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By Jo Gamm Witt
I met John my sophomore year in college. His mom had returned to college and was a resident in the dorm where I lived, and John would join her for meals in the dorm’s cafeteria. I don’t recall how John first struck up conversations with me. I recall having felt some leeriness towards him, as he was unkempt in appearance, often with oily hair, dirty clothes, and an odor about him, in addition to seeming to be socially awkward. And yet I’ve always seemed drawn to the more downtrodden, the hurt and lonely in the world.
Sometime the summer between my sophomore and junior years when I then was living off campus, John had invited me over to spend some time with him at his house. That night I saw a very broken soul. He reeked of alcohol and told me about how he was in the process of getting a divorce, sharing with me the hurtful details of the end to their marriage. He needed someone to listen; he needed someone to care. And my heart wept with him.
Within time John realized he had become an alcoholic and went into treatment and became active with AA. John was admirably so devoted to living out the AA program and wanted to share it with me. He gave me their 10 steps book to read, and really it’s a book everyone should read because so much of it can help us all in life.
John continued to be a close friend, someone I could tell anything to, unfiltered, and know he’d always still be there for me. And the same was true for him sharing anything unfiltered with me. John always told me he loved me, and it was a pure love—a genuine love that was untainted. I would share with him about family issues, about relationship issues, about depression and loneliness and feelings of low self-esteem. I often recall John saying to me, “Be true to you.” I’ve often pondered those words as to their full meaning, and maybe they have multiple meanings. John always seemed so wise. This unkempt, poor hygiene, odorous man that seemed so full of wisdom.
Everyone needs to have a John in their lives—someone who will always be there for them, someone they can be completely honest and unfiltered with, without fear that the person will judge them or walk away or abandon them. It’s the broken in life that have a heart for the broken, and empathy means so much more than sympathy.
An unlikely friend, but one of the best. The phrase “don’t judge a book by its cover” is so true. It’s amazing the beautiful soul that can be discovered when we look past a person’s exterior to see the soul.
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