Harem War I
By: Yaeko and Rei
Rating: PG-13 for language and slightly suggestive scenes
Disclaimer: We do not
own the characters from Bakuretsu Hunter, Labyrinth, Bushoujo Senshi Sailor
Moon, Kaiken Phrase, Gundam Wing, or Fushigi Yuugi, no do we claim to own them,
although it would be nice… We don’t own
David Bowie and his family, not really PC is it? Nor do we own the character of Ziggy Stardust, he belongs to Mr.
Bowie. So no suing please. This is just a little bit of insanity that
happened during one of our many conversations, call it a side effect off too
much homework and too little sleep.
Anyway, enjoy. Send all flames to Yaeko-chan... She enjoys them. Rather, she enjoys heating her ramen with them.
May 8, 2001
Rei: Where were you today?
Millefuille: They were all here this morning when Yaeko-chan woke up
for the second time
Yaeko: Sick. Felt like curling up and dying.
Rei: Awwwwww
Heero: Hn.
Rei: Poor baby...
Heero: Hn.
Ziggy Stardust: MILLE!
Rei: *groan* Ziggy, get thee gone!
Yaeko: Heero, go screw Duo or something, for god’s sake,
just... OH NO....
Mille: Hiya Ziggy baby!
Ziggy: *pouts and vanishes*
Rei: Thank god...
Mille: *aside* You know, if he isn't put off by my age, I
can't see any problems here... dammit
Heero: Carlea, I advise you to take it back.
Rei: Mille, I've used a new black eye liner pencil to create
a feathered eye look...
Heero: What is she talking about?
Yaeko: Stop pointing the gun at my head and I'll tell you,
buster. Didn't I tell you yesterday we
don't allow those in my house?
Rei: Instead of fishtails, I've gone feathered!
Mille: Sugoi Rei-chan!!!!
Aiiiieeeeee!!!
Heero: This is getting to be to much. Maybe I will go home...
Mille: You do that... Don't leave Duo alone for too long, he
might get lonely
Rei: *sweatdrop*
Mille: Ok, not the gun, not the gun!
Yaeko: HEERO!
Heero: Gomen nasai, Yaeko. I was provoked.
Yaeko: Just go awaaaaay...
Hotohori: Yaeko...*appears in her room bearing a bowl of miso
soup on a tray, with sushi*
Yaeko: Hai? Hullo! Wai! Domo arigato! *dies* Now if only I
were eating...
Hotohori: *sits behind her on the bed and begins massaging her
shoulders*
Mille: *bounds over* I'll help, no worries!
Hotohori: Go 'way, Mille.
Shall I spoon-feed you, Yaeko?
Yaeko: hmmm... *giggle*
Ziggy: Nawww, come to my place!
Rei: ZIGGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yaeko: Kotei-sama, be nice to Mille, he means well.
Rei: *gets out the axe*
Mille: O-KAY! *POOF - he's gone*
Ziggy: !(*%!@(*#$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yaeko: Oh dear...
Ziggy: *vanishes*
Yaeko: You think Mille will have any trouble finding him?
Rei: DON'T YOU DARE DO ANYTHING I WOULDN'T APPROVE OF
ZIGGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yaeko: *checks her watch* I think it's far too late for that
Rei: Prob, he doesn't know that Ziggy is officially
dead...Well, Bowie's resurrecting him in 2003, but…
Yaeko: Like that's ever stopped Milphey before...
Rei: Well, then Mille's gonna be met with a nasty
surprise...*smirk*
Yaeko: ... nani...?
Rei: All he'll find if he does make it, is David Bowie with
Iman and their daughter Alexandria...
Mille: *poof* Dammit, who's the kid??????
Rei: *grin* David Bowie's daughter Alexandria.
Mille: Oh, so you knew, and you decided to torture me, ne?
Yaeko: Mille, shut up before I get an FLO... I'm sick here...
Rei: Nooooo, just...lipped my mind for a minute. Forgot to warn you that Ziggy is one of
Bowie's earlier manifestations
Ziggy: I am not!
