He cracked his eyes open, listening with all his might. All his friends were sleeping soundly, their heads cradled on the pillows they fashioned from their cloaks. One particular head held his eyes for longer than the rest, and he crept across the mossy ground, careful not to disturb the two red haired girls who slept dangerously close to him, angelic expressions on their similar faces. Past the hulking brute of a blond who slept near the fire, to the very edge of the camp and the white-gauzed form he sought.
So I'll come by and see you again
I'll be such a very good friend
Have mercy on my soul
I will never let you know where my mind has been
He's so beautiful when he sleeps...
It was an affectionate thought, more wistful than anything, and his hands trailed familiarly through the endless strands of soft, straight black hair as he remembered all the years he'd spent, watching it grow; watching this young man grow from a pretty, shy little boy into the strongest, most beautiful and graceful person he could ever imagine. He smiled softly. Any other touch would wake Marron, he knew. His own was different, it sent him deeper into sleep, his angelic features softening from their troubled, pensive dreams into a bare, rarely seen smile. He treasured that smile, more deeply than he could ever treasure any other smile. It was a smile saved for him, he knew. Any smile Marron gave, any true smile, seemed to be his alone.
Angels never came down
There's no one here they want to hang around
But if they knew, if they knew you at all...
Then one by one the angels,
Angels would fall.
He's gonna break so many hearts...
Ever since they were children, he had known that much. With such a lovely face, such a pure heart and soul, he knew it for fact that anyone Marron chose to devote himself to would be the luckiest in the world. Still, that person didn't seem to be coming, not anytime soon. The only ones that seemed to notice Marron's silent, solemn perfection were himself and Gateau, and damned if he wanted that filthy pervert anywhere near his Marron. He wasn't worthy. No one in the world seemed to be worthy. Perhaps a fallen angel would do, but they didn't exactly leap from the sky.
I've crept into your temple, I have slept upon your pew
I've dreamed of the divinity inside and out of you
I want it more than truth, I can taste it on my breath
I would give my life just for a little death.
He'll never be alone, though. He'll always have me.
A stubborn set sunk into his jaw, his fingers lightly caressing the lines of Marron's cheeks in the way his locks brushed the lids of his resting eyes, barely daring to graze him with touch. These little intimacies he dared, when no one else could see... Sometimes, they made his stomach ache in ways he couldn't begin to explain. He'd tried to discuss it with Tira, but the younger red haired girl had looked at him oddly.
So I'll come by and see you again
I'll be just a very good friend
I will not look upon your face
I will not touch upon your grace
Your ecclesiastic skin...
"Do you know what its like to love someone who doesn't seem to notice? And then you're glad they don't, 'cause it's easier that way?"
"Wh....wh....what? Wh....why are you asking me?"
Maybe Tira... Maybe Tira loved Marron. That would be okay. Not even okay, that would be great, Tira was a little weird and heavy on the whip, but she would never dream of hurting anyone but Carrot and Sorcerers, and she was sweet, smart, and pretty. She would be tolerable, if Marron liked her. Marron didn't seem to like anyone, though, and sometimes it worried him. Not because he thought that Marron would end up alone, gods no, Marron was beautiful, wise, strong, perfect, angels would sink down to earth and beg for him, if they had any idea how perfect his little brother was.
Angels never came down
There's no one here they want to hang around
But if they knew, if they knew you at all...
Then one by one the angels,
Angels would fall.
Why the fuck am I doing this again? I'm losing my damn mind.
He stumbled to his feet and began to trudge off into the woods. It had been this way every so often now for a little over two years, ever since the first night he had awakened to hear soft panting breaths on the edge of the camp and looked up to see his little brother squirming up out of his blankets. He looked almost ill, his pale face was so flushed in moonlight, and he cast a quick and wild-eyed glance around the camp before nearly sprinting into the woods. Carrot waited a few seconds, listening, doubtfully, trying to decide if he should let him throw up without anyone seeing him, anyone witnessing him in that weakened state. Marron would hate for anyone to see him sick.
But if it gets in his hair... he'll be pissed as all hell.
