Disclaimer: The characters of Ranma ½ belong to Rumiko Takakashi. The characters of Sailor Moon belong to Naoko Takeuchi. If they belonged to me, I wouldn't be writing this I'd be swimming in my pool of cash. I wouldn't bother suing me either. I got nothing you want. MeSsEd Up! A Ranma ½ / Sailor Moon Crossover! By Hawk C&C welcome, as well as flames at Hawk49er@msn.com Note: I'm hoping I can really mess this story up. Not in a bad way mind you, but in a way that makes it way different from the original. ^_^. You'll understand what I'm talking about when you read it. This takes place after Ranma's battle with Saffron. There is some swearing in it, not a lot and it's somewhat limish. Hope you enjoy! ^_^ Chapter 1 - WHAT THE HELL?!?! Another regular day for Ranma Saotome. Get up, get dressed, go to school, have his lunch money stolen by Akane, enjoy the rest of the day. Hopefully. Ranma frowned. He wasn't sure what Kuno-sempai would do to him if he found out he had lost his money to the 'Red Hammers'. Kuno's gang, the 'Virtuous Kendo Men', was just as bad as Akane's gang. Always taking his lunch money and picking on him. They were always so mean! Right now Ranma just wanted to enjoy his favorite part of the day. As usual he was wide awake and taking notes. A missed note meant a missed point, and a missed point meant a lower grade. That was something Ranma didn't want. He had straight A's in every class and planned to keep it that way. It was during History that he started to feel dizzy. Ranma wasn't sure why, but his head started to feel really light and his vision was getting blurry. Then, he felt like a truck smashed into him, or so he thought what it would feel like to be hit by one. He went flying back in his chair, landing hard on his back. The last thing Ranma heard before everything went dark was the class exploding in laughter. *Argh! Stupid tomboy didn't have to hit me so hard!* Ranma complained as he rubbed his head. Then he rubbed his head again. *Hm . . . No bump? My head must be getting mallet retardant.* Then he heard the laughter. * What the hell?* Ranma thought as he climbed to his feet and glanced around the classroom? *What the- How? Argh! I'm getting a headache!* Ranma shifted uncomfortably as the classroom continued to laugh. Why was everything so blurry looking? He could hardly make anything out for some reason. He stumbled his way to the front of the class, the room still laughing and quickly headed for what he hoped was the exit. * Stupid Tomboy! Knocked me unconscious! This has got to be the most life like dream I've ever had!* Ranma thought as took another wobbly step forward. "Are you all right, Saotome-san?" a voice asked behind him, presumably the teacher. "Huh? Yeah, I just gotta headache or somethin'," he mumbled before stepping out of the noisy classroom. Slowly Ranma made his way down the hallway toward the bathroom. His vision was still blurry, stinging his eyes, but he knew where the bathroom was. That's if this dream school was Furinken. Opening the bathroom door, Ranma stumbled over to the sink. He tried to look in the mirror, but it just got blurrier. He reached up to rub his eyes, but his hands hit something. Something round. Two round things in fact. He pulled the object off his face and looked at it. _It_ was a pair of glasses. They looked like the kind Mousse would wear. Dropping the glasses into the sink, Ranma looked at the mirror again. And blinked. And blinked. And blinked. And then again. He was wearing a nice white buttoned down school shirt with what looked like a pack of pens in the breast pocket. Looking down at his pants, he blinked as the sight of long grey pants, belted and hiked up past his belly button. *What the hell? This is one messed up dream!!* Quickly Ranma rubbed his eyes and looked in the mirror again. Same clothes. He rubbed his eyes again with the same results. A pinch. Nothing changed. A harder pinch. Still nothing. >Slap< Nothing. Still nothing! *What the hell?!* He grabbed the sinks' faucet and turned. Or tried to. *Damn thing's jammed!* Ranma thought angrily before twisting harder. It didn't turn. He twisted even harder with the same result only this time he felt exhausted. "What the Hell!?!" Ranma shouted to himself not all that sure about this dream. He was exhausted from trying to turn a jammed faucet handle. How was that possible? He could've broken that thing off if he wanted to. Catching his breath, Ranma lifted his hand again. >Slap< >Slap< >Slap<. A now red faced Ranma looked into the mirror in shock. He couldn't turn the faucet, he was wearing really geeky clothes, he had been wearing glasses that would've made Mousse's look sorry, his pants were hiked up and if he didn't know better he would've sworn that he had a pocket protector on. In fact. *IT IS A POCKET PROTECTOR!!!!!* Ranma reeled back, tripping over his own feet. "What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?" Ranma kept asking himself. He'd pinched himself. He'd slapped himself, multiple times. The only thing he hadn't done was splash himself with cold water, but he couldn't even do that. He was too weak to turn the jammed handle. Weak. Weak. "What the hell!?" This wasn't a dream! *This _isn't_ a dream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* Ranma stood up clutching his head, screaming, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!" Not knowing what else to do, Ranma ran straight for the exit, intending to break through it. >CRASH!< Only to realize he wasn't strong enough to do that either. Ranma fell to the floor, spread-eagle before sitting up again and screaming at the top of his lungs, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" ********* Every student, inside every classroom of Furinken High that day would swear later that they heard loud scream. ********* "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ranma continued to scream as he ran through the streets of Nerima causing nearby pedestrians to cover their ears. He had ripped the pocket protector from his shirt and ran from the bathroom through the halls of Furinken screaming at the top of his lungs. Weaving through people, Ranma continued to clutch his head, screaming until it happened. From every side, direction possible he was splashed with water, soaking him to the bone. He stopped running and screaming abruptly, looking around confused for where the water might have come from. Nothing. He didn't see anyone. Ranma looked down at his chest. *I'm still a man?