“Dad! Spike hit me!” Dawn yelled. Spike stuck his tongue out at his sister.
“Spike, Don’t hit your sister.” Hank reprimanded.
“Dad, you know my M.O, I’m not gonna hit her with you right across the hall.” Spike defended himself. As the group was bickering, the oldest of the Summers girls saw her opportunity and flew into the bathroom.
“Darla, get out of there. I need to get ready for work!” Hank shouted thru the door. Darla, blond and perfect opened the door slightly.
“Daddy, I have a serious problem.” She simpered. “And I’m the one getting married tomorrow.”
“Yeah, well that’s tomorrow.” The door was shut in his face. Spike looked at his baffled father with amusement.
“She got her period. Should make for an interesting honeymoon.” He laughed. Hank shook his head at his son. His lone respite from the estrogen that ran rampant thru the house.
“Where do you learn this stuff?” He asked Spike. Spike shrugged.
“School.”
“Good. I’m getting my money’s worth.” Hank chuckled to himself.
Buffy Summers stood in front of her full length mirror talking to her best friend Willow.
“Nope, nothing. Totally forgettable. All that you can see is that I barely have any tan left and not enough boobs to hold my dress up tomorrow. Chronologically, I’m sixteen. Physically, still fifteen.” She lamented to her friend.
“Buff, don’t be so down on yourself. You don’t look that bad.” Willow reassured her.
“Thanks. But I better get downstairs. They are probably pissed that I haven’t gotten down there yet so they could wish me a happy birthday.” Buffy told her friend. She hung up the phone and picked up her book bag, heading down the stairs.
Minutes later, Buffy sat on the bottom step of the stairs as the chaos around her unfolded, Dad trying to find his briefcase, which was always in plan site, Mom passing out lunches.
“Don’t forget, the Grandparents are coming this afternoon.” Joyce told the group in front of her. Hank groaned.
“Buffy, do me a favor, when it’s your turn to get married, elope.”
“Who’d marry her?” Spike asked.
“The Rock.” Dawn answered, grabbing her lunch box from her mother.
“Buffy, you’re going to have to buy your lunch today. I didn’t have time to cut your carrots.” Buffy looked at her Mother in disbelief. What?
“She’s only eating carrots because she heard they’ll increase the size of her breasts.” Spike teased his sister. Buffy reached out to smack Spike up the side of his head, only for him to duck out of the way.
“Is that it? Is that ALL you want to say to me?” Buffy asked her mother.
“What would you like me to say, Buffy? Come on now honey, your going to miss the bus. Have a good day.” And Joyce walked back to the kitchen. Buffy stomped her foot and sat down on the step.
“I can’t believe this. They fuckin forgot my birthday.”
Chapter Two
“I’m sure they didn’t forget. They are probably just waiting for tonight, so they can surprise you.” Willow consoled her best friend as they walked down the hall at school.
“Oh sure, that’s easy for you to say. You’re the only child. They have no choice but to remember your birthday.” Buffy told her.
“Why don’t you remind them? Forgetting your sixteenth birthday, that could be highly profitable for you.” Willow suggested.
“I wouldn’t stoop to that. For as long as I’ve remembered, I’ve dreamed about my Sweet Sixteen. A big party with a band, tons of people…”
“And a pink Viper in the driveway with a ribbon around it… with some gorgeous guy that you meet in france, and you do it on a cloud without getting pregnant or VD.” Willow finished.
“I don’t need the Cloud” Buffy laughed in spite of herself.
“Just a pink viper and a guy right?” Willow asked.
“ A black one.” Buffy added.
“A black guy?” Willow asked.
“A black Viper, a pink guy.” Buffy clarified. The bell rang for her next class, and the two parted ways.
Buffy sat in her independent study class filling out a Sex test passed to her by a friend. She chews on her lip as she pencils in the answers.
Question 1: Have you ever touched it?
Almost
Buffy looked around the room and continued to fill out the answers.
Question 7: Have you ever done it?
I DON’T THINK SO
Question 8: If you answered “I don’t think so”, would you ever if you could?
I guess
Question 9: With Who? (be honest, your name’s not on this, so it’s okay.)
Buffy looks over her shoulder as naturally as she can at Angel Ryan, who happens to be looking her way when she looked at him. Embarrased, she tries to act as if she is wiping her check on her shoulder.
Angel Ryan
Question 10: Does he know that you like him?
NO WAY!
Buffy folded the note up and trys to pass it to Willow who was sitting behind Buffy, fully engrossed in her triginomitry homework. The note drops to the floor unnoticed by Willow. Angel, on the other hand, did notice, and extends his leg out towards the note, dragging it over to him with his foot.
.
“Are you sure that you don’t have it?” Buffy asked Willow in a panic.
“Yes, Buff. I’m sure. What was it for anyway?” Willow asked.
“Jennifer Woods passed me a Sex test for her health class. I was supposed to give it to you to give her in class.”
“Does it have your name on it?”
