Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of Sailor Moon, or the scientific principles used in this story.

Rating: PG

Other: Don't ask me where I get ideas like this from...This was almost my first G rated story. Sure, it's morbid as H-E-Double Hockey Sticks, but until stumbling across a "damn" from Sailor Mars, it was pretty much language free! And you really only need to know enough manga Stars to know what Sailor Heavy Metal Papillon looks like. Knowing anything more would probably just make you complain about my use of her.

Once again, the Sailor Scouts were battling an enemy with a penchant for chains. Sailors Mercury, Venus, Mars, and Jupiter were currently chained to several nearby trees. Sailor Moon and Sailor Mini-Moon were currently hiding behind Mars’ tree. “Do something, you morons!” Sailor Mars screamed.

“I’m waiting for just the right moment,” said Sailor Moon.

“We already attacked him!”

“You just winged him…”

Sailor Venus sighed. “We always miss or hit them at an odd angle or something…” she said.

“So attack already!” added Mars.

“I’ll do it,” said Sailor Mini-Moon, stepping out from behind a tree.

“That’s my little girl,” Sailor Moon said proudly.

“I am Sailor Mini-Moon!” Sailor Mini-Moon announced to the monster of the day. “I will right wrongs and…” Sailor Mini-Moon took off her glove and looked at the crib notes she’d scrawled on her hand. “And triumph over evil! And in the name of the future moon, I will punish you!” She pulled out a wand.

“We’re screwed,” Sailor Moon muttered.

“I’m never going to be a super star,” said Sailor Venus.

“Where are those damn crows when I need them?” sighed Sailor Mars.

“I spent too much time studying,” Sailor Mercury said sadly.

“Pink Sugar Heart Attack!” Sailor Mini-Moon shouted. Nothing happened. Sailor Mini-Moon shook the wand. When this didn’t work, she threw it to the ground and started stomping on it.

“That’s it,” Sailor Jupiter said. “I’m going to get us out of here!”

The other scouts looked at her. “Oh no…” said Sailor Venus.

“Her antennae’s up,” said Sailor Mars.

“Sparkling…Wide…”

“Jupiter, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” said Sailor Mercury.

“Pressure!”

Moon, Mercury, Venus, and Mars winced. Mini-Moon was still distracted. “Why are all my attacks so crappy?” she wailed, kicking the wand at the monster. It missed.

“I’m going to go kill the monster now,” Sailor Moon said numbly.

***

The next day… “I can’t believe it,” Raye said.

“On the bright side, at least we didn’t have to explain to her family how it happened,” said Mina.

Serena continued to wail. “I can’t believe it…I always thought Hotaru would be the first to go…”

“What?” asked Rini.

“Face it, Rini, she’s always hacking and coughing…she could drop dead at any second!”

“Serena!” hissed Luna.

“She’s got a point,” said Raye.

“Yesterday I realized something,” Amy said. “I’ve spent too much time studying for tests and going to cram school…from now on, I’m going to live life to the fullest!” She pulled a book out of her bag and started reading.

“Uh, Amy?” said Serena. “You’re studying.”

“Yes, but it’s a book on how to have fun!”

***

Sailor Jupiter staggered to her feet. It was dark and there were butterflies. Lots of butterflies. She heard someone snickering. “This is where stars come to die,” a voice told her.

“What the…”

“I am Sailor Heavy Metal Papillon!” a purple haired bikini clad woman with wings announced.

“Is Papillon your planet?”

“No. It’s French for ‘butterfly’,” Sailor Heavy Metal Papillon said proudly.

“Heavy Metal Butterfly?” Sailor Jupiter asked.

“That’s why I use French.”

Sailor Jupiter looked at her surroundings. “I thought we were always reborn,” she said.

Heavy Metal Papillon shrugged. “That’s only if you all die at once. Or in quick succession.”

“So I have to spend the rest of eternity with a bunch of crappy butterflies?”

The Animamate looked hurt. “We could play cards,” she suggested.

***

“Amy’s right,” said Mina. “Maybe we can all learn something from this horrible experience…”

“Yeah! I’ve been working too hard lately!” said Serena. “From now on, I’m just going to eat, drink, and be merry!”

“I don’t think that’s quite the idea, Serena,” Luna muttered.

“And maybe Raye will start going to her anger management class,” said Amy.

“I hate that worthless anger management class,” Raye snapped.

“Guys, can you teach me to read those funny scribbles?” asked Mina.

“Sure, Mina,” said Amy. “I’d be happy to teach you.”

Darien cleared his throat. “I’d like to propose a toast,” he said. The others nodded and solemnly picked up their soda cans. “To Sailor Jupiter…if only she’d learned that metal conducts electricity.”