Rei: Oh yes you are...
Mille: Honey!
Ziggy: @*^% you!
Mille: Come back! We can be very happy together, goddamit!
Ziggy: *sulks in a corner of Bowie's mind*
Yaeko: Jesus flipping-like-Trowa-in-acarnival-act christ
Rei: Ok, he's gone, for now.
Mille: *wails with tangible pain*
Yaeko: Oi! Your tangible pain is poking me in the knee
Rei: *a pair of arms slip around her neck* Not now,
Mamo-chan, I have to work... *the rest of her harem appears. Tamahome, Sakuya, Chichiri, Mitsukake,
Tasuki, and Chiriko.
Tasuki: Holy @&*%(*^ hell, what are all of you doing here?
Rei: Tasuki....
Tasuki: Oh *$&^, I can't say anything around here... *grabs a book off the shelf*
Duo: *poof* OI! YAEKO-CHAN!!!! GE…
Yaeko: Shut up, Duo, I am in no mood for loud noises
Duo: oh. *wheels around and disappears*
Tamahome: *smirks, and launches an assault on Rei’s neck*
Rei: *groan* Tama-chan, not now!
Yaeko: Oh, gods...
Tamahome: *sulks, but moves away*
Mille: Your boys are pretty good, if you know what I mean!
Rei’s Harem: STUFF IT!
Yaeko: Fucking hell... I hate my life!
Mille: No you don't sweetie-pie
Hotohori: *pets Yaeko’s hair* She's willing to share...
Yaeko: how is it that all my little harem boys manage to be
gay?
Hotohori: I know I wouldn't mind sharing myself with both you and
Rei-chan, Yaeko... That didn't sound right but what the hell.
Mille: Ne, what about me!?! You wanna share even more?
Hotohori: No, I'm strictly straight, Mille. Go ask Gateau
Mille: Mommy says it's not good to be selectively generous ...
he's got a sweetie... and he's monogomous... I tried it with him once before...
Rei’s Harem: *GLARE*
Yaeko: Whoa, way more than *I* ever needed to know
Hotohori: *continues stroking Yaeko’s hair*
Yaeko: *head reeling*
Quatre: *poof*
Trowa: *poof*
Trowa: Hello, Hotohori-sama
Quatre: Ne, Yaeko-san, we had a spare moment so we decided to
come visit you We would've brought soup,
but Trowa didn't think it would travel well through the mirror.
Hotohori: It's much better if you can put it in a container with
a lid and run over to the person's house, then leap through the window...
Quatre: Seeing as we were out in space, the jumping-through-the-window
thing doesn't work...
Tamahome: Well, you could always use a hyper-space warp...it's
better than a mirror
Yaeko: *rubs head* My
tiny, aching brain... how do I manage to function with this rodent-sized brain
of mine...?
Rei: Yaeko!
Yaeko: What?
Rei: You don't have a tiny brain, baka!
Yaeko: No, I don't have a tiny brain, I know this much
Quatre: *gives Yaeko a peck on the cheek* Feel better, okay, we'll come back at a
better time...
*double poof - those two cuties are gone*
Yuki: Yaeko, feeling any better?
Yaeko: No, Yuki... You might as well go back home...
Yuki: Okay then... ::pouf:
Yaeko: Sorry, folks...
Hotohori: Pauvre cita...
Yaeko: Nani?
Rei: Never knew you spoke some spanish Hoto-chan... He
means, poor girl, I believe
Nuriko: Oh Milphey....
Rei: Oh god...
Mille: What, Nuriko-sama?
Nuriko: *appears with a bottle of rainbow hair dye*
Mille: Hai...? *expectant grin*
Rei: Where did you get tha...never mind, you've been raiding
Ziggy's closet again, I can tell
Nuriko: *grins, and prances into the bathroom, then vanishes
back to Konan*
Rei: Baka...
Yaeko: What... in ... hell...?
Rei: He's drunk again...
Yaeko: oh dear
Rei: prob passed out on his bed...
Yaeko: *hollers* MILLE! what have you done?
