Key:
:: :: - Action or stage direction.
[ ] - Music or sound direction.
{ } - A thought that only the
audience can hear.
^ ^- Anything in between these
is a whisper.
|| || - Anything between these is
sung, badly.
* * - Anything in between these is
sung.
Coming to a Computer Screen near you...
The best thing since sliced bikinis...
An epic screen of absolutely nothing...
(Either that or you forgot to turn it on)
And now for our feature presentation...
Sponsored by the cyberDyne Network
A webring service for anyone that's got a website.
Wolf: Welcome to another gripping and exciting episode of the fantastic game show, Weakest Link! And now let us introduce the host of the show, Anne Robinson!
[crowd cheers and applauds]
::Absolutely no one appears::
Wolf: Oh no. Not again. [sigh] Who's our temporary host this time?
Piedmon: ::standing at a Spiral Mountain-shaped stand:: As if you needed to ask. Hello! I am the show's temporary host, Lord Piedmon. Anne Robinson is in hospital... again... after accidentally being turned into a keychain whilst blowing her nose on one of my hankies and then being accidentally and brutally diced by my swords. Don't worry though. She's on her way to recovery... again...
Wolf: You're not going to hold me at gunpoint like Puppetmon did, are you?
Piedmon: Of course not. Don't be silly, you're a fellow villain. I'll let you introduce the contestants and do the job of the announcer. Which you can start doing now...
Wolf: Great. Today on the Virus-Type Team we have the lovely Metalseadramon, one of the very first Dark Masters the Digi-Destined defeated in the Season 1 episode, Under Pressure. We also have the... erm... shapely Machinedramon and that wooden loser, Puppetmon.
Puppetmon: [angrily] Loser? Why you...
Piedmon: Oh do shut up, before we kick you out of our Dark Masters Club.
Wolf: And on the Digi-Destined we have three morons by the name of Taichi Kamiya, Sora Takenouchi and Yamato Ishida.
Tai: I don't believe this. We go up Spiral Mountain to defeat Piedmon, and he captures us and forces us to participate in this game show.
Sora: Yeah. And what's with Wolf O'Donnell being here? He's not from Digimon. He's from the N64 Game, Star Fox 64. Next thing you know, Mario'll make an appearance.
::Mario does just that::
Matt: This game show's just Piedmon's cowardly way of fighting us ’cos he knows we'll beat him!
Piedmon: [sarcastically] Yeah... right... [not sarcastically] Now, the rules are very simple. For every question you answer correctly, you score 2 points for your team. However, if somebody answered the question wrongly before you answered, you only score 1 point. If you answer wrongly, your team loses 2 points and only contestants from the opposing team may then answer the question. At the end of this round, your team will vote off the weakest link, who will be crushed by the one ton weight suspended above them.
::All the contestants look up at the one ton weights suspended above them::
Piedmon: But that's not all. You have a limited amount of time to answer the question. If you fail to answer before the [ping!] then we will move on. The [bong!] indicates the end of the round. Wolf, tell our viewers at home the extra rules that apply to them!
Wolf: Of course, Piedmon. For those of you playing at home, we have some extra rules. When told to look at a picture, look at it for only ten seconds, please. The question based on that picture will be hidden between the / to ensure that those of you at home can't cheat. Just highlight the section between the / to reveal the question. Why don't you practise on this hidden question? /What is this question?/ Please look at the picture first before looking at the question. Likewise, the answers will be hidden between the #. Once again, just highlight the area in between the # to reveal the answer. Why don't you practise on this hidden word? #Word#
Piedmon: Now let's start the first round!
Piedmon: That's right. One contestant from each team will be crushed by a one ton weight at the end of this round, so they'd better be as cunning as a fox and as intelligent as a wolf. Here is the first question. Buzzers at the ready. Which Digimon has the attack, Light Speed Jabbing?
Tai: ::presses buzzer:: Magnamon!
Piedmon: Those goggles cut off the circulation to your head, right? No one could be that stupid! Anyone else want to answer that question?
::time ticks away::
[ping!]
Piedmon: What's the matter? Afraid to answer? Oh well, the answer was #Togemon# Next question. In which Season Two Episode did Gomamon make his first re-appearance?
