One
snowy day, Tifa, Aeris, and Yuffie are sitting in Tifa’s house in Nibelheim…
Yuffie: I’m bored…
Aeris: Me too…
Tifa: Me three…
Yuffie: Me four…
Aeris: You already said you were…
Yuffie: Oh yah…
Tifa: (snaps and a green makou light-bulb
appears over her head) I got it! Let’s have a sleepover!
Aeris: Hey that’s a good idea!
Yuffie: We can rent some movies!
Tifa: Ooh! Cool!
Aeris: And we can stay up all
night drinking coffee and So*Be!
Yuffie: Ok!
Tifa: So everyone agrees?
Yuffie & Aeris: HELL YEAH!
Tifa & Yuffie: (look at Aeris)
You never swore once in the game…
Aeris: ‘Cuz I didn’t ever get
really pissed until Seph killed me.
Tifa & Yuffie: Ohh.
Tifa: OK, so I’ll get the house
ready.
Yuffie: I’ll get the movies.
Aeris: I’ll get plenty of
extra-strength-night-SOLDIER-quality-coffee and So*Be
Yuffie: I can understand how
you’re gonna get the So*Be, but how the hell are ya gonna get that strong of a
coffee?
Aeris: Heheheh… I *borrowed * it
from Shin-Ra before we escaped that time.
Yuffie: Damn! Too bad I wasn’t in
the group yet! I would get their materia!
Tifa: OK then everyone get the
stuff and meet back here!
Yuffie & Aeris: ‘Kay
***Tifa’s “Adventure”***
Tifa: (lifting up the cushion on
the couch) Eww… (shoves the dust buster
on it)
Little monsters living in the
couch: (tiny voices) Noooooooooooooooooooooooo
Tifa: (sweat drop) That was
strange…
(Knock at the door)
Tifa: Uh… come in?
(A guy in a black cloak walks in)
Guy: Would you like to buy a
Jenova cell?
Tifa: How much?
Guy: One Black Materia
Tifa: Screw off Sephiroth…
Seph: You hurt my feelings (sniff,
sniff)
Seph: (sneeze) Damn it’s dusty in
here!
Tifa: ‘Cuz I was cleaning until
you decided to show up…
Seph: Oh. I’ll help you.
(So Seph *helps * Tifa, while
secretly looking for the Black Materia)
***Aeris’ “Adventure”***
Aeris: (walks into the Item shop)
Hi, I’d like 50 bottles of So*Be
Shopkeeper: Sure- what kind?
Aeris: Two of each, please.
Shopkeeper: (hands Aeris a few
huge heavy brown bags) Would you like some help back to your house?
Aeris: No, I should be—(takes the
bags)…(Anime fall)
Aeris: (twitches and holds a
finger up) Uh- I think I will have some help back to the house…
Shopkeeper: Okay. (turns around
and yells) HEY, ZACK!
Zack: (runs in) ‘Sup boss?
Shopkeeper: Help this young lady
with her bag.
Zack: Aeris?!
Aeris: Zack?! I thought you died?
Zack: I thought you died!
Aeris: Yeah me too.
Zack: That’s odd. (helps Aeris
carry her bags back to Tifa’s house)
***Yuffie’s “Adventure”***
Yuffie: (walks into the video
renting place and walks to the funny section)
Yuffie: Lessee… I’ll get
“Titanic”, cuz it’s funny when the ugly Leo-loser dies. Ooh! And we just *have
* to get both of the “Austin Powers” movies, cuz Mini-Me is soooooooooo cute!
And we have to get this…oh, and this….. ok that should be enough.
Yuffie: (walks to the clerk)
Clerk: Is that all today?
Yuffie: Unless you have any other
funny movies that are good, yes.
Clerk: Oh, you already have
“Titanic” Gawd, I laughed my ass off when that Leo-nerdo DiCrapio died.
Yuffie: Oh hell yeah! That’s the
only part of the movie I didn’t sleep through!
Clerk: (while ringing up the
movies) Yeah, I dunno what the hell the big deal was over that movie. Guess the
spoiled little brats needed to waste money…
Yuffie: Yeah. So they saw the
stupidest movie ever made!
Clerk: (laughs) Here you go Yuff.
