I used to be intelligent when I was young… and a good imagination. On some nights I’d stay up all night imagining I was someone important. But when I started high school my grades dropped. My first major depression started. I didn’t have the energy and the motivation to do my homework, I missed a lot of school complaining of a sore stomach, sore ear or headache, and teachers didn’t like me and didn't have trust in me. I did have friends in grade 9 tough. But at the end I started refusing to pass time with them to be alone in my room. I didn’t want to go out. I thought people would laugh and tease me or that something bad will happen. My loneliness was getting really bad, that’s when my imagination got worst. I believed I had a special friend, nobody could see him but me. I was in love with him. We made lots of stuff together. I lost control of my imagination and started to talk about him to my friends. I talked about him all the way home from school in the bus, called them and talk about him… They believed me at first. They wanted to see him. But I couldn’t make him meet them because I was the only one who could see him. Then started the story that I was a liar. I got really frustrated and my first suicidal thoughts came. My inner voice was telling me that everybody wanted me to die. I started to get obsessed about death. I’d think about dead people and the cemetery all the time. After a while I started seeing dead people. I’d see them walk, drive a car or in my house.
During high school I daydreamed and got obsessed with being the prime minister, going to big universities, being the best psychologist in the world, etc… I’d pass my time looking at University program books, Internet sites and deep research into psychology. In grade 10 I went back into a depression. I didn’t want to get out of the house, especially in winter. I’d pass most of the time on the computer and in my room reading and writing poetry or short stories. I had to cry myself to sleep most of the nights. My dad and me would fight all the time, usually about getting out of the house and do something. We are totally different, so we didn’t get along at all.
