I feel, when I'm with Him, that nothing else could ever mean so much.
I think I've finally found someone that I can see myself devoted to, maybe even forever...
He's beautiful and sweet and brilliantly smart, I would do anything to see him happy.
Its so hard to believe that it's me saying these things sometimes. I'm so confirmed as a bachelor, sometimes I was starting to think I might be alone all my life. But whenever I was lonely, I would think of him, and it would get me through the night even when nothing else would. There have been others who caught my eye, but never did they seem to call out to me like his heart did. So finally I decided to take some damn initiative in my life and go after him. It sounds almost crazy, really, but I think I might be crazy anyway, it may as well be for love.
So I left it all behind: my apartment, my job, my friends, and all my stuff... I went to the gateways and wished them to take me to my Marron-sama. I don't know if I'll make it back to Ayanee again, and frankly I don't care, I'd rather be with him and sleep in his arms and gaze into his golden eyes than have the wealth of nations under my fingertips. Marron-sama... Just saying his name makes my heart swell with warmth. A kiss on the cheek from him is better than making love to anyone else ever was. When he smiles, it makes me glow, I feel like I'm infused with sunlight by his happiness. This is how love is supposed to be, I think... Pure and soul-filling. There is passion, affection, and sympathy between us; and sometimes I think my heart will burst with the joy I feel inside.
When I was fifteen years old I let an older boy talk me into going down on him. He had been so nice to me before, and I thought maybe he understood what I felt, maybe he could love me. I am still okama, I am, perhaps hentai, but when I'm with Marron-sama, it doesn't seem to matter. It doesn't matter, because he loves me and I love him, with all my soul.
I know that I still have the blessing of Suzaku These bracelets on my wrists show me that my god truly forgives and loves me. Its so strange sometimes when I think of the fairytale that's haunted me these last few years... Anyone born with a mark in the path of their tears is destined to lead a lonely life.
Perhaps... I think perhaps I've overcome it.
I miss Quatre… but I think he will understand. Quatre understands everyone, he’s so beautiful. I wish I could be more like him, more pure and sweet and without selfishness or malice... Someday, I do need to get back there and tell him how I'm doing...