“no, but it was really embaressing . I had to name who I’d do it with.” Buffy told her friend. The curiosity became to much for Willow, and she had to ask.
“Who did you name?”
“Angel Ryan.” Buffy sighed.
“Angel Ryan?! He doesn’t even know your alive!” Willow exclaimed.
“Gee, thanks Will. I needed that today. I know he doesn’t know I’m alive, I was supposed to name who I would want to do it with, not who would do me.” Buffy retorted. Willow looked sheepishly at her friend in apology.
“I’m sorry, Buff.” Willow said quietly.
“That’s okay. I just hope whoever finds that note doesn’t know it was me that wrote it. I would shit twice and die.” Buffy told her.
Chapter Three
Buffy and Willow stood in the lunch line, waiting to pay for their food. Willow had loaded up on a burger and fries and milk, while Buffy had gone for the salad bar. They paid and left the line to find a table when Buffy ran into Willows back after she spied Angel Ryan staring at her. Shocked, she dropped her tray and ran out of the lunch room.
Angel sat by himself at a table by the window in the lunch room reading over the note for about the millionth time since he took it. He just shook his head in amazement that she wanted him. It wasn’t that he didn’t have his pick of girls; He was dating the prom queen, Cordelia Chase. The two of them were royalty at Sunnydale high. But for some reason, Buffy just would not leave his head.
Later, while in the training room with his teammate on the football team, Gunn, Angle couldn’t keep it to himself any longer. He needed someone’s opinion.
“You know Buffy Summers, right?” Angel asked as doing a chin up.
“She’s a sophomore, isn’t she?” Gunn answered as he pulled himself up on the chin up bar as well.
“Yeah. What do you think of her?”
“I don’t.” Gunn answered.
“Would you, ya know, go out with her?”
“Depends on how much green got pushed my way.” Gunn joked.
“It’s not like she’s ugly.” Angel defended her.
“Man, It’s not that she’s ugly, she’s just, void. You know what I mean. She’s plain.”
Angel mulled on that for a moment.
“I have study hall with her. There’s just something about her. I catch her staring at me when she doesn’t think I’m looking.”
“Maybe she’s crazy.” Gunn suggested.
“I’m serious. She looks at me like she’s in love with me. She has these big green eyes that just swallow me whole.” Angel confided in his best friend.
“Dude. She’s a sophomore. Which means she has this year and two more to go. She’s too young to party seriously.” Gunn reasoned.
“Maybe I’m interested in more than a party.” Angle growled and walked away.
Gunn was shocked at Angel’s behavior.
Buffy and Willow sat on the bus headed home from school for the day. Willows stop was the next to last; Buffy’s was the very last. As Willow departed from the bus, she gave one last try to console her friend.
“Buffy, it will be fine. And don’t frown so much. It’s not good for your complexion!” she shouted as the bus pulled away.
Buffy sat looking out the window quietly. What else could go wrong today? Right then, a freshman wearing a loud Hawaiian print shirt came up to her.
“So, how’s it going?” the geek asked her.
Not wanting to deal with the come on of a geek on top of everything else going wrong with her day, she replied.
“How’s what going?”
“You know, life, whatnot.” He told her.
Buffy looked up at him in disgust.
“Life is not whatnot, and it’s none of your business.” She answered. But the geek would not be deterred.
“So, you going to the dance tonight?” He pressed.
Buffy’s eyes widened in disbelief that he still had not gotten the hint.
“That, again, is none of your business.”
“What? Are you inhibited about dancing in public? Cause you could just chill with me and my posse, you know, just be yourself.”
“Annoy much?” Buffy asked the geek. Instead of leaving her alone, he continued on, sitting next to her.
“So, you got a guy or something?”
“As a matter of fact, I have three. Big ones. And they lust wimp blood. Now leave me alone, or I will sic them on your weenie ass. Get lost, will you?”
“You know, the vibe I’m getting from you is pretty hostile. I mean, what’s the problem. I’m a guy, you’re a girl, why can’t we just…”
“Go to Hell.” Buffy lost her temper as the bus came to a stop and she stormed passed him to get out the door.
Chapter Four. It gets worse.
Buffy climbed the stairs to her room, only to find that Grandma and Grandpa Summers have already arrived.
“Dorothy, did you pack my black socks?”
“Do you mean to tell me you didn’t pack them? Oh, not again Howard. Can’t you do anything? Do you expect me to do all the packing? Well at least I packed this for you.”
Grandma Summers said, handing her husband a water bottle. She turned and noticed Buffy standing there. “Buffy! Howard, look, it’s Buffy.”
“Oh. Hi.” Grandpa Summers greeted her. The two of them stepped forward to embrace Buffy in a Ben Gay scented cloud.
“Hi.” She managed to say as the elderly pair squeezed her.
“Oh, sweetheart, you are a sight for sore eyes. How are you my little lamb chop?” Howard asked.
