A man left work on Friday afternoon, but instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.
When he finally appeared at home Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade of his actions.
Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and said to him. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
Equal" is not always synonymous with "the same." Men and women are created equal. But, boys and girls are not born the same...
1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose.
2. You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and she'll look just as pretty when you finally make it to church an hour later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and he'll somehow find every mud puddle from your home to the church, even if you're driving there.
3. Boys' rooms are usually messy. Girls' rooms are usually messy, except it's a good smelling mess.
4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment at what nature has made. A baby boy will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun.
5. When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to dress them up and play house with them. When boys play with Barbie and Ken dolls, they like to tear off their appendages.
6. Boys couldn't care less if their hair is unruly. If their bangs got cut a quarter-inch too short, girls would rather lock themselves in their room for two weeks than be seen in public.
7. Baby girls find mommy's makeup and almost instintively start painting their face. Baby boys find mommy's makeup and almost instinctively start painting the walls.
8. If a girl accidently burps, she will be embarrassed. If a boy accidently burps, he will follow it with a dozen fake belches.
9. Boys grow their fingernails long because because they're too lazy to cut them. Girls grow their fingernails long - not because they look nice - but because they can dig them into a boys arm.
10. Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early age. At an early age, boys are attracted to dirt.
11. By the age of 6, boys will stop giving their dad kisses. By the age of 6, girls will stop giving their dad kisses unless he bribes them with candy.
12. Most baby girls talk before boys do. Before boys talk, they learn how to make machine-gun noises.
13. Girls will cry if someone dies in a movie. Boys will cry if you turn off the VCR after they've watched "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" movie three times in a row.
14. Girls turn into women. Boys turn into bigger boys.
WHY most GUYS ARE PROUD OF THEMSELVES (from a guy's perspective)
1. We know stuff about tanks.
2. A 5-day trip requires only one suitcase.
3. We can open all our own jars.
4. We can make decisions without a support group.
5. We can leave a motel bed unmade.
6. We can kill our own food.
7. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
8. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
9. If someone forgets to invite us to something they can still be our friend.
10. Underwear is $10 a three-pack.
11. Three pairs of shoes is more than adequate.
12. We don't have to clean the house if the meter reader is coming.
13. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
14. We can sit quietly and watch TV with a friend for hours without thinking "He must be mad at me."
15. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
16. We can drop by and see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
17. If another guy shows up at a party in the same outfit you just might become lifelong friends.
18. Your pals will never trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
19. We are not expected to know the names of more than 5 colors.
20. We are totally unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
21. The same hairstyle lasts for years-maybe decades.
22. We don't have to shave below the neck.
23. A few belches are expected and tolerated.
24. One wallet, one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
25. We can do our nails with a pocketknife.
26. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 people on the day before Christmas and be done in 45 minutes.
WHAT IS A CAT?
1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable
4. They whine when they are not happy
5. When you want to play, they want to be alone
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play
7. They expect you to cater to their every whim
8. They're moody
9. They leave hair everywhere
10. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.
Conclusion: They're tiny women in little fur coats.
WHAT IS A DOG?
1. Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time
4. They growl when they are not happy
5. When you want to play, they want to play
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play
7. They are great at begging
8. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies
9. They leave their toys everywhere
l0. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.
Conclusion: They're tiny men in little fur coats.