Key:
:: :: - Action or stage direction.
[ ] - Music or sound direction.
{ } - A thought that only the
audience can hear.
^ ^- Anything in between these
is a whisper.
|| || - Anything between these is
sung, badly.
* * - Anything in between these is
sung.
From the same website that brought you...
Secret Webpage Competitions
and...
Torpedo Alley...
Comes a fast-paced fully interactive Digimon story...
(Available only at the SS Great Wolf)
* * * * *
And now for our Feature Presentation...
Brought to you in association with the cyberDyne Network
A webring service for anyone that's got a website.
Wolf: And welcome, dear... Internet surfers, to the one and only game show that's worth watching... erm... reading... ‘Weakest Link’! And now presenting the show's host... Anne Robinson!
[Crowd cheers]
::No one arrives::
Wolf: Erm... [louder] and now presenting the show's host... Anne Robinson!
[silence]
::someone runs across stage, gives Wolf a note and then runs off again::
Wolf: ::reading the note:: Ah... and now presenting the show's temporary host... Puppetmon!
[Crowd boos the evil Digimon]
Puppetmon: [to audience] Ah shut up! What do you know about good game show hosts? [to viewers i.e. you] Hello, there, I am the evil Puppetmon, who will be the show's temporary host. The regular host of this show, I'm afraid, accidentally and brutally stabbed herself repeatedly in the stomach whilst combing her hair. Don't worry, she's in hospital and is on her way to a full recovery. And now... let's meet tonight's victims... er... I mean contestants.
Wolf: ::being held at gunpoint by a Tankmon:: And now introducing our first contestant... he's a large cherry tree with lots of arms... give a hand for Cherrymon! [crowd remains silent] Okay. And now since Puppetmon can't wait to get the show started, I'll do a quick introduction of the other three contestants who are Takeru Takaishi, Yamato Ishida and Fridgimon. [pause] Help! Help! This show's been hijacked by a wooden toy! H... ::is struck on the head by Tankmon and falls unconscious::
Puppetmon: Now here are the simple rules. You only have until the...
[ping!]
Puppetmon: ...to answer the question. If you fail to answer it within that time, we move on. If you answer a question right, you get two points. If you answer it incorrectly, we take away two points and other contestants are given a chance to answer the question. However, if they get it right, then they only get one point. The person with the least number of points at the end of the round get squashed by those weights that are suspended above you. When you hear this noise...
[bong!]
Puppetmon: Then that's the end of the round. For those of you at home, we have hidden the answer. All you have to do to reveal the answer, however, is to to highlight the section that is betwen the #. The answer will then be revealed to you. Why don't you practise on this hidden word before you continue reading? #Word#
TK: Look, Puppetmon, I didn't want to play with you the first time, and I still don't want to. Look at me! I've grown up since the end of Season 1.
Puppetmon: I don't care! You're gonna play this game until you drop! [pause] Oh, did I say, ‘until you drop’? I meant to say until the weights drop... [pause] on you! [laughs evilly] So now, let's go on with Round One!
Puppetmon: Here is your first question. Take a look at this picture for five seconds and no more. How many teeth does this Digimon have? You have 10 seconds to reply.
Cherrymon: ::presses buzzer:: #Eight!#
Puppetmon: Correct! Now answer this question. The only thing that is able to drive away Numemon is... what?
TK: ::presses the buzzer:: Joe's awful singing!
Puppetmon: You plank! How could you get that wrong? Your singing's awful too, but you never sang to them! Anyone else? The time's ticking away!
[ping!]
Puppetmon: Are the buzzer's broken? [laughs] The answer was #light#. Here is your next question. It was sunlight that's able to drive the Numemon away, but in which Season 1 Episode were the Numemon in the sun without being affected?
Fridigimon: Episode 6!
Puppetmon: Seems to me you've got ice cubes for brains. Anyone else?
TK: #"The Crest of Sincerity"#! That's the name of the episode!
Puppetmon: Grr... Correct. Bear in mind, though, that you've only got one point, which boosts your score up to -1. Next question! What is the Ultimate form of the Punimon?
Fridigimon: Numemon?
