Disclaimer:  It goes without saying that I don't own a single
character in this story.  Of course, I can point out one or two I wish
I did....  Purely for professional reasons, mind you.  Certainly
nothing involving skin-tight clothing or chocolate sauce.  Certainly
not.  What, don’t you believe me?  Bah.  Perverts, all of you.

        Real Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 is owned by Rumiko Takahashi
and whoever she may have sold the rights to.  Sailor Moon belongs
to Naoko Takeuchi and whoever she may have sold the rights to.  This
is a work of unathorized fan fiction and should only be taken as such.
No profit has been made off this piece of writing, nor has any been 
intended to be made.

*********************** 
"All the Small Things - Chapter 9:  The 
Saga...Drags On?" 
Yet Another Ranma/Sailor Moon Crossover 
By: Slacker (rheins@pmt.org) 
***********************

     Dark.  Why is it dark?  Shouldn't be dark.  Oh, yes.  Eyes are 
closed.  Open them?  Naw, why bother.  Wonder where I am?  What was I 
doing.....  Oh, yes.  Fighting.  Need to ask.  Need to make sure.

     "Did I win?"

     Who said that?  Oh, wait.  I did.  Can hear someone.  Why isn't
she answering?  How did I know she was a she?  What the hell is going
on?  Why am I so tired?  Should sleep....No!  Need answer!

     "Did I kill it?"

     Waiting.  Taking too long.  Gotta open my eyes-Wait.  Feel 
something.  What.  A hand.  My forehead.  Whose?  Perfume.  Setsuna's.
Why isn't she answering?

     "You won.  They're dead.  The Princess is safe."

     "Good."

     I won.  She's safe.  So tired.....

*******************

     Setsuna watched over Nemesis' form and made certain he had fallen
back asleep before rising out of her chair and walking silently to the
door.  She opened it slowly and slipped out, pausing to take a final
look at him before closing the door.

     Setsuna walked calmly down the hallway and entered the bathroom,
slipping out of her clothes as she went.  She gathered her clothes
in one hand and simply dropped them in the trashcan as she went past
it.  She turned the shower on and stepped in, not even waiting for the
water to warm.  Her hand grabbed for the soap and a sponge, building
up a quick lather and scrubbing her skin rapidly.  She tilted her head
back under the showerhead and sighed softly in pleasure as she applied
shampoo with the ease born of long practice.  Dipping her head forward,
she wiggled her shoulders, letting the spray pound her shoulder and the
back of her neck for a few seconds before swishing her hair back under
the water and rinsing the shampoo from it.  She slapped the water off
and slowly opened her eyes, watching the swirls of crimson-tinted
water drip down the drain.

     With a shake of her head, Setsuna stepped out of the shower,
grabbing a terrycloth robe off the hooks beside the shower doors and 
slipping into it.  She flipped her hair over shoulder with a snap of 
her head and combed it into place with her fingers as she opened the 
door and stepped out, pausing briefly to contemplate the sodden, 
crimson mess in the trashcan that was once her clothes.

     "Going to have to talk to him about making less of a mess when he
saves our lives."  Setsuna drawled wryly and walked away from the 
bathroom, heading down the hallway and descending the stairs on silent
feet.

          At the bottom of the stairs, she paused and cast a measuring
gaze over the tableau in front of her.  All the senshi were present,
scattered around the room in various ways.  One couch was taken up by 
Ami and Makoto, the latter laying face-down across the lap of the 
former. Makoto, for her part, was grumbling softly at this arrangement,
mostly about how she was fine and didn't even feel anything so why 
shouldn't she be allowed to sit up on her own and this was really 
stupid, you know.

     Well, normally she'd be complaining about that.  Of course, this
wasn't exactly normal.  Instead of grumbling, Makoto was completely
silent, along with the rest of the occupants of the room.  All their
attention was riveted on the television, where a news program was 
playing.  On the screen, the pretty young reporter was standing in 
front of what might have once been a park.

