Kenshin the Door to Door Salesman (That he is)

Part III: Kenshin Mysteriously Plays Around

 

A/N: Yes! Another installment of my madness. Mwahahaha..ahem, I mean, enjoy. ^^

 

Once again, Kenshin is off to another route. Reading his route card, the next destination is..

"Suzaku Avenue? The author really leaves no room for guessing, does he?"

(A/N: That he doesn't. ^^)

Continuing on, happily, Kenshin-

(K/N: DO I LOOK HAPPY TO YOU?!)

Continuing on with an attitude problem, most likely PMS, Kenshin-

(K/N: You're pissing me off, that you are....)

(A/N: Do you want me to call out Akane again?!)

(K/N: ............)

Continuing on his route, Kenshin arrives at the designated neighborhood. Suzaku avenue. Approaching the first door with extreme caution, he knocked, hoping that the person on the other side isn't someone with a level of power to blow him away. The door slowly creaked open as Kenshin raised an eyebrow at what he saw..

"Nyao!"

"Oro?"

Kenshin and the white cat had a weird looking staring match as a tall man with khakis and a white wife beater came to the door, barefoot. He looked down at Kenshin with a face of pure anger. He then raised an eyebrow at the wandering samurai and said in a disgruntled tone, "What the hell do YOU want?"

Kenshin gulped and said, "My company has sent me-"

"Company? I used to be with company....until they used me for my healing power. That's all I was to them. The healer. Heal this and heal that! I couldn't take it anymore! Everyone else got the spotlight, but what did I get? NOTHING! They lasted as long as they did because of ME! And what thanks do I get? A friggin pat on the back, a dead wife and a worthless bottle of holy water. Big friggin deal! They give Tamahome some demon power up, Nuriko MORE strength, like he needed anymore, and they give Tasuki a friggin diamond fan. DIAMOND! Hotohori gets a holy sword! A FRIGGIN' HOLY SWORD! But, I get holy water! What am I supposed to do, Bless my enemies and hope they go away?!"

Kenshin was completely lost and had no idea what he was talking about, "Uh, I-"

"But, I'll show 'em all. Oh, yes. I'll show 'em all. I've got this new technique, see? It's called the REVERSE healing spell. It's all so simple. I'll make them all pay. Observe."

Mitsukake pulled out an AR33 Assault rifle and kissed it, "This is my baby. The key to my reverse healing spell. And with this, I'll show those Suzaku fools who the man is! MWAHAHAHAHA!"

Kenshin backed away slowly with a smile and nod. As soon as he was far enough onto the sidewalk, he hauled ass down the street. Unfortunately, that was only the first house of this block, so he ended up hauling ass right next door. He once again came to the door carefully and knocked.

When the door squeaked open, an orange haired guy and a dark hair guy answered the door. They looked at Kenshin, then to each other. The raised their eyebrows, then looked back to Kenshin and said in unison, "What the f@#$ do you want?!"

Kenshin sighed, "My company has sent me to sell you our new product and-"

"Well, well, Koji. It seems we've got another salesman on our hands.....GET 'IM GUYS!"

Before Kenshin could even utter an oro, he was rushed by 20 guys dressed in ancient Chinese gear. Then, everything went completely black. He also felt his sword get snatched away before being knocked out.

When he came to, Kenshin was in a dark basement, and strapped into a chair before the man with the orange hair who stood in front of a fireplace with the flames rising. He smirked evilly and said, "Nothin' personal, pal. But we don't take to kindly on door to door salesmen around here. In fact, none of them has ever made it passed THIS house. Well, enough of the historical facts. It's torturing time!"

All the bandits cheered at the sound of those words. Kenshin's eyes were the size of dinner plates and he looked all around at the cheering men who were planning to torture him, "Oro?"

That's when the rolled in a big TV set in front of Kenshin and popped in a purple tape. Kenshin happened to see the label and started to scream immediately, "No! No! For the love of God, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

And then.....the tape played.

"What do you want to do, Barney?"

"Let's sing the math song!"

"Two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four, two plus two is four!"

"That was great, let's sing the number song!"

"YAY!"

"One, two, three! Count with me! Four, five, six! We're in the mix! Seven, eight, nine! Don't fall behind! Now we're on ten! Let's sing again!"

Kenshin struggled frantically to get free on the chair, but to no avail. Tears were coming out of his eyes by now, "Stop it! You're nothing but monsters, that you are! You people are just plain SICK!"

Suddenly, there was a knock on the basement door and a person called from the outside, "Knock, knock! Who's there? Koji! Koji, who? Koji with the 56 episodes of Teletubbies to torture the salesman with! Great, come on in! Thank you!"

The door opened and there stood the dark haired bandit with 56 tapes of the Teletubbies. Kenshin's eyes widened even further as his whole body trembled with fear, "No....no.....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

From the shock wave of pure horror and fear, Kenshin screamed as he ripped out of the chair straps and zoomed through the bandits in his path and slammed through the door, making a Kenshin shaped hole in it. Kenshin headed for the hills in an insane frenzy.

But, since the author is a complete and utter JERK, Kenshin found himself at the front door of the next house. Kenshin sighed as he looked at the door, "There's no way this one could be any worse..."

When the door swung open and broke off the hinges, he came face to face with a man with purple hair who had on pink overalls with a sky blue t-shirt. The man gave Kenshin a smile which made the samurai feel very uncomfortable. And the winking didn't help much, either.

"Yes?"

"Uh, My name is Kenshin Himura and my company has sent me to sell you our new product."

"Really? Please, come in."

Kenshin complied and walked inside. Nuriko walked in behind him, shutting the door and locking all 20 locks, then grinned evilly, "If I can't have his highness, this one will do nicely...."

(A/N: dum dum DUM!)

TO BE CONTINUED!