How long had he been by that night-darkened window, as still and silent as Death himself, arms folded across his chest, his emotionless Prussian blue eyes riveted on the sleeping figure in the hospital bed? It seemed like an eternity, even though it had only been a few hours since he had rescued Duo from the OZ prison where he was going to be executed as a scapegoat for the public. OZ had been planning to use Duo and his Gundam like they were mere toys - mindless, unfeeling pawns that could be battered around and tossed into dark corners of the great game that OZ seemed to think human life was.

As those thoughts reared their ugly heads, Heero felt his throat tighten with rage. Contrary to popular belief, the Perfect Soldier hated precious few things in the world. He saw no reason to waste his time worrying over such trivial things as emotions and arguing with that little creature called his conscience, which had been getting more and more bold ever since he had met the braided baka named Duo Maxwell. See, Heero Yuy loved even less than he hated. He could count the things he really, truly loved on one hand.

And he had just come to the conclusion that Duo Maxwell was the other one.

Shifting his ageless position, Heero unfolded his arms and let them dangle at his sides as the moonlight streaming in from the window behind him washed over the well-formed muscles that were hidden beneath his sweater. That very same moonlight added its ethereal touch to his dark brown hair, transforming it and bleaching some areas to a pure, celestial white. Moving as quietly as he could, Heero approached the sleeping figure on the hospital bed, watching his own ominous yet meekly curious shadow dance in front of him to touch Duo’s sleeping form.

Heero came to a silent stop at the end of the bed and just stood there looking down at Duo with a strange, soft light flickering the barren depths of his Prussian blue eyes. The braided boy had been through hell and back, and it showed. Three broken ribs. Busted lip. A sprained ankle. Cuts and bruises covering nearly every inch of his body. Though he hadn’t seemed in that bad of condition when he and Heero had escaped from the colony, it soon dawned on Heero that Duo was in more pain than he was letting on. Indeed, Heero had become so worried that he had resorted to actually taking Duo to a hospital and checking him in to be looked over. He had been afraid that Duo had internal bleeding. He had been afraid that Duo was severely injured. He had been afraid that Duo was going to die. He had been afraid that he was going to lose him.

Yes, Heero Yuy had been afraid.

His eyes never leaving Duo, Heero walked around the bed and plopped into the chair beside it, still gazing at Duo, something the he found strangely relaxing. He had been painfully aware from the moment he had met him that Duo Maxwell was very nice to look at. He simply had the most beautiful, enticing body that Heero had ever seen on anyone, male or female. Long, soft chestnut hair that, Heero knew from experience, flowed like silk through one’s fingers when it was unbound. Laughing violet eyes that never failed to send shivers down Heero’s spine and make his cold, dead heart tremble inside. Duo had a laugh and a personality that could vanquish the darkness in anyone’s soul. Heero had never met anyone like him before, and he knew that he never would again.

Even now, in his broken state, Duo’s beauty could not be overshadowed by the abuse he had received. His hair was in its usual plait, dangling over the side of the hospital bed and swaying slightly whenever he moved in his sleep. The lean chest underneath the hospital gown moved steadily with the blessed breath that kept him alive. His face looked completely vulnerable in sleep, full lips parted slightly as he breathed and long eyelashes fluttering slightly as he dreamed.

Duo…

Reaching out carefully, Heero brushed Duo’s long bangs away from his face and gently ran his callused fingers down the soft skin of his cheek, careful not to touch the bruise that was plastered hideously on the other boy’s skin. He suddenly wanted to kill the officers who had done this to such an outstanding creature as Duo. The braided boy may call himself the God of Death, but to Heero, he was the embodiment of life and love. Heero didn’t want anyone to ever touch Duo again.

Even me, he thought sadly, withdrawing his hand. I don’t deserve to. No one but God himself - if such a callous being even exists - who created this…this boy…that I’ve fallen for…

Yeah, he remembered now. It had been the first time he had ever kissed Duo, the first time he had ever touched him, and the first time they had made love.

At first, Heero had tended to describe what they had done that night as had “wild and passionate sex.” He had told himself that Duo had been a good lay, but since Duo had also been Heero’s first, he couldn’t exactly compare him to any other. Heero had never thought that he would sleep with someone at such a young age, much less another boy. But it had been good. Very good.

