Wufei was frustrated with Duo Maxwell. Not that this was anything new. The braided baka seemed to take a certain perverse pleasure in making the Chinese boy's life more "interesting" if not more difficult.
The only difference today was the fact that Duo was managing to get on Wufei's nerves by NOT being within earshot. The Chinese man searched the house that Duo and Heero shared with growing ire. "KISAMA! The one time I want to find the moron..."
"Hn?" Heero asked from somewhere behind him. Wufei paused seconds before going into a full rant, and spun to face the other pilot. Heero was just stepping out of the small kitchen, a glass of water in hand. If he was at all surprised at Wufei's presence, it didn't show on his features.
"A mission came in for Maxwell from the Preventors." Wufei sighed, spreading his hands in supplication. Ranting at Heero about his partner was less than useless, so the Chinese man decided to opt for prying information out of the surely pilot. "Do you have any idea on where he is."
Heero shook his head slightly. "Tell Noin that it's Duo's day off."
"I can't. It's an S-class disturbance on L2, the only one qualified for it is Duo. I wouldn't be here if it were anything less than the threat of another civil war on the L2 cluster, you know that Heero."
"That bad?"
"Aa."
Heero gave a small sigh of resignation. Duo DID insist than any assignment rating above 2nd class priority on L2 was given to him. As far as Heero saw it, Duo brought this on himself again. "Fine. He's at Saint Mary's on Juniper street. Third sector."
"A church?" Wufei raised an eyebrow, curiosity overriding common sense. "Since when did Maxwell get religious?"
Heero gave a small shrug of his shoulders. "He's not. I would suggest waiting here for him. He's usually not in a good mood today."
"That's fine. Neither am I." Wufei growled and stormed out.
Heero, standing alone again, stared at the front door thoughtfully for a moment before taking a small sip from his glass. Wufei would find out the hard way he guessed. He shrugged at no one in particular and went to unearth his laptop from the clutter of Duo's room.
Wufei, meanwhile, was running down his list of improper things to call Maxwell in Japanese /and/ Chinese. His trek to find the missing ex pilot was leading him through less and less reputable sections of town. He had no doubts that he could defend himself if the circumstances arose that he'd need to, but it was a disquieting feeling of being stared at like a starving lion would fresh meat that unsettled him.
The bare and rundown building of Saint Mary's was almost a relief when he came to it. Anything to get away from the unabashed stares of those he passed on the street. If Heero had warned him he would have changed out of his formal silks and into something less obtrusive. It was probably another example of Heero's rare but odd sence of humor, Wufei mused sourly, ducking into the open doors of the church.
The insides of the church were no more impressive than its exterior. The low roof sagged slightly in the middle, held up only by a stout board in the center of the aisle of pews. A few water-stained murals adorned the walls as the only decoration besides a simple altar in the front, and the scent of incence and scented candles weren't enough to overpower the lingering musk of mildew and woodrot.
/Why come here of all the places? He has a cathedral within a few minutes walk of his house. Baka./ Wufei scanned the church for the baka in question. It was the middle of the week, so only a few vagrants and a scruffy looking child were seated amongst the scattered pine pews, most of which looked more like they were taking shelter rather than here for any sort of worship.
Duo, he found at last, was kneeling near the back of the room, half obscured by his black attire and by the deep setting of the alcove. Wufei inched closer, unusually silent. There was something about Maxwell's posture that warned him not to interrupt in his typical fashion. Waiting in that small alcove was two surprises.
The first was Duo himself. He had, for some reason, gone back to his riding pants and priest's frock today, something Wufei hadn't heard of the American doing since they were all fifteen. The frock itself was creased and had signs of a hasty and inexpert job of letting the hems down, to accomidate for the boy's recent growth spurt.
The other was in the sheer amount of candles that had been set up and were burning in front of the kneeling ex pilot. There had to have been at least two hundred, neatly lined up, and each dim little flame adding to its neighbor until the mass of candles gave off a radiance that brightened the small room more than any daylight could. The soft and golden light left many and deep shadows all around the small room. With a slight pang of guilt and some other feeling he couldn't quite identify, he slipped into one of the many hiding places unnoticed by the other man.