Puppetmon: No, not really. Or are you joking? Whoops! There I was, assuming you had the intelligence to make a joke. Of course it wasn't a joke. Anyone else want to answer that question?
Matt: It's #Weregarurumon!#
Puppetmon: What a lucky guess... Oh well, look at this picture for five seconds and no more. (For those of you playing at home, please, don't cheat) How many leaves are there on the plant in between the two Gazimon?
::waits for the contestants to answer::
Puppetmon: Hurry up! The time is ticking away!
TK: #Eight!#
Puppetmon: Correct. And now for the next question. Which of these attacks belong to Kokuwamon?
Cherrymon: Erm... Bin Mirrors?
Puppetmon: You block-head! That's completely wrong! That's not even one of the selections!
Cherrymon: Sorry, boss, but your handwriting on these cheat cards is illegible!
TK: You guys are cheating? That's not fair!
Puppetmon: Just live with it. I've cheated many times before, what's stopping me cheating now? Now stop complaining, or I'll drop the weight on you!
TK: Doesn't matter anyway, I know the answer. It's #Scissor Claws#
Puppetmon: Correct.
[Bong!]
Puppetmon: And that's the end of that round. Now, let's see who has the least number of points! It's Fridgimon. It seems that he's as thick as his waist and his score of -4 points is as low as his IQ. Goodbye, Fridgimon. ::presses button::
::Weight crushes Fridgimon underneath it::
Puppetmon: Heh, heh! Oh, that gets me every time. We'll be back after these messages for the exciting... ::a noose ensnares itself around his neck:: Erk!
Wolf: ::holding the noose:: Hijack this show, will you? Take me hostage, will you? You'll pay dearly for this, as long as I am a Star Fox villain. ::pulls on the rope::
Puppetmon: You're choking me!
Wolf: ::ignoring Puppetmon:: [to audience & viewers] Now, let's play the game the proper way! We'll be back after these messages, or as we say in England, after the break! ::pulls harder on the rope:: Now shall I chop you up into matchsticks? Or should I sell you as a child's toy?
* * * * *
Coming soon to a Computer Screen near you...
From the creator of DigiProject X...
The Ultimate Struggle of Good and Evil...
The Threat of the Nazis ain't over yet...
* * * * *
Wolf: Welcome back to the Weakest Link, featuring your temporary game show host, Wolf O'Donnell! And now, let's go on to our second round!
Wolf: Now we have a proper Weakest Link setup. On the Digi-Destined Team is Taichi Kamiya and Matt Ishida!
[crowd cheers]
Wolf: On the Virus-Type Team is Cherrymon and Puppetmon!
[crowd boos them]
Wolf: And might I add, they are both being held at gunpoint so they can't try anything funny. [to Digi-Destined team] I wish you guys the best of luck, although you won't need it. [to virus-type Team] Although you are villains, just like me, I wish you the best of bad luck. And now for the rules. If you answer a question correctly, you get two points. If your answer is a correct answer, after somebody got the question wrong, you get one point only. If you get an answer wrong, you lose two points. For those of you at home, please follow the rules carefully and if told to look at a picture for only a limited time, please do so. At the end of the round, the audience will vote off the person they think is the weakest link, who'll get crushed by the weight above them.
TK: ::looking up at weight:: [sarcastically] Well that's comforting! ::stares up at the chain, suspending the weight above him:: {I hope there isn't a weakest link in that chain}
Wolf: Isn't it? And all contestants are starting with 0 points for this round! So, let's play! Take a look at this picture for five seconds and no more! Here is your question! How many holes are in Devimon's wings?
Matt: #23!#
Wolf: Correct. Which Digimon has the attack, V-Nova Blast?
Cherrymon: Exveemon!
Wolf: Congratulations! You got it wrong and a score of -2 points.
Puppetmon: ^If I get squished by one of those weights because of you, I'll squash you with my house!^
Cherrymon: If you can get it here!
Wolf: Anyone else want to answer that question?
TK: It's #Veedramon#
Wolf: TK, you've been awarded 1 whole point for getting it right. Next question. Take a look at this picture of me for five seconds and no more. [pause] What is the colour of my ascot?
