12> First demonstration consists of falling to the floor, curling into the fetal position, and whimpering pitifully.
11> Frequent pauses while instructor tearfully stops to right his spilled pocket protector.
10> The "gias" are used hospital gowns, and the "throwing stars" are just slices of old cheese.
9> The homework is always just to watch a Jackie Chan movie.
8> The techniques are only effective if your attacker is one of the Three Stooges.
7> Instructor's low fees enhanced by take from one-on-one "pop quizzes" in dark alleys.
6> Benihana has a restraining order against your instructor.
5> Local muggers gather in the parking lot waiting for class to end.
4> Current students bark out on cue the phrase "Insurance does not exist in this dojo!"
3> You take yourself to the mat 4 out of 5 times simply trying to tie your belt on.
2> Sensei's "ancient Chinese secret" required notifying the neighbors when he moved in.
and the Number 1 Sign You've
Joined the Wrong Martial Arts School...
1> Did Confucius ever really say he was "going to open up a can of whoop-ass" on someone?