Looking back, he couldn’t exactly recall how it had happened, but Heero did remember that he had seen Duo and some girl flirting and messing around after school, and he had suddenly become insanely jealous, a completely irrational thing since Duo was his friend, not his boyfriend, and as far as he had known at the time, Duo was completely straight. But Heero’s mental stability had been knocked off balance by the unreal prospect that he had actually become envious of someone Duo had been fooling around with. He had been so shaken by it that when the braided boy entered the room they shared later that night, Heero made some comment about Duo’s “little fling.” Of course, Duo didn’t take it very well, and they had started arguing.

“What the hell’s wrong with you, Heero?!”

“You’re endangering the mission, baka!”

“Screw the mission! I think you’re JEALOUS!”

“What?!”

Heero had been the first to wake up in the morning, and he had just lay there in bed, watching the sleeping boy in his arms and wondering what one so beautiful and pure of heart was doing in the middle of a bloody war meant for lost soldiers like himself. He remembered not being able to stop staring at Duo in all his glorious nakedness, smooth skin unbelievably enticing in the sunlight streaming in through the window. Heero had played with Duo’s soft, chestnut hair - which had been unwound from its braid by over eager hands - for what had to have been nearly half an hour, soothed by the way the silken strands slid easily between his fingers, as if they had been meant for such a purpose. Heero had suddenly decided then and there that what he and Duo had done last night was not have sex like two teenagers with out-of-control hormones. No, what they had done the last night could only be called “making love.” Heero had never thought that the two phrases could have totally different meanings. Before Duo, Heero had viewed sex as just a dirty yet pleasurable act that one had to do when they needed to relieve stress or satisfy the driving human need to reproduce.

But he hadn’t known then that he had fallen in love with Duo. Heero had refused to admit it to himself as he reluctantly disentangled himself from Duo and started to get dressed for his morning class. When he had returned to the room that afternoon, he had found all of Duo’s stuff gone. For a moment, his mind had raced wildly, but he had eventually come to the conclusion that Duo had been sent off on a mission. He had immediately thrown his books to the floor and attacked his laptop, wanting to know where and when and why Duo had been called off so suddenly. However, his extensive search was interrupted when its subject had entered the room, dressed once again in his priest garb, to say goodbye to his new lover. Heero remembered the guarded look in Duo’s eyes, as if he wasn’t sure how to behave around Heero after what had happened between them. Heero’s own heart had been aching painfully with knowledge that he and Duo would be on opposite sides of the world, unable to see each other.

He wanted to talk to Duo about many things before they parted ways, but he couldn’t find the worlds to relay what he was truly feeling inside. Yet, in the end, no words had been needed. Stepping into the room and locking the door behind him, Duo had walked over to Heero and kissed him gently on the mouth, giving the other boy time in case he wanted to pull away. Heero had gladly forsaken the opportunity and wrapped his arms tightly around Duo, pulling the braided pilot into his lap. They had enjoyed each other one last time on Heero’s bed before cruel destiny sent them down separate paths again.

But just because they had been divided didn’t mean that Heero had to stop thinking about Duo. He tried his best to force the other boy from his mind and focus on matters at hand, but at night, when he was all alone in his cold bed, he found Duo’s handsome face with its large violet eyes and disarming smile floating in front of him, warming his heart and entering his dreams. And so he kept fighting. Fighting for the chance to see Duo again. Fighting for peace, for Relena, for his new friend Trowa, for warriors like himself and Zechs Merquise. But for Duo, above all things.

And finally, on that fateful day in the library, he had finally gotten a chance to once again see the face that had haunted his lonely nights for months. But to his dismay, the owner of that face was in the hands of the OZ forces, a nameless Gundam pilot with no past and no future, soon to be executed for crimes that were not his own. Fifteen years of extensive training as a soldier had suddenly risen up in Heero’s moment of vulnerability, overriding his feelings for Duo Maxwell, his lover and friend.