"...and Veronica Merristiers," Duo's voice, soft and rasping from the strain of overuse reached Wufei's ears. "I knew you perhaps less than most of the others, and I taunted you the worst. You'll probably never know how much I considered you a friend, because I never got the chance to tell you. We didn't get along, but you didn't deserve to die. Rest well Verry." With a solemnness Wufei had never seen in his fellow Preventer, Duo lit another candle.
/I shouldn't be here, this is too private. I shouldn't be here.../ Wufei chanted in his mind, but he found himself unable to look away, some morbid curiosity keeping him rooted to his spot in the shadows to watch this foreign mood Duo was displaying.
Slender hands shook in the candlelight as he reached for the last two unlit candles. If it was possible, the normally animate face became somehow more still, almost lifeless. His violet eyes and whatever emotion they held, were obscured by the shadows cast from his unruly bangs and the reflected light of the dragon's horde of candles.
"Sister Helen..... You perhaps gave me the most, and in return I gave you tons frustrations. I didn't quite fit into your equations of wrong and right, sin and holiness did I? I probably still don't. Heh, I still can sometimes imagine you, when I'm fighting, gazing down at me with that stern look and scandalized eyes. I loved your smile though. As much as I made you frown, I really loved your smile.
"Did you know, that I'd used to go out of my way to see it. It's probably why I play the fool now. Maybe in making other people happy I'll be greeted with that smile sometime after this life. Or maybe see it on my friends' faces, or on the face of a stranger. I used to imagine that, that smile was what angels would look like. Silly huh?
"You were always cheerful with the kids, I remember that too. It's what I admired so much. When the Fed's shells were dropping all around, you were there with a cheerful grin and silly jokes for the little ones. You probably were doing that same thing right at the end too.
He gave out a strangled laugh. "Some silly story about a pink elephant or something.... Before the fires started... I'm sorry Sister.... I... I really am. I know apologizing now doesn't help jack shi....I mean, anything, but ....." Duo drew in a shaky breath, audible even from where Wufei hid. "God, I never really know what to say. Kinda funny from a guy who can't shut up, ne? I think I miss you the most Sister Helen, rest well, please." Another candle lit. Duo turned to the remaining empty sconce and set up the last candle, seeming to steel himself with the simple actions.
"Father Maxwell. I don't know why you took me and Solo's old gang in. Why you put up with me, why you never acted like the rest of the adults, why you never threw me out even when no one else on the Colony would take in "Maxwell Church's Demon," and why you adopted me. I never really did anything to warrant your kindness, but you gave it to me all the same. Sister Helen told me that your last words were even for me.... I still think those were a waste of breath. I never deserved you.
The unobscured portion of Duo's face twisted into a pained frown. "I'm sorry, but I still haven't found your God, or faith. I've looked everywhere I could Father, but I still see Shinigami. I was hoping after the war..." Duo's slender frame rocked with a great sigh in the golden light. "I really hope your god exists Father. If he does, I know you sit by his side. A kind and charitable man like you were deserved nothing less than to be honored by a kind and charitable god. Not just a battered ol' Shinigami. Rest well father, you deserve peace most of all." Duo crossed himself in a less than graceful manner, his whole body radiating unease.
Wufei slunk back into the shadows, deciding that swallowing his pride was far better than being caught evesdropping, especailly on that of all things. He'd just wander back to the front doors and make like he was just arriving at the doorstep when.....
"Shimatta!" He hissed under his breath, hearing the light footfalls of his comrad approaching. Duo had pulled himself together much faster than Wufei anticipated. Panicked, he ducked into a doorway set into the wall and slide the bolt shut behind him. He felt massive relief swell up as he heard Duo walk past his new hiding spot.
All of which dissolved as the next door down opened, shedding light into the small room of the confessional on the other side of the perferated screen.