* He shrugged his shoulders before he ran off, clutching his head and screaming at the top of his lungs. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" ********* By the time Ranma returned to Furinken, everyone was getting out for the day. As he looked around, he noticed that there were a lot of students he'd never seen before. One of them looked exactly like his cursed form. Exactly. She even had the pigtail. *Ranko Tendo.* His mind told him. "How'd I know that?" Ranma asked himself. He looked at the group of girls she was walking with and his mind responded. *Usagi Tsukino. Ami Mizuno. Makoto Kino. Rei Hino.* "Whoa! Head rush!" Ranma exclaimed out loud grabbing his head. Feeling the back of his head, he subconsciously pulled on his pigtail. Or tried to. *Where the hell's my pigtail!?!?!!?!?* "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ranma screamed as he frantically felt the back of his head hoping he was mistaken. Screaming wasn't actually a good thing seeing as it drew attention to him like a fly to shit. Everyone looked at him. Or more likely looked at his state of dress. His hair was in a state is dismay, wild from his constant clutching of his head. His shirt was ripped from where he had literally tore the pocket protector out, his eyes were no longer hidden behind the large wire framed glasses which he'd left in the bathroom and he was soaking wet. Very slowly, Ranma smiled nervously, completely conscious of the looks he was receiving. Most were looking at him in amusement. Others were looking at him curiously. Some were looking at him in shock. There was even a group that was looking at him in anger, but he wasn't exactly sure why. There was one look that caught Ranma's attention. It was a look of sympathy. Someone who felt sorry for him instead of amused by his situation. Someone who looked concerned for his well being. It was the look of Ranko Tendo, as he recalled. She was the only one who was looking at him like that. Ranma blinked at her, taking note of her reaction for later. "Saotome!" Ranma heard from behind him, but already knew who it was. "Wada ya want, Kuno?" he asked annoyed. He needed to find out what happened. Everything was too confusing. "Fiend! You dare address one such as myself other than Kuno-sempai! Leader of the almighty Virtuous Kendo Men!" Kuno shouted angrily, pointing his bokken at Ranma's throat. He was backed up by the group of men who had been looking at him angrily and still were looking at him angrily. "Whatever, Kuno. Just get to the point," Ranma said in a tired voice. He was running out of patience. It was at that time that everyone watching gasped in shock. Ranma? The school nerd was standing up to Kuno and his gang of Virtuous Kendo Men. It was unthinkable. Unimaginable. It was well known that whenever Ranma was confronted by either Kuno or Akane he'd do whatever they told him to. But here he was standing up to Kuno and his gang. Everyone watched in anticipation. Except for one. "I have heard, that you surrendered my money over to the villainous Tendo Akane. Is this true?" Kuno asked threateningly. "Um . . . I don't know," Ranma replied, uncertain. More gasps followed. "WHAT!? You dare lie to your superior! I have heard from my nemesis' wicked sister, Tendo Nabiki, that you gave my money to the 'Red Hammers'! Is this true!?" Kuno bellowed, glaring menacingly. "Um . . . well . . . I guess if Nabiki said I did, then I did." Ranma answered slowly, looking at Kuno confused. "You dare! For this insubordinate action you must pay!" Kuno shouted before he and his gang start to move forward. "Kuno!" Another voice shouted stopping Kuno and his gang in their tracks. "The villainous Tendo shows her face! Leave this place! The fool Saotome is mine to punish!" Kuno shouted angrily as Akane and a group of girls walked up from Ranma's right. Letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding, Ranma turned to regard Akane. "Thank god you're here, Akane. I don't-" he started to say, but was cut off. "Shut up, you! What do you think you're doing? You give your money to me and only me!" Akane yelled at Ranma, raising a fist threatening. Ranma took a step back before glancing around . The whole school was basically still there looking on eagerly. He looked over to the one girl, Ranko, and noticed that she was shaking her head disapprovingly. He wasn't sure what it meant, but he was pretty sure that it was directed toward Akane. "If anyone's beating the crap outta Saotome, it's gonna be me!" Akane shouted glaring at both Kuno and Ranma. "Huh?" Ranma replied taking another step back. He figured that he could take Akane and Kuno by themselves, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to handle them and their gangs. Images and information about Kuno's gang, the Virtuous Kendo Men, and Akane's gang, the Red Hammers were flashing through his head. Ranma still had his skill, but not enough strength or stamina. In the end, though he really hated to admit it, he lose. "Vile woman! The weakling Saotome shall receive my wraith and no one else's! After this, my fiery head goddess, Tendo Ranko, will understand how true my love is for her." Kuno shouted back at Akane. Ranma looked at Ranko for a moment to see her with a sick expression on her face. When she looked at him, Ranma offered her a sympathetic look of his own. She blinked at him in confusion before he turn to look back at Kuno. Shrugging his shoulders, Ranma said, "You two children through bickering? I'd like to get this fight over with as soon as possible." Ranma dropped into a ready combat stance. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at Ranma. Soon enough the crowd was whispering about him. Both Kuno and Akane looked at Ranma, red faced with anger. "You dare challenge the great Tatewaki Kuno! I will bring down the divine justice of God upon thee!" "I'm just gonna plain kick your ass, Saotome!" "All right then! Lets get this over with!" Ranma shouted waiting for the right moment to make his move. Akane and the 'Red Hammers' all got into offensive combat stances, while Kuno and the 'Virtuous Kendo Men' did the same. *Now's my chance!