“I’m fine, Grandpa, how are you guys?” she asked, surprised they hadn’t mentioned her birthday yet.
“Oh, we are pretty good. Oh, I have lower back pain….”
“Well, my corns are killing me, and I still have those backaches, but I brought the water bottle, so ….”Grandma Summers went on.
“So, are you guys sleeping up here?” Buffy interrupted.
“Yeah. Your Grandfather Fred jumped our claim on Dawn’s room so here we are.” Howard answered her.
Buffy decided to just go ahead and give her grandparents a little hint.
“Well I haven’t seen you guys in a while, do I look any older today?” she asked.
“No, I wouldn’t say so. Would you, Dorothy?” Howard asked.
“No.” She answered her husband. Buffy, dejected, turned to go.
“Well, I’m gonna go set myself up in Spikes room. So I’ll see you guys later.' Buffy said walking down the stairs. “I swear to God, this has got to be a joke. Grandparents forgetting a birthday? They live for that shit.”
As she walked down the hall, the bathroom door opened and her Grandpa Fred stepped out clutching a newspaper.
“Knock knock.” He asked her. Buffy smiled at her fun loving grandfather.
Rolling her eyes she answered.
“Who’s there?”
“Who?”
“Who who?” Buffy replied. She knew this joke; it was one of Grandpa Fred’s favorites.
“Helen! We’ve got an owl out here!” Fred yelled, tickling Buffy like she was still the five year old that he would give piggy back rides to. Her Grandma Helen stepped out of Dawns room. She was a good looking woman for her age, always dressed fashionably, with her hair curled and teased and hairspray within an inch of destroying the ozone layer.
“Oh Fred, stop. You’re going to make her tinkle.’ She stepped back, grabbing Buffy’s arms to take a look at her. She gasped. “Fred, look. She’s gotten her boobies!” Buffy’s eyes widened in disbelief.
“I better go get my magnifying glass.” Fred joked as Helen went on.
“And there so perky!” Helen reached out to feel them.
(AN: I have decided to stray from Sixteen Candles Cannon here. I will try to stick to the original plot line, but the story would just get WAY too complicated on paper if I used all the characters from the movie, even the beloved LONG DUCK DONG. Sorry, but the story will be better for it.)
Buffy flopped down on the bottom bunk in Spike’s room.
“I can’t believe my grandmother just felt me up.” She said to herself.
Spike surprised her by popping his head down from where he was hiding.
“What are you bitching about?” He asked his younger sister. Buffy just fled the room.
She found her mother preparing dinner in the kitchen.
“I am not sharing a room with Spike.” Buffy told her mother.
“You can sleep on the sofa if you like.” Joyce suggested.
“Anything is better than having to spend the night with HIM.” She grumbled.
“Oh, Buffy, remember to turn the oven off in half an hour. Can you remember to do that?” Joyce instructed. Buffy glared at her mother.
“I can remember lot’s of things.”
Buffy left the room and sought refuge in Darla’s room.
“Do you think Grandpa Fred is going to embarrass me?” Darla asked as she rubbed moisturizer into her already perfect skin.
“I don’ see why not, he does everyone else.” Buffy told her sister. Darla turned away from her mirror momentarily to look at her sister.
“Do you know he already asked me if Rudy was the oily variety bohunk”
“Is he?”
“Buffy, don’t be cute. I really love Rudy, and he is totally in love with me. I mean, I’ve had men who have loved me before, but not for six months in a ROW.” Darla told her sister.
“I think I’m in love.” Buffy said quietly. This peaked Darla’s interest.
”So how long have you been in love?”
“Well, it really hasn’t happened yet.” Buffy told her.
“So what’s the what?” Darla asked, growing impatient.
“I’m not sure if he knows I’m alive.”
“Buffy, I really don’t have time for this.”
“Well, so sorry. I always listen to you talk about your boyfriends.” Buffy huffed.
“Darling, what’s wrong? You’re really acting like an ass. And I think you’re jealous that I’m getting married and that I’m getting all the attention.” Darla surmised.
“You know everyone in this family has gone nuts.”
“No, Buffy, I think you’re just being a little selfish and immature.”
“Oh yes. That’s it.” Buffy said as she stormed out of Darla’s room. Darla looked at the door that Buffy just slammed on her way out.
“Unbelievable. You make someone a bridesmaid, and they crap all over you.”
Later at dinner.
Buffy, Spike, Dawn and the collective grandparents sat down around the kitchen table for dinner. Spike glared at the dish on the table in disgust.
“What the hell is this?” He asked.
“It’s a quiche.” Grandma Helen answered. Spike rolled his eyes and muttered something about chick food and this not being 1989. The family ate, and as the meal wound down, Buffy spoke up.
“May I be excused?”
“Where are you going?” Grandma Helen asked.
“I have a dance at school. It’s a big dance. We’re being graded on it, for gym.”
The grandparents all nodded their approval.
