Inside Jokes

it's a good thing you're not ugly (Sam)

3 strikes, she's out! (Sam)

i don't mean to be mean but...she's such a skanky hobag!! (rach)

i love you mom! (dave)

well i don't know what is crawling up my butt? (sam)

well i guess he's hot, if you find snapping turtles attractive (sam & rach)

rachel, it wasn't that funny! *ralf* ewww, not the controller! lol (leah & rach)

my cold is blossoming - gay gay gay! (sam)

he loves his nut! (sam & rach)

YAYUS (rach & mom)

get your hand off my butt!-get your butt off my hand! (rach)

well i don't know what omni-pominent is but it sure sounds funny! (rach)

underwear junkies (Ander)

candid camera purse (Ander)

GHETTO BOOTY (Ander)

wind-up toy (Rach)

i wouldn't lie about THAT (Sammy)

name five people who are - (ander don't you love that game?! lol)

what's the holiday? oh yeah, happy new year! (Ander)

sharks are soooo scary! (Ander)

your toe was in my eye! what?? (Rach)

an abandoned hut? (Rach)

no brain (Ander)

fricken crap (Timmy S)

when the clike strocks (Rach)

for the love of baking! you guys want some cookies? (Ander & Kristina)

and there's the random occurrance! (Everybody)

obviously (Sammy)

er er er!! (Ander & Kristina - LOL)

mission impossible in patterson (Ander)

how's the weather? (Sammy)

what the crap? (Becca)

definitely (Sammy)

blind-opening, blowdrying freak! (ahhhh i hate her! lol)

communion pants (Rach)

pop cans (Sammy)

nice nice (Rach)

i need 911! what? you have an emergency?? (Ander & Kristina)

coooopons vs. q-pons (Wags, Rakel, & Welchy)

bed bath and - hahaha (Ander)

Just 5 more minutes and you can be a PRO at making out! lol (Caro)

Let's have some Backseat Fun! LOL (Rachel)

haha nice nicole!

I HAVE to go to Cuhlalarado!...Union?...skank page! lol (Rachel)

Because I'm high! lol (Wags)

Bugars taste like Cheerios! (Maxam, Wags, & Adam)

This house is ours! (Maxam, Wags, & Adam)

Was she a gypsey?...Wags, tell Gregory I said hi when you go on your date tomorrow night! haha (Maxam, Wags, & Adam)

Ok, at 8 o'clock, we're making out! lol (Chad)

I can't even write down what Chad's version of "Adam and Eve" consists of! LOL (Chad, Dave, Sean, & Chris)

Let's wear our devil bras!!! (Amy)

Drop your glasses, shake your - what? lol (Ang)

Got any toothpaste???...Yeah toast!! (Meg, James, Erin, Kauz, Ang, April, & Katy)

right, you're shy, mhm...not :p

"you know...that thing people do...ummm...you know...that article of clothing...that um you wear...ummmmmm..." LOL (Sean, Dave, & Rakel)

"I don't have two of anything!" (Dave, Chad, Rakel, Sean, Katie, & Tyler)

"I don't hear you making out!" (Dave, Rakel, & Sean)

What have i done?!? lol (Dave & Rakel)

"Sleeping" is just a code name! haha (Wags)

But the cat came back...[stupid skank! lol] (Rakel)

I love that house!!! lol (Rakel)

"You make me excited...even I wouldn't say that!" (Kane, Rakel, Jonathan, & Jessie)

Rakel, your hand may be "infected" but Dave's is DEFINITELY worse! LOL! (Rakel & Dave)

How's the Root beer? haha (Rebecca & Rachel)

I think we'd ALL be married (Jenna)

Driveby!!!! (Dave, Angie, Kara, & Mike)

N squared! (Natalie...not myself guys, duh!)

watch out for juice boy! lol! (Missie)

Ask that pregnant woman if she has a zipper on her stomache! LOL (Adam & Caro)