And so Heero had boarded the next shuttle heading to the colony Duo was being held on, with the intention of killing him…

…only to get there and find he couldn’t. When he beheld that gorgeous face, cut and battered but with a smile still on it, the casing of ice that had carefully arranged around his heart began to melt into nothing. Duo smiled and joked as he rose shakily to his feet and offered himself up to Heero, closing those beautiful violet eyes and practically putting his heart on his sleeve for Heero’s bullet to pierce.

But could the Fates be any more cold and heartless? He had just found love, and now he was being forced to leave it. Peace came first, the Soldier told him. And that meant that Dr. J and the others had to die. It also meant that he had to leave Duo behind if the mission was going to be any success.

Heero folded his arms across his chest again, wincing at the smell of blood and death that clung to his sweater and slacks. But he knew he would have no time to change clothes before he had to get on the next shuttle to outer space.

I should leave right now, he thought coldly, watching as Duo shifted his sleep again. Leave before I’m forced to say goodbye to him…again. God, I wish I could take him with me! But I can’t - he’s still too weak, and he’ll just slow me down. Besides, he’ll be safer here, won’t he? Maybe not. Knowing Duo, he’ll probably find some way to get into trouble. I hope he doesn’t do anything stupid…

But as Heero shifted again in the chair, getting comfortable as he felt exhaustion creeping up on him, he couldn’t fight the thought that if he left Duo, he would never see him again. What if he meets someone? Heero wondered. With a face and a personality like that, it wouldn’t be hard at all. But…please, don’t forget about me, Duo. I don’t want to lose you…

Heero kept his back turned to the other boy, reshuffling the photos in his hands. “It can’t be helped,” he said flatly, glad that Duo couldn’t see his trembling hands. Now wasn’t the time to be getting all overemotional over an injured, stubborn baka that just happened to be the one he loved more than anything in the entire world.

“Like hell it can’t be helped!” Duo snapped angrily at Heero’s back, clutching his sides in pain as he yelled. “Attack Fortress Barge?! It’s suicide! And without your Gundam! Don’t go, Heero!”

By his final sentence, Duo had himself all worked up. He tried to jump off of the hospital bed he was sitting on, but ended up gasping in pain and grabbing his left side as a sharp spike of agony lanced through him. Heero turned around and watched without a flicker of emotion in his eyes as Duo shut his eyes tightly and slowly eased himself back on the bed, clearly regretting his actions.

“Don’t go,” he ordered harshly, but he was unable to hide the waver in his voice. There was a brightness in his eyes that looked suspiciously like tears.

Heero turned away abruptly as his heart sought to betray him. “I’m going,” he said coldly. “And there’s nothing you can do about it so just shut up.”

Duo’s mean expression vanished instantly, replaced by a look of hurt. Heero half expected him to burst into tears, but he knew that Duo had a will of iron that prevented him from doing things like that. Instead, his shoulders drooped almost comically, his braid flopping over his shoulder and into his lap as he lowered his head. He was trembling.

I’m sorry, Duo…so sorry…

But Heero clung tenaciously to his mask of cool and cold as he turned his back to Duo’s defeated figure and began to methodically pack up his belongings from the table in the room.

No answer.

Duo…say something, goddammit.

“Why don’t you go to school?” Heero continued, as if he had no interest at all in the conversation. “I…I registered under your name.”

Still no reaction. Damn. Heero had thought that that comment would surprise a response out of the other boy, but apparently not. His throat suddenly constricted, and he couldn’t talk anymore. He numbly finished gathering his meager belongings that he had brought with him to the colony. Heero knew that he should say something to Duo, anything to ease the other boy’s pain a little…

Something brushed the back of his leg.

Heero immediately stiffened and straightened, his muscles going rigid at that familiar touch. Duo tapped the back of Heero’s thigh with his bare toes again, his head still lowered and his eyes downcast. Heero shut his eyes tightly, telling himself fiercely that he should just grab his bag and leave. But he found that his body and heart had different ideas. Slowly, he turned around to face Duo.

The boy was still sitting with his head down, long bangs not allowing Heero even the barest glimpse of his face. His hands were gripping the edge of the hospital bed in a white-knuckled grip, his elbows trembling slightly. One bare leg was swinging gently back and forth in the air. He was caressing Heero’s leg with the other one, rubbing his calf across the side of Heero’s thigh, a motion that was unbelievably sensuous, but Heero could tell that Duo wasn’t trying to seduce him.

