Today's subject of angst, boys and girls, is the whole anti-dub thing.

First of all, bad translations have pissed me off before. I had to throw a overly modern, absolutely painful translation of Antigone at the wall and hunt down a better version so I could stand to read it for Theater History. I can't even stand to look at prose translations of epic poetry, and I won't read Dante's Divine Comedy unless I can find something close to terza rima. But in all of these examples, I can afford to be picky. Dozens of people have translated things like this, so I can generally keep rummaging at Barnes and Noble until I find something I feel is close enough to the original.

And, let's face it, are books that much different in the original language as they are in English?

Anime's a bit different. The choices are subbed, dubbed, or learn Japanese(I think we all know how likely three is for Zelda)

Let's go with Sailor Moon as an example, shall we? That is what the site is for, after all...

Subs would basically cost me an arm and a leg.

Don't even mention fan subs to me because I'm not that trusting a person. EBay is one thing. At least they have records, etc. And there's the shipping issue.

Copyright violations aside(not that I have a problem with that...), as far as official tapes go, I'm pretty sure sub versions are only on DVD. And as DVDs are more than VHS(we're not even going into how I'd need a DVD player)

Long story short, I'm cheap. Cheap and poor. And while I may bitch and moan about my cable bill at least three times a month, it brings me Cartoon Network and all the other channels I could ever possible want. So, it's whatever they give me.

And I actually enjoy the dub. Yes, you heard right. I find it absolutely hysterical on so many levels.

Like when everyone gets extremely embarassed over some minor remark. Playing "Guess what filthy thing was cut" is a lot more fun than the actual joke could possibly be.

Remember in S when a girl asked Serena if she and Darien had ever...kissed? Both of them were blushing furiously. My sister and I decided that the two were obviously talking about sex and had a good laugh over the evils of censorship. Then I found out that as kissing is considered to be practically foreplay in Japan, we realized that was probably accurate and were saddened.

As for the kissing cousins, Neptune and Uranus, canon couples don't interest me. If they hadn't been dubbed as cousins who were still obviously in love with each other, I would've shrugged. "Huzzah, another boring destined couple. Whatever." But once dirty, closeted incest was brought into the picture...it afforded delightful, "Who do you think you're kidding?" moments.

Also, it's the way we watch things here in America. If you're not from America, I'm sorry. Yes, we're a pushy, nasty country that keeps trying to force our culture onto everyone else. If you are an American, and one of those ones who has decided that American culture sucks and every other country in the world is better because there's no censorship, you're the people I need to talk to.

Did we grow up in different versions of the United States? Yeah, it's not perfect. Yeah, we just elected George W. Bush. Every country is flawed, even if they show bare breasts in prime time.

This country was founded by Puritans. Plain and simple. (We'll just ignore Jamestown, commercial venture that it was, but American history tends to ignore the first permenent settlement anyway.)

But look back at your fond childhood memories. Most of mine involve crossdressers, vague hints of homo-erotica, and a few other so called "deviant" things. Care Bears was the only thing I could think of that didn't have anything potentially perverse in it.(and if you find anything, please don't tell me. I have so few precious childhood memories left) But other than Care Bears, let's look at a few other find, upstanding American products for children and see if they're on the straight and narrow.

• Bert and Ernie--too easy. Next example.
• The Smurfs--there was only one female, provoking the great question, "What would the Smurfs do if Smurfette was a lesbian?" as well as the theory that they were either sleeping with her or Papa Smurf.
• Superfriends--Batman/Robin doesn't take that much imagination.
• My Little Pony--there weren't any boy ponies. But they still managed to reproduce.
• Bugs Bunny and Tweety Show--originally made for adults which probably explains all the drag and mouth kissing(Bugs Bunny sure does get around!)
• Pee-Wee's Playhouse--probably nothing, but I'm sure it messed me up.

I may have a lot of free time and yes, Smurfs was created by a European, but still, this is what they happily showed on American TV for American children. And look at the animated movies we're making now. The Lion King was slash heaven(unless Kimba was too, please don't remind me of that little flaw)and the only thing that can out Hakuna Matata that pile of thinly veiled yaoi is The Road to El Dorado. That movie had a heroine just so they could shut up Republicans and people like my parents.("They can't be gay if one of them ends up with a girl." "Fine, Dad. The dark haired one's bi, the blonde one's gay, and they're still a better couple than what's his face and the chunky bimbo!")

My point? Basically, I was raised in a culture where we like our dirty jokes hidden away under a veneer of good old fashioned family fun(go listen to some Animaniacs songs) From what the internet seems to be teaching me, this makes me a rare person...

So does this mean I have no intetion of seeing those loveable trannies the Starlights? That all depends...there's probably a way to dub over that. We Americans do love our crossdressing.