* "Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts Final Attack . . . !" Ranma shouted catching the crowds' attention and causing the two gangs to tense up. "RUN AWAY!" And with that, he was off. ********* "What do you think happened to Ranma?" Ranko asked aloud. She, Usagi, Rei, Ami and Makoto were walking away from school toward their respective homes. After everyone had gotten over their shock, the school yard became filled with rumors and whispering about Ranma's sanity. "I don't know, but I think it was hilarious!" Rei Hino responded before breaking into a fit of laughter. "Yeah! I really liked his," Makoto started before going into a low voice, "Saotome School of Anything Goes Final Attack!" She and Rei both started laughing. "I do admit it was quite amusing how he tricked Kuno-sempai and Akane like that," Ami commented. "You just find it amusing because Ranma's a brainiac like you and he actually had the gall to pull a stunt like that. Monday morning he's gonna get creamed by Kuno-sempai and Akane," Rei remarked. "But still, Ranma looked terrible today," Ranko said quietly. "What do you care, Ranko? You don't like him do you?" Rei asked teasingly. "I think Ranko likes Ranma." Makoto added, also teasingly. "Ranko, is that true!? Do you really have crush on Ranma?! That's so sweet!!!" Usagi, who had been quite till then, squealed. "I don't have a crush on him!!!" Ranko shouted before calming down, "I just care about people, that's all. He looked terrible today." Usagi giggled before saying, "He did look kinda crazy after school today." "I wouldn't be surprised if he had a nervous breakdown. The way he was screaming one would think his life was coming to an end," Makoto "On Monday it will. Kuno and Akane are gonna kill him." Rei commented. "There was also what he said. The 'Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts'. If any of you remember, there's no such thing as the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts." Ami explained. "Yeah. He must be really delusional. He completely stole your schools' name Ranko. Don't you care?" Makoto asked. "I know I would!" "It's ok with me. I kinda think it's catchy. Akane will probably will be pissed though." Ranko replied with a shrug. "Too bad he's going crazy though. He looked kinda cute without his glasses on." Usagi said giggling. ********* After having lost the two gangs, Ranma had ran to the nearest park and for the past four hours he'd been sitting. And thinking. The sun was setting over the horizon as Ranma continued to sit on the bench in silence. For the first hour he'd been grabbing his arms and feeling for his muscles. Which Ranma quickly discovered he had none. Of course that didn't stop him from feeling for them for the rest of the hour. The second hour was used to feel his washboard stomach. Or lack there of. Ranma's chest was soft and flabby and it made him want to scream again. Of course that didn't stop him from feeling for any kind of muscle for the rest of the hour. The third hour Ranma had used to slap himself silly. When he wasn't slapping himself he was pinching himself, and when he wasn't pinching or slapping himself he punching himself as hard as he could. Which wasn't very hard. The only problem was that he always had the same result. He didn't wake up! And finally the 4th hour. Better known as the 'What the hell am I going to do now?' hour. He had sat there thinking over what he should do, or be doing. After learning the fact that he wasn't having a dream, or nightmare for better word, Ranma had just plain sat, thinking over what he should do. *Now what should I do? I guess I should go home, but where do I live?* Ranma thought in despair before his mind once again told him. *You live at the Saotome's!* "Oh yeah! Wait a minute? How'd I know that?" *Maybe it's because you've lived there your entire live?* He thought to himself. Ranma rubbed his eyes, muttering, "Weird shit," and then remember something. "I'M CURED!" he shouted before happily dashing off for the Saotome home. It was five minutes later that he came running back, past the bench, in the other direction screaming his head off. A small grey kitten followed after his retreating form. ********* It was nine o'clock when Ranma finally arrived at the Saotome home. And apparently his too. He was glad to see his mom was Nodoka, but got worried when she grabbed him in a fierce hug, bawling like Mr. Tendo would. "Oh my Son! Are you alright!? You look terrible! Where have you been!?" she asked screaming wildly. Struggling in his moms strong embrace, Ranma replied, "I'm fine mom. I just had a bad day that's all." Stepping out of his mothers embrace, Ranma looked her over before thinking, *Phew! She looks just like mine. Don't see her sword though.* "What took you so long to get home?" Nodoka asked holding Ranma by his shoulders. "I decided to spend some time in the park. Don't worry mom. I'm perfectly fine." Ranma answer reassuring her. "But what happened to your clothes? Did that Akane girl beat you up again?" she asked, worry still evident in her voice. Ranma winced slightly, but said, "No. She didn't beat me up. Lets just say realization hit me. Hard," he explained before adding, "I just wanna get something to eat and go to bed." "Why don't you go relax and I'll heat up what's left of dinner." Nodoka said before heading toward the kitchen. "Thanks! I haven't eaten all day!" Ranma exclaimed happily. He was starved! *Thanks in part to a certain violent tomboy!* Nodoka stopped. "Are you feeling alright, son?" she asked. "Yeah. I already toldja I felt fine." Ranma replied confused. "Well it's just that you said you hadn't eaten all day, but you had breakfast this morning." Nodoka replied slightly amused, slightly concerned. "Hehe . . . ! I guess I forgot!" Ranma replied nervously, rubbing the back of his head. His stomach grumbled loudly. "Or I'm just to hungry to remember." "Ok . . . it'll just be a minute." Nodoka said before entering the kitchen. "Where's pop?" Ranma asked after sitting down at the table. "He went to bed after he ate. He had a hard day at work." Nodoka replied from within the kitchen. *Pop?* "Nani? Oyaji's got a job?" *Man this world's really messed up!* "Son are you sure you're alright? Did you hit your head at all today?" Nodoka asked confused, from behind the kitchen door. *Oyaji? What's gotten into him?* "Um . . . no." Ranma lied thinking, *Akane hit me today before I ended up here making it probably her fault that I'm here, and then when I ran into the bathroom door.