Suddenly releasing a breath he didn’t know he had been holding, Heero crossed the space between them in a single stride and wrapped his arms around Duo, gently holding the battered body against his own. Duo flung his arms around Heero’s neck and gripped the other boy with startling strength.

Heero closed his eyes and stroked the section of Duo’s smooth back exposed by the hospital gown. He had missed the braided pilot so much. “I can’t stay,” he murmured into Duo’s soft hair.

Duo suddenly shifted position, spreading his legs and wrapping them around Heero’s waist. He pulled the other boy closer to his warmth and buried his fingers in Heero’s hair. “Are you sure?” he whispered softly into Heero’s ear, nibbling on his earlobe.

The abrupt change from vulnerable to desireable left Heero dizzy. Duo’s supple body was warm in his arms, and suddenly the memory of their two lovemaking sessions rose fresh in his mind like the Phoenix from the ashes. Heero had to admit that he was sorely tempted to take Duo up on his offer, but it just didn’t seem right somehow. It felt like Duo was using his body as a bargaining tool.

“Duo, I can’t stay,” Heero said firmly, stroking Duo’s braid gently with one hand.

Duo’s muscles stiffened, then relaxed as he sighed in defeat. He dropped his legs from around Heero’s waist and buried his face in the other boy’s neck. “Oh well,” he murmured, lips moving against the fabric of Heero’s turtleneck sweater. “It was worth a try, I guess.”

“Who knows,” Duo said wryly. “You might have.”

For some reason, those words stung. Bad. Heero abruptly drew back from the embrace and slapped Duo on the face. Not hard enough to hurt him, or even to make his head snap to the side. He applied just enough force to stun the other boy.

“Don’t say stuff like that to me,” Heero growled through his teeth. His throat had suddenly gone tight again. “What kind of person do you think I am?”

Duo didn’t say anything, just raised a hand to his face and felt the place Heero had struck, long fingers running gracefully over the warm, unreddened skin as he blinked up at Heero.

His violet eyes suddenly darkened with anger. “Don’t ever hit me again,” he seethed in a low, dangerous voice. “Or I’ll teach you just why they call me the God of Death.”

Heero scowled, his heart on fire with a mixture of rage and passion that only Duo could bring. “I’ll hit you many times as it takes for you no to say those sorts of things to me.”

“No one hits me without getting hit back,” Duo threatened. “You’d best stop while you’re ahead. Remember what happened the last time we squabbed?”

Heero blinked, all the rage leaving his face. “Oh yeah,” he breathed, leaning in closer to Duo again. “I remember.” Cautiously, not wanting to make Duo any angrier than he already was, he slipped his arms gently around Duo’s waist again, pulling the boy’s warm body against his own and staring into his violet eyes as he remembered that night back at the school.

For a second, Duo was rigid and unyielding in his arms, about as pliant as a statue with a heart fashioned of the same unfeeling stone, but tears suddenly welled up in his eyes, and he slid his arms around Heero’s neck. Something in him, some barrier around his heart, seemed to shatter.

“Heero, I missed you so much!” he confessed, face only inches from the other pilot’s.

“I did too, Duo,” Heero whispered feverishly, then moved forward and pressed his lips desperately to the other boy’s.

Their first kiss was clumsy and blind, both of them trying to taste as much of each other as they could, knowing that soon they would have to part ways and maybe never see each other again. It had been so long since they had had each other like this. Too long. Duo moaned softly and buried fingers in Heero’s hair, opening his mouth so that Heero could slip his tongue inside. He brought his up to spar with Heero’s, and Heero savored the long lost sweetness that he had missed so much. This was what he wanted, this soft mouth, this strong body, this boy’s heart and soul and body…

If only it would never end.

The nurse in charge of taking care of Duo suddenly strode in through the open door to be greeted with the outlandish sight of two young males kissing each other passionately, Heero’s hands roaming all over Duo’s back while the other boy ran his fingers through Heero’s mop of dark brown hair.

“Excuse me, gentlemen!” she exclaimed, outraged at the public indecency that the youth was evincing these days.