Machinedramon: #Old Reliable#
Piedmon: Correct! Take a look at this picture. /How many segments of the top left-hand sword's hilt are visible?/
Matt: #Nine!#
Piedmon: Correct. Your score is now a pitiful 0 points, as opposed to my team's 2 points. [chuckles evilly] Now, listen carefully as Wolf sings to you. Your next question will be based on this song, so listen carefully.
Wolf: ::standing in a black tux with a red bow-tie at a star-shaped stand:: [cough] Ahem. I would now like sing to you a small extract from a Digimon-related song. ::inhales sharply:: ||Furu supiido de|| Thank you! ::bows:: Thank you! ::bows::
Sora: That was singing?
Metalseadramon: That was shorter than Demidevimon!
Piedmon: Now, here is your question. From which song did that extract come from?
Sora: #Target#
Piedmon: [sigh] Lucky guess. Next question! This is another song-related question. Listen carefully to this extract.
Wolf: I will now sing to you an extract from a song, related to Digimon the Movie and Digimon Zero Two. Ahem. *One thing I know is there's a purpose and like the circus we're hanging from the rings* [audience applauds] ::bows repeatedly to the audience:: Thank you! Thank you!
Matt: At least that was easier on the ears.
Piedmon: Now, that extract was from ‘Let's Kick it Up’. However, which song from Season One did it replace in Digimon Zero Two?
Machinedramon: Change into Power
Piedmon: Have you got bolts for brains? Who else wants to answer that?
Tai: Rhythm Emotion!
Sora: Tai! That's from Gundam Wing!
Tai: Oh! Whoops!
Piedmon: Tai, although you may fantasise about it, you are not Heero Yuui nor are you Max Duo. You are not one of the Gundam Pilots! You are not from Gundam Wing! You are a cartoon character from Digimon! Got that? Di-gi-mon! Diiiigiiiimooooon! For those of you at home, let me tell you the actual answer. The song that was replaced was #Hey Digimon# and boy was it a rubbish song. Just like the American opening! Those two songs are so awful, they make me sick! Oh well, here is the next question. In which Season 1 episode did we first meet the Woodmon?
All the Contestants: {...}
Wolf: Boxers!
Weregarurumon: Briefs!
Wolf: BOXERS!
Weregarurumon: BRIEFS!
Wolf: ::tearing all his clothes off to reveal his underwear:: BOXERS!
Weregarurumon: ::tearing all his clothes off to reveal his underwear:: BRIEFS!
Sora: [whistles]
Wolf: Erm... you do realise those are ladies' knickers, don't you?
Weregarurumon: ::places paws over front and blushes:: You do realise you're wearing a G-string and not a pair of boxers, don't you?
Wolf: Really? ::looks down at himself:: [makes a squeaky, frightened noise] ::runs off stage, followed by Weregarurumon::
Piedmon: I wish I didn't see that...
[ping!]
Piedmon: What? Are the buzzer's broken? Oh well, the answer for you at home is #Etemon's Comeback Tour# Listen carefully, for this is your next question. Which of the following Digimon was not consumed by Myotismon in order for him to become VenomMyotismon?
Metalseadramon: #Gesomon#
Piedmon: Correct. Here is your next question. What was the second to last Digimon that was introduced in Season 1?
Puppetmon: Apocalymon!
Machinedramon: ::smashing his fist on top of Puppetmon:: Shut up, Tinkybun! He said, second to last.
Matt: #Vilemon#
Piedmon: Congratulations! You score one point! You pathetic fool! Oh well, here is your next question. Take a look at this picture. /How many screens are there in the picture?/
Sora: #Eleven#
Piedmon: You must have cheated. You couldn't have got that right. Next question. What...
[bong!]
Piedmon: Now it's time to ask... Who is the Weakest Link?
Wolf: ::walking back on stage, fully clothed:: Well, the audience has been voting all this time for the weakest link of each team. And now... ::bringing out an envelope:: ...I have the results. For the Virus-Type Team... it's... Metalseadramon!
Piedmon: And why did the audience choose him?
Wolf: ::reading card:: ’Cos they... "absolutely completely utterly can't stand his voice".