* "Are you completely sure?" Nodoka asked as she exited the kitchen with a platter of food. "No." Ranma answered, his attention completely on the food. "But you said that you didn't," Nodoka accused glaring motherly before going into complete shock. Her son was eating like a pig! "I sorta ran into a door." Ranma explained in-between bites. "Oh my! Are you alright?" Nodoka asked in concern. Ranma's face hit the table. Or would have if his food hadn't been in the way. Lifting his rice covered face, Ranma replied wearily, "I'm fine, mom." "Ranma! Where are your glasses? Is that why you ran into the door?" Nodoka asked worryingly. "I got rid of them. I found out I can see perfectly fine with out them," Ranma said confidently wiping the rice from his face. *At least I can see perfectly fine without them. With them on I knew what it was like to be Mousse without his.* "How can you see fine without them? You've always been blind without them." Nodoka asked confused. "Mom. I feel fine." *If not confused.* "I can see fine. Stop worrying." Ranma said in a dead serious voice. "Now I'm going to bed. Please, please, _please_ stop worrying about me." "Alright son. If you say so." Nodoka agreed slowly. "Ok. Tomorrow I have a _lot_ of things I need to do. So I'm gonna go to bed now. And stop worrying. G'night!" Ranma explained as he walked up the stairs to his bedroom. "Good night dear!" Nodoka called watching him exit, still very concern for her sons well being. *Tonight, I pray for my sons sanity.* As Ranma walked up to his room, some how he just knew which one it was, he thought over what his mom had said. *Ok. Apparently Akane beats me up a lot seeing as mom asked me about that. Oyaji's got a job. Kaiki kuso. I'm guessing I'm fragile or somethin' because of the way mom acted when she saw how I looked. I'm supposed to be blind. Gee, I wonder what else is wrong with me. Maybe this Ranma had asthma too!* Opening his door, Ranma blinked once before staring in abject horror. *The horror. The horror. The absolute horror!* His mind screamed at him. The walls, oh god, the walls were covered, completely covered with cats. Millions of cat pictures, posters, calendars, everything had something to do with cats. But not just any cats, oh no! They were 'Hello Kitty' cats! *AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* Ranma's mind screamed while his mouth, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed too. Clutching his head, Ranma stumbled back, tripped, hit his head on a nearby table, and landed unconscious. Nodoka and Genma were at his side instantly. Well Nodoka anyway. Genma slept through the whole thing. Seeing her unconscious son, Nodoka's worry didn't lessen. Kneeling over her sleeping son, she clasped her hands together before praying, "Oh please Kami-sama! Oh please Kami-sama! Oh please Kami-sama! Oh please Kami-sama!" ********* As Ranma slept, he dreamed. If there was such a word as nightmared, I'd use it. Oh, I just did. He dreamt of Akane. And not in a romantic way. He dreamt of her beating the crap out of him. Kicking him when he was down. Shoving his face in the mud and making him eat it in front of the whole school. Ranma dreamt of the multiple times Akane had punched or kicked him square in the face after giving her his lunch money. He dreamt of the many times Akane had sent her goons after him. The time she had stolen his glasses and forced him to go the rest of the day without them. When she had forced fed him the stuff she called food and given him food poisoning for a week. Ranma dreamt of the time Akane had shoved him into his locker and forced him to remain there for the rest of the day. It wasn't until seven o'clock at night that the janitor had let him out. Then there was the time she had thrown him into the girls locker room when he was only wearing his boxers. He dreamt of his first day at Furinken and how Akane had nearly drown him in the swimming pool for accidentally bumping into her. Ranma dreamt of Kuno. And no, it wasn't in a romantic way. He dreamt of how Kuno and his gang had used him as a practice dummy during most of their Kendo practices. Of how Kuno had smacked him in the ass in front of the whole school for punishment of giving the villainous Tendo Akane his lunch money. The time Kuno had cut off his pigtail because his fiery haired Goddess', Tendo Ranko. Ranma dreamt of the many times Kuno had beaten him over the head for "supposedly" flirting with his fiery haired Goddess, Tendo Ranko. The numerous times he'd been beaten just so Kuno could impressed his fiery haired Goddess, Tendo Ranko. He dreamt of his first day at Furinken and how Kuno had shoved his bokken where the sun don't shine just to prove his superiority. As he continued to sleep, more and more memories flooded his mind. Memories of his childhood. Of how he was bullied a through middle school. Of how he became obsessed with cats. A lot. The new Ranma learned so much about the old Ranma. Most of which was bad. If the new Ranma had anything to do about it, which he did seeing as he was in control, the old Ranma's life was never going to be the same. ********* Ranma opened his eyes and screamed, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!", because of the nightmare that was the old Ranma's life and because he was laying in his room. Jumping out of his bed, Ranma bolted straight for the door. It wasn't until after he landed on his back that he realized the door was closed. Climbing to his feet, he was about to open the door when it opened on its own allowing him passage to the safe haven known as the hallway. "Are you alright, Ranma?" Nodoka asked, worry evident in her eyes. "What's the matter son?" Genma asked confused at his sons loud screaming. "Get it the hell out!" Ranma shouted frantically. "Get what out? Is it in your head?" Nodoka asked, her eyes beginning to water. *My poor baby's going insane! Why Kami-sama!? Why!?* "In my head?" Ranma asked confused before shouting, "No! I want all that cat crap outta my room! That's what I want out!" "Why do you want all of your cat stuff removed? You love cats," Nodoka explained, coming closer to shedding her tears. *My son's insane!