. "But apparently I won't kill you."

 

He stares up at the ceiling, the kitten clambering up to sleep on the pillow next to him. He is unaware of the kitten claws sinking into his shoulder; he doesn't feel the little grey head bump against his cheek before Hully goes to sleep. In fact, as is so often the case, Dany is seeing something quite different than the room around him.

 

He is seeing a gleaming black road. Shimmery pools of light leading from streetlight to streetlight. He is seeing the warm glow of the dashboard of the car, the way his fingers look curled over the steering wheel.

 

He is going over it again, he is close to very nearly remembering.

 

*  **   *** *  **   ***

 

"He must have pulled his whiskers or something."

 

"Cats are very particular about their whiskers" Karin agreed twitching the skate lace so Hully could pounce after it.

 

When it was pulled out of her fingers Hully began a sorrowful meowing. He tapped at it sadly with his paw and stared unhappily at Karin.

 

'Make it move'. He was clearly saying.

 

"Yes, baby, I am paying attention to you." Karin flicked the lace in front of the little grey kitten.

 

Hully sat up on his back paws and batted happily at the half a skate lace. He squeaked and growled at the lace drifted out of his reach. Randomly with the sudden desire for sleep that afflicts all kittens he sauntered over to Dany, still carrying the skate lace in his mouth. He climbed onto his shoulder chewing happily on the end of the bright yellow lace.

 

Meowing and biting a few times on Dany's buttons he dropped off to sleep. He happily purred, his little tummy rising and falling with every breath.

 

"That cat is talking about me in his sleep." Ilya scowled. "It is a devil cat.

 

"He stepped on his tail?" Dany laughed at Ilya's glare.

 

"I did not!" The Russian protested. "Last night, when I tried to… it clawed me." Ilya tails off, turns bright red, and looks at the table.

 

Karen laughs. "I am taking my grandcat to the kitchen for milk." She announces. At 'milk' Hully popped his head up and meowed loudly.

 

"Come on Hully." She said as the kitten slipped a bit on the slick surface of the table and into her hands. "Although really you shouldn't be on the table."

 

"There is not telling him that, he thinks he is a person." Dany said smiling and dropping the remains of the yellow lace on the floor.

 

"You weren't really asleep, were you, you little faker." Karin tickles the cat under his chin.

 

"The cat steals my stuff and it still hates me." Ilya smiles but the laughing Dany of a second ago is gone already and he stares at the floor kicking Hully's toy with his toes.

 

"He does not hate you. He likes playing with your laces."

 

"It likes to imagine it is eating me."

 

"Well he is good company when you are…" and then Dany trails off and stares at the table himself.

 

"You will be playing soon and then who will take care of little ball of Satan?" Ilya asks smiling.

 

"I'll think of something," Dany smiles weakly. "It's a way away yet."

 

"Why did you call him Hully anyway?"

 

"Oh, he only shuts up to eat." Dany doesn't smile and walks into the kitchen after his mother and the kitten.

 

*  **   ***

 

"I would have thought you were a dog person." Slava said to Dany watching him spin a ball around the floor for the increasingly chubby kitten to chase.

 

"Yeah. It kind of appeared. He is surprisingly good company."

 

Dany watches out of the corner of his eye the cat chasing the soft ball around the room. Listening to Slava, the insane ridiculousness, that anything this Russian idiot did, like it had any affect, any bearing on what Dany felt, like it had any place even being mentioned in the same room, let alone the same puff of air as what Dany had gone through.

 

He let the Russian finish his staggeringly uninteresting and needless monologue about his problems stone faced. Dany concentrated on how it felt to have his teeth grinding together so he wouldn't just come out and tell him to fuck off when he said something preposterous like 'he knew how Dany felt.'

 

"Liar." Dany thought but did not say. "Get out." He thought but threw the ball again for the cat.

 

He sat there filled with rage until Slava was finally done. With as much grace as he could muster, given the cast, and the knee, and the crutches, and the burning screaming rage he was swallowing, Dany showed Slava to the door.

 

They had embraced each other briefly, the standard male good bye hug and Dany was astonished to find himself clinging to Slava with tears pouring down his face.

 

"I do know." Slava whispered, resting his still slightly frozen face against where Dany had had a broken jaw. "I swear I do know." And he held Dany tightly.

 

"I wish someone would accept my apologies. " Dany says back. "It's my fault, I can be blamed and we would all feel better."

 

"Dany. It doesn't matter." Slava rocks him slightly feeling the younger man grab onto his shirt and crush the fabric in his hands. "Even if you get blamed it doesn’t take away how you feel that doesn't change it, you have to let go and forgive…"

 

'It would change everything.' Dany thinks. He could be punished and Dan's death would be avenged and Dany was sure again that Slava had no idea how he felt, but leaned against him crying anyway.

 

*  **   *** *  **   *** *

 

Even though he knows it spoils the cat, Dany feeds him when he is eating his dinner. The kitten will chase the little bits of chicken around the floor, until it begins to amble rather than pounce, and then simply poke at the chicken with its teeny paws.