"you're really good at zipping things!" lol (Adam & Caro)

WORKROAD ahead! lol (Caro)

I'm not actually going to the ranch, this summer, i'm fighting crime in nigeria! haha (Wags)

Don't mess with the vein! (Wags)

A little dab will do ya! (Caro)

ok now you have to become a mechanic and change your name to Bob! lol (Aaron)

What, Adam? It's not your birthday? Wups! ;)

You are SUCH a good driver!!!! haha (Aaron)

hey you still got my lip gloss! lol (Wags-i did not throw your key out the window! *pinky swear*)

ok so must be you REALLY like my love potion! haha(Wags)

you're not a jerk, you're just confused! haha you said it first, not me (Wags)

You remember black trucks and I'll remember Rodriguez Rodriguez! lol (Bec)

You mean you don't have more clothes with you to take off! LOL (Bec)

"I put in less ice this time" -wicked hot waiter at TGI Friday's! haha (Bec)

ok you take the one in the blue shirt, i'll take the one in the orange shirt! (we should have told the waitress we were all together! haha) (Bec)

ok the toilets did NOT do that, wags! (Wags, Caro, Welchy, & Maxam)

ummmmmmmm no they look NOTHING alike - justin timberlake is hot! (Welchy, Wags, & Maxam)

Those sunglasses look fuNNNNNNky (Welchy, Caro, Wags, & Maxam)

Why is this straw so long and thin?? lol (Maxam, Wags, & Caro)

Shat up you piece of cra! (Caro)

Does that mean I get to be batman?! I've always wanted to be batman, he's so cool! lol (Wags)

"i'll take care of your 6 kids while you work the streets, sound like a good plan?" (Justin)

haha you never cracked my toes! (Wags)

PUNCHBUG!! (Wags)

Girls can't punch hard! (Maxam, rakel, rach, kohl, liz, welchy, wags, caro, & mike)

"I masticated last night!" -Wags LOL!! (rach, kohl, mike, rakel, maxam, wags, welchy, caro, & liz)

She's 84 years old, she can't grind! (Liz, Caro, Welchy, Wags, Maxam, Rakel, Mike, Kohl, Rach)

Revelation, Revelation...(Dave)

Liz, you have MAD skills, totally wiping out on the living room floor! lol (Liz, Caro, & Gina)

he would be like "HAHA!" ... I don't know how else I would spell that! LOL (Caro)

Only my toes know the rhythm! (Caro)

I did not dance like that!! (Maxam and Wags)

what is my address???? (Maxam)

Gleen! (Maxam)

You owe me like a zillion jinxes you cheater! (Wags)

You are confused!!! (Wags)

I kind of hear some thunder...lol (Maxam)

What did you do to my pillow, Wags?! (Wags, Welchy, & Maxam)

No wags you can't drive cuz dave is my designated driver...even though he's drunk! (Maxam, Wags, & Welchy)

"Well what did you mean to do?"..."drive in a straight line" lol (Welchy, Maxam, & Wags)

EVERYONE GOT A LINE EXCEPT FOR ME!!!! (Wags, Maxam, Rakel, & Welchy)

Look, i'm wearing my tall shoes!!! Oh, wait... (Rakelephant)

Don't you think that cars should come with pillows?!? (Welchy, Maxam)

It means Dead On Arrival, duh!! (Maxam, Welchy, & Wags)

You're so girly, you're a lesbian! (Wags, Welchy, & Maxam)

Yes, that is what Gratuity means in Latin (Maxam, Rakel, Dave, & Wags)

jeeza louisa! (Wags, Maxam, Dave, and Rakel)

Did you take my soda?? (Maxam, Wags, Rakel, & Dave)

I will never duck while i'm driving and then floor it ever again! lol (Dave and Rakel)

Maxam, why do you always stand behind Wags??? (Maxam, Wags, Dave, and Rakel)