Chapter five The Dance
Buffy climbed out of the passenger side of Spike’s car and met Willow at the door to the school gym. The girls looked each other up and down, praising the other on how great they looked. As they walked into the gym, a couple pairs of eyes watched them go in.
The geek from the school bus stood with his buddies, Jonathan and Andrew.
“There, there she is.” The geek pointed out to his friends.
“She doesn’t look like a freshman.” Jonathan said.
“Sophomore, fully aged sophomore meat.” The geek told him.
“And she talks to you?” Andrew asked.
“Talk? We do the bus together. We have a relationship.” The geek boasted.
“Prove it.” Jonathan and Andrew said in unison. The geek looked as if they slapped him.
He shook it off.
“Ok. What do you want?”
“Video...” Andrew suggested.
“No way, I can just see it all over the internet in half an hour.”
Andrew and Jonathan looked at each other with a ‘yeah, he’s right’ look.
“Underpants.’ Jonathan suggested.
The geek smiled.
“No problem.”
“Girls underpants.” The two said in unison once more. The geek walked away from his two friends towards his mission, smacking his head in frustration.
Buffy was standing with Willow and Oz near the bleachers when she spotted Angel dancing with Cordelia. Willow stood with her for a moment then waved goodbye to her unnoticing eyes and sat down with Oz on the bleachers.
Buffy didn’t know how long she stood staring at Angel until he looked up and caught her watching. They just looked at each other for a moment before he smiled at her. Buffy gasped, her eyes widening, and ran off to sit with Willow and Oz.
Angel Ryan watched Buffy from a different vantage point. His girlfriend Cordelia was busy gossiping with her friends, not paying any mind that her man was staring at a sophomore across the gym.
Angel reached into his pocket and felt the note he had found earlier in the day. His eyes followed Buffy and her friend across the gym towards the bleachers, and were surprised when he saw a short freshman approach her.
“Hey babe, want to dance?” The geek approached Buffy and her friends. Willow sat on the bleachers with her boyfriend Oz.
“Not particularly.”
“Oh, come on. You need to loosen up!” the geek goaded her, breaking into a spastic dance around her.
“Get lost.” Buffy told him as she stood up. “I’m going to the bathroom.” She told Willow.
Buffy ran into the hallway and sat down and cried.
The geek walked back to his friends.
“Nice.” Andrew mocked the geek.
“Don’t freak. She’ll come along.”
The boys stood there talking to each other for a few minutes when Angel approached them.
“Hey.” Angel said, tapping the geek on the shoulder.
The geek turned around with his eyes growing wide at the senior speaking to him.
“I’m really sorry. Whatever I did was an accident. I mean…I…” the geek sputtered out.
“Relax.’ Angel told him. “You were dancing with a girl” He started.
“Oh man, I’m really sorry. I must have been on something. I didn’t know she had a...” The geek tried to excuse his way.
“Do you know her?” Angel asked him.
“She grabbed me, man. I’m totally innocent. Is she yours?”
“What do you know about her?” Angel inquired, leaning toward the boy. The geek loosened up.
“She has smallish tits. Decent voice smells pretty good. She drives me insane.” He told the upperclassman.
“Did she come with you?” The older man inquired.
“No, no. But if it’s okay with my dad, she’s coming home with me.” The geek told Angel bravely.
Buffy sat in the hallway crying. She quickly wiped away her tears as she heard a group of girls approach. It was Cordelia and her friends.
“Do you guys want to blow off this extremely lame excuse for a dance?” Cordelia asked her friends.
“Yes” They answered her.
“Angel’s parents are out of town, we could go to his house.’ Cordelia suggested.
They approached Buffy, sitting on the floor. “How’s it going?” She asked Buffy.
“Fine” Buffy lied. The fact that Cordelia was nice to her made her feel even more dejected.
“Let’s party light tonight. Angel’s all paranoid about his parent’s house getting trashed. Again.”
The girls walked on by and Buffy stood up to walk away. She wandered the halls of Sunnydale high until she found the Auto shop classroom. Opening the door, she walked in.
There was a convertible that the class was working on, and Buffy climbed in.
The geek had been looking for Buffy, having a bet to fulfill. He found her in the auto shop class and walked in, knocking over equipment.
“I’m sorry about what happened in the gym.” He told her. Walking around to the other side of the car. The door was locked, and Buffy reluctantly reached across and unlocked it.
The geek sat down.
“Pretty decent night.”
“It’s my birthday.” Buffy told him.
“You say it’s your birthday...nannanana...It’s my birthday too...” the geek started singing.
“Don’t be a jerk. Just stop it okay? I mean, it’s been a really horrible birthday for me, no offense, but I really don’t need a serenade right now.”
“What’s wrong? Didn’t get anything good?” the geek asked.
“I didn’t even get a Happy Birthday. My family blew it off.” She told him.
“I’d freak, that is if I already wasn’t a freak.” The geek told her.
Buffy loosened up. It felt really good to be able to rant to someone.
