It was one of those rainy afternoons.

The Amazon Trio had unanimously decided that there was no point in looking for Pegasus in the rain. It was obvious to them that a beautiful dreamer would prefer bright, sunny days. Besides, humidity made their hair frizz.

Tiger’s-Eye and Hawk’s-Eye, paragons of masculinity that they were, were doing a bit of male bonding. Fish-Eye was probably off doing something girly and hadn’t been invited anyway. This was an activity for only the manliest of men.

“Pull!” shouted Tiger’s-Eye. A few seconds later, he screamed like a girl. “Dammit, geek face!”

“Shut up, Tiger’s-Eye,” Hawk’s-Eye snapped.

They were doing what they did every six to eight weeks—waxing their legs. It required nerves of steel and wasn’t always pleasant, but it had to be done.

There were also certain rules. The first was that neither Hawk’s-Eye nor Tiger’s-Eye would ever speak of this ritual to anyone. The second was that while leg waxing was a completely manly and heterosexual activity, under no circumstances would there be any waxing of “the area.” That would be done alone or by a licensed beautician and never spoken of.

“Has it been a month already?” Fish-Eye asked from the doorway.

“Don’t distract him, Fish,” snapped Tiger’s-Eye. “He could scar my perfect legs.”

Hawk’s-Eye muttered something under his breath. “I don’t know why you do that,” Fish-Eye continued. “It’s so painful!”

“That’s because you’re not man enough for it,” said Tiger’s-Eye.

All three looked up as Zircon fluttered in. “Crap,” muttered Hawk’s-Eye and Fish-Eye. Tiger’s-Eye shrieked.

***

Zirconia was growing impatient. In the hopes of increasing productivity, s/he was trying a few new tactics. Bitching out the Amazon Trio was now referred to as a “family meeting.” There was also a suggestion box and every Wednesday night was a mandatory Family Game Night.

Last Wednesday, Monopoly had been indefinitely banned from Family Game Night after Fish-Eye had tried to make Tiger’s-Eye eat the top hot. This happened fairly frequently and probably wouldn’t have resulted in the banning of Monopoly if Hawk’s-Eye hadn’t volunteered to hold Tiger’s-Eye’s arms back.

Zirconia was starting to lose faith in alternative motivational methods. The games indefinitely banned from Family Game Night were now Monopoly, Risk, Mouse Trap, Hi-ho Cherry-O, anything involving cards, Careers, Chutes and Ladders, all puzzles, the Babysitter’s Club Game, Scrabble, Operation, Trivial Pursuit, Mall Madness, Clue, Candyland, Stratego, Twister, and Pretty Pretty Princess.

Zirconia shuddered at the thought of Pretty Pretty Princess. S/he should have known that any game involving plastic jewelry would lead to no good.

Tonight Family Game Night was off to a bad start. Zirconia was trying to find a game that hadn’t been banned and wouldn’t be banned within the first fifteen minutes. Mystery Date wasn’t off limits, but was no longer in playable condition after Fish-Eye had gotten the dud one time too many.

Finally, s/he found something. “We’re going to play Barbie Goes to the Prom,” s/he announced.

Twenty minutes later, Zirconia was more than willing to make three necessary sacrifices. It was amazing that things like drinking and waxing could bring the Amazon Trio together, but something as harmless as Barbie Goes to the Prom could tear them apart.

“That was the dress I wanted,” Hawk’s-Eye muttered.

“Tough. You got the cutest date,” Fish-Eye replied.

“Well, you stole the best car,” said Tiger’s-Eye. “And that was my dress!”

Naturally the Amazon Trio was fighting over the card with the prom dress that was not only covered with turquoise sequins, but also had hot pink ruffles at the collar and hem. It was the most hideous thing Zirconia had ever seen outside of a mirror.

“I’ll trade you my date for the dress,” said Hawk’s-Eye.

Fish-Eye thought about this for a moment. “Fine,” he said.

Zirconia sighed. If the Amazon Trio put as much effort into finding Pegasus as they did into Barbie Goes to the Prom, the world would already be under Queen Nehelenia’s control. “You’re a disgrace to this family,” s/he said.

The Trio exchanged a glance. The word “family” had been thrown around a lot lately. “Master Zirconia, are we really a family?” asked Fish-Eye.

Zirconia was about to ask how the hell a fish, a hawk, and a tiger could be related when s/he realized that her minions were still completely and utterly oblivious. Which, in Zirconia’s opinion, shouldn’t have been possible with Fish-Eye’s hands. Or the fact that absolutely no effort had been put into naming the Trio. Well, PallaPalla had named them, but Zirconia refused to have henchmen called Mr. Kitty, Cheep-Cheep, and Swimmy.