DANG that is a big coke!! lol! Gotta love arby's! (Caro & Rachie)

1 2 3 4 Come on baby say you love me! lol (Caro)

Thanks for the fries! ;) (Wags)

Are you SURE you don't like guys anymore???? (Lester)

Predicament! (Mike)

Rakel, beware of bugs disguised as drawstring! LOL (Welchy, Rakel, & Mike)

Mascara on my shooooouuuuuuulder (Kohl, Shelpie, Eric, & Mike)

Sorry, my armpit was hungry! (Kohl, Shelpie, Eric, & Mike)

You should have barfed on him!! (Kohl)

I'll come to your island but please, no string bikini...wait, hmm....suntan lotion??? lol ;) (Tim)

It's ok, you can have PMS too! (Tim)

That hurt like a mother (Rakel, Mike, & Dave)

Poor Fred!!!! (Dave & Mike)

Shu-tup, Shu-tup! LOL LOL (Mike, Dave, & Rakel)

Oh no, I think I've made him mad! (Dave, Rakel, & Mike)

Stupid munchkin cheerleaders (Rakel, Dave, Mike, Rachel, & the rest of the people on the bench)

Mother Futher! lol (Rakel, Mike, & Dave)

PENGUINS!! (Mike, Rachel, Dave, & Rakel)

We're making out just fine! (Dave, Rakel, & Mike)

DON'T TOUCH ME!!! (Nicole)

Violence is the best policy! (Nicole)

Vomit in my pants!!!! (Nicole)

Do you know where DINNERS go?!? (Dave)

Just think about the picture and smile (Dave...ya big jerk! lol jk)

Yes I am in love with the guy on the oatmeal box! (Justin)

Gotta love cruisin down 434! lol (Mike)

Dave, don't deny watching the whole movie! It's ok we won't tell anyone! lol (Rakel, Mike, & Dave)

Hey, that was the day you and Dave were making out! (Mike, Rakel, & Dave)

CUZ HE CAN'T WALK! (Dave & Rachel)

OPH! (Aaron)

Hey, that's not yours!! (Mike)

Four days closer to 33! (Justin)

Too bad those people came in the theater! lol (Justin)

No more than 7.5421 seconds, I promise (Tim)

CARWASH!!!! (Leslea)

Happy toaster day!! Will you be my valentine?? ;) (Joshy)

I love you!! (Kohl)

Glad I could make you smile! (Noah)

haha, dave found this while working at the ranch one weekend! :p

Take me, I am yours! LOL (Caro)

I don't know...Whatever...It doesn't matter to me...Sure...I don't care...Maybe...I guess...YOU ARE A DOOFUS! :p (Dave)

You made out with her, didn't you??? (Dave)

TITLE: Extreme Sports! LOL (brought to you by niKOHL)

Yeah, that would be a CURB!!! (Adam)

NO MORE DE-CHESTING! (Adam)

hm...maybe we'll have an incident (Adam)

NO, YOU'RE LYING!!! (Adam)

And I wanna...(Adam)

You need to turn him into a state or a bridge (Mike)

Yeah it hurt! Ask my leg!! (Dave Rakel Mike Victoria & Tommy)

Mike's so buff, he can beat up 9 year olds! (Dave Victoria Mike & Tommy)

Shakeyabootie Shakeyabootie! (Mike)

Mike you have never looked more pretty! haha

I LOVE standing in parking lots for hours...and junking people...and freezing to death...(Dave Rakel Mike Victoria and that other person who should have shut up when we told him to! hey we warned him! lol!!)