“It’s a brand new year. I’m sixteen. Everything is supposed to be platinum. I should be stellar, right? Right?” Buffy told him.
“Yeah.”
“Well, I can’t get happy. Physically, I can’t get happy. It’s impossible.”
“Would it make you feel better to know one of my secrets?” The geek asked her.
“Don’t gross me out, please.” Buffy told him drolly.
“We’re not talking gross. This would just seriously ruin my rep as a stud.” He told her.
“No problem.” Buffy answered.
“I’ve never bagged a babe. I’m not a stud.’ Buffy stifled a giggle. “I got the rep in middle school, and it stuck.’ Buffy continued to laugh. “Look, I’d appreciate you not laughing. Okay?”
“I’m sorry. You know, I really don’t want to hurt your feeling, because it’s really human of you to listen to me whining about my problems.”
“Hey, I care. I know I came on like a slime tonight, but that’s just so that my friends don’t think I’m a jerk.”
“But they’re pretty much jerks themselves, right?” Buffy reminded him.
“Yeah, but you see, I’m kind of like their leader. They look up to me. I’m king of the dipshits.” He shrugged.
“Well, that’s not that bad. But a lot can happen over a year. I mean, you could come back next fall as a completely normal person.”
“Yeah? You really think so?”
“Sure. Why not.” Buffy told him sincerely. The geek looked at her for a moment.
“Would it be totally mental if I … if I asked you to have sex with me?” He asked her. Buffy looked at him like he was crazy for a moment before she laughed to herself.
“You know, you asking me isn’t as mental as why I won’t .” She told him.
“You got VD?” The geek guessed.
“No. I’m, well, sort of saving myself. It’s really stupid, and he doesn’t even know that I’m alive.” She looked down at her lap.
“Who?’ the geek asked, nudging her. “Who?”
“Angel Ryan.” Buffy answered sheepishly.
“You like Angel?! Angel’s my boy! I just talked to Angel in the gym.’ The geek paused. “He asked me about you.”
“HE DID NOT!” Buffy exclaimed, her eyes wide and he throat growing dry.
“He did too! He did. He asked what you were like.”
“Oh my g...If you’re lying, I’m gonna make it so you never get laid.” Buffy told him seriously.
“I’m not lying.” The geek reassured her again.
“Oh my God, what should I do? Should I go and say hi? Should I wait and see if he comes to me? What should I do??’’ she asked the geek.
“This is not my forte’.”
“But what if I wait for him, and he completely forgets about me? He might change his mind and then I’m history.” Buffy contemplated. The geek shook his head in agreement.
“You do run that risk.” He told her.
“So what should I do? Should I talk to him?” Buffy held her breath.
“I think you should go for it. By the way, could I borrow your underpants?” The geek asked.
Chapter Six Underpants?
“What?” Buffy asked shocked.
“I bet my friends that I would do it with you. But, I can get proof without actually getting physical. I just need to borrow your underpants for twenty minutes.” He told her.
“I can not believe I’m doing this.”
Five minutes later…
Andrew stood in front of the door to the boy’s bathroom. A short kid walks up and hands Andrew a dollar for admittance. The boy enters and there are about twenty other boys in there. Jonathan stood outside the last stall.
“Xan, you ready?” he asked.
The stall door opened, and the geek walks out holding a thong high above his head. All the boys awe at the sight.
Buffy walked back to the gym. She approached the coat check area and spotted Angel searching for his and Cordelia’s coats.
She paused and turned toward the wall when she saw him to gather her courage. As she faced the wall, Angel turned around and smiled, seeing Buffy standing there.
He leaned back against the table, waiting for her to turn around. Buffy turned to see Angel smiling at her. Buffy choked. Then she ran away leaving Angel confused.
Buffy sat in the backseat of Spike’s car. He had picked a girl up at the dance, and was heading to a senior party after the dance. Spike held the girl close to him with his right arm around her. A cigarette dangles from his mouth. They pulled up to the Summers house and let Buffy out.
“Thanks for the ride, Spike.” She told her brother as he peeled away from the curb. She walked into the house.
Angel’s house.
The party was in full swing minutes after it started. Angel stepped around drunken high school students. It seemed as if every upperclassman at Sunnydale high had heard about the party.
He shook his head in disgust at the insensitivity his girlfriend had once again shown to his home. Why did every party have to end up at his house? A drunken Cordelia spotted Angel walking towards his bedroom and followed him. Angel closed the door on her, her hair getting caught in the door.
“Angel, do you not love me anymore?” she whined.
“Go Away.” He shouted thru the door. Sitting on his bed, Angel grabbed his yearbook and flipped to Buffy’s picture. He grabbed the phonebook and found her phone number.
He dialed. The phone rang. And rang. And rang.
Finally, he decided to hang up.
“Fuck.” He said as he hung up the phone. Unknowingly to him, at that moment Buffy’s grandmother Summers picked the phone up. Shocked, she hung the phone back up.
“What did they want, Dorothy?” her husband asked.
