I recently heard a friend referring to someone she knows has mental illness and whom which she was frustrated with as f***ing nuts, a phrase she had used in the past to refer to him as well. I asked her if he has a diagnosis, to which she replied, “I don’t know! He’s just f’ing nuts!” But labels are not helpful.

There are always reasons why everyone is how they are. When we merely label people, we are putting them into a box of hopelessness, deeming them unable to be any other way. The reality is that with a diagnosis and proper treatment, this man could potentially have the ability to lead a relatively “normal” life.

And yet, how often do we label people? How often do we only see them at face value, without digging deeper, caring enough to learn their story.

I know at times it can seem like people are too quick to blame everything on their childhood, and yet childhood is the foundation for who we become as adults. Often when I visit with people with mental struggles, over time they will come to reveal a deep hurt they experienced as a child, a hurt that typically still brings tears to their eyes. Damaged children become damaged adults. Even as adults, sometimes people experience such a great traumatic event, that they may never fully mentally recover.

But mental illness is not always simple. There can be chemical factors in the brain as well, chemical imbalances that can impact mentality. Some mental illnesses are inherited. Some occur as a result of traumatic brain injury. Some are born with mental illness or it occurs as a result of oxygen deprivation during birth. There are so many possible reasons. Some mental illnesses are more severe and more manageable than others.

A few years ago I worked for a little over a year with clients who have mental disabilities. Over time I recognized the diversity of how it presented in different clients, learned their particular “triggers” that could lead to episodes of acting out, and learned strategies of how best to interact with them. It took time and caring enough about them, rather than merely labeling them.

Labels are not helpful—learning reasons why is. May we all care more and label less.

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