*************************************************************************
Narrator from DBZ: Last time on Freiza Beans... Gohan gets kidnapped as
a
sacrifice to Goku's cult, Jeff and the camera-man need back up to catch
Ecoostik, Piccolo works on his Soap Opera project, attempts to drive
the
cannibal demon out of Freiza are futile, and Trunks is about to give
his big
speech on the 'Jerry Springer Show'... and that's where we left off! So
now,
after four whole stories of this nonsense... we present to you... "THE
CONCLUSION TO FREIZA BEANS!!!"
((Again, the really crappy guitar music starts playing, the title "THE
CONCLUSION TO FREIZA BEANS" is displayed on the screen.))
Narrator from DBZ: ...So, I'm done... this is my last time doing this
right?
Good, so... can I have my kids back? Please? C'mon, I did your stupid
job!!!
...What? You want me to dance?! But I... alright, alright! I'm dancin'!
A
jiggity-jiggity jiggy jig jiggity...
*************************************************************************
"Wait! Wait! We all know how this all started... and it's with
Trunks
eating my son!" yells ChiChi, pointing her finger at Trunks. Everyone
cheers,
then Trunks gets up and begins to speak for himself...
"Oh, I get it now! Everyone let's follow a person and join in the
Nazi-scapegoat oppression! You should all be ashamed of yourselves!"
speaks
Trunks, walking around and looking at everyone in the audience. "You
can't
handle a problem on your own, so you look for the most easy, targetable
person there is! I think we should all look back at a quote from the
bible,
'Only he who is perfect may cast the first stone.'" finishes Trunks.
The
audience looks down in shame, then Trunks goes back to his seat. As he
does,
everyone gets up and starts throwing stones at him. Trunks shields
himself
and begins to walk for the exit. "That does it! If you people don't
want me
here, then I'll leave!" he yells and he storms for the exit. A security
guard
stops him.
"Hey, you signed the contract to be on this show, so you gotta stay!"
he
says. Trunks speaks to the guard calmly.
"Look, I know that, all I'm doing is going to get my breath mints from
my
car. After that, I'll come right back in," says Trunks. The security
guard
lets him go, then Trunks dashes out the door. "SUCKER!!!" he yells as
he runs
out of the studio. He quickly looks from side to side for a way to
escape,
and then notices a little boy on a tricycle. He shoves the kid off and
hops
on the tiny trike. "Ah ha ha ha ha!" laughs Trunks evily as he pedals
away at
about half a mile per hour.
"We lost him." says the security guard.
"Damn!" yells Jerry. Then he shrugs. "Ah well, at least we have another
guest, or should I say 'guests'. Please welcome Goku, Goku, Goku, Goku,
Goku,
and Goku!" says Jerry. Goku, Nappa, Radditz, King Vegita, Bardock, and
Broly
all walk in and take seats. They're all dressed in their light-blue
uniforms,
Goku has his elaborate priest outfit on. "Um... welcome to the show
guys."
"Yes, we bring gifts of our master. Goku, present the gifts to our
friends!"
says Goku. Nappa gets up and throws cans of 'Freiza Beans' into the
crowd.
"These are presents from the almighty Freiza Beans!"
"So in your little religion..." begins Jerry.
"UNIVERSAL! Our religion is the UNIVERSAL religion of all religions you
blasphemus swine!" yells Radditz, getting up from his chair. Goku stops
him.
"Be calm, my child... he shall convert... they shall ALL convert..."
says
Goku, his eyes glowing green.
"...Yeah, well anyway, in your religion everyone is named Goku?" asks
Jerry.
"That is correct." says Goku.
"Dosen't that get confusing?"
"Not at all, watch... hey Goku!" calls Goku. Then Bardock gets up and
bows.
"Yes, Goku?" asks Bardock.
"See?" says Goku.
"...Uh-huh. You also claim to follow the great Freiza Beans... tell me,
who
is the 'Great Freiza Bean'?" asks Jerry. All the Goku's gasp.
"Master, he does not yet know of the power of the great Freiza Beans!"
whispers King Vegita to Goku.
"I know... there is a way to deal with non believers such as this
one..."
says Goku with an evil smile on his face. Jerry quivers a bit. Goku
snaps his
fingers. "Goku! Make this troubled one believe!" he says. Then Broly
gets up
and cracks his knuckles.
