"Fun with Nuns"

Darien is helping Rini study...which naturally makes Serena jealous. Because if Darien had a family to talk to, Serena would be jealous of his mom. So, once Serena manages to half distract future-hubby, Rini decides to guilt trip him back into paying attention to her, reminding her Daddy that if she doesn't do well in school, she'll become a social outcast with only her TV to keep her company. Serena points out that she's living proof that grades have absolutely nothing to do with finding a husband. Then tells Rini that there's a difference between flunking out and squeaking by, thank you very much.

Before things can escalate, Luna enters, followed by a misunderstood Artemis. Luna announces to the room that Artemis has the hots for a nun at the neighborhood church. While Artemis stammers that it's a misunderstanding, Darien says that the nun is one sexy sister. He's nearly killed.

Darien takes Artemis out for some guy talk while the girls worry over the deterioration of Artemis and Luna's secret love affair. Rini, little idiot that she is, says she never realized the cats were together. Put that on the back burner.

As Artemis announces for the 14th time this episode that he's been misunderstood, a little grey kitten appears and calls him Daddy. Luna arrives just in time to see Artemis being nuzzled by his apparent bastard child and smacks him around for being a man ho. Artemis replies that it's a misunderstanding.

In the Dead Moon Circus, it's show time. Tiger-Eye uses his whip on...well, nothing...we learn of Fish-Eye's incredible balance(he can stand on a ball while wearing high heels!), and that Hawk-Eye can spit fire. Zirconia mentions that s/he likes seeing the Trio so full of themselves, then babbles about how young people these days don't do diddly.("Back in my day we had to walk fifteen miles through the snow, uphill both ways, just to see a potential target! And we didn't complain neither!")

So, it's back to the bar. Tiger-Eye blames Fish-Eye for getting nagged, Hawk-Eye calls Tiger-Eye the biggest failure, Tiger-Eye tells him to shut up because Fish-Eye's a lazy bitch. Fish-Eye says he can't help it if the targets all suck.

Then, Tiger-Eye finds himself the perfect target--a hot nun! Hawk-Eye says Tiger-Eye doesn't have a chance in hell. In English Tiger-Eye says that not only is this mission real possible, but that he can tell the nun makes it a habit to dream of Pegasus. Habit, get it? There's a fade out before we see Fish-Eye or Hawk-Eye back hand Tiger-Eye for making such a bad joke.

In the original Tiger-Eye substitutes painful puns with this piece of sexual imagery: "Not at all! The higher the mountain, the more satisfaction you have when you overcome it. Your satisfaction will be at its peak when you overcome this type of woman." (Remember, kids, if you can get a nun to sleep with you, you'll have great orgasms! Sailor Moon says!)

A very bruised Artemis staggers home and finds Mina extremely pissed off--and not over him breaking her favorite glass or dropping her new ribbon in the mud. She's pissed because Serena just called...and mentioned and certain sister and a certain kitten.

The other girls try to cheer up Luna--who's completely fine with everything--with food. And try to keep Serena and Rini away from the food.

Back at the church, a man comes up to the nun and makes idiotic conversation about flowers. Yes, it's Tiger-Eye. In the original, we learn that God loves everyone, even evil perverts. Either way, Tiger-Eye falls down because, well, you're obligated to faint with at least one target.

Then, the little sinner moves on to his typical pick-up line: "I want your dreams!" Like always, it causes the ladies to recoil in terror and start screaming. Good thing Artemis is nearby...

So, Tiger-Eye changes and is about to go dream rummagin'. The nun holds up her cross and recommends the church's self help program.(well, in the dub. Look, I'm an atheist and if scary men were threatening me, I'd be taking the Lord's name in vain like there was no tomorrow) Tiger-Eye falls down again because being told he needs help hurts his feelings.(He's really drunk today)

Artemis leaps out of nowhere and...might have cut Tiger-Eye. Damned if I know since seeing a cat scratch someone is too violent for TV and was cut(my cat ripped the hell out of me when I was a kid!) Tiger-Eye spends a few minutes wailing that his beautiful face has been damaged. This gives Mina time to transform and announce that she's going to open up a can of apocalypse whoop-ass on Tiger-Eye.("It's your Judgement Day!")

Tiger-Eye tells her to go away like a good bleached blonde. Venus replies that the only ugly thing in the vicinity is him and his evil(Well, this might've worked in the original when he actually called her ugly...they'll make such a cute couple!)

Anyway, it's lemure time! And dear lemure...uhm, well, damned if I know her name or can understand half of what she says, asks Venus if she likes kick boxing. Having never kick boxed before, Venus has no clue. The lemure is glad to hear it and transforms...complete with a dumb looking kangaroo costume. Unfortunately, something's missing...

While the lemure feels empty inside, Tiger-Eye looks in the nun's dream. It may have flowers, climbing Mt. Everest, and the Nobel Peace Prize, but no Pegasus. Poor nun...Artemis tries again to fight off Tiger-Eye, this time damaging his perfect hands. As penance, Artemis is stuffed into the lemure's pouch, where he gets a little costume and a chance to feel the lemures pain and throw the same punches!

The other scouts arrive, indicating it's time for Tiger-Eye to run like a scared little girl(and make sure his wounds don't scar.) While the scouts stand around, dodging punches and keeping Jupiter from attacking, Luna leaps out of the sky and attacks the lemure--and is thrown to the ground. So, Artemis bites his way free--and gets thrown to the ground.

Then Tuxedo Mask arrives and pulls a kitten out of his hat. "Diana!" Mini-Moon happily shouts.

Diana says hello to Small Lady, then tells her it's time to kick some butt. Moon gorgeous mediation, dead lemure, everything's happy. Well...except for the whole Diana thing...we basically find out that Diana's mom is Luna. Which causes both cats to blush as Serena teases them. Diana then turns to her parents and asks them if she can try ice cream. Responsible parents that they are, Luna can only swoon over being called "Mommy" and Artemis says that he knows how Darien feels.

Darien says in English that one should always agree with what one's future wife and daughter say, even if they're wrong. In Japanese, he suggests they go out drinking to ease their pain. In both languages, he gets yelled at.