/Dear Nataku! I don't want to be here, I don't want to hear this. I don't want to be diced into little pieces when he figures out who's on the other side of the screen. It would be only just if he did. Of all the dishonors I've commited, this disgrace ranks the highest, perhaps I'll loan him my sword to do the honors./ Wufei slunk deep back onto the hard bench of the priest's section of the confessional, mired in his own misery.
"So confession isn't closed yet?" There was a trace of wry amusement in Duo's voice.
/Damn it! He knows someone's here. How the hell? In this bad light.../
Wufei shook his head, then berated himself mentally for his own stupidity. There was no way Duo could see his movement behind the screen. He hoarsely pushed out a "No." from his dry throat. With all his soul he hoped that the flimsy screen muffled his voice as much as it did Duo's. If he bolted now, Duo would definitely catch him. He had no choise but to hear the other out.
Besides, there was something slightly unhinged in those violet eyes on the other side of the screen, something far more Trowa or Heero than anything he'd expect out of Maxwell. Yes, running right now would be a rather bad and unhealthy idea, the Chinese man decided.
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It's been exactly one year since my last confession...."
/What have I gotten into now?!/ Wufei thought miserably as he settled back and tried not to listen.
"... just to let you know, I'm not doing this because I want to repent or something. Most of this stuff I'm not even sorry for." He paused, seeming to be waiting for some prompt. Wufei rapidly thought back to all the vidclips of pre colony movie's he's seen. He drew a blank on anything to say in the circumstances.
"Well anyways, here goes the list, might as well settle in Father, it's a long one. lets get the biggies out of the way, shall we? Um, hmm I've killed 34 people since my last confession, 10 of those in cold blood, the rest in battle."
Wufei choked slightly from surprize, this wasn't what he expected to hear.
"What?" There was a slight tone of amusement. Wufei couldn't help but think Duo enjoyed the shocking effect.
"You kept count?" he asked incredulously.
"Well, if I didn't it wouldn't be a proper confession would it? In the war I stopped counting after 10245, that was the number I was going for anyway. After that it didn't matter."
"Why that number?"
"10000 people in the great plague of L2. Not many people know this, but it was engineered. I found out later, it was fabricated as a means of getting the upper class in the Fed's pockets. For the promise of their loyalty and monitory support, they got a vial of the vaccine. The middle class could buy the stuff at the hospital after they released it, the poor were out of luck. At the time, we called it Shinigami, the Feds called it Urban Renewal. I was determined to take a life for each one they stole. So I guess you can add rage and vengance to my sins."
There was a slight pause before Duo asked in a curious tone. "You seem more concerned about my keeping count than the actual acts?"
/Think fast Scholar./ "It's been difficult times."
"I can't say I disagree there. God I need a glass of water, my throat's killing me."
"I'm sorry."
"Nah, it's not your fault. Now where was I on the list? Oh yeah.
"I've loved another man. But mind you, it wasn't some tawdry sodomy. No cheap thrills or anything like that, not that I haven't had my share in the past. I mean this has even really cleaned me up, I've been giving up a lot of my old habits for him. So it can't be that bad huh?"
Wufei began to notice a defensive tone creeping into Duo's voice. /Maybe this religion is ingrained even farther than he admits./
"I mean love for the little things. I love the way his hair falls over his eyes when he's typing. I love the way that when he's happy he gets this comically confused look on his face and wanders off to sit in the corner alone until he figures out what the hell, sorry heck, he's feeling and if he likes it. I love the way he could burn salad. Not that I'm a better cook. Hell, the only thing I DON'T love about him is his right hook."
"It really wouldn't matter to me if he was wearing a woman's body either. I guess even then it's still a big sin, but I'm not about to start caring now..."
Inch by inch Wufei relaxed a bit, not exactly enjoying the charade, but becoming more comfortable. In his time before his involvement in the war and his tutelage under Laoshi O, many came to him for advice who were reluctant to ask the master himself. Unconsciously, he dropped into the old patterns. An hour and many sins, small and large passed quickly.
