Quick note: Okay, first of all, I had two titles for this. Mine,
and Reflections. I eventually decided on the former, but if people
decide to demand the latter via e-mail's, I might change it (why
they'd care enough to, I do not know, but I thought I'd mention
that). This is from Inu Yasha's POV, looking down at Kagome while
she's sleeping. He's just basically thinking about various things.
I've been out of the Inu Yasha 'fics community for awhile, so if
there's another similar to this, it's not my fault. I just started
writing and reading Inu fics again after about a year. I've only
managed to read a few fics on Ikumi's site in the past week. And I
have been keeping up on what's happening in the manga/anime, just not
writing. But I will be writing more again! The ideas won't go away
T-T So, because of my persistent muses, you will be seeing more of
me! *watches people boo, and decides to re-lurk before they start
throwing things* But I will be back!
You were the first to pull away when he hugged you good night. However, just because I realize you don't love him, doesn't mean I won't try to rip his heart out if he attempts to kiss you. Or that I wouldn't want to hurt you if you kissed him back. But we both know that I wouldn't. And not just because of the word 'sit'.
You're mine. You probably don't realize it, but you belong solely to me. It's why I let you keep the jewel shards. Well, that, and the little matter of this necklace circling my throat. But I could simply kill you while you were sleeping, and take them. I won't, though. After all, you both belong to me. Plus, it's easier to keep an eye on everything while you hold the Shikon no Tama. By just watching over you, I cut my work in half.
It didn't even occur to me that I actually did want you until the first fight with Sesshoumaru. And not how much until when you came back. That was when I decided you were mine. After all, you once told me, "If you set someone free, and they come back to you, they're yours. If they don't, they never were." Or something like that. Either way, you came back, so you belong to me. And I won't give you a second chance to leave.
You probably think you're Kikyo's replacement. And, I'll admit, you look like her. But there are differences. You don't look so lonely, like you have no one else in the world. Maybe that's all Kikyo and I were. Two people, without anyone else to depend on, that couldn't even trust other. That's certainly what drew us together. And what destroyed us, in the end.
I know that I don't have to worry about that happening to us. You trust me, if not completely vice-versa. Even though I tried to kill you when we first met, you still trust me. Enough to ride on my back the next day. You trust me enough to sleep peacefully right now, completely susceptible to attack, thinking I'll protect you. It probably never even occured to you that I might be the one you'd need protecting from.
And there are other differences too. For example, Kikyo would never let me lead our group. Nor would I her. And it's not just a trust issue. We both wanted to be the dominant one. Also, she wanted to subdue me. If not, to be the stronger one, than to not be the only one with a calmed, gentle spirit. She would have taken my spirit, and changed me.
But I know you would not, which is why I let my defenses down around you; why you actually have had a chance to calm my spirit. And you have, to some extent. I always feel more relaxed around you. I can't seem to put up the usual shields even when I try. I guess that's how you got into my heart, too.
I'm not afraid to admit I love you. Just don't expect me to do so aloud. If you don't know how I feel already from how I act around you, I wouldn't expect you to believe me even if I told you. Besides, I wouldn't want to endanger you. My father had to use his fang, the tetsusaiga, to protect my mother from youkai wishing to use her against him, and he was a full youkai. I'm only a half youkai.
Not that I couldn't protect you. I just want to keep you safe. I don't like things of mine to be broken.
I don't like things of mine to be around others, either, but I know that boy holds no threat. The only reason he hasn't realized that you don't want him yet is because he's so naive. Maybe I ought to pay him a visit and speed things along. Of course, you'd probably get angry if I did.
Not that I care. I even look forward to and enjoy our little spats. As long as you don't take them too seriously or personally. While I could stop you if you tried to go back to your time for good, I want to keep you, mind, heart, and soul, along with your body. If I simply wanted your body, I'd have gotten back with Kikyo for good. After all, you both look pretty much the same, except for one or two scars, and your face. Especially your eyes. Windows to the soul, and all that.
Sometimes I wonder who it is you really love. You mentioned someone in your diary once. What would you do if I told you that I'd read the thing? Probably scream "SIT!!!" until your throat was so raw you couldn't even whisper. While it would be painful, maybe I'll tell you someday. I love watching you while enraged. You're beautiful when you're angry. It's why I goad you so much.
Besides, I like watching the fire burn in your eyes. And, when you really get upset, it burns down all those walls you try and put up, so I won't know what you're thinking, or feeling. So that, if I look, I can tell what and who you want, what your hopes and dreams are, everything. Unfortunately, I get so caught up in our fights, that I never have time to look before you use that spell on me.
I think it's me that you mentioned in your diary. After all, you said that the person you loved wasn't human, and unless you were talking about Sesshoumaru, the only other person you know that's feasible is me. I know I'm not the best person to fall in love with, but I'm a much better match than that bastard. If you were talking about him, impossible as that may be, I'd rip him apart, inch by inch, older and more experienced fighter or no.
I'd do that with anyone else that it might be instead, too, if I found out it was them. Like that other demon that probably fell in love with you. No one else will have you. You're mine, even if it might take awhile to convince you that. You once mentioned that you had to do a journal entry in "school" over the quote, "If you love someone, you'll let them go."
Well, I let you go before, but you came back. You don't get a second chance.
Besides, that's a stupid human notion. I might be half human, but that doesn't mean that the human half allows me to be that stupid. Besides, it's probably the human half that allowed me to love you in the first place. Keeping you, by force, if necessary, is the youkai half balancing me out. And I'm too selfish to let anyone else have you anyway.
Of course, you probably don't realize any of this yet. That I let you keep those jewel shards, that I let you go back to that future of yours, that I let you keep seeing that boy, and leading him on. You probably don't even know that I know exactly what you do in that future. I've watched you at that "school", pouring over your books. I kept an eye on you while you were sleeping back in your home. No matter where you go, I'll follow you.
After all, I always keep an eye on what's rightfully mine.
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