* She mentally cried. "What are you talking about, son? You're always asking us if we can get a pet cat and now you all of the sudden don't like them. I don't understand." Genma added to Nodoka's confusion. "Well I've changed my mind! I say we get a dog! A very big dog! And scary looking too so it'll scare away any cat that comes by!" Ranma cried looking back and forth between each parent widely. "Ranma-" Nodoka started but was cut off. "No, mom. I'm perfect fine. I toldja this last night. I'm just goin' through some changes, that's all." Ranma explained with calm and collective voice. "Ah! So my sons finally started puberty has he!" Genma exclaimed aloud. "WHAT?!?!" Ranma shouted before taking a look inside his boxers. "What the hell are you talkin' about Oyaji? I'm way past puberty!" he yelled angrily, though on the inside he was smiling. At least _that_ was the same. "Ranma-" Nodoka started again, before being cut off again. "No. We're through here and I have a really long day ahead of me. We'll talk about this later." Ranma said seriously before running down the stairs at full speed. *No telling how long that conversation was gonna last or end!* Nodoka looked like she was about to burst into tears as she watched Ranma retreating form. "I fear for our sons sanity." Genma rolled his eyes. His wife always was over sensitive about things. "Don't worry dear, I'm sure it's just a phase," he said reassuringly. When they arrived downstairs they were greeted by the sight that Nodoka had seen the other night. Ranma stuffing his face with food. Both parents watched in shock as Ranma put away all of his food and half of Genma's. Then Genma noticed something. Ranma was fully dressed, his hair was combed differently, he wasn't wearing his pocket protector and his glasses weren't on. Genma also noticed Ranma state of dress. His shirt wasn't tucked in and his pants actually looked baggy. Letting out a content burp, Ranma smiled gratefully at his mother. "Thanks mom! That was great!" "Son? Where are your glasses?" Genma asked. "I don't need them any more. I can see just fine with out them," Ranma explained in a tired voice. Genma frowned. Maybe Nodoka was right. Maybe their son was going insane. After he had finished in-hailing his food, Ranma stood up and turned to his parents. "Ok! I gotta a lot of things I need to do today. First, how much money do you have on you pop?" "About 70'000 yen," Genma replied after looking through his wallet. "Good. Hand it over." Genma did. Ranma blinked. *That was easy.* "Ok. Now I'm going shopping and I probably wont be back for awhile. While I'm gone I need you two to pile up all of the cat crap in my room, in the backyard. A nice and neat pile too. Not a real messy one. I like them clean. You know, in one spot," Ranma said his mind starting to wandering. "Alright son. We'll do that," Genma said cautiously. "Good. I'm going now. Make sure you have my room cleaned out when I get back. Bye!," Ranma said before running out of the room. It was at that point that Nodoka burst into tears. "My son's insane!!!" Genma just headed toward the stairs. *Better clean out the boys room. No telling what my insane son will do if I don't.* ********* "I still can't see how you two do that." Makoto commented as she, Rei and Ami watched Ranko and Usagi stuff their faces simultaneously. "Neither can I. What they're doing should be physically impossible." Ami added as she continued to stare at the two. "Hey, a martial artists' gotta eat." Ranko explained in-between bites. Usagi just continued to eat. "Hey, meatball head. Stop eating for a second." Rei said. Usagi stopped eating. Then she started again. "Dammit meatball head, stop eating." Rei demanded. "But I'm so hungry," Usagi whined before adding with a glare, "and don't call me meatball head." "First: you're always hungry, and second: I'll call you whatever I please, meatball head." Rei responded glaring back. The two continued glaring at each other, faces drawing closer until their noses were inches apart. It wasn't until Ranko shoved her hands in-between their faces did they stop. "Usagi, I think Rei was planning on asking you if Luna's found anything out about Sailor Venus," she whispered fiercely before continuing her meal. Breaking her glare, Usagi scratched the side of her head a sweat drop forming. "Luna's been laying on my bed all week, doing nothing but thinking about where that "lazy Artemis is" . I think she might have fried her brain," she explained before giggling. "Just like her owner." Rei remarked dryly. "What did you say?" Usagi asked having not heard the comment. "Nothing," Rei said before muttering, "brainless." "I heard that!" Usagi shouted, glaring once again. "And you didn't hear my other comment?" Rei asked perplexed. "What? Wait, what are we talking about?" Rei's face, I'd like to introduce you to Rei's food. Of course that gave Ranko a perfect view of what was behind Rei. "Ranma!" she shouted without even knowing it then covered her mouth with her hands embarrassed. Each of Ranko's fellow Senshi looked at her confused before saying their piece. "Ranma?" Ami asked. "Huh?" Rei asked raising her face from her food. "Why'd you have to shout so loud?" Usagi whined cleaning out her ears. "Are you sure you don't have a crush on him?" Makoto teased. "One of you call me?" a voice asked from behind Rei. They all looked behind Rei at Ranma before staring in shock. ********* *Backpack. Check. Camping supplies. Check. New clothes. Definite check. Weights. Check. 4'000 yen to spare. Check.* Ranma sighed as he finished checking off everything he had. He was walking through the mall, two bags, one in each hand and the backpack on his back. The backpack was filled with the weights, while the bag in his right was filled with clothes and the one in the left had a sleeping bag shoved into it. It was times like this that he wished he was stronger. Of course the whole point of buying all this stuff was so he could get stronger. An extended training trip was planned to get this body into shape and show it true pain. Though he had to admit, having a bokken shoved up your ass probably hurts a lot. He was planning on pushing his body to the max and more every day. With his experience he could have himself in good shape by Wednesday. He wouldn't be as strong as he was in _his_ old body, but at least he'd have some strength. He'd work his way up from there. It was at that point that his stomach made itself known, grumbling loudly. "Ah! The tell tale signs that lunch is drawing near," he said to himself. Standing up as straight as he could, Ranma sniffed the air. "Food's that'a way," he added before heading in the direction of food. After walking for about 2 minutes Ranma came upon a large food court. The smell of many different kinds of food wavered through his nose as he trudged further into the court. There must have been 14 different fast food restaurants placed in a large semicircle, numerous amounts of tables and seats in the open area. It didn't take long for Ranma to find the food, or rather smell the food he wanted. *Okonomiyaki!