You're all JERKS!!! (Rakel & Mike)

Dog!!...TREE!!!! (Mikey)

Cappuccino Ice cream (Aaron & Ann)

Icicles in New York (Aaron, Ann, & Grace)

"the faucet" (Ann)

Weiner (Serena, Nate, & Aaron)

Grilled Cheese Sandwiches (Aaron & Matt)

MAFIA (lots & lots of people at Crown)

the AM radio! nice smiley face ;) (Aaron & Ann)

WAREHOUSE!!! [how the heck did you pull that off???] (Dave, Nate, Paul, Rakel, Mike, Caro, Rachel, & Mallory)

MY DAD, Paul! (Dave, Nate, Paul, Rakel, Caro, Rachel, Mallory, Mike & ADAM - HAHAHAHAHA!! soreeeee, not my fault!)

Brown stuff from the ceiling of the Titanic! (Dave, Rakel, Brandon, Rebecca, Mike & Adam)

"Running through a field..." (Liz)

orange balderdash guy behind the soda cans (Aaron & Caro)

How come he can't walk?? (Jessica, Caro, Kristen, Matt, Morgan, Aaron, Melissa, Margot, Megan, Carissa, & JoEllen)

Rectangular?!? (Caro)

I'm not quite too sure how i feel about that! (caro)

Pictionary #1 (Caro, Liz, & Matt)

Pictionary #2 (Paul, Caro, Rachel, Nate, Mallory, Dave, Rakel, & Mike [and adam])

Pictionary #3 (Rakel, Mike, Dave, Rachel, & Whitney)

Everybody says they're together! (Caro)

Loser, Whatever! Fly Away Forver! Moron, You're On Your Way To Loserville! Population One, uh-YOU!

Please don't catch me! (Caro)

Maybe it's pasta?! (Cory & Gina)

It was screaming Groundhog's Day! (caro)

You smell funny (Dave)

Chinese Checkers/Outburst (Becca, Josh, & Rachel)

Throwing Knives in the Caves (Aaron & Caro)

Chess Tease (Woodriff & Marcy)

Booth at Nirchi's

Celine Dion (Caro)

Chicken wings (Timmer[tim])

Dirty pants, dirty pants! (Gina)

f*ing mayo (Cory, Bob, & Freshman)

so uh we're going on a date? (Woodriff)

No no, just kidding! (Gina)

Ketchup doesn't have eyes (Dave, Rakel, Mike & Adam)

All i have to say is that talking til 5am definitely brought about some interesting conversation!! lol (Becca)

What do you burn besides witches?? MORE WITCHES!!!!!!!! ~ Monty Python

Dave's flying leap over Brandon...and onto the ground (Rakel, Brandon, Dave & Mike)

"Chicken - has nothing to say to you" LOL (Becca)

And...Mike, why are your ears moving?!? (Dave, Rakel, Mike & Adam)

Look at the curves! (Aaron, Sean, & Benny)

I think I smoked myself stupid (Dave, Rakel, Mike & Adam)

the WHEELBARROW (Caro!! lol)

My straw floated up again! (Dave, Rakel, Mike & Adam)

Hide & Go Seek in Wal*Mart (Rakel, Brandon, Dave & Mike)

The Great Purse Chase (Brandon, Dave & Mike)

Sanctuary! Sanctuary! Oyie Oyie Oyie Oyie Oyie!! (Brandon, Mike & Adam)

Mike, stop hitting Dave's head against the back of the seat! (Mike, Brandon, Dave & Rakel)

IT'S A DEER!!!!!!!! (Dave & Rakel)

Oh, my pants broke!! (Dave, Rakel, Mike & Adam)

*and Jesus!!!! (Rakel, Mike, & Dave)

French fries and Ice Spillage (Mike, Rakel, & Brandon)

Look at the happy little couple in the Civic! (Dave & Rakel)

DAH DAH DAH (Rakel, Mike, & Dave)

That's garbage (Mike & Adam)

Billy Bob, you're a sinner!! (Dave & Rakel)

Waiter-gazing (Benny & Dave)

Plate, plate, plate, Pizza Pan! (Rakel, Mike, & Dave)

AND IN THIS CORNER (Rakel, Mike & Dave)

Secret room at BK (cory)