     "...and as you can see, this entire area has been more or less 
utterly destroyed.  While the authorities still have no comment,
sources inform me that this sleepy little park was nowhere near any 
gas mains, power lines, or any other readily available source of 
explainable accident.  Some eyewitnesses are claiming to have seen what
they swear to be 'magical girls' fighting something in this park.  All
I know is, a once-beloved park is now in ruins, with no easy answers.
This is Nanami Jinnai, for Channel Eight news.  Back to you, 
Masamichi."

     Back in the studio, the anchorman chuckled softly and shook his 
head as he jokingly addressed the anchorwoman beside him.  "Magical
girls.  Amazing what stress can do to a person's mind, isn't it?"

     Whatever the woman's reply would have been was cut off as Setsuna
strode forward and snapped the television off with a flick of her 
fingers.  Her voice was soft as she surveyed the closed faces of the 
girls in front of her.  "Yes.  It is amazing what stress can do."

     Silence reigned supreme for a few moments before Usagi spoke from
the chair she was sitting in, her voice as soft as Setsuna's, but 
strangely without the usual hesitation at speaking to the enigimatic
Senshi of Time.  "That was the Neko-ken."  It was not a question,
but a soft statement of a fact obvious to all.  Her eyes were shadowed,
contemplating her lap and the hands she had laced there.

     Setsuna nodded.  "It was.  Enhanced by Nemesis' magic."

     Usagi pursed her lips slightly and lifted her eyes slowly to 
Setsuna's.  "Nemesis is Ranko.  You've known all along."

     "Yes, I've known who Nemesis was for about a decade now."  Her 
voice was matter-of-fact as she spoke.

     Usagi smiled tightly and slowly stood, somehow managing to loom
over Setsuna despite the height difference.  Her voice remained soft
as she asked.  "And you never felt the urge to tell Us?"

     Setsuna lifted her head and steadily replied.  "It would not have
been in either of your best intrests.  Nemesis has only barely 
remembered the past."

     "That's not an excuse, Setsuna."  Usagi whispered in a voice full
of sympathetic pain.

     "I was not making excuses, Serenity.  I was offering a reason."
Setsuna gently countered.

     "If you knew who she was, you should have watched over her.  
Helped her.  I've talked to her, you know.  I've heard some of the 
stories about her early years.  The 'training'.  The 'exercises'.
The hell she went through at a time she should have been playing with
other children.  What reason could there be to allow that?"  Usagi 
asked, in a voice that requested, even begged for, an answer, an 
explanation for suffering that could have been prevented.

     Setsuna's eyes grew dark as she softly answered.  "Survival.
Nemesis would be dead now, if not for those experiences.  You haven't
seen the enemies Nemesis faced in the last decade, or even the last 
year."

     Usagi went silent for a few moments, then slowly sat back down in
her chair.  "I..."  Her voice faltered and broke as she whispered.
"She didn't even realize who I was....  She wasn't human, Setsuna.
She was...was...."  Very slowly, Usagi's body slumped into the chair,
shaking with soundless tears as she bowed her head.  "She was a cat."

     Rei wordlessly stood from the chair she was sitting in and moved
across the room, slipping a comforting arm around Usagi's shoulder
and casting Setsuna a look filled with rage barely held in check.  
Setsuna met Rei's gaze with a calm, implacable serenity in her eyes,
gained through untold years of experience.  

     Setsuna's voice was soft as she spoke again.  "You think I don't
regret what I haven't been able to stop?  That I don't wish I could
have prevented Nemesis' difficulties?  I do, you know.  I wish I could
have taken Nemesis and made sure none of that evil would have happened.
Nemesis went through pure hell for over a decade and I wish I could
have prevented it.  But...."

     Usagi lifted her tear-stained cheeks and choked out between sobs.
"Stop calling her 'Nemesis' all the time!  She has a *name*!  At least
show her that much respect!  Her *name* is Ranko!  Ranko Satori!"

     "No, it isn't."

     Setsuna's calm announcement froze all motion in the room.  Even
Usagi's shaking shoulders stilled for a few moments as she whispered.  

     "...what?"

     Setsuna cleared her throat and repeated.  "No, it isn't.  Ranko
Satori does not exist except on paper.  'Her' real name is Ranma 
Saotome."