“Sex.”
Outside Angel’s bedroom, Cordelia sat on the floor with her hair still caught in the door. She heard her friends coming down the hall.
“What? No, I don’t do that” Cordy’s friend Harmony told someone.
“Yes you do!” Harmony’s friend told her.
Harmony laughed and leaned on her friend,
“I know!” she giggled.
“Harm, Amy? You guys, you gotta help me!” Cordelia pleaded.
“Hold on, Cordelia baby, we’ll be right there.” Harmony told her.
Angel tried Buffy’s number again. This time there was an answer.
“Hello? I know your there, you foul mouthed hooligan.” Grandma Summers said.
“Um, yes, hello. Is Buffy there, and if so, might I speak with her?” Angel asked.
Dorothy covered the speaker of the phone and turned to her husband.
“He wants to speak to Buffy.” She told him.
Turning back to the phone “Yes she is, and no you may not. I would hope that our grand daughter would have more sense than to speak with a pervert like you. Now good night.” She told Angel as she hung up the phone.
Angel hung his phone up and shook his head in disappointment.
Out side his door, a crowd had grown as Cordelia’s friends attempted to free her from the door. Harmony held a large pair of scissors.
“Close your eyes.” She told Cordelia as she cut thru the brunette’s signature locks. When she was free, Cordelia smiled at her friends.
“I love you guys.”
Buffy lay on the sofa in the den when her father walked in.
“Buffy, honey, are you still awake?” her father asked.
“Yeah daddy. What’s wrong?” she asked.
“I couldn’t sleep. I was lying in bed awake when I realized that we forgot your birthday. I’m sorry. I feel like such a jerk. I bet you’re really pissed.” He told her.
Buffy smiled at her father.
“It’s okay. I was pretty mad, but it’s alright.”
“This wedding has everyone pretty preoccupied. I just came down to tell you that I remembered.”
“It’s okay.” She told him sadly.
“Is there something wrong?” He asked
.
“No, why?”
“It just seems that there is something else bothering you, something other than your birthday.” He pressed.
“Really, daddy, I’m fine.”
“I bet I know what it is. Is it a certain young man? I know. We’re all upset that Darla’s marrying the bohunk.”
“No, daddy, it’s not that, it’s Angel.” She cried.
“Angel? I thought his name was Rudy.” Her father looked at her confused.
“Angel. He’s a boy that I really like. Just forget about it please.” She asked.
“Oh come now, Buffy, We’re not communicating.” He told her gently.
“It’s really embarrassing to to sit in the dark and talk to your dad about your love life.” She told him.
“I’m afraid I’m lost.” He shrugged.
“Angel is a senior. And he’s beautiful and perfect, and I really like him a lot, and he doesn’t know I’m alive."
“Oh.”
“And he has this perfect girlfriend, and I’m just a nothing loser that’s following him around like some sort of puppy.”
“Why do you think you’re a loser? I don’t think you’re a loser, I don’t think mom thinks you’re a loser”
“Spike thinks I’m a loser.” She told her father.
Leaning close to her, he whispers
“Spike is a loser.”
“So am I.”
“Well, if it makes any difference, I love you. And if this Angel fellow can’t see you for the beautiful girl you are, then he’s got issues.” Hank reassured his daughter.
“I know, it just hurts.” She cried, hugging her daddy.
“That’s why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they would call them something else.”
“If I was Darla I’d have this guy crawling on his knees.”
“Let me tell you something about Darla’ Hank looked at Buffy. “Now, I love her as much as I love you, but she’s a different person. I worry about her. She’s had it easy in life, and that can be a problem down the road. She doesn’t always appreciate things. With you, I’m not so worried. I know when it does happen for you, it will be for always. Well, I don’t think I will be able to get back to sleep until I know that I have made you feel better, so would you do me a favor and lie to me?” Hank asked.
Buffy laughed.
“Yeah, sure, Daddy. I love you.” She said as she gave him a hug. Hank walked to the doorway.
“Oh, and Buff,” He paused.
“What?”
“When you do find Mr. Right, don’t let him boss you around. Make sure he knows you wear the pants in the family.” Hank told her.
Buffy’s eyes went wide as her father left the room. She dropped back to the pillow on the couch, remembering that she never got her panties back from the geek.
Chapter Seven Angel and the Geek Man
Angel walked around his parent’s house, angry at the destruction the party had caused. Everyone has left a while ago, and off course, there was no one there to help with the clean up. He picked a can up off of his parent’s glass coffee table to find himself staring down at the face of someone trapped underneath it. Angel cleared the table with a brush of his arm and saw the table’s prisoner was the geek that he had talked to in the gym about Buffy. Angel lifted the table off of the geek, who gratefully crawled out from the spot he had been enclosed in.
“Oh my God, Angel, man am I glad to see you!” the geek exclaimed. Angel looked at him in disbelief.
“What the hell were you doing here?” He asked.
