(A Dirty Pair X-over spamfic)

By: Slacker (r_heins@yahoo.com)

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Tycho Station

The stationmaster was not a happy man. The reason for his unhappiness was obvious: his station was being turned into so much scrap.

"Why did they send THEM? I just reported some panty thefts. Why did they send THEM?" He whined. A sudden boom right outside his office produced a whimper. The sudden silence after that produced a terrified shudder. He waited. No more explosions. No sound at all. He slowly opened his door and looked out. Oh, my God. He thought, in shock. The station was trashed. Where are they? There!

There, indeed. Two women, one with red hair, one with black, both wearing their trademarked battle bikinis. The Lovely Angels. (At least to their face. You didn't call them the OTHER name unless you had a deathwish.) Kei had the reason for their visit in her hand, a small male (at least it was assumed it was male. Most females didn't shout "Sweeto!" and glomp onto your chest) named Happosai. At least, that was what Kei and Yuri had screamed at him when they were trying to kill him. The stationmaster thought it was a name. He edged closer, trying to hear what was being said.

"Where is it! Where is the Kaisufuu! Where is it, you perverted bastard!" Kei was screaming as she frisked the two foot tall...thing.

Yuri wasn't looking much happier. She was going through the sack that Happosai had been carrying. "Panties, panties, panties, bra, bra, teddy, panties. Geezus, this is really embarassing."

"Come on, Ranma. What's wrong with the way you are now?" Happosai asked.

Ranma? Who the hell is Ranma? the stationmaster wondered.

"Either you give it to use or you'll really regret it." Kei growled.

"Oh, and what will you do? Cover me in honey and lick it off? Please? I've been a bad boy." Happosai retorted.

Kei shuddered and said, "No, I'll just take you back to Earth and give you to Taro. He's gotten better." Kei grinned the evilest grin the station manger had ever seen.

Happosai turned white. "Taro? He's still alive? Oh, damn."

"'Nyannichuan.' Spring of drowned YOUNG girl. None of us have aged. And being stuck as a girl for 150 years hasn't made Taro very happy with you. Now, where is the Kaisufuu?" Kei asked in a menacing voice.

"I don't believe you. You're bluffing. I..."

Whatever he was about to say was cut off by Yuri's triumphant "YES!!"

Kei's head snapped around. "You've found it?" She asked in an anxious tone.

"I found it. Let's get some hot water." Yuri answered, holding up something the stationmaster couldn't make out.

"Umm, maybe we should wait until we get back on the Lovely Angel, hmmm? I don't think these bikinis would look very good on our other forms."

"Ohh, yeah. What do we do with him." Yuri asked with a disgusted nod at Happosai.

"We take him with us. Taro wants to talk to him."

"Oh, that's going to be fun to watch." Yuri said with a feral smile.

"Yeah, it will, won't it?"

The stationmaster sighed in relief as the Dirty Pa-LOVELY ANGELS, don't even think that name when they're around!, walked off with their prisoner still clamped in Kei's fist. What do you know, the station's still in one piece. That's a bonus.

As they walked off, the stationmaster heard Yuri ask "Hey, we gonna tell Kuno about this?"

Kei replied, "Hell no! He deserves to stay like that, at least for a while longer. How the hell he managed to get hit with the only sample of Akanenichuan, I'll never know."

"Yeah, I agree. You know there's one good thing about being stuck in this body that I'll miss."

"Oh, what's that?"

"I never get lost."

"Good point, pig-boy."

"Don't call me that!"

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Author's loud-mouthed piece:

Ok, so I was bored and I was looking at a picture of Kei and Yuri. As I was drooling, I mean, studying the picture, I said to myself, "You know, Kei looks like Ranma's girl form." I thought nothing of it. Then I read "Here We Go Again" by Christopher "God-Boy" Angel. And an evil seed was planted. The seed grew as I wrote other fics, and finally blossomed into maturity and grabbed my brain in a stranglehold. I tried to fight it off, but I couldn't. So I finally said "The heck with it!" and here it is.

Ja Ne!
Slacker