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By Jo Gamm Witt
Skippy was a stray dog that had come to our farm when I was a baby. Looking back, I see now that while other children may have a favorite stuffed toy or blankie as their “object of affection,” that Skippy served that role for me. People often underestimate the memories of young children, but to this day I remember Skippy and my relationship with him clearly. I remember that Skippy didn’t like cats, so I didn’t like cats either (funny now since I now love cats more than dogs); we would chase the cats. Skippy and I were very closely bonded, and we loved each other deeply.
One day when I was four years old my uncle had driven to our house, and when he went to leave, he took off fast and he hit Skippy with his car. I recall clearly Skippy coming towards me with blood dripping from his nose. Children can tuck away memories deep in their brains for years, but about 25 years ago a wild animal was in our yard and injured our dog Wally, and when Wally came towards me with blood dripping from his nose, I flashbacked to Skippy and I cried.
My parents took Skippy to the vet, but the vet couldn’t save him, and he died. My parents would only say, “He went to the happy hunting ground,” whatever that means—it wasn’t helpful and it wasn’t comforting. But parents often don’t know the “right” way to handle death with their children. Honesty is what children need. Not odd phrases that mean nothing.
Several years ago while watching a Mr. Roger’s show with my daughters, Mr. Rogers addressed how to handle the death of a pet with children and talked about the book that he wrote for children on the subject. I bought the book afterwards. And when our various pets died while my children were growing up, I was honest with them about death and allowed them to express their feelings about it—we talked about it and talked through it.
The loss of Skippy was a grief I bore for many, many years and one of many hurts I needed to talk through during counseling that I began in 2005. Grief undealt with doesn’t go away; rather it can continue to weigh on the soul.
Children’s grief matters and shouldn’t be undermined. We need to be more mindful that children experience grief the same as adults do. They need to talk. They need honesty. May we be that ear for them.
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