Mille: *pokes head out of bathroom* nothing... yet
Yaeko: Dont' mess with your hair, honey... it looks so nice
the way it is...
Hotohori: not as nice as mine...
Rei: Hothori...
Hotohori: *shuts up*
Yaeko: hey now... I happen to like Milphey's hair... it's
springy... Mille's still in the bathroom...
Hotohori: You know I hate it when you call me by my full name...
Look behind you...
Yaeko: me?
Rei: and you know I only call you by your full name when
you've over stepped the line
Yaeko: *grabs the braid protectively, a la Duo*
Rei: Yes, Yaeko, I don't think Milee's in the bath room any
more...
Yaeko: waaaaugh! It's... it's...
Hotohori: holy fucking shit
Yaeko: OH, GODS! Go, magic it back!
Rei: HOTOHORI!
Yaeko: It’s Hotohori
hair!!!! He gave himself Hotohori hair
Hotohori: NO!!!!
Mille: Still like your hair, pretty boy? *smirk*
Yaeko: *horrified*
MILLE!!!!
Rei: Put your hair back the way it was, now!
Yaeko: But now I look like Hotohori... I'm pretty now
Yaeko: you were pretty before..
Ziggy: You were fine before, hon
Rei: Ziggy...
Mille: No one here thought that...
Ziggy: *pops out*
Mille: Okay, except Ziggy-baby...
Rei: Mille, silver- black doens't suit you
Yaeko: *hugs the baka* I think you're pretty, hun.
Mille: *:grins, then looks in the mirror:: boy, no it doesn't!
*POUF’s his hair back to its regular state, although it looks a
little frizzy*
Yaeko: see what you get for over-styling your hair, sweetie?
Mille: ::weeps:: life is too hard... and now, just lok at me,
my hair is all over-styled!!!! WWWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!
Rei: *snaps fingers and Mille's hair is back to normal*
Mille: ::sighs with releif:: Why didn't I think of that?
Rei: *face fault*
Yaeko: Because, baka-ko, you're not supposed to use your magic
for that sort of thing, *remember*
Mille: Heh... heh... right...
Yaeko: Frivolous hair-styling doesn't fall under the duties of
the average Haz Knight, ne?
Mille: Dammit... no one's gettign anyone around here except
Heero and Duo!
Duo: *comes up for air (finally!) you called?*
Rei: *face fault*
Tamahome: *chuckle* He needs air?
Rei: Tama-chan!
Mille: *thougtfull* Well, and Quatre and Trowa
Yaeko: He doesn't usually, Tamahome. Juts look at the way he
talk. But, I'm told, kissing can really
take a lot out of you. Oh, good *sigh*
Heero and Duo are gone
Rei: Oh dear, Mitsukake seems to be a bit angry about
something, I can see the sparks from here…
Yaeko: None of our bishies do well pissy
Rei: Marron’s truyly
frightening when he’s mad… Thank heaven Fala’s never on his bad side…
Mille: I’m a bitch angry
Yaeko: You're always a bitch, sweetheart
Mille: oh... right... *crickets chirp* (two minutes later) hey!
Tamahome: *groan*
Mille: Sorry guys... Am I that horrendous?
Rei: Go to sleep Tama-chan!
Yaeko: Aaaw
Tamahome: *yawn* I think I will
Yaeko: Nighty-nighty Tama-kins
Tamahome: *collapses on the bed*
Hotohori: Looks like I'm the only one left. Mamoru went home for
the night
Rei: *sigh* Bishis bishis everywhere...
Yaeko: Heh
Rei: Hotohori’s arms around my neck... Wait, why'd you leave
Yaeko’s, Heiki?
Hotohori: Er...
Yaeko: He got scared would be my guess. Hell, I'd be scared of us.
Rei: Go back there. I'll bei n your arms all night and you
know it!
Yaeko: Narf. That's OK. Mille's here
Hotohori: *appears in Yaeko room*
Yaeko: OK, too late
Hotohori: That it is.
Dissappointed?
Yaeko: Eh, nah.
Hotohori: Good. Mind if I
take off this tee shirt?