* He thought excitedly. Sure it wasn't Ucchan's, but it was still okonomiyaki. Readjusting his bags a bit, Ranma began to make his way to the okonomiyaki restaurant. He wasn't half way there when he heard, "Ranma!" Stopping in his tracks, Ranma began searching the tables for the speaker. The voice sounded really familiar, but strange when it had yelled his name. It didn't take long for him to spot his living cursed form. Taking a look at the okonomiyaki restaurant, Ranma sighed to himself before making his way over to Ranko and her friends. "One of you call me?" he asked when he reached them though he already knew who had. They all turned to look at him and just started staring. *What I do?* Ranma thought curiously. Makoto, who was on the other side of Ranko, jabbed her in the ribs reminding Ranko that she was the one who'd called. "Oh yeah! Er. . .hi," Ranko said lamely. Ranma blinked twice. "Yeah. . .hi," he answered back just as lamely. "Whatcha want?" he asked after a moment of silence. "I was just wonder what you were doing here," Ranko said smiling slightly. "Um. . .shopping," Ranma replied eyeing Ranko curiously. "Oh yeah! What else would you do in a mall? Heh," Ranko said nervously. Ranma glance at the okonomiyaki restaurant before replying plainly, "eat." "Oh yeah! Eat. Heh. Completely forgot about that," Ranko said embarrassed. Ranma's reply was cut off when Rei asked the obvious. "Where're your glasses?" Looking down at Rei, Ranma sustained the urge to laugh out loud before responding, "I got rid of them, food face." While Rei puzzled over the 'food face' comment, Ami stated, "I thought that you were virtually blind without your glasses." "Actually I'm blind when I put them on." "Contact lenses?" Ami asked. "Nope. I just woke up being able to see." Ranma answered plainly. It wasn't a lie. He did wake up being able to see. "How-" Ami started before getting cut off. "Whathappenedtoyou?" Usagi cut in at an incredible speed. "Say wha?" Ranma asked not catching what she had said. "She asked 'what happened to you'?" Ranko answered for Usagi. "Um. . .lets just say that through all that screaming yesterday I came to a realization about my life." Ranma said before readjusting his bags again. "You know you're dead on Monday, right?" Rei asked. Ranma looked down at Rei and once again held his laughter in check. "Dead? You're joking right?" "No way! Kuno-sempai and Akane are seriously gonna kill you!" Makoto all but shouted. "Yeah. All Akane's been doing lately is swearing that she's gonna rip your head off and flush it down a toilet," Ranko explained grabbing Usagi in a headlock and pretending to pull her head off. "Hey! Let go!" Usagi whined, arms flailing about. "I'll be fine. With what I bought they wont be a problem for me." Ranma replied with a wave of the hand. Or would have if he wasn't carry his shopping bags. "So. . .um. . .what did you buy?" Ranko asked nervously. *Why's she so nervous?* Ranma thought looking at Ranko, eyebrows furrowed. Then he smiled."Well in this bag," Ranma said lifting the bag full of clothes a bit, "I have a 9mm and in my backpack I have a home made bomb. Next time I see either of them. . .bang!" he said smiling the whole time. Their reactions varied as such: Usagi fainted, falling backwards in her chair. Ranko shifted in her chair, looking ready to pounce. Ami covered her smile with her hand. Makoto back away, eyes wide, mouth agape. Rei stared completely in shock not even noticing when one of the noodles stuck to her face slowly fell off. Ranma's face twitched uncontrollably. "You're joking, right?" Ami asked amused. Ranma started laughing uncontrollably, nearly falling over as he did so. "That. . .was one of the. . .funniest. . . things I've ever. . .seen!" he choked out through his laughter. "I thought that you were. I could see it in your face," Ami said after her laughter subsided. "I don't see what's so funny?" Makoto asked angrily after regaining her composure. "Usagi. . .fell over!" Ranma laughed, pointing at Usagi. "And food face. . .hahahaha!" he continued to laugh, trying to clutch his sides. "I don't think it was that funny," Ranko said from where she was fanning Usagi. "You scared shit out of poor Usagi here." "I'm. . .I'm sorry. It just came out," Ranma replied after he got control over his laughter. "I really just got some clothes, this backpack and the sleeping bag here," he added only mentioning the noticeable. "WHAT TYPE OF SICK JOKE WAS THAT?!" Rei shouted suddenly in his face. Ranma tried to hold it in, he really did, "Hahahahahahahahahhahaha!" but seeing Rei's angry noodle covered face made him start laughing all over again. This time however Ranma didn't get off so easily. >Pop!< "Ow! By dose!" he shouted dropping his bag and covering his face with his hands. "Serves you right, jerk," Rei angrily before sitting down, her back to him. Rubbing his nose, Ranma replied, "You didn't have'ta hit me so hard." "Well it does serve you right for laughing at her like that," Ranko said as she propped Usagi back up in her chair. "It's not my fault she has strange eating habits," Ranma said as he picked up his shopping bags. "Huh? What are you talking. . .?" Ranko started before finally getting a good look at Rei's face and unknowingly "Hahahahahahah!" copied Ranma. "You want one too, Ranko?" Rei asked waving her fist threateningly. Waving her arms in front of her face, Ranko replied through her laughter, "No! No! It's just that your face is covered with noodles." "Huh?" Rei said uncharacteristically before she felt her face. "Eep!" Rei quickly wiped the noodles from her face before turning to glare at Ranma. "Hey? Where'd he go?" "Huh?" everybody replied, even Usagi's who had just woken up, before they started looking around for him. They continued to look for him with now luck. Where'd he go? How'd he disappear like that? Finally after five minutes Ranko stood up and walked away from the table. ********* "Huh? What are you talking. . .?" Ranko said before she started laughing. "Hahahahahahah!" That's when Ranma had made his move. While Rei wiped her face clean he quickly and quietly walked away from the group. Not that he didn't mind talking to them, but he was starving. They were also the only girls he ever met who didn't immediately fall for him in one way or another. Making his way over to the okonomiyaki restaurant, a thought occurred to Ranma. *Usagi Tsukino. Rei Hino. Makoto Kino. Ami Mizuno. Where have I heard those names before.