Reaching in his back pocket, the geek pulled out Buffy’s thong.
“I brought underpants.” The geek deadpanned.
Moments later…
Angel and the geek stood in Angel’s kitchen while the geek mixed the two of them drinks.
“These are really hers?” Angel asked, holding the garment.
“Yup.”
“And she gave them to you?”
“Uh huh.”
“Did you and she…” Angel growled.
“No. No way man. She’s all about you. I told her that you asked about her in the gym, and she had a tizzy. She thinks you’re all that and a bag of, well, whatever.” The geek reassured Angel, handing him a drink.
“She came up to me in the gym. She looked at me like I had a third head or something.”
“Games. Silly games, no, she probably just freaked.
“ It would seriously suck to try and hook up with her and find out she hates me.”
“Trust me on this. She’s crazy for you. She even told me-get this-that’s she’s saving herself for you.”
Angel looked at the geek after hearing this information.
“You had better not be fucking with me.” Angel warned the geek.
“Angel, dude, what would happen if I fucked with you?” He asked.
Angel laughed. “I’d kick your ass.”
“Exactly. I do have one thing to say. If all you’re after is a piece of ass, either I’ll kick your ass, or find someone who can. There aren’t many girls in the world today that would loan a geek her panties to help him out.” The geek told Angel bravely.
“If all I was after was a piece of ass, I have Cordelia upstairs passed out cold. I could fuck her twelve ways to Tuesday if I wanted.” Angel told him. The geek’s eyes grew wide.
“What the hell are you waiting for then?”
“I don’t know. She’s hot and all, but I’m just not interested anymore.”
“Does that really matter?” the geek asked shocked.
“Well, yeah. I mean, look at what she let happen to my house. All she cares about is parties and clothes, and being popular. I want a serious girlfriend, someone to love, that’s gonna love me back. Is that psycho?”
Angel told the geek.
“That’s beautiful. I bet you that tons of guys feel the same way, they just don’t have the balls to say it.” The geek told him.
“I tell you what. You let me keep this,’ holding out Buffy’s thong, “and I’ll let you take Cordelia home.”
Angel carried Cordelia out to the garage, with the geek following, trying to make Angel understand why this was not a good idea.
“Angel, man, this really isn’t a good idea. I don’t have a license. I’m only a freshman. And what if she wakes up.”
“I trust you. Just don’t hit anything.” Angel laughed at him.
“Don’t hit anything? Easy for you to say.” The geek told him as he climbed behind the wheel of Angel’s father’s Rolls Royce convertible. Angel smiled at him and guided them out of the garage. Watching the car leave the drive, he picked up a bag and went back in the house to clean the mess left for him. Tomorrow he would talk to her. Angel smiled at the idea.
Chapter eight The wedding
The Summers house buzzed with pre-wedding activity. Spike stumbled in the house drunk less than an hour before, and it was obvious that he would be unable to attend the wedding. Along with that, the grandparents continued to trip over each other.
Grandma Summers stood over the stove making breakfast as Grandma Helen, smoking a very long skinny cigarette fluttered around the room.
“Is there anything I can do?” Helen asked. Dorothy looked at the cigarette ash dangling precariously from the end of the cigarette.
“You could finish the French toast.” Dorothy suggested. Helen looked at the stove with distaste.
“I’ll just, open the doughnuts” Helen offered. She picked up the box and then picked up a knife.
“Don’t want to ruin the nails.” She said. Opening the box with a
“Walla, breakfast is served!”
Buffy sat up on the couch in the den. Joyce walked in a sat next to her.
“Baby, I’m so sorry I forgot about your birthday.”
“It’s okay mom. I’m over it now.” Buffy looked at her mother.
“It is unforgivable. We’ll make it up to you.”
Buffy went up to her room to get ready for the wedding. She called Willow.
“I have to go to this wedding wearing this pretty princess dress that I hate, and I don’t have 1/10th of the bust to fill it out, and all I want to do is crawl in bed and stay there for a month.” Buffy told Willow.
“I don’t mean to make your day worse, but I have to tell you something. Oz’s brother paid a dollar yesterday to see your underpants.” Willow told her.
Buffy screamed.
Downstairs….
“Damn that rock and roll music” Grandpa Summers said.
“Well, I’m afraid that it’s here to stay, Howie.” Grandpa Fred told him.
The family rushed out of the house into the cars waiting for them in the driveway. Darla was slow, hunched over in pain. She was not her usual perky self. The drive to the church was quick, and as Joyce ushered the girls to the church, they encountered the organist as they walked up the steps.
“Looks like someone’s not feeling well today.” The organist said.
“Her monthly bill came early” Joyce attempted to explain.
“Oh.” The organist said.
“She took a muscle relaxer, she’ll be fine.”
“Try four.” Darla told her mother.
“Darla, you didn’t.” Joyce gasped.
Angel pulled up in front of the Summers home. He walked up to the house and rang the doorbell. When there was no answer, he knocked on the door. Finally, Spike answered the door with a grimace on his face. A cigarette in his hand, he looked Angel up and down.