     Almost unconsciously, Ami's hand darted to the Mercury Computer
and typed a quick inquiry.  The results came up almost immediately.
"The only Ranma Saotome on record is male, Setsuna."

     "I know.  That's because Ranma is-"

     "Looks like I'm missing a meeting.  Poor manners of me, yes?"

     Everyone snapped their eyes to the origin of the voice that 
interrupted Setsuna's explanation, faces going slack with surprise.
At the foot of the stairs stood an obviously weary girl that they now
knew to be Ranma, wrapped in a blanket.  Fatigue stained her voice as 
she spoke.

     "Tomorrow, Setsuna.  I'll show 'em tomorrow.  They'll never 
believe you, otherwise.  Rei's temple should work.  As it is, right
now, all of us need sleep.  We'll finish this tomorrow.  Now is not the
time, tomorrow is."

     Ranma turned and slowly started to make her way back up the 
stairs, pausing briefly to glance back over her shoulder.  "Get to bed.
This will be better after a night of sleep.  No training tomorrow."

     The senshi watched as Ranma slowly ascended the stairs and 
disappeared from view, mumbling softly to herself as she went.  Setsuna
nodded once and announced,  

     "She's right.  We all need sleep.  I'll answer your questions
tomorrow, but not before."

     And with that, Setsuna calmly followed Ranma back up the stairs.

*******************

     The next morning, the Hikawa shrine was peaceful, with only the 
sounds of the birds and the wind whispering through the trees to break
the perfect stillness.

     This was because none of the Senshi (excepting Setsuna) managed
to wake up until almost noon.  Which resulted in Setsuna resorting
to under-handed tactics to wake them all up.  She took advantage
of the intercoms that were in each room.  And the fact that the 
intercoms were wired into the house’s sound system.  She even 
remembered to put in her earplugs before turning on the music.

     And the Senshi were woken up by a loud trumpet fanfare.  Followed
by lyrics they would eventually cause several of them to ask Rei if she
could perform an exercism to get them *out*.

     o/" Mini moni terefon da! rin rin rin o/"

     "What the hell is *that*?"  Haruka grumbled as her eyes forced
themselves open.  Beside her, Michiru's response was entirely 
non-verbal, consisting of slamming her hand into the bedside alarm 
clock rapidly.  And repeatedly.

     o/" Denwa wo kakemashou rin rin rin o/"
     o/" Pakapaka denwa pakka rin rin rin o/"

     Usagi grumbled loudly and flipped over in her bed, trying to drown
out the insanely-peppy song by burying her head under the pillow.

     o/" Rin rin rin tsuu tsuu tsuu o/"
     o/" Rin rin rin pururururu o/"

     Minako blinked bleary eyes and bobbed her head lightly, still 
mostly asleep as she hummed.

     o/" Kochira mini moni rusuban denwa saabisu sentaa desu o/"
     o/" Rusuden da rusuden da o/"

     Ranma...twitched.  Repeatedly.

     o/" Okeshou yarimashou run run run o/"
     o/" Paka paka conpakuto run run run o/"

     Hotaru blinked slowly turned her head, trying to find the source
of the noise.

     o/" Bijin ka na? Dou desu ka? Nachuraru ni shiagemashou
o/"

     Makoto whimpered softly and tried to find a way to get rid of the
song without, say...moving.  At all.  She was warm and comfy and 
holding onto something soft and nice smelling and....waitaminnit.

     o/" Doko ni mo nai mono naraba tsukurimashou o/"
     o/" Peperonchiino ni chiizu kaketatte ii darou! o/"

     Ami grumbled loudly and tried to ignore the music in favor of the
dream of Makoto and the contents of a tub of ice cream....hold
on a second. Ami's eyes *shot* open as sleep suddenly became the very
*last* thing on her mind.

     o/" Tanoshii ohanashii wa tanoshiku shimashou! o/"
     o/" Mini moni terefon wa rin rin rin rin rin ririn o/"

     Rei growled loudly and threw her pillow at the wall, somehow
hoping to kill the intercom.  Somehow.

     o/" Denwa ga narimashita rin rin rin o/"
     o/" Imadoki masaka masaka rin rin rin o/"

     Setsuna smiled slowly to herself as the undeniably sounds of 
people waking up started to filter through the  earplugs.  She whistled
innocently as she turned the music's volume up just a tad and started
to mentally catalogue the noises she could still hear.  