"GOKU MAKE JERRY BE ONE OF US!!!" babbles Broly stupidly. Jerry
shudders and
Broly picks him up by the shirt. He drags Jerry off into a back room
area and
locks the door.
"...Wha... what're you gonna do to him?" asks Bra, nervous.
"...Oh, you'll see..." says Goku, an evil smile still on his face.
In the back room Jerry and Broly are sitting across from each other
in
the small room.
"ME GOKU. GOKU MAKE YOU BELIEVE US NOW..." says Broly fiercely,
cracking his
knuckles. Jerry begins to sweat and shields himself as Broly raises his
hand.
Then Broly reaches under his seat and pulls out a bible and glasses. He
puts
the glasses on and begins to read in a sophisticated accent. "...You
see, my
good man, there is quite a lot of proof that our little religion does
exsist.
For example, if we turn to page forty-five for just a quick moment..."
speaks
Broly, reading to Jerry.
After about ten minutes, Broly and Jerry walk out.
"So, my son, do you believe us now?" asks Goku. Jerry's eyes wander,
wanting
to give an answer that won't make him listen to Broly anymore.
"...Um, yes..." says Jerry. All the Goku's start clapping.
"See? I told you I know how to deal with non-believers!" says Goku
cheerfully.
"...Freak..." mutters Jerry under his breath.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------
((In New York city...))
Jeff, the cameraman, a bunch of cops, a bunch of helicopters, a
bunch of
squad cars, and a bunch of S.W.A.T. tanks are all gathered around a
large
building. Kami walks forward dressed in a cop uniform.
"Anything yet?" asks Kami.
"No, sir." replies Jeff. Kami shakes his head dissapointingly and
reaches for
a megaphone.
"Little boy! Please come to your senses and come down from there!"
yells Kami
up to the building.
"I AM NOT LITTLE NOR AM I A BOY!! I'm a grown Namek!" screams Ecoostik.
Ecoostik is on a ledge of the building about twenty stories up. His
back and
hands are pressed against the wall to make sure he doesn't fall by
accident.
"Look, I'm sure we can work something out! Just name your demands and
we'll
see what we can do!" yells Kami.
Just then a window opens beside Ecoostik. Krillan pops his head
out and
turns to Ecoostik.
"Huh? What're you doing up here?" asks Krillan.
"Huh? Oh, If my demands aren't met I'm going to jump!" says Ecoostik
constantly looking down to see the drop he might have to make.
"Really? Is it going to work?" asks Krillan.
"Oh... it'll work!" says Ecoostik confidently to Krillan.
"Cool! Let me try it!" says Krillan, stepping out of his window and
onto the
ledge. Ecoostik gives a shocked look to Krillan.
"NO!!! Get back inside, you'll ruin my plan!" yells Ecoostik, still
trying
not to fall.
"Little boy? What are your demands?" asks Kami. Ecoostik looks back at
Kami.
"Um, I want you to forget about all the crimes of cursing I've did!"
"...Is that all?"
"Yep!"
"Hey! I want some... um.. what do you call that stuff that you spray
all over
your head and you grow hair?" asks Krillan.
"...You mean Rogaine?" asks Kami.
"Yeah, get me some Rogaine or I'll jump too!" he yells down. Ecoostik
gives
Krillan an angry look.
"No!!! You're ruining it!" he yells, hopping up down angered. His foot
slips
a little and he quickly presses himself back against the wall, very
nervous.
Kami turns off the Megaphone and speaks to his fellow cop friends.
"Okay, guys, let's drop the charges and get some Rogaine." he says.
"What? Are you crazy? Not only did he practice cursing without a
license, but
he resisted arrest!" argues Jeff.
"Eh, little things." says Kami.
"Sure, you say that now, but what if we just let him go on that charge?
Huh?
Then they'll be more people wanting to practice curses without a
license!
It's chaos!" yells Jeff.
"I know, I know... but c'mon, Ecoostik's a good kid, he learned his
lesson.
Besides, it's not like he did anything serious like killing someone."
says
Kami. Just then, Krillan falls flat into the ground with a heavy thud.