Both boys jerked back from each other in surprise, and two sets of eyes - one a surprised violet, the other an infuriated Prussian blue - fastened on the bony figure of the nurse standing indignantly in the doorway.

“Visiting hours are over, sir,” she told Heero nastily, unfazed by the wild look in the boy’s eyes.

“Can you just give me a few more minutes?” Heero said through gritted teeth as he tried to catch his breath, his arms still wrapped around Duo.

“Young man-” the nurse started to say.

“We’re BUSY here. Go away,” Heero snarled, and Duo laid his head on Heero’s chest to reaffirm the statement.

“Well,” the nurse huffed, turning her long nose up in the air. “At least some parts of Mr. Maxwell are still working properly.”

“Oh yeah,” Duo muttered affirmatively as she left the room.

Heero growled under his breath and buried his face in Duo’s hair in an attempt to calm himself, breathing in the scent of the soft strands deeply. Duo had just bathed that morning, and he smelled of shampoo and that unique male musk that Heero had come to instantly recognize at Duo’s personal scent. He almost found it funny, how he derived such simple pleasure just from holding Duo like this. No other individual had this sort of effect on him.

Heero didn’t want to leave; he really didn’t. But peace came before love. The mission was all important. Goddamn Dr. J and all his training. Heero had half a mind to laugh as he executed him and his other colleagues.

Duo suddenly stirred in the circle of Heero’s arms, lifting his head and looking up into the Prussian blue eyes that everyone seemed to fear but that he adored so much, especially when they were half-shut and heavy-lidded with passion…

A smile suddenly came to the braided boy’s lips, an expression that Heero had taken for granted until it had seemed Duo had no smiles to give. “So,” Duo said, eyes shining. “You think we can finish what we were doing before she comes back and tosses you outta here?”

Rare laughter flashed in the depths of Heero’s normally cold eyes. “We’ll just have to see,” he murmured before leaning down and bringing his lips to Duo’s again, kissing him slowly but firmly and sliding his tongue inside the warm, wet mouth again, the sweetness there making him moan.

By the time Heero pulled away, Duo’s lips were full and swollen from his attentions. Seeing what he had done, Heero leaned forward and pulled Duo’s lower lip gently into this warm mouth, suckling and lapping at it with his tongue apologetically. Duo moaned, and Heero felt a wet tongue brush across his lips, requesting entrance. He eagerly opened his mouth and allowed their tongues to tangle briefly before pulling away again.

“I have to go now,” he whispered against Duo’s lips, which seemed to taste of salty tears and exquisite pain.

Duo kissed him once, very softy and sweetly, on the mouth before drawing back so that that Heero could see his face. “I understand,” he said reluctantly, eyes tragically sad. He gave Heero a watery smile, a ghost of his old humor starting to return. “Blow some shit up for me, eh?”

On impulse, Heero kissed the other boy on the tip of his nose. “Sure,” he said calmly, though his Prussian blue eyes were infused with emotion, trying to say all the things he couldn’t say aloud.

“Duo,” he suddenly said, lost in the violet sea of Duo’s eyes.

Duo lifted a graceful eyebrow. “Yeah, Heero?”

I love you.

“Nothing,” Heero said, kissing Duo one last time before reluctantly releasing him. “Be good,” he ordered as he moved to gather his stuff.

Duo grinned and gave him a mock salute. “Yessir!”

Heero rolled his eyes and turned away so that Duo wouldn’t be able to see the smile that threatened to come to his face. If space went mad and everything got shot to hell, Heero hoped that he would be able to see that smile one last time before it all hit the fan. The Perfect Soldier’s last request.

The nurse suddenly stomped in, her face stern and her hands on her bony hips. “Are you boys done with your hanky panky?” she barked.

“Hn,” Heero grunted, eying her with displeasure.

Duo just smiled at her cheekily.

“Mr. Maxwell needs to take his medicine,” she growled, glaring at both boys but Heero in particular. “And then he needs to take a nap, young sir.”

“I think he gets the hint already,” Duo quipped cheerfully, carefully hiding the waver in his voice behind his mask of laughter.

“I was just leaving,” Heero told the nurse, gripping his belongings tightly and forcing himself not to look at Duo for fear that he would run over there, grab hold of him, and refuse to let go.

