FALLING, by Yaeko

Eventually, moonlight faded and a brilliant sunlight began to take its place. Gateau, who had spent the night marveling at, well, pretty much everything, wondered at this. The Stellar Church, Big Momma’s religious complex somewhere in the firmament, seemed to fill wit a radiant light not found on the earth. Never, in all his days on the Spooner Continent, had Gateau Mocha felt such a bright light.

It amazed him, this brilliant glory, but then, everything had been quite over-the-top for a while. When a Sorcerer Hunter declares something ‘over-the-top,’ by the way, it *really* means over-the-top. It had begun almost a month ago, when, after a horribly traumatic night, his teammate Marron Glace had clutched him around the waist in a fleeting embrace. From there, Marron had spiraled into his own brand of depression as a result of the sexual abuse he had received that awful night. Of course, Gateau hadn’t know then that this was the root of Marron’s problems, and had only blindly wished to help his friend. The big blonde had succeeded in providing Marron with the solace required to end the self-abuse, but it had left Gateau feeling over-secure about the status of their ‘relationship.’ It had led to a rather frightening night, in which Gateau had attempted to sleep with Marron - rather, make love to him - followed by Marron’s horrified and bitter disclosure of his awful secret. However, in the course of the strange irony of love and life, Gateau had succeeded in sleeping with the raven-tressed beauty - the boy had fallen asleep in his arms.

Which left him right up to date. Gateau had lain awake the entire night, breathing the sweet scent of Marron’s hair, and being amazed by the beauty inherent in the world. Gateau only wished that every morning could be like this, so radiant and magnificent. So... happy.

Marron had finally admitted that he had feelings for his teammate last night. First in a touching speech, in which Marron exclaimed of Gateau’s caress, “it hurt so much, and I still wanted it,” and then, later, in an absolutely endearing “... Hold me...” which had made Gateau want to laugh and cry at exactly the same time. Well, at least it *seemed* Marron had admitted to his emotions.

And this was Gateau’s fear. As he looked at slumbering miracle, he wondered if it could all just be a mistake. Perhaps it is a fear of every person who had something, that they don’t deserve it, that they don’t get to keep it, that it isn’t theirs to have. But it was real for Gateau. What if the boy was frightened, confused? Gateau had seen the way Marron had collapsed against him last night. The boy had been trembling against his chest until he finally worked it out of his system and fell asleep against Gateau’s body.

Just as the large man was thinking of extracting himself from is embrace, ebony-tressed Marron stirred. He moved his hand across the blonde chest’ probably only half aware of his motion. But it thrilled Gateau to no end, and he fought not to do anything about it.

His golden eyes fluttered open and he looked at Gateau with a vague, bleary look on his face. Gateau smiled back, a much more confident look on his face. Then the look faded from Marron’s face as he seemed to be aware of what was going on.

“What do you think... What should we tell the others?” Gateau asked quietly.

“Maybe nothing yet,” Marron replied grimly.

This made Gateau’s stomach lurch and his heart thud heavily. This seemed to clinch his worries. He was still afraid that maybe Marron was just seeking that mother’s comfort Gateau had provided him with on the night at inn... What if this bliss turned out to be a fluke?

“They’ve all been expecting it for forever,” said the blonde hopefully. It was true. All of the rest of their Sorcerer Hunting team had been hinting that the couple were a pair ever since they had assembled by Big Momma.

Marron let out a deep sigh, a sigh filled with his typical style of pent-up tension. “I’m just worried, Gateau...”

‘Oh no,’ thought Gateau, trying not to let his horror and anxiety appear on his face.

“That if... If this were to continue, would you... Would your fidelity to me waiver?”

Gateau let out a huge sigh of relief. “Of course not,” he said, letting his lips rest against the soft skin underneath Marron's chin. He inhaled deeply the scent of skin, the fresh, clean, charming scent Gateau had previously thought unique to babies and small children.

“I’m afraid of this, Gateau,” Marron said delicately. “I’m not sure I can...”

“If you don’t feel ready, I’ll wait for you.” Gateau wasn’t quite sure that, after all that had happened, he could wait for very *long*, but he could try his hardest. Marron was just so damn irresistible.

“It’s just that, I’m not sure I know how to give myself over you to in the way that you’re looking for,” Marron continued, as though he hadn’t even heard Gateau. Under normal circumstances, this would have annoyed him, but at the moment he was quite elated. Apparently, Marron felt ready enough. “I’m afraid of this sort of affection. How can I do it? I don’t know how. Loving Carrot is one thing - he’s my brother, it’s a bond no one could ever really brake. Loving Chocolate and Tira is a very strange matter - they’re so endearing, so sweet, no matter how annoyed I can be by them. But you - *you*. Loving *you* is... It’s a horse of a different color. Never in my life have I felt this sort of... *sexual love*.” Gateau just about wanted to jump up and down at this point, but restrained himself, for it seemed that the milk-skinned boy had a bit more to say. “I want to, Gateau.” He added the next bit with derisive scorn, “But, as usual, I’m afraid.” With a sigh, he continued, “How can I know that I can trust you. No, don’t get me wrong, you’re a trustworthy person under normal circumstances. But how can I trust you with my heart?”

“Marron, you’re really been hurt,” Gateau said after a long pause, in which he had tried to decide what to say and how to say it. “I know this. I understand this. It’s hard to believe that you can really bring yourself to love at all, really. Your body is perfect, but it’s such a lie, because it can’t ever betray how scarred you are inside.”

At this, Marron released a half-laugh, half-sigh that was blown, sweet and warm, against Gateau’s bare neck. He seemed to be saying, ‘No shit,’ in his own, quiet, sophisticated way.

“And,” continued the older man, “I certainly can’t tell you how to do it. All I know is that from the moment I saw you, I loved you. It was like I stepped into you, into your radiance. Oh, man that sounds flaky. But it just goes to prove, no one can really explain love. You just have to... You just have to let yourself fall in.”

Marron nestled his head in the space between Gateau’s chin and his chest, and spent a long time just listening to his heart inside his body. Gateau loved the way Marron’s chest rose and fell with every breath he took. It was the sort of codependancy you aren’t supposed to have but secretly wish you did have with someone. It was absolutely glorious.

“So,” said Gateau in a very small, delighted voice, “maybe we don’t say anything just now.”

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