* Ranma knew he had heard those names before, but he couldn't place them. After waiting in line and buying his okonomiyaki with the last of his money, Ranma went in search of a seat, balancing his tray of food on his head. Weaving his way through the table, Ranma attracted quite a few stares as balancing a tray of okonomiyaki on your head would. Putting his okonomiyaki down on a small table for two, he was about to sit down when someone tapped him on the shoulder. Sighing to himself, he turned to the tapper. "Hi!" Ranko said cheerfully, smiling brightly. Ranma nearly fell over from the uncharacteristic greeting. "Er. . yeah, hi," he replied looking Ranko over. She was wearing a red Chinese shirt like the kind he usually wore except this one fit better around her smaller frame. Instead of long black pants, she was wearing a short black skirt that didn't help to conceal her long, shapely legs. *Wow! I never knew I was so hot! No wonder Kuno was always chasing me around!* Then realization hit him. *Ack! I'm getting turned on by myself!* "So whatcha doing?" Ranko asked pleasantly, rolling on the balls of her heels, hands behind her back. Ranma's stomach grumbled. "I was about to eat," he said rubbing the back of his head, blushing faintly. Ranko giggled, thinking, *Wow, Usagi was right. He is cute without his glasses. Too bad he's a wuss.* Ranko's idea of the man she wanted wasn't that far off from what she was. She wanted a man with strength, a good heart, honor, good looks, wasn't Kuno, and could back her up in a fight if she needed it. Taking a peak over Ranma's shoulder, Ranko became excited at what she saw. "Wow! I didn't know you liked okonomiyaki!" *There's a lot about me you don't know.* Ranma thought but said instead, "Yeah, it's one of my favorites." "Mine too!" Ranko exclaimed excitedly, still eyeing the okonomiyaki. "What a coincidence." Ranma remarked plainly while eyeing Ranko. He didn't like the way she was staring at his okonomiyaki. "You gonna eat all that?" Ranko asked subconsciously moving closer to the food. "Yes," Ranma answered. He was hungry and he wasn't gonna share. "Can I have some?" Ranko asked looking at Ranma, eyes shining innocently. "Um. . .er. . .*sigh* sure." Ranma relented. It didn't help that he was a sucker when it came to making a girl sad. It also didn't help that his nerd personality was a sucker for sad girls too. The fact that his personality and his nerd personality were becoming one just made it worse. "Thanks!" Ranko said before sitting down at the other side of the table, eyes never leaving the okonomiyaki. Placing his bags and backpack on the ground, Ranma took the seat across from her. Using a knife, he cut a small piece off and handed it to Ranko. "Here." "This is it? I was expecting more." Ranko said eyeing the piece curiously. "How much were you expecting?" Ranma asked, eyebrow raised. "I don't know. Maybe 3/4." Ranko replied tearing her gaze from the food to look at Ranma. Ranma face-faulted *Did I not just say I was going to eat all of it, or was that my imagination?* he thought but asked incredulously, "Didn't you just eat?" "Yeah, but I'm still hungry," Ranko responded looking back at the okonomiyaki. "Wow! I'm surprised you're not really fat," Ranma exclaimed, again admiring Ranko's figure. "What?" Ranko asked looking at Ranma again, this glaring a little bit. "I mean, uh. . .for someone who eats so much, you sure are skinny. Yeah, that's it!" Ranma said nervously. Ranko's glare hardened. *Think fast! What would make me happy?* Ranma thought before cutting another piece from his okonomiyaki and pushing to her. "Here, you can have half!" "Thanks!" Ranko said enthused before she and Ranma both started eating. "Wow! You eat just like me and Usagi!" she commented after she finished her half. Ranma was eating at a pace that rivaled Usagi's but not her own. Ranko was much faster though thanks to her martial arts training. *Strange. I never would've thought Ranma could eat like this.* Ranma looked up at Ranko, food hanging from his mouth before replying, "Huh. . .wha?" he swallowed the food before looking Ranko in the eyes and adding, "Oh! Hehe. Yeah, I guess I do," then started eating again. With that brief moment of eye contact, Ranko saw something. Something she'd never seen before. She wasn't sure what it was, but there was something in his eye that caught her. There was something different about them. Realizing she was staring, Ranko turned away blushing brightly. This didn't go unnoticed by Ranma. "Hey, you alright?" Ranma asked peering closely at Ranko, making her blush even harder. She didn't want to look at his eyes again. "You're all red." "Yeah, I'm fine. I think I just ate to fast," Ranko replied nervously, still not willing to look at Ranma. Here comes Ranma's great knowledge of women. "Oh! Okay." Then he went back to eating. Ranko blinked, but decided not to comment on Ranma's poor seeing. *I guess he can't see perfectly.* she thought then asked, "Can I ask you a question?" "You just did." Ranko sighed. Since when did Ranma act like this. "Can I ask another question, without this being it?" Having finished stuffing his face, Ranma looked at Ranko and nodded. "Who gave you the right to use the 'Anything Goes' name?" Ranko asked glaring a little bit. "The Mutsubetsu Kakuto Saotome Ryu. It's my families school," Ranma responded sounding confused. Had she never heard of it? How could one 'Anything Goes School' not hear about the other? Ranko gave Ranma an incredulous look. "There is no Saotome School of Anything Goes," she said in a dead voice. Ranma blinked, then gave Ranko an incredulous look of her own. "You're kidding right?" "I think I'd know if there was one." "Shit. Crap. Poop," Ranma said to himself. "Are you sure?" It was Ranko's turn to blink. "Yeah, I'm sure," she replied nodding her head, pigtail bouncing around behind her back. With that said, Ranma stood from the table and began picking up his bags. *There's no Saotome School? Not for long! What the hell does Oyaji do for a living anyway?