They
all turn to Krillan, who is implanted in the ground, then up to
Ecoostik.
Ecoostik is sweating and has a nervous look on his face.
"...Oops..." squeaks Ecoostik. Kami's face turns angry.
"All right! That does it! All negotiations are off! Let's get up
there and
beat down his tiny ass!" yells Kami. Then all the cops run into the
building
and start climbing the stairs up to his floor. Ecoostik quickly looks
around
for a way out, but just as he's about to go through a window a cop
blocks the
way! Now a whole bunch of cops are surrounding Ecoostik and edge closer
to
him.
"Aww crap... I hope this works." wishes Ecoostik. He leaps off the
building
with his legs moving in a running motion. All the cops look down in
horror as
he falls. As Ecoostik hits the ground, he instantly starts running.
Ecoostik
opens his eyes and realizes his plan worked.
"Whoa!" he says to himself as he continues running.
"Man, he sure can run fast!" says Kami.
"Ugh, you have no idea..." says Jeff, rolling his eyes.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------
((Back at a broken down abandoned area...))
Burter walks through the door, wobbling a little and spinning in
circles.
He's holding a Dragon Ball under his arm and turns to all the hippies
in the
broken down area.
"I love you guys! I really, really love you guys!" says Burter in a
wasted
tone of voice. All the hippies walk out and wave to him.
"Blue dude! I have some information for you!" says a hippy. Burter gets
closer to listen to him. "I had a vision last night! It told me that
you
should go to the 'Jerry Springer Show' to fulfill your destiny!" he
says.
Burter wobbles back and then points out ahead of him.
"To the 'Jerry Springer Show'!!!" says Burter. He skips along to get to
the
Springer show and then stops and looks to a pile of garbage cans. "Hey
look!
A talking cat!" he exclaims, staring at the cans. The hippies give him
an odd
look, then walk back inside to take more drags.
Burter skips along down a street with the Dragon Ball under his
arm.
"I'm off to the Springer show, the Springer show, the Springer show!"
sings
Burter. Then he stops in front of a bar and looks at the sign that
advertises
drinks. "...Think I'll get me a little drinky-winky!" says Burter,
walking
into the bar.
He walks in, everyone sitting at the bar turns to him, then back at
their
drinks.
"I WANT THE DRAGON BALLS!!!" squeals Burter, still having no control
over
most of his actions. The bar tender gives him the shifty eyes.
"...Um, we don't have any Dragon Balls here." says the tender.
"...Okay, just gimmie something smooth." says Burter, sitting over at
the
bar. The tender gives him some beer, and Burter drinks it. "Hmm. this
stuff
ain't bad..." says Burter.
[10 drinks later...]
"You are... THE greatest dad a kid could ever have!" slurs Burter
to a
guy in a Yankees hat next to him. They both put an arm around
eachother.
"Same to you, son!" babbles the guy, pretty much everyone being drunk
off
their asses. Just then a guy at the end of the bar speaks up with a
beer in
his hand.
"Hey, blue guy!!!" he yells out. "I just happen to have your Dragon
Ball...
right here!" the guy says, pulling out the ball from under his jacket
trying
to make it look like a magic trick. Everyone starts clapping and
cheering.
Burter wobbles over to him and hugs him.
"Aww! I love you guys!!" says Burter. He takes the Dragon Ball and
heads out
the door. With two Dragon Balls under his arms, he slowly hovers up but
begins to flip around. Everyone walks out to look at him and the
bartender
speaks up.
"Hey, you don't look so good. Maybe you should get down." says the
tender.
"Would you SHUT UP!!! I fly better when I've had a few..." slurs
Burter, barel
y able to get the words out of his mouth. Then he flies off, everyone
at the
bar waves goodbye to him. As Burter flies, he flies way... WAY up in
the sky
in these weird circular motions. Then as he flies forward, he falls
straight
down.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------
((Meanwhile, at the 'Jerry Springer Show'...))
Jerry's walking around and talking to the audience.
"Guess what? We still have one more guest to bring out! Please
welcome..."
before Jerry can finish, Burter crashes through the ceiling and makes a
loud
thud as he hits the floor. Burter holds his head and groans.