Matt: #Orange!#
Wolf: Completely wro... Oh. Geez, I didn't give them that picture, did I? Oh well, you got it right. Next question. This is a Season 2 question, concerning the Episode dubbed... Spirit Needle. What problem with her hair was Arukenimon complaining about?
TK: She wanted to dye it red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple...
Matt: ^That was Mimi.^
TK: Oh, whoops!
Wolf: TK, if a cannibal were to crack open your head and scoop out your brains, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small pea. Anyone else want to answer?
::time ticks away rapidly::
[ping!]
Wolf: What's wrong? Afraid to answer? Well, the answer was she was complaining about her #split ends# Okay, next question. In the same episode, some wit and personality was what Rockmon lacked. However, what was his deadly poison gas attack? Oh, whoops! I've been hanging around that rhyming witch, Gruntilda, for too long. My rhyming questions can now be put to song!
Puppetmon: #Crimson Curse.#
Wolf: Correct! Next question! This concerns Season One. When in the arena on Server, what did Agumon digivolve to?
TK: That's easy! Greymon!
Matt: Somebody wake me up. I must be stuck in a nightmare.
Wolf: I bet that green helmet you used to wear cut off the cirulation to your brain in Season 1. Anyone else what to answer that?
Cherrymon: #Skullgreymon#
Wolf: Correct! TK, you've got to be better at this. The scores currently are as follows. Matt's Team has 1 point and Myotismon's Team has 1 point! And it's all thanks to Cherrymon and TK! Now, here is the next question. In which Season 2 Episode did Matt sing in his band?
Matt: {Damn! I've forgotten!}
Puppetmon: {Season Two! I was dead for the entire Season! How am I supposed to know?}
Cherrymon: I know! It's #Episode 5, Iron Veggiemon#
Wolf: Well, someone's starting to get the hang of this. Did you happen to be in any clubs?
Cherrymon: [giggling] Yeah.
Wolf: What's so funny about that?
Cherrymon: I used to be a member of Mensa.
Wolf: What? Used to be? Did they chuck you out? Oh well, here is the next question. Gotsumon, Hawkmon and Centaurumon are what type of Digimon?
Matt: Oh please! Easy! They're #data#!
Wolf: Correct! Here is your next question. What is the connection between Mount Pico and Yamato Ishida?
::Both Matt and Puppetmon go for the buzzers::
[Puppetmon's buzzer sounds]
Puppetmon: Well, #Mount Pico is on the Moon. And Sailor Moon comes from the Moon. Toei Animation created Sailor Moon, and they also created Digimon, from which Matt comes from.#
Wolf: Correct! Next question. What is the...
[bong!]
Wolf: Oh, and that's the end of that round. Now, let us have a look at the scores. The Virus-type Team is in the lead with 4 points, which is only one point more than the Digi-Destined Team. Now, let us ask the audience as to who is the weakest link! Audience, vote now!
[Weakest Link theme tune plays]
[ping!]
Wolf: And the votes have all come in, and they have been counted. TK, Cherrymon, you two ARE the weakest links. Goodbye. ::presses button::
::weights crush both TK and Cherrymon::
Wolf: The pace of this quiz show is getting even more stupid. Stay tuned for the nail-biting, butt-scratching, groin-licking, super-farting, vomit-inducing, on-the-edge-of-your-seat conclusion of today's game. We'll be back after these messages!
* * * * *
Coming soon to a Computer Screen near you...
From the creator of DigiProject X and Digimon Forever...
An epic fanfic of epic proportions...
* * * * *
Wolf: Welcome back, to Digimon Weakest Link! We're now entering the last round of the show, between Yamato Ishida and Puppetmon Tinkybun.
Matt: Tinkybun?
Puppetmon: Yes. That happens to be my last name. You got a problem with that?
Matt: ::trying to stifle a laugh:: No... Tinky! [burst out laughing]
Wolf: Anyway, as I was saying... The scores have once again been set to zero. Whoever answers the most questions correctly before the [bong!] will win. So, let's go on to the third round...!
Wolf: And here is your question. In Episode One, Season One, the Digimon took to hiding in what?
Matt: #A hiding tree!#
Wolf: Correct! What is Matt's Crest?