     Let's see....  That scream is likely Ami realizing she somehow
crawled into bed with Makoto sometime last night.  And, right on cue,
that's Makoto, realizing just what she's snuggling against.  (Wonder
how long Ami's slept in the nude?)  And that crash sounds like Michiru
trying to get her alarm clock to shut up.  Again.  Going to have to 
talk to her about the cost of alarm clocks.  Usagi, momentarily
panicking because she thinks she's late to school....  And there's
Minako joining her.  Wait, Minako's singing along.  Well, that figures.
Haruka, screaming something about 'Making it stop.'  Argh.  And that
boom was probably a chi attack.  Sheesh.  I'm making him pay for the 
damages.  And that scream....is Rei finding out there's always a blast
of cold water before the hot in the pipes. Have to give her credit
for getting up, though.  Lots of practice, I'd imagine.

     Setsuna was broken out of her musings by a soft tug on the sleeve
of her blouse.  She quickly glanced down to see what was going on and
saw a semi-sleepy Hotaru blinking solemnly up at her.  Setsuna glanced
over to her hand, which was still on the volume control for the 
intercoms and pinkened slightly.

     "Ummm...I needed something to get everyone up quickly?"  She 
hesitantly offered, thoughts awhirl.  *Wait.  Why am I offering 
excuses?*

     Hotaru just blinked at Setsuna again, then tugged on her sleeve
and looked semi-pitiful.  Setsuna sighed and snapped the intercom
off, then pulled the earplugs out.  

     "I never get to have any fun."  *Did I just say that?*

     Setsuna cleared her throat and casually entered the kitchen,
finishing the last few steps necessary for the food she'd started
earlier to finish cooking and studiously ignoring her own behaviour.

*******************

     The Hikawa Shrine was no longer peaceful, silence shredded by the
clamoring voice of a group of very chatty girls.  Occasionally,
a loud scream of "GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD!" would echo through the 
grounds, or perhaps "Minako, STOP SINGING IT!"  A careful listener
would have been able to hear the "But it's cute!" that usually answered
that last scream, followed by the sounds of someone smacking their head
against something hard.

     Ami cleared her throat and tried to ignore the way Haruka was 
making the table shake.  

     "I thought Rank-"  Ami checked herself, then tried again,  "Ranma
was supposed to be here."  Her voice was pleasant, almost able to hide
the undercurrent of accusation that she wasn't even really aware was 
there.  Almost.

     Setsuna sipped at the cup of tea in her hands.  "Ranma should
be."

     "Then where is she?"  Ami conversationally inquired, fingers
twirling her pen quickly.

     Setsuna drained the tea in her cup and peered at the tea leaves
left in the bottom.  "Hmmm....  Very close to us now."

        Ami craned her neck, trying to see the bottom of Setsuna's
cup.  "I didn't know you could read tea leaves."

        "I can't."  Setsuna calmly set her cup down on the table and 
stated, "But I can watch her as she walks in and stands behind you."

        Ami blinked.  And heard it.  From right behind her.  A soft,
low chuckle.  She slowly leaned back, tipping her head back to look up.
As her shoulders hit the silk-clad legs only a few inches from her 
shoulderblades, she mentally made a note to never forget that Ranma
could be *very* quiet.

        Ranma grinned down at Ami and cheerfully explaimed, "Hiya."

        Ami carefully did not notice the way Ranma's shirt exposed
the entirety of her chest from this angle and slowly waved up to the 
perky girl.

        "Hi?"

        Ranma waved again and sank onto a pillow fluidly, pouring
herself a cup of tea.  The rest of the Senshi clustered around the 
table, most of them staring at Ranma as she sipped at her tea.  She 
glanced at them over the tea cup, carefully measuring the intensity
and anticipation in their gazes, cleared her throat, took a deep 
breath, and carefully enunciated in an incredibly serious voice,  
"Rubber baby buggy bumpers."

        There was a deafening silence.