"...Ugh, I'll never drink again in my life!" he says. Ginyuu gets up
and
notices the two Dragon Balls.
"Burter! You got two balls!" says Ginyuu.
"Duh, I'm a guy..." says Burter, turning to Ginyuu. He notices Ginyuu
is in
Lala's body, the turns away and holds his head. "...Oh damn... the
drugs
still didn't wear off!" he says, rubbing his temples.
"It's a long story, Burter... I got one. We just need to see how many
Jeice
got so we can make the wish." says Ginyuu.
"Well, what a surprise!" says Jerry. "Let's welcome Jeice!" says Jerry.
Jeice
walks through the guest entrance holding four Dragon Balls. Burter and
Ginyuu's eyes widen.
"Jeice! Where'd you get all those?" ask Ginyuu. Jeice gives a confused
look
to the Lala-Ginyuu.
"It's a long story! Now tell us!" says Burter.
"Oh, well, I went to planet Namek and found all of these." says Jeice.
Burter
and Ginyuu raise an eyebrow.
"...You just FOUND them?" asks Ginyuu.
"...Well, not exactly... I sort of got help from the Nameks..." says
Jeice.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------
((On Namek...))
The elder is very sweaty and lying on the ground, he's breathing
very
heavy. All the other Nameks are around him, fanning him.
"Elder! Elder speak to us!" says a Namek.
"I just gave birth to four baby boys..." pants the Elder. Another Namek
looks
to the Elder's side and finds a bunch of fertility drug containers.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------
((Back on 'Jerry Springer'...))
"Anyway, I think we got all seven!" says Jeice.
"Right!" says Burter
"Mwa ha ha! At last I can wish for immortality!" says Vegita, laughing
an
evil laugh.
"Oh, give it up!" says Jeice. Vegita sits down and looks to floor,
sheepishly.
"Alright, set 'em up and we can finally wish for Freiza to be
uncannibalized!" says Ginyuu. Burter puts all the Dragon Balls in a
circle.
Just then, Ecoostik runs in and locks the door behind him. Everyone
turns and
looks at him, Ecoostik's eyes shift left and right, looking at
everyone.
"Hey! It's that little Namek that cursed me with the ideas for our
religion!"
says Goku cheerfully, pointing at Ecoostik. Ginyuu holds his chin and
thinks
for a moment.
"...Cursed you... I remember something about Freiza being cursed. Hey!
You
must've been the one who cursed Freiza with cannibalism!" shouts
Ginyuu,
pointing to Ecoostik as well. Everyone snarls at Ecoostik and slowly
starts
walking towards him.
"What? What are you talking about! It's for the good of the universe!"
says
Ecoostik, backing away.
"Good of the universe?! You turned Freiza into a cannibal, made him eat
innocent men, made him make an addicting food, caused everyone pain,
and made
Goku start a cult!" yells ChiChi. Ecoostik makes a sorrowful face and
looks
down.
"Just look what you did my wife!!!" yells Vegita, pointing to Bulma.
Bulma is
still held by the leashes and is eating Freiza Beans from a dog-feeding
bowl.
Ecoostik gives glassy eyes to everyone.
"...I... I didn't mean all of this! I just wanted to make the world a
better
place!" says Ecoostik.
"Oh yeah... making fierce cannibals and intimidating cults, real great
way to
make the world better," says Android 18 sarcastically. Ecoostik stomps
his
foot and his face shows determination.
"That does it! I obviously made the world worse than I planned it. I
guess
I'm gonna have to fix it!" says Ecoostik. Everyone in the audience
cheers for
him. "But I need a boost of power... I can only do it with the power of
the
Dragon Balls!"
"Great! We set seven up over there." says Jeice, pointing to the seven
balls
at the end of the studio. Ecoostik walks over to them, just then all
the
Goku's stop him.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks King Vegita to Ecoostik.
"...I'm gonna wish for everything to go back to normal, like it should
be!"
says Ecoostik.
"...I'm afraid you can't do that..." says Goku. "If things go back to
normal,
I would lose faith in the beans. You must be sacrificed as well!" says
Goku.
His cult lunges for him, Ecoostik shields himself...
"MASENKO!!!" yells a voice from the back of the studio. Just then, a
blue
beam shoves the Goku cult all the way to the other end of the studio.