* Ranma thought angrily. Being heir to the Saotome School was what he'd been trained to be. To take over the school and now there wasn't one. "Wait! Where're you going?" Ranko asked suddenly in front of him. Ranma couldn't help but notice the way her breasts moved because of her abrupt movements. "Ah. . .I gotta go. Things to do," Ranma said slight red. *Stop looking at yourself, you pervert!* "Like what?" Ranko asked curiously. *Should I tell her?* Ranma thought before coming to a decision. "I'm going on camping trip. Probably wont be back til Wednesday." "To avoid Akane and Kuno-sempai?" "Sorta. Look I gotta go. I gotta lota things to do," Ranma replied anxiously. He really wanted to get out of there. Not only so he could start his training, but so he could get away from his cute bubbly self. "Oh. Ok. Well, cya!" Ranko exclaimed brightly and loudly, causing Ranma to nearly topple over again. As Ranko turn to go, Ranma asked, "You're Akane's cousin, right?" Turning around, Ranko simply replied, "Yeah?" "Kaiki kuso," Ranma muttered before turning around and walking away. "What's that supposed to mean?" Ranko called to his retreating form. Ranma just shrugged his shoulders. To hell if he knew. ********* "So? Did you enjoy your date?" Makoto asked smiling mischievously. "What'd you two talk about?" Usagi all but shouted, staring eagerly at Ranko. Ranko retook her seat before replying in a serious voice, "Nothing much, but I think we should keep an eye on him though. He's acting really weird. I think he might have made a deal with a youma or something." *We'll see on Monday if he really did go on a camping trip.* "If he did make a deal with Queen Beryl, I'm the one who gets to cream him," Rei said angrily. "What are you so angry about?" Ranko asked. "He could've a least told me I had food on my face." "I think he did. Remember he kept calling you 'food face'?" Usagi commented actually looking thoughtful. "Oh, shut up meatball head!" Rei barked. "Wah!!!!!!!!!!" Anime characters guide to crying, 101. ********* In a remote area of China, a man, who has absolutely nothing to do with this story, fell over. ********* In a house found in Nerima, a girl, who does has something to do with this story, muttered, "I'm gonna rip his fucking head off and flush it down a toilet." ********* After making his way home, Ranma immediately made his way up to his room. He was pleased to find that all cat crap had been removed and was surprised when he saw a sheathed sword hanging over his bed. Looking at the sword closely, he could recall some memories of time he spent with his mother learning how to use it. *Phef! Weapons. Who needs em?* Dumping the clothes he purchased on the floor, Ranma quickly stuffed them into the backpack. After tying his sleeping bag to the bottom , he walked over to his closet, opened it and began pulling out every article of clothing that he didn't like. Putting on his backpack then picking up the clothes he'd pulled from the closet, Ranma, as quickly as he could, trudged out of his room and to the back yard. He was treated to a sight that pleased him. In the middle of the yard was a neat pile of pictures and other assorted 'Hello Kitty' stuff. Dumping his clothes in a pile next to the other, Ranma placed his backpack a few feet away before getting in a calm stance. This is where his training would begin. Gathering all the confidence he could, Ranma tried pushing all the ki he could feel in his body outward. He didn't know if he had an aura yet, but he wasn't going give up until he got one. Drawing upon more of his confidence, Ranma concentrated harder. *I gotta do this!* he thought glaring angrily at the pile. *Come on. I can do this. I'm the best! I can do this! Come on!* he mentally shouted at himself. Without warning he felt it. It was really small, but it was there. Extending his arms to the pile of 'Hello Kitty' stuff, Ranma began concentrating even harder. Sweat poured down his face and for four whole minutes nothing happened. Finally, a small blue ball, about the size of a golf ball, appeared in his hands. With all his might, Ranma shot the ball at the pile before falling over from exhaustion. Wiping some of the sweat from his face, Ranma looked to the pile of clothes. Then he glanced back to the burning pile of what he considered cat crap. *Hell no!* Pushing himself to his feet, he slowly made his way into the house and into the kitchen. Picking up a pad of paper, he wrote a note to his parents and stuck it to the fridge. Opening a nearby draw, Ranma picked up what he was looking for and walked to the backyard again. Striking the match on his knee, Ranma casually tossed it onto the pile a clothes. Letting the piles burn, he slowly walked over to the garden hose before putting the cat crap piles flames out. After watching the pile of clothes burn for a considerable amount of time, he put those out as well. Quickly turning off the hose, he made his way over to his fathers barbeque. Picking up a small bag of charcoal and tucking it under his arm, Ranma ran straight for the outer walls. Jumping as hard as he could, he flew face first into the wall. Climbing to his feet, Ranma muttered, "when I get back, I'm going to personally kick you." Making his way around the house, he casually, or as casual as someone who just ran into a wall could, walked out of the Saotome compound and headed for the nearest forest. Nodoka returned 30 minutes later, a shopping bag in each arm. Placing them down on the kitchen counter, she was about to put away the eggs when she saw Ranma's note. 'Gone on a camping trip alone. Be back on Wednesday, maybe. Ranma' When Genma returned and walked to the kitchen, his only reply was, "Looks like I'll need the mop again." Next Time: Training Trip See what fun Ranma has on a training trip and what the others do while he's gone. ^_^; Authors Notes: 32 pages! I never thought this chapter was gonna end. At first I was thinking of including the training trip with this chapter but decided against it. One thing, this world's gonna get a lot more messed up as I go along. Hope you enjoyed it! ^_^ Email me at Hawk49er@msn.com Japanese: Kaiki kuso - Weird shit.