With that decision, Carrot was up and after his brother in seconds. He trudged through the woods, sword in hand, ducking through branches, till he saw an utterly unfamiliar sight that nearly stopped his heart, though his body had the prescence to have him whirl around behind a tree, silent and hidden. Marron was definitely not sick. Marron was naked in the moonlight, biting his lip so hard it was nearly splitting to keep himself from crying out, his eyes tightly shut, graceful hands doing things Carrot had never stopped to think they might do, things unmasked by the hair he had twisted up onto his head, though strands trailed over his chest and shoulders.
Oh my gods... Oh my gods...Oh my GODS...
He couldn't move, he could hardly breathe, especially when Marron's breath sped faster and he began to whimper softly. His ears drank in the sounds, his eyes locked on the direction they had both come from, watching out for Gateau, for anyone else who might follow them out here and embarass Marron. Embarass Marron, like he might, if he didn't keep his godforsaken mouth shut and ass still, standing guard so no one would hear the ragged breaths of his now-collapsed baby brother, holding himself up, shaking, on his palms and knees in a bed of leaves and then, after a few minutes, laughing softly, hollowly, sadly, as though even this moment of release in itself had shamed him somehow. Carrot ached to hold him and tell him it would all be okay, but that would be a sin and a damnable one for reasons he didn't know, so silent he stayed, and lurked in the woods even after Marron had gone back to sleep, puzzling over how his baby brother was getting dangerously close to being a man and never seemed to be attracted to anyone.
It doesn't make any sense. He shouldn't feel so alone, we're always here for him. I'm always here for him, I'd listen.
But Marron was Marron and you couldn't say things like that to him. Every time the subject of sex came up, Marron would just kind of glaze over in the eyes, his mind obviously roving elsewhere, or he would quirk one onyx brow in cool, detatched annoyance, his lips pressed together in a delicate frown. The latter was usually saved exclusively for Gateau, before he would turn around and ignore the strong man into persecuting someone else with his shallow pick-up lines. Carrot's own inane penchant for chasing women didn't phaze Marron in the least, since their father had the exact same habits.
Gods... Why won't he just talk to me? Am I that much of a jackass?
He was afraid he knew all too well the answer to that question. So instead of talking, he let one of their usual silent arrangements fall into place... Like so many other things they did, they never consulted one another. Marron would sneak off and Carrot would wake up and follow, watching out while his brother sought release in his own hands. At times, it didn't come easily, and Marron would whimper and sob, begging his body to relax and cooperate silently. Carrot would grit his teeth and wince, wishing there were things he could do to help. He didn't like it when Marron was hurting.
There's nothing I can do to help him with this, I can only watch to make sure no one else knows how goddamned lonely he is... and cover my own tracks so he doesn't know that I've found it out.
He sighed as he looked up into the stars, scratching the back of his neck. If only his brother wasn't so damnably pretty! People had trouble thinking past Marron's appearance, it pissed them both off. He was more than beautiful, he was wise, strong, quickthinking, loyal, brave, and a powerful mage. He listened to people when they spoke, and thought carefully through situations, planning ahead but no to a degree that a change in situation would throw him too far off the enemy's track, and he was utterly deadly when he was angry. Marron was, literally, in his brother's eyes, perfection.
If he was a woman, I'd have to kill people to keep them off. Hell, even I'll probably never find a girl I love as much as Marron.
That thought gave him pause suddenly, and his eyes went wide, hand going to his mouth to silence a comment never made, an idea he kept swearing never to think of again. Carrot felt shocked and utterly horrified by his own mind, and the stirrings he usually managed to slap down all seemed to come rushing on him at once, sending him stumbling to his knees. He would never do that to his brother, not ever, but his mind couldn't control his body, at any rate. Visions played across his mind, and slowly he found himself falling into them, especially the ones that involved his brother's secret smiles and strong arms, his stomach ache appearing full force. Cursing softly, he crushed himself into the darkness at the base of the tree, slipping out of his pants, trying his best to relieve himself without thinking at all, without seriously realizing what it was he was fantasizing about, the implications of it.
I'll come by and see you again
I'll have to be a very good friend
If I whisper they will know
I'll just turn around and go
You will never know my sin.
Marron stood guard, his back against a willow tree, biting his lower lip, golden eyes squinting warily into the darkness in anticipation of attacks from Chocolate.
I wonder why he always takes so long to start... What could he be thinking?
