STARRY NIGHT, by Fala
He awoke shaking and the last strains of a voice crying out softly echoed in his ears. It took him a few seconds to realize that that voice he’d heard had been his own. He’d left his slumber, shaking and whimpering, the last dregs of a terrible nightmare still in the back of his mind. He could not remember what he’d dreamt. Only that he was trying so escape some encompassing blackness that clutched him with clawed hands and would not let go until it had swallowed every last drop of his essence, and lifeblood... He’d tried to run, but it had been faster. He’d struggled against it, but it was stronger. How typical, he reminded himself, feeling both useless and used at the same time. He was so weak and fragile, and he was the one people always took advantage of. Stupid niisan...He loved his brother dearly, and he knew that Carrot loved him just as well, but it didn’t usually show. And Carrot had gotten into the habit of teasing his brother, who had always been the quiet one amongst their group. Today it had been no different, until...the youth closed his eyes tightly, recalling the incident all too clearly...
“C’mon, Marron, don’t you have anything to say?”
“No, not really.”
“But just look at that chick! You could drown yourself in her chest...and that ass! You could play canasta on it!”
“Brother, please...”
“Although I hate to agree with you Carrot, I must admit that babe is HoTT stuff.”
“See? Even Gateau, dumbass though he is, sees what I- OWCH! Hey, Gateau, nothing personal!”
“Niisan, Gateau, I think you should really-”
“Oh yeah, sorry, I forgot you were gay, Marron.”
“Oh my god, Marron, really?”
“Gateau...”
“Hey, I saw how you were looking at Milphey last week.”
“Oh do tell, Carrot...”
“When we were at the Stellar Church, Marron was seen in the garden with Milphey. They went in together and they left together. I heard it all from Tira, who just happened to pass through the hall while they two went outside, so don’t you bother to deny it!”
“.....Well...then I won’t.”
“MARRON!”
“I bet you two were getting your thang on in that garden weren’t ya?”
“No, we were just talking.”
“Oh come ON Marron, I may not be the brightest crayon in the box- hey that makes sense doesn’t it, seeing as I wear all brown as it is...Well, anyway, you do really expect me to believe that all you did with an ass-monkey like him is CHAT?!”
“Didja fuck?”
“I didn’t do anything!”
“That’s great! So then I DO have a chance!”
“Gateau, if you lay so much as a finger on my brother, I’ll chew your head off before you can say ‘Look at me!’.”
“Carrot, let the record show you are a splinter-like pain in the ass.”
“Gateau!”
“That’s right lil’ bro...tell your boyfriend to lay offa me!”
“Niisan, he is NOT-”
“Say what you want Marron, but you can’t deny the fact that you truly DO like guys!”
“I-!...well...I guess I really can’t.....”
“Oh dude, Marron, no I mean...wait! I was only kidding! Don’t tell me-”
“Marron! Come here so I can love you!”
“Don’t touch me! Just leave me alone!!!”
He drew in a shuddering breath as he remembered running away from his brother and his warrior team mate, flushed and frustrated beyond belief. He only came into their company again when it was dinner time and Tira had dragged him down to the table, insisting that he eat something. He just stayed as quiet and inconspicuous as he could and it went smoothly for a while, until, of course, this rather sensitive subject was brought up again...
“So, Darling, where did you go this afternoon? I just got a new spaghetti-strap mini-dress I wanted to show you.”
“Erm...well, I...um...”
“We went babe-goggling.”
“GATEAU, YOU FRIGGEN IDIOT! THEY AREN’T SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT!!!”
“Oh yeah? And why is that?”
“’Coz now there’s gonna by a shitload of hell for me to pay, you dumb blonde!”
“HEY! No one get’s away with calling me that!”
“DARLING! You are so rude!!!”
“Niisan, Gateau, will you PLEASE settle down!”
“Oh Yeah, sorry Marron, didn’t mean to threaten your boyfriend.”
“For the LAST TIME, brother-”
“Oooooh! Marron, are you and Gateau dating?”
“Chocolate, please...”
“Is it true Marron-Chan?”
“Tira...”
“Darling, why are you accusing Marron of being gay? You have no proof.”
“Sure I do. I mean just LOOK at him.”
“CARROT!!!”
He hadn’t stayed around to hear his pink-haired friend admonish his older brother. As soon as he’d heard those words, he’d leapt up from the table, and fled to his room, choking on sobs that he was sick of holding back. He’d slammed the door shut, and bolted it. He then divested himself of his robes, turned on the shower full blast, slid down the wet tiled wall into a sitting position and cried. Ordinary people ridiculed him often enough, but his own brother...the one who used to protect him and tell him he was a big boy who could and would be strong...even his niisan was making fun of him. Up until now, it had been the standard “garden variety” teasing that is to be expected of siblings, but this time, it went too far. Carrot had touched a very tender spot with Marron...and forget just touching...it was more like a sharp poke at a wound that was in the middle of healing. Then again this wound would never heal. Marron knew he was gay and he could deal with that...so why couldn’t everyone else? He’d heard it said that love was the most beautiful thing existence has to offer. A man in love with a man....was that not love as well? What the hell was so frikken wrong with it? Why did people give a shit whether a man loved a woman or another man?
And it went beyond that, too. He’d been berated and bullied all his life for how he looked, how he acted, even how he talked. He’d promised no one would see him shout or yell. No one would see him raise his hand in anger and let them have a taste of the pain he felt. He promised that no one would ever see him cry. For sixteen years, he’d kept all of that hurt and bitterness bottled inside. But, no more...and sixteen years worth of pain and despair now poured forth in hot tears... Damn it all...Marron had moaned, banging his fist against the wall, as the shower’s spray continued to drench him. Damn it all to hell.
And now, he was sitting up on the edge of his bed, hugging himself, and shaking like a half-drowned rat. His hair was still wet from the two or three hours he’d spent in the shower, trying cleanse himself of the hot anger and frigid darkness that had been building up in his heart all those years. He still did not feel redeemed. He felt cold, bitter, and helpless. He felt as though he could never love again...This thought crushed him...Oh gods, here we go again... Marron thought, frustrated as felt the next wave of salty tears coming...
Continue
Back
Back to the Story Index
