Sad Song

I feel sick. My heart is beating out of tune and my stomach is lurching,
again.

I am listening to the radio. This is a trance/techno station, yet today, it
felt the need to play romantic sappy music.

I feel sick. My pulse is fast and unsteady, my room is now empty.

I don't have a lot to give in this world, I never did. I never even knew I
could give love. Tch, when I did, it was stolen... and not recieved. I want
to cry.

I feel sick. I wanna puke my empty carcass out, I wanna slash up my arms
into next week, and I wanna drown in my own icky human left overs.

I am dirty. How disillusioned was I to think he'd love me? With the earth on
my shoulders and the planets around us, how could I think he'd love me? I
followed him to the ends of space and still he could not love me.

I feel sick. This pain is sometimes more than I can bare. I want to die so
the pain could stop, however, I am undeserving of such peace, for I have
allowed him to steal my heart. I want to die. I want him to kill me.

You've made me laugh, you've made me cry, you've made me want to take my
life and give it to some unborn child comfortable in it's mother's womb.
I've never found something to live for until I met you. Now I know, you
don't love me.

I feel sick. God has fucked me... I am female. Why is fate so cruel? I feel
sick.

I look at you with pride, admiration, peace, love, understanding, and
billions of emotions mixed into one unnamable glump. And yet, and yet, you
look at me like a sister, a friend, a confidante, and maybe someone you can
trust to call when you have the flu. When I look at you, I see my unborn
children's eyes. You will never have children will you?

I feel sick. I am listening to the radio. This is a trance/techno station,
yet today, it felt the need to play romantic sappy music.