The Ricocheting Spitwad @ Friendly's (Brandon, Dave, & Mike)...that was CLASSIC

JackBUTT (Dave & Rakel)

Flopsy Opsy (Josh, Tim, Leah, & Rachel)

It's not like he doesn't have ears...ew he was SO creepy! (Rakel, Mike, & Dave)

Watch the shoes! (Mike & Adam)

She scared the crap out of me! LOL (Caro)

My ear suctioned to your (mike's!) chest! (Mike & Adam ONLY)

awwwwwww!!! (Justin & Aaron)

THEY go to OUR school??!!?? (Mike, Rakel, & Brandon)

csb (aaron)

So, what are we gonna do?? (Mike, Adam, & Dave)

debri! (brandon)

hey, Adam, don't let your girlfriend come downstairs! (Douglas[adam's lil bro], Dave, Mike & Adam)

For future Reference! (Aaron, Sean, & Benny)

This is......I think......the longest it has been since we......all of us......have gone......without seeing Adam! (Rakel, Brandon, Dave, & Mike)

alphabeticalize (mike)

Bodyguards (Brandon, Benny, Mike & Adam)

don't give me your sass! (adam)

I'll make it, it's only 5 chairs (Dave, Mike & Adam)

Don't forget to turn your car lights off!!!! (Mike & Adam)

Lieers go to a cold place (brandon)

buggin' the crap out of him (Mike & Adam)

ALICIA!! (cory! lol)

So what kind was it? Was it a *** ****???? OH MY GOSH it was?!? LOL (Caro)

Mike, in his element :p (wasn't that your 8th piece??)

No, for fake!! (Brandon, Mike & Adam)

don't be dumb (adam)

We don't say that here at The Ranch (Justin, Aaron, Mike & Adam)

FOUL!! (Adam)

tu tu tu, tu tu tu!! (Steve, Paul, Mike, & Adam)

sorry, didn't mean to smack you! (brandon)

Kid (mike & adam)

Mike Winters is President AND Vice President of the jerk club! If you know of anyone who might be a possible candidate for this particular club (sorry, males only) or you have any questions or comments about it, feel free to Sign My Guestbook! :)

Clown Car Kids @ Friendly's (Dave)

new antelope! hahaha! (caro)

SMN (brandon)

I just got kicked out of Circuit City! You Did??? No! (Mike & Adam)

was that before or after SaTuRdAy?? (aaron)

stupid payphones (mike)

"No, i wanna stay here with my homie G's!" (Becca)

Door 2 Door Salesman (brandon)

Well, it's about 5:20 now (Rachel, Mike & Adam)

Spiderman WOLVERINE!! LOL! (caro, aaron, & everyone who went to Washington D.C. with us!)

Oh, you forgot to shave your elbows! (Mike & Adam)

Afro-puff man! (Mike & Steve)

Ignore method (aaron)

I'll crack you! (Adam & Paul)

Yellow smileyface change-holder of love (brandon)

get outta my face! (adam)

Grass, Axana, Minnie, Anklet, Junior, etc.! (Leah Leah Leah French! LOL)

It'll be OK (Adam & Leah)

Flex at them (Mike & Adam)

Caroline's sister has that necklace and she wore it to the prom last year! (gina/caro)

I love you, Adam!! (Mike & Rakel)

Mac Daddy (brandon)

I'm walkin' home (Mike & Adam)

Isn't this picture mad cool? Adam made it!

Get over it! (Brandon)

You don't want none of this!! (Mike & Adam)

So what you're REEEEEALLY tryin to say is... (aaron/caro)

Shucho mouth! (Mike & Adam)

Corner Cashier (brandon)

lalalalala hmmmm! (Mike & Adam)

Heath Ledger, Will Smith, Scott Foley, Brad Pitt

caro the clepto (gina, caro, kohl, & aaron)

Don't touch me! (Mike & Adam)

Lightning bug guts (caro)

Chop chop chop, chop chop chop!! (Steve, Paul, Mike & Adam)

I'm a Sherman Tank!! (aaron/caro)

SKANK!!!!!!!! (Rakel)

ont, font, sont, vont... (brandon)

Lost & Found on 17C (Mike & Adam)

Ian's Song (kara)

What now?! (Leah, Mike, & Adam)

ten things I HATE about YOU (brandon)

Oh, you faget! Shave your eyebrows!! (Rakel, Benny, Mike & Adam)

lightning but guts (caro & her HILARIOUS cousins!)