"So Father, what's the penance this time?" The comfortable haze he'd managed to build around himself popped instantly. He searched his memory for what the Catholics considered penance. /Rosary, something about Hail Mary's I think. I don't think I'll ever understand it, certainly not enough to assign it. Even so, it doesn't seem appropriate./
Hoping his silence appeared to be thoughtful instead of panicked to the man on the other side of the screen, he started slowly, but honestly. "I could probably give you the traditional rote and penance for your sins," /By all that's just in the world, don't let him call me on that bluff/ "but I suspect that next year, you'll just add that at the end of your list of things you didn't do."
That earned him a small chuckle and the scuffling sounds of Duo moving from kneeling to sitting on the bench.
Taking that as a good sign, Wufei continued. "The only thing I can truly think of is to balance the scales is for you to forgive yourself first. And probably the hardest thing I can think of to ask you to do. When you can read off that list without the sarcasm and bitterness, without feeling defensive or ashamed, then you'll be on your way far more than if you stayed up a week repeating a prayer over beads."
"You don't ask for much, do you?"
Wufei snorted, forgetting himself. "Who said penance was easy?"
"Too true. I'll think about it. But first, something to drink." The figure on the other side of the screen stood up and stretched slowly before swinging open the confessional door on his side. "Sayonara."
When Wufei's watch said he had waited a little more than half an hour, he picked himself up and inched open the door to the confessional. /Kisama, if he's not gone, I'm in trouble, if he is, I'll never find him again without asking Heero and I don't think he'll do that without some hefty explanation. K'so! The mission too. We can't afford to be late./ Shaking his head ruefully at his own weakness, he looked out the open doorway. No sign of Maxwell what so ever.
"Ya know," A voice called out. "For a Gundam pilot, you'd make a decent priest." Wufei had a sudden feeling much akin to his stomach being dropped into zero G while the rest of his body was given an extra dose of gravity. He closed the door to the confessional slowly, revealing Maxwell leaning casually against a stretch of wall between the two doors.
His posture was at ease, one foot crossed loosely over the other at the ankles, head tilted back slightly to gaze at the ceiling, and his usual grin plastered once again across his face again. True to his earlier word, he had a can of soda in one hand.
Wufei knew the look in his eyes though; he'd seen it often enough on the gundam's monitors back during the war. It wasn't something you forget. It usually only surfaced while Duo was cutting through enemy mobile suits by the dozen and screaming. It was chilling, he decided, to have that same look focused on him, even set in a cheerful face.
"So you're not mad?" Wufei hazarded hopefully.
Duo sighed and rubbed his hand behind his neck. "Aw hell, yes, no, maybe, yeah probably. I don't know yet. I've confessed to an empty bench more times than to a real priest what's the difference if I confess to the one person who'd delight in using it against me huh? My real penance I guess."
"I wouldn't eve.."
"Yare yare, save it Wu-man." Duo shook his head and straightened up from the wall. "Well I don't expect this visit was some passionate desire to find out more about the great Duo Maxwell? And there's no way in hell Heero would have told you where I was unless it was important."
"No, there was, is, a mission for you. S-Class on L2. It looks like another conflict is starting and they need a mediator to talk both sides down. Noin sent me personally to find you. She's got all the details."
"Remind me to thank her." He gave a dry laugh, then motioned towards the door of the church. The two walked together in an uncomfortable silence. /I suppose any silence from Maxwell would be uncomfortable. They aren't exactly common. Figures, I get the one thing I'm always asking for, and all I want is his constant chatter./
Finally, beseeching Nataku for strength, he worked up the nerve to voice a few of his questions. "Duo?"
"Hmm?"
"Why do you do this anyway?"
Duo laughed instead of answering immediately. "Wu-man, I'd have thought all these years with Sally would have taught you some subtlety."
"It's never been my strong point." /Great. Can I get any more embarrassed?/ Wufei frantically fished for anything that would heal the growing rift between the two men.
"I've noticed."
