23-Dec-2000
For Lilias. As requested, I think.
Warnings: Trust me.
Duo: It sends shivers down my spine when she says that...
Don't leave.
Oh God, please don't leave.
I can't stand it, sitting here, watching you. Every heartbeat takes you one step closer to goodbye.
Don't leave.
Please, can't you see that it will kill me if you go away now? It will; I swear to you that I will die if you leave me now. I've been strong enough in my time to survive the day I blew up my world, and strong enough to save the world from a falling star, but if you leave me I will die.
Oh God, why did I have to wait so long to realize how very rare and precious you really are?
Don't leave.
I've finally figured it out.
I need you. You rendered me human, cut away the firewalls that the soldier erected to protect himself. You taught me laughter. I have known tears, but I had not known joy until you gave it to me. You taught me love. I have known hate, but I had not known compassion until you showed it to me.
Don't leave.
I know it took me too long to understand myself, and even longer to understand you. Forgive a blind man his folly. Open your eyes and tell me that you accept my apology. Open your eyes and tell me that I'm too late. Just open your eyes.
Don't leave.
Your hands are too frail, too limp. I have never seen your hands still and relaxed. They are supposed to be in motion -- emphasizing your point as you speak, clenched in anger, flexing through soapy water as you wash your hair, drifting idly through the soft fur on a kitten's back -- they aren't allowed to lie by your side like this, pale, the veins blue underneath the surface. I never till now realized how small your hands are when compared to mine as I lace my fingers in yours.
Don't leave.
Your face is too composed, too much like the face of a knight reposing in his tomb. You should be smiling, frowning, laughing, crying, scowling, grimacing, winking, anything.
Don't leave.
I love you.
Don't leave.
I was going to tell you this afternoon.
Don't leave.
I never thought this could happen.
Don't leave.
I never thought our luck would be this cruel.
Don't leave.
Please, God... don't take him from me.
Don't leave.
I love you.
Don't leave.
How long have I been sitting here? My throat is raw and aches.
Don't leave.
It's my mantra now. The only prayer I have to offer. Don't leave. I can't live if you don't. I love you.
Don't leave.
You asked me once if I believed in miracles. I would give my soul for one right now. No, that's not right. I wouldn't give you for a miracle. But I would give anything else.
Don't leave.
You said that time that you thought we create our own miracles. Is it possible?
Don't leave.
I don't know how long I've sat here. All my muscles are stiffened, and my voice is hardly more than a dry whisper lost among the quiet whirrings of the machines around you.
Don't leave.
More than a few people have tried to make me go away. I won't. Never again, I promise.
Don't leave.
Your skin feels dry as I trace the patterns of the veins on the back of your hand, the pads of my fingers rough against your smooth skin. If I had my way, my hand would never leave yours again, and I would lead you home.
Don't leave.
My eyes are gritty; it must be nearly a day now since I've slept. The nurses come and go, and shoot me pitying glances as they bustle around you.
Don't leave.
I think dawn is coming. The window seems a little brighter.
Don't leave.
Yes, the sun is starting to rise.
Don't leave.
It flushes your skin a little. I could almost fool myself that you're only asleep. I would spend the rest of my life watching you sleep if I could.
Don't leave.
I blink, rapidly. I must be too tired. It seemed like your lips moved.
Don't leave.
I must be more tired than I thought.
Don't leave.
No... again. Movement. My world spins and pivots now, balancing solely now on the flutter of your lips and the slight tightening of your fingers twined with mine. The words, soundless but distinct.
~I won't.~
~Owari~
I hope that was what you wanted, Lilias...
Feeeeeedbaaaaack. Please?
Lys ap Adin
Please send comments to: lys_ap_adin@yahoo.com