        There was a loud, simultaneous cry of "WHAT?"

        There was a deafening silence, broken by a slow giggle being
emitted from the odango'd blonde in the corner as she pointed at the 
dumb-founded look on most of the Senshi's faces.  Usagi rapidly 
progressed from the soft giggling to full out laughter, falling back
on the floor and nearly howling with glee as she gasped out,  
"T-the...looks...on your...f-f-faces!"

        Minako blinked, then slowly started laughing, resting her arms
on the top of the table and pillowing her face in them.  Her shoulders
shook as her laughter grew louder, finally resulting with her following
Usagi's example and falling backwards to the floor helplessly,
feet kicking as she laughed and laughed and laughed.

        The rest of the Senshi blinked.  And slowly started to let 
their mouths quirk in smiles as the infectious laughter started to get
to them.  Setsuna carefully set her cup down and closed her eyes, then
buried her face in one hand and let slip the final straw:  a tiny, 
almost-repressed snicker.  The rest of the girls lost it, in a rush of
releasing tension and built-up stress.  
        
        Ranma sipped her tea again and used the cup to salute Setsuna
with grin, silently mouthing "Anything Goes School of Martial Arts 
Secret Technique:  The Hyena Laughs at Dawn."  Setsuna simply shook
her head and glanced at the laughing group.  Even Ami was giggling
into her hand, face flushed a bit.

        Ranma waited until the laughter had finally started to subside
and calmly noted,  "You know, it wasn't that funny."

        Which promptly set off even more laughter, mostly of the "We 
can't help it, we'd laugh at anything at this point, please help us 
stop, this is getting painful" variety.  Setsuna just buried her face
in her hands and shook her head, waiting for the laughter to die out 
again.  When the room was finally quiet again, she eyed Ranma with a 
look that silently warned against trying anything else.  Ranma 
grinned...and stayed silent.

        "So, I believe we were here to ask Ranma a few questions,
yes?"  Setsuna calmly asked.

        "A good point."  Ami noted with a quick swipe to her eyes, then
turned to the redhead at her side.  "Now, would you like to explain
why I only found one Ranm-"  Ami winced as a squeal broke through
her concentration suddenly.  She sighed tiredly as she recognized
the voice and resigned herself to getting her answers only *after*
Usagi had finished voicing whatever thought had percolated through her 
brain.

        Usagi giggled and crawled over quickly to lean over the table
and poke Ranma's stomach.  "I wanna see you transform!  C'mon, say 
it...."

        Ranma shook her head.  "No.  Wouldn't work, anyways."

        Brilliant blue eyes blinked hopefully as a lip quivered,
a finger winding blonde hair slowly.  "Pleeeeeease?"
        Ranma twitched.  "No.  I don't do it that way.  It's a matter
of will.  And it won't work in this form."

        Usagi sniffled and gave Ranma her best 'beaten puppy' look.
Rei coughed softly and idly noted, "Might as well just give in...."

        "No.  Not going to happen."  Ranma's voice was solid as a rock,
with a slight under-current of menace.

        "Ranma's scaaaared."  Haruka lightly sing-songed, snickering
as she saw a wonderful opportunity for revenge present itself.

        "I am NOT!"  Ranma roared, jerking to her feet and pointing
an accusing finger at Haruka.  "You take that back!"

        "Then why won't you say it?"  Minako perkily chirped.  "No 
harm, no chicken, right?"

        "I'm telling you, it won't work!"  Ranma exclaimed with an 
exasperated overhead fling of her arms.  "My transformation doesn't 
work that way, it won't do anything to this form, and I'm not going to 
say it 'cause it sounds stupid!"

        "Say what?"  Setsuna asked innocently.

        "Nemesis Planet Power, Make Up!"  Ranma nearly bellowed in 
frustration--then froze in absolute horror, eyes wide as dinner plates.
And stayed frozen for a few long seconds, before her shoulders slumped
with a loud sigh.  "Oh, thank Kami-sama...."

        A spark of black energy rippled up her form.

