Cid and the
Damn Dukes
By: Aeris (FlowerGirlAeris1@aol.com)
It
started one day, one unsuspecting day. A Friday. Friday the 13th-
(kyahahaha!) ((Aeris: “DAMMIT! Someone get Scarlet outta here!” Scarlet is hauled
away by Hojo into a room marked “Room of no human exit” Aeris: “Ahem… okay,
back to the story.))
It
started on a Friday the 13th, at the unsuspecting Rocket Town. Cid
was enjoying a Dukes of Hazard marathon, a carton of cigarettes, and a case of
beer. He had also forced Cloud to come over and watch the marathon with him…
“…ZZZ…ZZZ…”
Well, Cloud isn’t much for Dukes
of Hazard…
“Hey
you jackass! Wake the $&#@ up! It’s the best &#*@!%$ part!”
“W-wha?!
Oh… yeah…it’s so exciting I think I wet myself… oh no wait… I just spilled my
beer when I fell asleep…”
“DAMMIT! Listen you spikey-haired freak! If you don’t keep your goddamn ass awake and watch the goddamn show I’ll tear you a new goddamn asshole with my goddamn Spear!!!”
“…I’ll
be good…”
…So
Cloud suffered through two more hours of the dreaded Dukes, and listened to Cid
babble on about something he didn’t know anything about, or gave a crap about
anyway…
“Yeah,
this’s when the smartass kid crashes the $&@*#!^ car into the damn tree…”
“Yeah…mm-hmm…really
nice Cid…oh really…that’s great…”
Well,
whoever said you could only use limit breaks in a battle…?
Cloud
just sat there, and pretty soon, Cid’s babbling and the same show over and over
and over… well, it got to him…
“Grr…”
Cloud
looked at the TV, and waited until Cid left for a pit stop… and took his sword
out…
He
quietly walked over to the TV and his eyes flared.
And
Cid was back, just in time, to see Cloud using his Omnislash on his precious
TV.
“GODDAMMIT!!
YOU SPIKEY MORON IM GONNA $^%^&%^#$%#!#@!$@#%%^&^%*& AND THEN IM
GONNA RIP YOUR $^%^&^&*%&$^# AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR
$%^%^&&*@!@!&^# AND PULL IT OUT THEN SHOVE IT SO GODDAMN FAR DOWN
YOUR THROAT YOUR &^&#$#$@#$@#!$%^% !!!!!!!!!!!”
While
going on this infamous ‘Cid Curse Chain,’ everyone’s favorite pilot was chasing
our blonde soldier back and forth through the house, outside, through the
neighbors’ house (who had lived near Cid long enough to grow accustomed to
these tantrums…) in the Inn, past the old rocket stand, and in the shop.
Cid had
Cloud cornered in the electronics section, and was about to poke him a new
…well…a new ‘hole,’ when a young kid with a southern accent spoke on a nearby
TV, “This is the Dukes of Hazard channel! 24 hour… (I can’t read that!)
(Laughs, LAUGHS!) (Oh.) Ahem… 24-hour laughs and your favorite Dukes of
Blizzard-I mean Hazard!” Cid’s spear and cigarette dropped to the ground when
he saw, you guessed it, the Dukes of Hazard channel, on a brand new television
set. Cloud saw this as his chance to escape, and he tried crawling along the
wall to safety… but only succeeded in pulling the TV’s cord out of the wall.
Cid snapped, and slowly turned his head towards him. “WHY…YOU…LITTLE…” Cloud
gaped in horror as the pilot came towards him again, his spear aimed at a
rather unpleasant spot for young men to be stabbed in… “Ohhhhh sheeeiiit….”
Cloud fumbled with the cord, trying to find the outlet again, while Cid stalked
closer. He finally got the cord into the outlet, and like magic, Cid turned
back around and sat on the ground, content. “TV… Dukes… urge to kill,
lowering…lowering…lowering…” Cloud took a step back, when Cid said in a louder
one, “Rising…! …Lowering…lowering…lowering…gone…” “Whew…”
Cloud looked to be sure there were no cords
in the way, and ran like hell. And they never heard from Cid again… until
yesterday, when the shopkeeper escorted Cid home and gave him the new TV and
channel free of charge, as long as he never visited that store again…
The End.