The nurse sniffed and moved aside so that she could point to the open doorway with one skinny finger. “There’s the door then. Good day to you.”

“Hn,” Heero grunted again, sending her a deathglare that had absolutely no effect at all.

He stood there for one more second, belongings in his hands and the mask of the Perfect Soldier form-fitted over his features, not allowing a single shred of emotion to peek its delicate head through to say farewell to the one he loved. But as he began to walk to the open door, his feet felt as if huge weights were dragging them down, trying to keep him there, in that hospital room with the indignant nurse and the beautiful God of Death with the heart of glass sitting on the bed, his violet eyes following Heero’s every move until the blue-eyed boy stopped in the doorway and looked back.

One corner of Heero’s mouth tucked into a half-smile that was more readily expressed in his eyes than anywhere else. He gave Duo one last nod and walked out of the door before he could have any second thoughts, leaving the love of his life behind in the hospital room.

The elevator ride to the lobby was torture. It was too quiet. He ached to hear Duo’s voice. Their shared kisses were still burning on his lips, and his fingers tingled longingly, aching for the feel of Duo’s smooth skin and soft hair to soothe their desires. But Heero’s heart hurt the worst of all, and as the elevator doors slid open with a whoosh and he walked out, nothing felt real to him. He had left his entire world back up on Floor 6 Room 617.

In that moment, he loved Duo so much that it hurt.

The people milling about on the streets right outside the hospital couldn’t fill the horrible silence that inundated his heart. He felt the ache of Duo’s absence already, but it had been the same way the last time they had parted. In a few days, he would be able to stop thinking about Duo incessantly, right? The figure of Duo Maxwell, glad in his priestly garb, would resort to visiting him in dreams, a phantom always there to remind Heero Yuy of the humanity he still possessed, and maybe, to make sure he remembered that there was someone out there that loved him.

Heero’s steps faltered. Wait. Did Duo love him? Yeah, he did, didn’t he? The braided boy was all too easy to read at times and impossible to comprehend at others. That was the complex paradox that was Duo Maxwell, and Heero loved every puzzle and every brick wall he ran up against trying to figure him out. But did Duo know that Heero loved him? What if one of them died tomorrow? Heero wanted Duo to know that he was the one that had cracked the Soldier’s armor.

“Damn you, Heero Yuy,” Heero suddenly growled under his breath, clenching his hand into a fist and scowling deeply. “You should have told him, you pathetic coward.”

That voice! It can’t be…

But sure enough, when he looked up at the hospital building to his left, he saw a lean figure dressed in an hospital gown, with a braid dangling over his shoulder, practically hanging out of one of the windows on the sixth floor. Duo! Heero suddenly felt a smile spread across his face, an unfamiliar expression for a boy that had been forbidden to smile at a very young age. His heart leapt in his chest.

“Baka!” Heero declared, laughing and ignoring the looks people were giving him on the street. “Get back inside before you fall!”

“You go up there and take care of business, okay buddy?!” Duo yelled, smiling widely and waving his arms in the air. “I’ll be seeing ya there!!!!”

He’s not talking about Fortress Barge, is he? He’s gonna try and follow me!

“No, Duo!” Heero cried, dropping his belongings on the floor, laptop and all, and cupping his hands around his mouth. “Stay here! I mean it!”

“You can’t run from me!” Duo teased, waving to Heero cheerfully and giving him the thumbs- up sign. “Bye, honey!” And with one final grin, he disappeared from the window.

“Duo!” Heero called, watching as the curtain flapped softly around the frame of the vacant window that Duo had been standing in a second earlier. “Get back out here, now!”

The curtain just flapped gently again, as if telling him to go and do as he had been told. Heero stubbornly waited for a couple of more minutes before giving up and gathering his possessions from the pavement. He resumed his walk to the shuttle station, oblivious to the odd looks that passersby who had witnessed his conversation were sending in his direction. Heero was just happy that he had gotten to talk with Duo one last time. “I’ll be seeing ya there!” Duo had said.

Fine, Heero thought. I just can’t win against him, can I? Stubborn baka can follow me if he wants too. I’ll fight until the day I can see him again. I make my own missions now. Hurry up and come back to me, Duo. I’ll be fighting for you…