Ecoostik looks to see who shot the beam, it's Gohan! Gohan is still
only
dressed in his boxers.
"What? It's the heretic! How did you escape the metal ring?" asks Goku.
"Dad, c'mon, you tied me up with silly string!" says Gohan. Gohan keeps
the
whole cult distracted by fighting with them.
"Gohan?" asks Ecoostik.
"I got them distracted, make the wish Ecoostik! GO ECOOSTIK, GO!!!"
chants
Gohan. Ecoostik smiles and nods, he jogs over to the Dragon Balls,
everyone
cheers him on. Just then, a savage Bulma pounces in his way, roaring
and
growling. Vegita and Bra hold down Bulma and drag her to the side.
"GO ECOOSTIK, GO!!!" chants Vegita and Bra. Ecoostik gets back to
running for
the Dragon Balls. As he gets a little closer, something grabs him by
the
ankle. It's Piccolo!
"You! You're perfect for my big marriage scene!" says Piccolo. Ecoostik
tries
to break free of his hold, but no use! Just then, the whole cast to
Piccolo's
soap opera pins him down.
"No! Don't sign any contracts! His soap opera sucks!" yells Chao-zu.
"It's not worth the fifty bucks!" says Cell.
"Or magic flying peanuts..." grumbles Yamcha.
"GO ECOOSTIK, GO!!!" chants the whole cast to Piccolo's soap opera.
Ecoostik
breaks free of Piccolo's hold and dashes over to the Dragon Balls.
He's right in front of them, he holds out his hands and calls for
the
dragon.
"I call upon the mighty dragon! Grant my wish!" commands Ecoostik. The
sky
turns black and lightning shoots everywhere. In a beam of light the
eternal
dragon, Sheng Long, arises. The entire roof of the 'Jerry Springer
Show' is
ripped off to give the dragon room.
"What is your wish?" asks Sheng Long in a strong voice. Ecoostik smiles
warmly.
"At last, I'll end this madness..." says Ecoostik.
"NOT SO FAST!!!" yells someone above him. Before Ecoostik can notice
who it
is, the person stomps on him. He slowly opens his eyes to see who it
is. It's
Freiza!! He is very pudgey and his eyes are glowing a bright pink.
"...I must
remind everyone that I love being a cannibal... and no one is going to
change
that... NO ONE!!!" hisses Freiza. Ecoostik cowers and holds his head.
"Now
it's about time I had a little green snack!" says Freiza, reaching over
for
Ecoostik. Right as Freiza is about to grab him, something stops him.
Freiza
gives a puzzled look as his hand is frozen in place.
"My hand!... It won't move!!!" he exclaims. Just then, Freiza notices
somthing... a hand! A ghostly transparent hand! The rest of the body is
materialized into the ghost of Zarbon! "Zarbon?! What're you doing
here???"
asks Freiza, frightened.
"...You fool... you must pay for what you did. We are ALL here..." says
Zarbon. Freiza turns around and notices the ghosts of Kui, Dodoria, and
all
the henchmen he ate. All the ghosts grab Freiza and hold him down.
"GO ECOOSTIK, GO!!!" chants all the ghosts holding down Freiza.
Everyone
begins to join in the prep chant. Gohan is holding back the cult, the
cult is
holding back Vegita and Bra, Vegita and Bra are holding back Bulma,
Bulma is
holding back the whole cast to Piccolo's soap opera, the cast is
holding back
Piccolo, Piccolo is holding back the ghosts of everyone Freiza ate, and
Freiza is holding on to Ecoostik!!! There is big chain of everyone
holding
everybody back as Ecoostik tries desperately to make the wish.
"GO ECOOSTIK, GO!!! GO ECOOSTIK, GO!!! GO ECOOSTIK, GO!!!" chants the
audience. The androids and Dr. Gero look at everyone strangely.
"...Who's still up for that fast food breakfast?" asks Gero. All the
androids
nod, and they all simply leave as the big event of holding everyone
back and
chanting occurs.
"Must... make... wish!!!" gasps Ecoostik, trying to break free of
Freiza's
hold.