 

When it waddles over to where Dany is sitting its stomach is noticeable bigger than before.

 

"I think I over-fed you." Dany tells him, rubbing under its chin and being rewarded with a slow loud purr. Hully leans his head as far back as it will go and purrs even more loudly.

 

When it is finally full, in danger of exploding it sits on Dany's leg carefully cleaning between his claws, "don't act like you are the great hunter" Dany mumbles ruffling his fur. He carefully covers the plate of food that only the kitten has really eaten and leans back against the front of the chair.

 

Hully curls up in the crook of Dany's arm, and given that he had been stuffing himself seconds earlier Dany thought it was like holding a warm fuzzy purring bowl of chicken-cup-a-soup.

 

Really he should get onto the day bed; really he should stretch out, really….

 

Just out of reach, just beyond his grasp there is a hand stretching out to him. Dany leans out as far as he can tightly focused on the vague shape, the pearly white fingers tilted down, the smooth palm dimly he can feel the wind rushing past his face and hear the sound of wheel crossing over the center line.

 

He wakes up and the kitten is trying to tilt the plate off from over the food. He meows softly and turns to look at Dany. Impatiently he flicks his tail on the carpet.

 

Dany shakes his head, his back is sore, his neck hurts and his knee is aching from him leaning on it. But it is light, dawn peering around the corner, so it must be time to get up.

 

Dany walks to the French doors and watches the kitten walk on the grass. The dew hasn't dried off and Hully stops every two steps to shake his paws. Dany can't see just what it is stalking so intently, something just out of slight in the cool morning.

 

* **  ***   *  **   ***

 

You would have to flip a coin to decide what Hully's favorite Christmas ornament Dany decided. It was either batting at the red balls or chewing on the end of the tinsel. As one would kill him and had been removed to higher up on the braches, Dany decided it was the ball. Besides he was named after a Red Wing.

 

The kitten would sit, transfixed for minutes, then suddenly spring into action batting at the plastic with his tiny paws and getting his claws caught in the groves of the plastic.

 

"Double points buddy" Dany said softly "for getting it off the branch." And Dany leaned down and as gently as possible pulled the cat apart from his prey, and put the bedraggled ball back on the tree, slightly higher up, there is now nothing on the bottom third of the tree.

 

"This is not here for your amusement." He shook his finger at the kitten, who cocked it's head to the side, and then with the sudden mood changes of kittens laid down on the check blanket around the base of the tree and went to sleep.

 

Dany eased himself down, he was still careful about sitting down and getting up, even though his knee was better. He started softly talking to the kitten. Mostly he liked that kitten did not ask him to explain, complain if he said the same thing twice, or care if he stopped talking altogether.

 

He didn't look carefully and calmly at Dany and expect him to finish sentences that simply could not be finished. In fact he didn't expect anything at all.

 

And best of all he has not know the person who used to live here, and when Dany saw him he didn't see the other him. He just saw a cat.

 

As opposed to everything else in the house. Cups that he had drunk from, plates he had washed; doors he had walked out, but never walked back in.

 

It didn't feel much like Christmas.

 

Even though they had all put up the tree as a family.

 

Even though they we, "at least all together." Karin said. Like that this whole tragedy was so they could eat turkey at the same time Dany wondered. But he didn't say it out loud and instead watched Hully.

 

"At least we are all together…" She had begun then stopped since everyone had problems finishing sentences.

 

*  **   *** *  ** ***

 

The kitten rolled on his back, finding the one fading beam of sunshine and managing to get his entire body into the ray of light.

 

He rolled on his back and swatted at the dust motes dancing in the light and Dany tickled his belly until he had the kitten's attention.

 

"Yeah my knee feels bad. Not to sore, just tight." Dany intently pretends to listen to the person to the person on the other end of the phone.

 

"No I think I should still skate."

 

Hully stops playing and nibbles the end of Dany's fingers. It is Dany's imagination but he thinks the kitten bites harder when he says, "well if you don't think I should, I won't but I want to go out and try skating."

 

Dany shakes the kitten off. "No biting." He says softly and looks for the ball he was chasing earlier.

 

That had been the next thing they had on the agenda, Dan was the one supposed to be coming of injury and starting skating and the season late. By now. Dany can't quite remember what his plan had been, but by now he thinks he was supposed to have a lot of points and have a friendly bet with Ilya about scoring races.

 

Truthfully Dany had been amazed that Ilya had become a Thrasher, amazed that the two of them had becomes friends, that they had been lovers… and it seems like the past.

 

*  **   *** *  **   *** *

 

Hully bounded into his arms and leaning forward on his little paws rubbed his whiskers over the whiskers on Dany's face. He rubbed his fuzzy fur over Dany's face from one side of his jaw to the other then clambered onto his shoulder digging his claws in so he won't fall off and curled his tail under Dany's nose.

 

"Yes I went skating and I was good and didn't fall on my ass in front of the media." Dany rubs his nose against the kittens fur. It smelled like grass and Dany assumed it had been outside.

 

"Do you think we should set an extra plate at dinner, for the person we are not going to talk about?" Dany asked the kitten.