Piedmon: Well, Metalseadramon, I'm afraid it's time to say goodbye. ::presses button. One ton weight crushes Metalseadramon:: And who's to go on the Digi-Destined team?
Wolf: Tai, naturally.
Piedmon: No need to question that decision!
Tai: Hey! ::one ton weight falls on top of him::
Piedmon: Now, seeing as the Digi-Destined Team got the most points, they will be given a special consolidatory prize should they leave this place alive. Tell them what they've won!
Wolf: They've won a matchstick! It's made out of wood and when you brush its head against something rough, it catches on fire! It will not work on Sora Takenouchi's however.
Piemon: Very nice. Now it's time for a little message from our sponsors...
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* * * * *
Piedmon: And we're back! Right now, we've got a head-to-head, spectacular show between Sora Takenouchi, Yamato Ishida, Puppetmon and Machinedramon. Who will win? Let's find out in this, our show's second round!
Piedmon: The scores have now been reset to zero. The rules are staying the same, except now we're going to throw in a few General Knowledge questions into the mix. And here is our first one. What is the Capital of Mozambique?
Sora: #Maputo#
Piedmon: Correct! These three Digimon have something in common, except for the fact that they are Digimon. What is that something? The Digimon are... Ogremon, Kiwimon and Gargomon.
Puppetmon: #The names of their special attacks all feature the word, ‘pummel’ in them#
Piedmon: Correct. Here is a General Knowledge anime question and here to sing is Wolf O'Donnell.
Wolf: Thank you, Piedmon. Today, I would like to sing an extract from a song related to the Anime show, Gundam Wing... as in the show that Tai doesn't belong in! Ahem. *Kanjiaeru tashika na ima* [audience applauds] ::bows repeatedly to the audience, as they throw roses on to stage:: Thank you! Thank you!
Piedmon: All right, contestants! Get your singing voices ready! For two points, you must sing the next five words! [pause] Go on! Don't be shy!
Sora: [through clenched teeth] ^Go on, Matt, you do it. You're the Band Leader and your band's lead vocal...^
Matt: Oh, okay. Ahem. #Dare ni mo ubaenai kara# ::suddenly starts singing the rest of the song:: *JUST WILD BEAT COMMUNICATION! Ame ni utare-nagara — iro-asenai atsui omoi karada-juu de tsutaetai yo TONIGHT!* ::brings out guitar and begins playing a very good guitar riff::
::Audience holds up candles, like in some kind of concert. All stage lights focused on Matt::
[Audience cheers wildly]
Piedmon: [interrupts Matt before he can perform anymore] Okay! Okay! We get the point! You're a pretty good musician. [angrily] Now shut up or else!
Matt: [sheepishly] Sorry.
::Everything returns to as it was, before Matt started singing::
Piedmon: [sighs] Now, here is the next question. Which Digimon has the attack, Darkness Zone?
Sora: Devimon?
Piedmon: You plank! Even I know the answer to that!
Puppetmon: It's #Apocalymon!#
Piedmon: Correct! ‘The DigiTeam Complete’ is the second episode in Season Two. What is the 13th Season Two episode called?
Machinedramon: #His Master’s Voice#
Piedmon: Correct! Next question. The attack, Precious Flame, belongs to which Digimon?
Matt: #ClearAgumon!#
Piedmon: Lucky guess. Next question. How many letters are there in Matt's full, Japanese name? Please choose one of the following answers. You have 5 seconds to answer. Highlight the section below when you're ready to answer.
Puppetmon: #Nineteen minus seven#
Piedmon: Correct. Next question. How many letters are there in the full name of the American who did Davis’ voice in Digimon Zero Two?
Sora: Fifteen?
Piedmon: Yes! You got it wrong! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Wolf: ::wearing bandages on his head:: Steady on, old chap!
Machinedramon: Ten. The answer is ten.
Piedmon: No! ::smashes head against stand repeatedly:: No! No! No! You idiot! The answer is #13# Here is the next question. What is the Mega form of Yokomon?
Machinedramon: Garudamon.
Piedmon: You b****** bucket of bolts! If oil were brains, you wouldn't have enough to start a flame the size of a pea! ::clasps hands together:: Clown Tri...