Puppetmon: #Crest of Friendship#
Wolf: Correct. With the exception that their names end in mon, what do the following Digimon have in common? Crabmon, Ebidramon, Kokuwamon and HerculesKabuterimon.
Matt: #They all have attacks that have the word ‘scissor’ in their name!#
Wolf: Correct. What is the colour of Nume Sludge?
Matt: #Pink!#
Wolf: Correct. Take a look at this picture for no more than five seconds. How many segments of the bottom-right hand sword's hilt were visible?
Puppetmon: #6#
Wolf: You know it all. Next question. When the Digi-Destined first entered Piedmon's Lair, what were they confronted with?
Puppetmon: {I can't remember. I was dead at the time}
Matt: {I was a keychain at the time} Erm... was it... fire-breathing dragons?
Wolf: You dolt! Even I knew the answer to that! Puppetmon. Do you know the answer?
Puppetmon: #Trapezes?#
Wolf: Correct. Take a gander at this picture of Myotismon. Where was it taken?
Puppetmon: #TV Station in Japan#
Wolf: Correct. Puppetmon is now in the lead, so Matt, you'd better start thinking more. That is, if you're capable of it. Next question. What is the colour of Digitamamon's eyes...?
Puppetmon: Yellow!
Wolf: You plank! Your brains must be made out of splinters and if brains were splinters of wood, you wouldn't have enough to use as a toothpick! Here is the question again. What is the colour of Digitamamon's eyes when he was under the control of the Digimon Emperor?
Matt: #Red#
Wolf: Correct. Which of the following who appeared in Season 1 did not make an appearance in Season 2?
Matt: #Monzaemon!#
Wolf: Correct. In which Season 1 Episode did Japanese viewers get to see Matt's naked butt?
Matt & Puppetmon: Excuse me?
Wolf: Oh, and to top it off, not only are you dumb, you're deaf as well. What a combination!
Puppetmon: I remember! It was #Evil Reveals its Face#
Wolf: Correct! Now here is the next question. In the first season, which Digimon fired a machine gun at TK?
Matt: #Puppetmon!#
Wolf: Correct! Next question. What...
[bong!]
Wolf: Oh! It is now the end of the round. Let's have a look at the scores. Puppetmon has seven points and Yamato Ishida has seven points! We have a tie! So now, let us go on to our tie-breaker question! Remember, this question is for the grand prize, your freedom! ::grins evilly, like only a villain can do:: You have only a limited time to answer this question. It is on the topic of Digimon (no surprise there). Gabumon is afraid to take off his fur, because he's embarassed to be naked. However, what is his favourite food?
Matt: How are the readers supposed to know?
Wolf: I know. Though, I only knew ’cos I stole the info from someone else's site. So... what will your answer be?
Matt: #Curry rice#
Wolf: Correct! Yamato Ishida, you win your freedom!
[applause]
Wolf: Puppetmon, don't think that you're going to leave empty handed. Not after you threatened me at gunpoint. Here is your consolidatory prize! ::grins evilly, while pressing button::.
Puppetmon: Curse you, O'Donnell! ::weight smashes on top of him::
Wolf: And join us next time, when another evil virus-type Digimon will be holding Digi-Destined at ransom with one ton weights... on... Digimon Weakest Link! Goodbye and goodnight!
[audience applauds]
[Weakest Link Theme Music plays]
::credits roll across screen::
| Credits | |
|---|---|
| Production and Design | Wolf O'Donnell |
| Typing | Wolf O'Donnell |
| Stunts | Mickey Mouse Stupidnamemon Getsquashedalotmon Leon Powalski Pigma Dengar |
| Coffee | Anne Dorothy |
| Digimon Murderer | Sora Takenouchi |
| Psychotic Matt Stalker | Jun Motomiya |
| Special thanks to: | Weakest Link The BBC Anne Robinson Fake 1 Ton Weights Ltd. Beyonder for providing Digimon attack info |
| Director | Wolf O'Donnell |
| © MMI by sodding no-one | |
If you would like to write your own Digimon Weakest Link Episode, feel free to do so. You don't need permission from me, but just tell me in an e-mail before you put it up on a website or send it to someone.