 

Hully blinked sleepily at him and then clambered over to the tree and curled into self into a ball, it's tail covering it's nose and went to sleep.

 

"Don't avoid the question." Dany called after it.

 

* **   *** *  **   *** *

 

Ilya ends up taking the spare plate at Christmas. They all eat too much, and by some clearly pre-arranged plan decide to have an early night.

 

Ilya dries the dishes Dany is washing, nearly tripping over the kitten sitting sentry at Dany's feet every time he turns around. Flicking water at it hadn't gotten rid of it, and neither had dropping a plastic cup on the floor behind it.

 

Dany had not even finished cleaning in the end.

 

"It's Christmas, I can do this tomorrow."

 

"We can." Ilya said and Dany just shrugged. Ilya started cleaning up but abandoned the kitchen to stand in the doorway and watch Dany. He was fossicking in the debris of wrapping paper looking for ribbons the same length.

 

He had white, and red and was looking for green when he felt Ilya pull them out of his hands. He and Hully stared at the dangling fabric.

 

"What?" Dany finally asked. "Stop avoiding… me…" Ilya scowled and looked down to where Hully was swiping at the ribbon, and his hand, with gleeful determination.

 

"That's it, you are sleeping with Uncle Mark." Ilya picked up the kitten who immediately sank his teeth into his hand. Ilya rolled his eyes and walked out the room with the growling cat.

 

"How do you feel?" Dany looks for the kitten but it is somewhere else. So he twists up the bits of ribbon that he had been chasing to make a rope for him to play with instead.

 

"Fine."

 

"What are you doing?"

 

Dany shrugs looking at the knotted mess in his hands. "Keeping occupied I guess." Ilya sighs and when Dany turns around to clean up paper locks the door to the lounge. He drops the key in his pocket.

 

"Let me out."

 

"No."

 

The two of them stare at each other for a long time. Hully is scratching at the door of the lounge and they can hear Mark come and pick him up again.

 

"How's your hand?" Dany finally asks softly, looking at where Ilya is rubbing away the imprint of kitten teeth.

 

"It's fine."

 

"Is it bleeding? Let me get a plaster…"

 

"Stop avoiding me!" Ilya grabs Dany but doesn't follow him when Dany pulls away. "Stop hiding from me!"

 

"Keep it down, you'll wake…"

 

"Wake who? The cat? No one is sleeping, and no one is doing anything but waiting for you to let us help you.

 

Ilya steps toward him and kisses under his jaw.

 

"I wish I could kiss it better" he whispers against Dany's lips. "I wish I could kiss it away. I can make it better."

 

"You can't." Dany shakes his head and opens the door to the backyard.

 

The moon is out and everything is cast in pale glow.

 

"Are you remembering?" Ilya finally asks. "The summer?"

 

"If I remember the summer I will remember the accident." Dany replies.

 

"You never asked me what I wanted for Christmas." Ilya says softly standing by Dany in the middle of the lawn. He spreads the throw-cover from the couch on the grass and pulls Dany down.

 

"What do you want?" Dany asks automatically.

 

"A puppy." Ilya responds.

 

Dany looks down and laughs.

 

"A puppy?"

 

"Yeah, like a bull terrier, or a Doberman, something that will be a really big dog."

 

Dany looks up and grins at him. "Like a pit bull? Just one? I can do that."

 

"You gave me what I wanted already."

 

Dany raises and eyebrow and Ilya goes on, "I wanted you to smile. I can't make it better." Ilya kisses Dany's knee through his jeans, "and I can't make it go away, or never have happened, but I won't leave unless you want me to go, and if there is anything I can give you, for Christmas," Ilya stumbles to get the words out before Dany interrupts him, "I would get it for you."

 

"I don't know anymore." Dany lies down and looks at the stars. "I want my cat back."

 

"That cat hates me." Ilya lays down beside him.

 

"But why does it hate you? I need a drink."

 

"I'll get it." Ilya comes back outside to find Dany sitting on the blanket rubbing his knee.

 

They are quiet as Ilya pours them both wine.

 

"What are we toasting for?" Dany asks quietly.

 

"Missing friends." Ilya says softly.

 

"Do you think Dan would want me to play hockey again?" Dany finally says.

 

"Yes. But what do you want?"

 

"When will it stop being everything I think about and everything I see?" Dany asks softly.

 

"I don't know." Ilya sighs, and grabbing both the wine glasses hugs Dany.

 

"I know you are sorry, and I know you would take it back."

 

"I remember us all getting drunk out here." Dany starts slowly. He pulls Ilya down and rests his head on his shoulder. "And we teased Dan about that girl and he kissed me and you got pissy…"

 

"I did not." Ilya interjects laughing.

 

"Dany smiles and kissing Ilya shoulder under his cheek goes on," and we talked about barbeques, and I think I do want to put one in this summer, over there…" Dany points at a corner of the back yard. "And then we can have parties in the summer, and the dog will not be invited because it would want to chase the cat…"

 

END

 

::hugs Fi:: happy belated birthday.

 

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