Wolf: Don't do that. Use the blue button instead.
Piedmon: Oh, never noticed that before. ::presses blue button::
::Machinedramon's podium bursts into flames::
Machinedramon: ::charred and black with soot:: [cough]
Piedmon: Who else wants to answer that question?
Matt: Me! The answer is #Phoenixmon#
Piedmon: Congratulations! You've scored one whole point! Now here is the next...
[bong!]
Piedmon: So, the Virus-Type Team has a score of 2 points, but the Digi-Destined Team has won this round with 3 points. What have the Digi-Destined Team won, Wolf?
Wolf: They have won a piece of pointed wood that is small enough to remove bits of food chunks from between your teeth. It's a revolutionary new invention called a toothpick.
Puppetmon: What the...? I recognise the smell of that wood anywhere! You chopped up my house to make those toothpicks! [angrily] ::lunges at Wolf:: Gyah! ::pummels Wolf into a furry pulp::
Piedmon: Somebody carry Wolf back to the nurse. [sighs] Now, let us find out who is the weakest link! ::is handed a card:: And the weakest links are Sora Takenouchi and Machinedramon! You're both as thick as your waists and if brains were air, a grasshopper wouldn't be able to survive in your skulls for more than one nanosecond. Goodbye. ::presses a button, dropping the weights:: We'll see you after these messages for the nail-biting, pant-wetting, mind-bending Round three. As for those of you are who staying in the studio, Matt will be doing a strip-dance for you girls in the audience... ::puts on a blindfold:: Take it away, Matt!
[‘Music for Stripping’ is played loudly by a nearby band]
::Matt begins stripping to music::
* * * * *
Where can you go for the best cuisine?
The best sights?
Fun for all the family?
And the best Digimon and Star Fox characters...
You'll be finding yourself coming back, time after time...
(The SS Great Wolf Administration is now looking for people to help run and maintain the website. Please send all applications to Wolf O'Donnell at w_donnell@hotmail.com with your name, gender, and proof that you can be trusted, as well as details of what you would like to do. Thank you for your time!
* * * * *
Piedmon: And we're back! [to Matt] Are you finished yet?
Matt: ::finishes buttoning up his shirt:: Yep, I'm done.
Piedmon: ::removes blindfold:: Okay, we have right now with us, two contestants who are going to battle it out for the final prize! Tell them all about it, Wolf!
Wolf: ::wearing two eye-patches, one over each eye, & several casts:: They will win... their freedom! If Matt wins however, he will also win the key that will free his Digimon!
Piedmon: Matt's finished his stripping, you know. You may take off that other eye-patch.
Wolf: ::trying to move limbs, but can't because of casts:: I'd love to, if I could.
Piedmon: Okay... Well, as for this third round, the same rules from the previous rounds apply to this one. Let's play the final round!
Piedmon: Once again the scores have been set to zero, to make it fairer. So here is the first question of this, the final round. Please take a look at this picture. /From which Episode does it come from?/
Matt: {Where did he get that picture? Oh no! Is he stalking me?}
Puppetmon: It's from #Episode 5, Iron Veggiemon#!
Piedmon: You know it all! Which Digimon has the attack, Hawk Beam?
Matt: #Hawkmon!#
Piedmon: Lucky guess! Earlier on in today's show, Wolf was standing at a stand. What shape was it?
Matt: #Star-shaped!#
Piedmon: So you got it right. Big deal. Bet you can't get this one right! How heavy was the weight hanging above Machinedramon?
Puppetmon: #1 ton#
Piedmon: You genius! Next question. When Myotismon first became VenomMyotismon, what did he do first?
Matt: Destroy a building.
Piedmon: Block-head! Anyone else want to answer? Specifically, you, Puppetmon.
Puppetmon: Erm... was it... to... #eat Demidevimon# ?
Piedmon: Correct! You've been awarded one whole point! Which Digimon has the attack, Frozen Fire Shot?
Matt: #Kokatorimon#
Piedmon: Well, you've redeemed yourself... barely. In the Episode, ‘Iron Veggiemon’, Redveggiemon has what type of problem with his body?