        "OH, FU-"

        And her clothes exploded in a rush of ebony flame, lifting
her from her feet in a surge as the field of energy surrounded
her with a *CRACK* and a sharp tang of ozone.  Flashes of skin could
briefly be seen as magic washed over her form, tightening into a 
coccoon of dark energy, hiding her utterly from sight before bursting
outwards in a wash of light.

        Nemesis' booted feet hit the wood of the floor with a sharp
crack.  The Senshi simply...stared.

        "Uh...."  Usagi stated elegantly.

        "That's not the normal uniform...."  Makoto mumbled, rubbing
at her eyes as her voice trailed off.

        "That is not a fuku, either."  Ami managed to get out, jaw 
slack.

        "Is that...leather?"  Minako asked, cocking her head to the 
side.

        "Is that painted on?!"  Haruka exclaimed, leaning closer with
an intense look, only to have the back of her head thwacked by Michiru.
"Ow!  It's a valid question!"

        Setsuna blinked.  And very carefully controlled the laugh that
was trying to bubble out of her throat.  Nemesis' expression promised
that laughter would be a Very Bad Thing right now.

        And Nemesis tightened *her* leather-clad fists until the 
leather creaked.  She took a deep, careful breath, trying to ignore
the way she could feel leather straps criss-crossing her chest, and 
slowly took a step forward.  Yes, she could feel high heels on the 
knee-high boots.  And that was a definite jingle of chain from around
her hips and waist.  Slowly, her eyes opened and with a whisper soft
voice she calmly asked,  "Am I wearing a tiara?"

        Silent nods answered her.  She nodded with a too-calm smile
and reached up, ripping it off her brow and throwing it to the side.

        "Ummm....it's back."  Makoto noted hesitantly.  Nemesis 
twitched as her fingers ventured back to her forehead and confirmed
that fact.

        "Of course it is.  He would do that.  At least I don't have 
earrings--"

        "Little black ones.  Studs."  Haruka broke in.

        "...."  Nemesis' face went blank and as she hopefully asked,
"But I'm not wearing a choker....?"

        "Black with a white cresent moon."  Setsuna calmly informed.

        "Please tell me no hair ornaments,"  Nemesis' voice was flat
with hopelessness.

        "No."  Ami responded quickly.

        "Oh, thank you for small favors!"  The leather-clad Senshi
exclaimed with a sarcastic bite to her voice.

        "But it is nicely styled."  Haruka casually commented,
savoring the not-so-subtle revenge happily.

        A quick shudder answered the statement, followed by an almost
pleading question of,  "No ribbons?"

        "No ribbons."  Setsuna confirmed with a nod.

        "Oh, thank Kami-sama!"  Nemesis slowly looked over herself
and firmly crushed *any* desire to comment that at least she looked
good, and tried to reason with herself.  Argh.  Her.  Damn it all.  
This sucked.  This really sucked.  Why did she always end up a girl?
Always, always, *always*!  It was like she was the butt of some vast
cosmic conspiracy!  "How can this get any worse?"

        Usagi blinked and cheerfully remarked,  "But the makeup is very
nice! It makes you look a lot prettier!"
        
        A single, massive twitch was the only reply.

To Be Continued..... 
****************** 
Author's Notes:

        What?  They can't ALL end on cliffhangers, right?  C'mon, isn't
a pathetic attempt at humor a good way to end a chapter?  Anyways.
I'm going to shut up now.

        Okay, I lied.  I'm going to apologize for the MASSIVE delay
in getting this done, hope it doesn't suck so badly you all will hate
me for it, note it is a rough draft, and run while shutting up.
        
        Thanks to Kenko for evil ideas on the transformation
scene.  It would be a lesser scene without his input.
        

Ja Ne! 
Slacker   

PS.  The song used is an actual song.  It is J-pop, obviously,
and was described by a friend as "audio crack cocaine".  Its title is 
"Telephone! Ring Ring Ring!" and is by the band Mini Moni.

RedDeath, this is dedicated to you.

Lyrics can be found at: 
English: http://www.megchan.com/lyrics/translations/telephonering.html
Japanese: http://www.megchan.com/lyrics/romaji/telephonering.html

And a copy can be located at 
http://www.angelfire.com/anime/Slacker/Telephone.mp3
(Good luck getting to it.)