"Hurry and make your wish!" demands Sheng Long. Freiza tugs tighter on
Ecoostik and then clamps his jaws down on his foot! Ecoostik screams
out in
pain from the bite. "That is not a valid wish." says Sheng Long,
responding
to Ecoostik's scream. Freiza begins to swallow Ecoostik whole, Ecoostik
fights desperately to get out of Freiza's mouth.
"My wish is... my wish is..." says Ecoostik, trying to make the wish
while
trying to get out of Freiza mouth at the same time. "...MY WISH IS TO
MAKE
EVERYTHING BACK TO NORMAL, BEFORE I CURSED FREIZA!!!" screams Ecoostik.
"...The wish is granted..." says Sheng Long, his eyes flaring red. The
whole
area shakes as if there is a huge earthquake going on. The studio
rumbles and
falls to the ground, then a blinding light is emitted in the area. Time
stops...
The holding back stops...
The cheering stops...
The noises stop...
Motion itself stops...
The blinding light clears away. The sky is a beatiful blue and the
birds
are singing. Ecoostik slowly opens his eyes at the beautiful scenery.
He
turns to everyone. Freiza is no longer biting Ecoostik, Bulma is no
longer a
ravaging beast, Goku and the other saiyans are no longer dressed in the
cult
uniforms, all the ghosts of who Freiza ate are now alive again, and
Ecoostik
dosen't see a cop in sight...
"It... it worked... IT WORKED!!!" shouts Ecoostik, leaping about five
feet in
the air with a smile on his face. everyone rubs their head, coming back
to
their senses.
"Ugh... I had a horrible dream that I was bloated!" says Freiza.
"I had a horrible dream that I started a cult..." says Goku.
"I had a horrible dream that I was a teletubby!" says Ginyuu, now in
his
original body.
"Everyone! My wish worked! We're all back to normal!" says Ecoostik.
Everyone
let's out a big cheer for Ecoostik.
"C'mon, Freiza, let's go home." says Zarbon. Freiza, and all his
henchmen fly
off into space, back to their HQ.
"Man, I'm glad that's over," says Gohan. Everyone nods.
"I don't know about you guys, but I'm heading home," says Bulma. They
all nod
again and begin to walk out. Then Vegita stops and thinks for a moment.
"...Where did Trunks go, anyway?" asks Vegita to himself.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------
((On a tropical island...))
"Where did Trunks go anyway?" asks Vegita to himself on a TV
screen.
Trunks is sitting down in a lounge chair with a tropical drink in one
hand
and a remote in the other. He chuckles as he watches the 'Jerry
Springer
Show' as Vegita asks the question.
"Heh heh, I'm too sexy AND too smart! I'm just TOO MUCH!" boasts
Trunks. He
sips his drink, then an island man walks over to him with a bill.
"Here is your bill of the cable, chair, and drink, sir." says the man.
"Uh... sure... just let me get the money from my car..." says Trunks,
slowly
getting out of his chair. Then he quickly dashes out of the area and
looks
for a way to escape. He notices a little kid riding on a small donkey.
He
shoves the kid off the donkey and hops on. "Giddyap!" yells Trunks,
spanking
the donkey. The donkey neighs and trots down the road. "I never keep my
word
for anything!! Bwa ha ha!!" laughs Trunks, riding off into the
sunset...
THE END.
<
everybody!
Well, that's it... hm, funny. I always thought that when I finished
this I
would be able to sleep again. Now I only feel like I have nothing to
do.
Granted those pudding pies and the nightmares have ended, but still, it
was
fun writing it. If you ask me, this couldn't have ended better! You're
probably wondering what I'm going to do next. Well, I'm ACTUALLY
considering
finishing that serious fanfic that I got too bored to finish and
started
writing this. The amazing Steve is currently on hold for writing
anymore
stories... so long.>>
How did you feel about this story? Good? Bad? Gay? Depressing? Well,
e-mail
your opinon at...
malusdrcla@aol.com
I'm bored now. Until I think of something else to write... peace out...
and
DON'T EAT PEOPLE!!!
~Steve~
'S' stands for sexy!
'T' stands for totalitarianism... look it up.
'E' stands for evil, meaning if I was an evil man I could KILL you I'm
so
sexy!
'V' stands for the viles of special serum I got for believing in
man-eating
pudding pies.