Puppetmon: He has #root rot#
Piedmon: You are the best. After the episode, Samurai of Sincerity, Shurimon fights against which Digimon?
Matt: #Ninjamon#
Piedmon: Correct. Now, listen as Wolf sings an extract from a song.
Wolf: Today, I would like to a sing an extract from a song from the anime show, Dragonball Z. Okay, to tell you the truth, I don't want to... but... I have to anyway. So here goes. Ahem *Sora wo kyuukouka Jet Coaster (Jet Coaster) Ochite yuko yo Panniku no sono e* [audience applauds] Thank you! ::bows:: Thank you! ::bows, then catches a bunch of roses:: Thank you! ::bows::
Piedmon: Now here is the question. What does the word, Sora, mean?
Puppetmon: ::presses buzzer:: Freedom!
Piedmon: You moron! How are the Digi-Destined supposed to lose, if you keep getting the answers wrong! [sighs miserably] Okay. Matt. What is your answer?
Matt: #Sky#
Piedmon: Grr! Correct. Next question! In the Episode, ‘20,000 Digi-Leagues Under the Sea’, Cody lied. However, what was that lie?
Puppetmon: It was that #Joe's father was in hospital#
Piedmon: Correct. Next question. Name all the Champion Digimon that appeared in the Season Two Episode, Old Reliable.
Matt: Please, that's an easy one. There were #Fridgimon, Ebidramon and Ikkakumon#
Piedmon: Correct. What is the name of Deltamon's special attack?
Matt: #Tri Plex Force#
Piedmon: [sigh] Correct. Which Digimon looked after the babies at Primary Village and what was his attack?
Matt: #Elecmon# and his attack was #Super Thunder Strike#
Piedmon: Lucky guess. What Digimon has the attack Tentacle Claw?
Puppetmon: Shellmon!
Piedmon: Shellmon? I'll give you shell shock if you get another answer wrong! And I'll give you a 30,000 Digiwatt shock as well! Who else wants to answer that?
Matt: Erm... it was... #Dragomon#
[bong!]
Piemdon: Your answer was correct. And I'm happy to announce that Matt is the los... ::sees score:: What? No! ::bangs his fist on the equipment:: You can't have got that much! You can't have! There must be something wrong with the equipment. There must be! [pause] I declare the win invalid due to faulty equipment!
::one ton weight accidentally falls on top of Puppetmon::
Piedmon: Now what am I going to do? This has never happened before!
Wolf: Why don't you run away in a cowardly fashion up to the top of your evil headquarters, allowing Matt to walk free, free his Digimon, chase after you and destroy you in a spectacular Mega Digimon against Mega Digimon battle?
Piedmon: Good idea, furball! Luckily, I've built some jet-boosters into my stand just for this purpose. ::presses button. Flies through the roof:: No one gets the best out of me, Piedmon Arthur Montague Hubert Wendell Christine Barry Manilow Jigglypoof!
Matt: Jigglypoof?! What kind of a surname is that? [bursts out laughing]
Wolf: No wonder he became a Dark Master. Fancy being called Barry Manilow. Oh well. Join us next time, when the Digimon Emperor will be holding the Digi-Destined captive in this strange quiz show desgined to bump of evil villain's enemies. ’Til next time... goodbye and goodnight!
::Matt walks away from his stand, narrowly missing the weight that comes crashing down::
[audience applauds]
[Weakest Link Theme Music plays]
::credits roll across screen::
| Credits | |
|---|---|
| Production and Design | Wolf O'Donnell |
| Typing | Wolf O'Donnell |
| Stunts | Heero Yuui Jun Motomiya Demidevimon Leon Powalski Pigma Dengar |
| Pain in the Arse | Davis Motomiya |
| Nude Scenes | Ishida Yamato |
| Special thanks to: | Weakest Link The BBC Anne Robinson Fake 1 Ton Weights Ltd. Beyonder for providing Digimon attack info |
| Director | Wolf O'Donnell |
| © MMI by sodding no-one | |
If you would like to write your own Digimon Weakest Link Episode, feel free to do so. You don't need permission from me, but just tell me in an e-mail before you put it up on a website or send it to someone.