“What do you want?” He asked.
“Is your sister here?” Angel asked Spike.
Spike assumed he meant Darla, since this guy could never be interested in Buffy.
“She’s at the church, getting married.” He told him.
Angel’s eyes widened in disbelief. He had to have heard wrong.
“Married??”
“Yeah, peaches, Married.” And Spike shut the door in Angel’s face.
Angel walked back to his car and drove around town, looking for the church. He couldn’t believe that he had finally found a girl that he could love, and she was marrying someone else. He wouldn’t stop it, but he had to see for himself.
Darla, Buffy, Dawn and Joyce sat in a room set aside for the bridal party to wait in. the muscle relaxers Darla had taken were in full effect, rendering Darla a slobbering mess. Joyce tried her best to sober Darla up by making her drink a cup of coffee. Buffy tries to put shoes on Darla’s feet.
“Wow, do I feel Funk-y!” Darla exclaimed. Buffy and Dawn rolled their eyes.
“Are you gonna be alright sweetie?” Joyce asked her oldest child.
“It’s gonna be a piece of cake, Joyce.” Darla told her mother, snapping her fingers, then looking at them in a drug induced haze.
“Uhmm, Darla, I’m really happy for you. I’m sorry about being such a bitch lately.” Buffy told her sister.
“That’s really lovely, Buffy.” Darla told her, not even close to lucid.
“I know you’ll have a great marriage.” As Buffy went to hug her sister, Darla falls forward.
“Darla!” Joyce screamed. Everyone in the sanctuary could hear her. Hank runs back to the dressing room and sees Darla lying on the floor.
“Holy shit!” He exclaimed. He looked to Joyce for an explanation.
“She had a cramp.”
“I don’t care what she had, look at her!”
“Will you please be quiet; we don’t need to tell the entire church that she has her period!” Joyce shouted at her husband, not realizing she just told the church herself.
Inside the church, Darla’s groom, Rudy the oily bohunk, nudged the priest.
“Guess those guys who thought we had to get married feel really stupid right about now, huh, padre?”
The Wedding march begins to play, and Buffy and Dawn quickly walk up the aisle. Darla and her father start walking up the aisle, Darla obviously on something. She wavers back and forth, conversing with guests, trying to sit down. They make it to the front of the church and Darla ripped off her veil, flinging it to the side.
Angel found the church. The sign in front read “The Summers/Ryzcheck Wedding” He pulled into the parking lot and was greeted to the sight of his fathers car, and Cordelia and the geek sitting in the back, kissing. Cordelia looked up.
“Oh shit. Angel.”
“Huh?” the Geek questioned.
“Angel.” She repeated. They backed away from each other as they turn to look at Angel, who is very shocked. Cordelia climbed out of the car and walked with Angel to his car. The two talked for a while, and Angel gave Cordelia a kiss on the cheek, and drove away.
Cordelia walked back to the Geek.
“You know, I’ve never dated a freshman, even when I was a freshman.”
The wedding was over, and the happy couple ran out of the church. Buffy walked out and then remembered that Darla had left her veil in the church. She walked back in to get it, but by the time she got back outside, they had left already, and everyone else is leaving for the reception. She looked around in dismay. As the cars leave the area, Buffy is shocked to see Angel parked across the street, leaning against his car. (*sigh*)
He waves, and Buffy looks around to see who his is waving at. She’s the only one there. She looks back at him. She points to herself in disbelief.
“Yeah, you.” Angel said as he smiled, jogging over to her.
“Hi.” They both say at the same time.
“Hi.” Angel said.
“Hi.” Buffy repeated. “What are you doing here?” She said.
“I came here for you.”
“You came here for me?”
“Is that okay?” Angel asked.
“Yeah, it’s okay.” Buffy told him, slightly in shock.
“Do you have to go to the reception now?” Angel asked.
“I’m supposed to.”
“Can I call you later?” Angel inquired.
“Sure. I mean, no.” She answered cryptically.
Angel frowned. “No, I can’t call you?”
“Yeah.” Buffy answered. Angel starts to brood. Buffy looked up at him, and realizes that she wasn’t making sense with her answer. “No, I’m not going to the reception.” She quickly said. Angel smiled a megawatt smile.
“Oh, great!” He said. He motions to his car, and the two of them walk across the street towards it.
Buffy spots her father and motions to Angel. “This is the guy!” She mouthed to her father, who gave her thumbs up with a smile.
Angel’s house
Angel and Buffy sit on the dining room table. Buffy is still in her bridesmaid dress. There is a lit birthday cake in between the two of them.
“Thanks for getting my panties back.” Buffy told him.
“Thanks for coming over.”
“Thanks for coming to get me.” She said.
“Happy birthday, Buffy. Make a wish.” Angel told her.
“But it already came true.” She answered him. Buffy and Angel leaned in to each other and finally kiss.