Trashrun (Mike & Adam)

look at the beeva! (Adam, Brian, Benny, Dave, & Paul)

tree hugger!! (aaron & caro)

Adam's "birthday" @ TGI Friday's (Dave, Rachel, Mike & Adam)

54 (lots of my friends LOVE picking on me for that one!)

Maypole (Mike)

Buttercups (Bethany & Alyssa)

Let's go look at systems (Mike & Adam)

Have some!! (Paul and everyone he has killed after saying this phrase)

Gopher/Funkmaster Wiggidy/White Mike (Mike, Benny, & Paul)

do you like apples? (aaron)

The Titanic (Dave, Rakel, Rebecca, & Brandon, Mike & Adam)

You smell funny (Dave)

P-words!!! (kohl/caro/aaron)

Why is everybody always touching my hat?! (Mike & Adam)

Cake icing (Rachel, Tim C, Cory, Adam, Mike, & Leah)

hey, you wanna... (brandon)

Trampoline (Mike & Adam)

ACTUALLY...(Exacto Dave)

highway scopeageing!! (caro!)

Would I lie to you, Adam? (Rakel, Mike & Adam)

PARKWAY (Brandon, Mike, Tim, & Josh)

Tai falling asleep at the movies (Becca & John)

pokalish (kohl)

Adam, leave. (Mike & Adam)

babushka! (aaron, caro, liz, and the rest of the Wash. D.C. crew)

Tinkey Winkey (Brandon, Mike, & Adam[poe])

"sorry to sound like a second grader but..." (brandon)

Do you have any jumper cables?? (Mike & Adam)

Do you know where I can find...an animal cracker? (cory, tim, king aruba!)

Let's serenade...me me me me! (Mike & Adam)

Friday night e-mail quiz (Becca)

i'll do it!...told ya so!! (brandon)

I won't ask (Mike & Adam)

No more football for mike! (mike)

Christmas is practicly next week! (aaron)

Chicken Wings! (Rachel, Mike & Adam)

Breakfast at 2pm (Becca, Tai, & Molly)

NO LEFT TURNS...NO LEFT TURNS...NO LEFT TURNS......(Mike, Rakel, & Brandon)

Mike & Adam (Mike & Adam)

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::APPLICATION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your physician.

1. What is your name, age, social security number, IQ and boy scout rank?

2. Do you own or have access to a van? ____

3. A truck with oversize tires? ____

4. waterbed? ____

5. Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? ____

6. Do you have a tattoo? ____

*If you have answered YES to #3, #4 or #5, discontinue application and leave immediately.*

7. In fifty words or less, what does LATE mean to you?

8. In fifty words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you?

9. In fifty words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?

10. In fifty words or less, what does REAL PAIN mean to you?

11. Church/Temple you attend: ____________________________

12. How often do you attend: ____________________________

13. When would be the best time to interview your mother, father and priest/rabbi _______________________

14. Please fill in the blanks:

If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded would be ____________________________

If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would be ____________________________

The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask is ____________________________

What do you want to be IF you grow up?

I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, bodily harm, dismemberment, torture or mental abuse.

Signature of applicant _________________________________

Signature of father _____________________________________

Signature of mother ____________________________________

Signature of priest/rabbi ___________________________________

Signature of State Representative _________________________

Thank you for your interest Please allow 4-6 years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if approved. If denied, please never apply again. Don't call me, I'll call you.

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