"So?" Wufei took the stance of someone prepared to wait.
"Persistent too. Ah well, know most of it already. Exactly 15 years ago this day, 3 hours, and.." He glanced down at his wristwatch quickly. "15 minutes ago, the Feds on L2 blew up a small church in one of the many poor sections of town. 245 people, mostly the wounded, women, and orphans taking shelter there, died either from the impact or trapped in the fires after. There was one survivor." Duo shrugged. "You can put the rest together I bet."
"Aa."
"Well that's it, once a year I do this for them, and once a year I go out and have fun for Solo. He would have liked that a lot more than a candle and a soliloquy."
Another length stretched out broken only by the background noise of the busy streets and the sounds of their own footsteps. /He should be yelling at me. Screaming, if he gets mad enough. He should be threatening to rebuild Nataku just so that he can paint it pink and baby blue./
"Duo, you know, what I said at the end. It wasn't just some trite thing to fool you into thinking I was a priest." Duo's eyes hardened slightly. Wufei cut him off before he could open his mouth to protest. "No, don't interrupt, I want you to know where I'm coming from."
"If it'll make you feel better."
"Thank you." Wufei said sincerely, ignoring the sarcasm laced into the other man's words. "I lost my wife in the beginning of the wars. She was the one who led our colony's attack against OZ, fighting with the best in the front lines. Back then, I was just a scholar, martial arts was a past time, although even then I was quite good at them, and war was just something I read about.
"Meiran you'd recognize more than the man I was. She was fierce and determined, forever ranting on justice. We were betrothed since birth and both stubborn, neither of us wanted to be married to this stranger we had so little in common with. We fought, day in and day out, at first trying to drive each other away, then simply for the fun of fighting, of matching wits with someone who presented a challenge.
"I think somewhere in there we fell in love. It wasn't until she died that I realized it. As she lay in my arms, she told me that she was wrong all this time, I was stronger than she was."
Duo's face still held it's anger and bitterness, but there were the beginnings of curiosity dawning. "And then?"
"And then I adopted her way of thinking entirely. I strove to fit the world into that narrow view of that which was just and that which wasn't. I believed I failed her whenever the world wouldn't subscribe to those rigid guidelines. Somehow, this way I could make her proud of me, to be worthy of her last words, that I truly was strong."
"To be worthy of, you sound like you are talking to your Gundam." A faint grin had turned the tips of Duo's lips upwards.
Wufei shook his head abruptly. "I was never talking to Shelong. Nataku is the name of a legendary Chinese warrior, and the name that Meiran insisted I call her."
"An interesting story Wu-man, but why tell me?"
"I'm not sure, just that I think I know where you are coming from. You set aside a day for those that died at the church, and another for this Solo you spoke of... but I set aside my life, every day for Meiran. I understand what it's like to have that disturbed."
"And that's supposed to make it better?" The American asked sharply.
"No, but I was hoping it was a start." He snuck a glance over at his friend from the corner of his eyes. Duo had lagged a few steps behind, an intensely thoughtful look in his downcast eyes.
"It's a good one." The American nodded, coming to some internal decision, a ghost of his old grin flitting across his face and posture.
A somewhat less tension-charged air settled between the two men as they neared Heero and Duo's house. One last question ran through the Chinese man's mind that refused to let him be. Stopping on the doorstep, he put a hand on Duo's shoulder, stopping him before he reached for the doorknob.
"Maxwell?" Duo smirked a bit at Wufei's switch back to his last name.
"Aa?"
"Just one thing."
"Spit it out Wuffie."
"How did you know it was me?"
"Well to your credit, I didn't have a clue until after. I just assumed you, the priest, were new to this. Then a few things clicked together, and I headed back."
"You didn't answer my question."
"Wufei Chang, you," Duo gave his first true grin since the whole fiasco. The braided man paused theatrically, waving a slender finger in the air and obviously relishing the dramatics. "Are the only person I know who can work a full justice rant into advice about swearing too much."
At that, Duo grinned, winked and shut the door behind him.
The End
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