Rei: HOTOHORI!
Yaeko: *raises eyebrows, looks frightened*
Rei: Don't give Mille any ideas!
Hotohori: Too late
Mille: That's okay, I... hot dog! *claps hands over mouth*
ohshitohshitohshit
Hotohori: *shirt is off revealing a well muscled chest, toned
from all the fighting he's done*
Yaeko: *:le tres contented sigh*
Hotohori: *stretches out on the bed*
Rei: Now you see what I get to use as a pillow each
night....
Yaeko: Look out, puss-cat
CAT: Merow!!! *scoots off*
Hotohori: *sexy smirk*
Yaeko: I guess she doesn't appreciate true beauty...
Rei: oh dear, I think I'm melting....
Yaeko: narf, you and me both
Rei: You just HAD to smile that way… *sigh* Heiki, you KNOW I can't get any work
done now!
Yaeko: *pained look*
Ne, kotei-sama, you just gonna sit there?
Mille: *dead in a puddle of drool and nosebleed*
Hotohori: *smiles, and walks over to her chair, and leans over
her shoulder*
Better?
Yaeko: It would be if you weren't standing on Mille. He might not wake up if you squash him too
much...
Hotohori: *for some strange reason, he’s now standing in only a pair
of black boxers* Oops… *moves Mille over a few feet*
Yaeko: *dies* Dammit,
now I can't read...
Rei: *taking deep breaths, trying not to faint*
Mille: Ne, I'm awake... whoa, no I'm not! *dies again,
grabbing one of Hotohori's legs as he goes*
Yaeko: Oh dear...
Hotohori: *twists outof Mille's grasp*
Rei: *mutters* Ok,
clothes ON Heiki!
Hotohori: *puts, but put on his clothes*
Yaeko: *breathes a sigh of relief* I was very close to losing
my place in the nunnery, there...
Rei: Thank you! Oh, all right, leave the shirt off... *sighs
in relief* MUCH better.
Yaeko: Look at poor mille... all dead and... dead...
Mille: hrm...
Hotohori: *snore*
Yaeko: Itai...That's gotta be a blow to someone's pride.
Rei: And...that takes care of that bish for now folks! I
haven't told him yet, but it's so cute! It's a tiny snore... He sounds almost
like he's purring!
Yaeko: Aaaw
Rei: Yeah. He's a cutie.
Hell, he's a hottie!
Yaeko: Hmmm
Mille: *fidgets nervously in his sleep* I'm sorry... ITAI! No, sire, not
again...
Yaeko: The dear is asleep
Rei: what's Mille dreaming aobut?
Yaeko: He hardly ever talks about his dreams. When he does, he gets all touchy, or he
starts to cry before he can say anything of consequence. I think he... uhm... not that he's ever
actually told me... but... I think he dreams about his childhood... About the harem, and times before that. His parents got killed by... um... Maybe I
shouldn't share...What the hell. The
lord of the area had, apparently, been traveling around, and the harem picked
up Mirufi (not that that was his name them), and the head honcho kinda took a
liking to him
Rei: Oh dear...
Yaeko: He was there for 17 years, being lent out to any of the
lord's guests who took a liking to him themselves *shudder* Then some people
attacked the castle, and he was saved by... someone (won't tell you who until I
finish writing the story), and he wandered off, trying to make some place for
himself
Rei: Poor baby...
Yaeko: And he got found by the Stellar Church, and his
childhood friend, Momma (or, that was
her name after she became the Goddess)... You can see why he doesn't share much
Rei: Yeah. I can.
Yaeko: He pretends like everything's just peachy, and then...
Rei: Those scars will never heal all the way
Yaeko: No... I'm always surprised at how lascivious he is,
but, then, I guess harem life would do it to you. He just treats sex so casually... it's kinda scary
Rei: he really needs someone
Yaeko: Yeah, well... I try, but, not in *that* way
Mille: Ne, Yaeko-chan... It's late... Come to bed... *light
snore*
Yaeko: I hope he doesn't have any more bad dreams. ‘Night!