That’ll be 10 gil.
Yuffie: (hands the clerk a 10 gil
coin) Here ya go.
Clerk: Thanks. C-ya later.
Yuffie: (walks out and back to
Tifa’s house)
***Outside Tifa’s house***
Yuffie: Aeris, who’s that?
Aeris: This is Zack.
Zack: ‘Sup?
Yuffie: Hi. Did ya get the So*Be?
Aeris: (points to the 100 pound
bag Zack’s holding)
Yuffie: Ohh… Why are you guys out
here?
Aeris: Tifa locked the door and
she won’t answer…
Yuffie: Oh. I have the member card
for the video place, I can try using that…
Zack: Please do… this bag is
getting heavy…
Yuffie: (Walks to the door and
slides the card through) I think I got it… (pulls the door open and gasps)
Tifa: (is tied up and muffled)
Mmh…mmh….mmmh!
Yuffie: Hey, good Kenny
impression! I got that movie too!
Aeris: (cuts the ropes) What
happened?
Seph: I happened.
Zack: (puts bag down) What the
hell are you doing here?
Seph: Getting my materia. (motions
to the black thing in his hand)
Aeris: Give that back!
Seph: No.
Aeris: I’ll hurt you!
Seph: I’ll kill you… again.
Tifa: STOP IT!
(everyone shuts up)
Tifa: (looks at Seph) Give me the
materia.
Seph: Why?
Aeris: Because if you don’t…
Zack: …I’ll chop ‘em off.
Seph: I’m not Corneo, dammit!
Zack: Oh, oops. Sorry ‘bout that.
Seph: It’s ok.
Aeris: AHEM!
Seph: What?
Tifa: Give us the damn materia so
we can start our sleepover!
Seph: Ooh, sleepover… what kind?
Tifa: A girls’ sleepover
Aeris: With So*Be and coffee
Yuffie: And movies
Seph: Really? …ok here’s the deal;
I give you the materia if I can come to the sleepover.
Tifa: Well, you look like a girl,
and act like one…
Seph: HEY!
Aeris: Yeah, you can come.
Seph: Sweet… (tosses the black
materia to Tifa)
Yuffie: (looks at Zack) Are you
coming too?
Zack: Can I?
Aeris: Sure!
Zack: Kick…ass!
Yuffie: Damn! We gotta watch South
Park first!
(everyone grabs a So*Be and a cup
of
extra-strength-night-SOLDIER-quality-coffee and sits in front of the TV)
***3 hours later…***
Zack: (drinks some coffee)
Voice on TV: I’ll never let go
Jack…
Aeris, Tifa, Yuffie, Seph: (laugh
hysterically)
Zack: (chokes and laughs, coffee
coming from his nose)
Aeris: THAT’S FUNNY!!!!!
Tifa: (between giggles) Yeah!
Seph: This is a funny movie!
Yuffie: Really! Let’s watch South
Park next.
Tifa: How did you rent that
without being 17? I tried to rent it and they asked me for ID, and I’m 20!
Yuffie: They probably thought you
were a teenage Britney Spears wanna-be
Tifa: What do you mean?
Yuffie: Well, Britney has implants
too!
Aeris, Zack, and Seph: (laugh)
Tifa: NOT FUNNY!
Yuffie: (snickering) Yes, it is.
Tifa: Hmph!
…So the group watched movies all
night, drinking their So*Be and extra-strength-night-SOLDIER-quality-coffee… Yuffie
got high on coffee, as did Tifa and Aeris. Zack and Seph were used to it,
having been in SOLDIER, but they did get high off of So*Be…
The next morning, everyone woke up
sick, but felt better after they threw up. Tifa started wearing a bra due to
Yuffie’s comment the night before, and Cloud dumped her soon after. Tifa was
pissed off at Yuffie and gave her a cup of coffee with high concentrations of
makou in it. Yuffie is still suffering from makou poisoning today. The moral of
this story: Do not drink coffee while watching the end of Titanic. You will end
up with a sore nose in the morning. And, don’t call Tifa a Britney Spears
wanna-be. Because she is a Christina Agiulera wanna-be. And Christina is a
bigger whore anyway.
Thank
You and Good Night! ©, Aeris