All of this could have been quickly explained, but Zirconia decided that this was information should be saved for a later lecture. Instead, s/he smiled mysteriously. S/he had to repress a cackle as Mr. Kitty, Cheep-Cheep, and Swimmy started to turn blue.

While the Amazon Trio couldn’t quite comprehend concepts like “love” or “sharing”, they knew what “incest” meant.

Fish-Eye had started to twitch. Despite earlier protests, his type was anything with a pulse and a penis. And although he didn’t have beautiful dreams in the human sense, he’d had one the night before that had seemed quite nice until Family Game Night had taken an unexpected turn for the worse. It had been vivid, it had been graphic, and it had involved both Tiger’s-Eye and Hawk’s-Eye. Fish-Eye was currently trying not to remember it.

“Master Zirconia, is hell real?” he asked.

“Yes,” Zirconia replied, mostly to see the reaction it would get. S/he wasn’t disappointed.

Tiger’s-Eye was starting to feel queasy. He’d found it bad enough to think of Fish-Eye in “that way”, because once the make-up and padding was removed, Fish-Eye was technically a guy. And, in Tiger’s-Eye’s mind, the only thing worse than thinking about a guy in “that way” was thinking “that way” about a guy you were apparently related to. He glanced at Hawk’s-Eye, because the only thing worse than all of the above was Hawk’s-Eye finding out about it.

Hawk’s-Eye wanted to climb into bed, pull the covers over his head, and never emerge. While Fish-Eye was a bit young, he made a really hot girl. Hawk’s-Eye glanced at Tiger’s-Eye to see if he was about to receive the taunting of his life.

“What’s wrong with you air heads?” asked Zirconia.

“Nothing,” the Amazon Trio mumbled.

Once the horror of Family Game Night had ended, the Trio scurried back to their bar.

“We don’t even look alike,” said Fish-Eye.

“How closely related do you think we are?” asked Tiger’s-Eye. Note to self: stop hitting on Fish-Eye.

***

The next day, Fish-Eye found himself at the church with the hot nun. He was trying to keep from thinking sinful thoughts about what one could do in a confessional.

“You’re supposed to kneel on that,” said the priest.

Fish-Eye started blushing. “Father, I’ve been thinking bad thoughts.”

“When, my child?”

“Now.”

Oh, Christ thought the priest. He popped an aspirin in his mouth and started to chew on it.

“And I’ve been thinking sinful thoughts about two men I might be related to.”

“Might be?”

The door opened. “Hey!” snapped Fish-Eye. “I’m repenting in here!”

“Why are you down there?” asked Hawk’s-Eye. He was trying not to think of what one could do in a confessional with someone dressed like a Catholic school girl.

“It’s what the old man told me to do. Isn’t it, Father?”

Hawk’s-Eye snickered. “You’re on your knees for someone you call ‘Father?’” he asked.

“Who’s your mommy today, Hawk’s-Eye?”

“Shut up, Fish.”

“Might be?” asked the priest.

“We’re not sure,” said Hawk’s-Eye and Fish-Eye.

“I think you should leave,” said the priest.

“Yeah, Fish, get out,” said Hawk’s-Eye.

“Both of you!”

***

Tiger’s-Eye was trying a new tactic with today’s target—asking her questions about herself. “Is it wrong to be attracted to someone you’re related to?” he asked.

Michelle didn’t even have to think about this one. “Of course not,” she said.

“What if they’re a guy?”

Her nose wrinkled. “A guy?” she asked.

I knew it Tiger’s-Eye thought bitterly.

***

“What were you doing there anyway?” asked Hawk’s-Eye as they walked back to the tent.

“What were you doing there?” Fish-Eye countered.

“Looking for you.” Hawk’s-Eye paled as a breeze blew past them. “Jeez, Fish, why would you wear such a short skirt to church?”

“It’s what they wear,” said Fish-Eye. He paused to tug up his knee socks. “What do we do now?”

“We could look for Pegasus.”

They both started laughing.

***

“It doesn’t matter,” Michelle said. A few cherry blossom petals blew by. “You can’t choose who you fall in love with.”

Tiger’s-Eye thought for a moment. Damn, she’s really hot… “What did you say?”

“You can’t choose who you fall in love with.”

Tiger’s-Eye laughed. “It’s not love; I just think about boinking him.” He took Michelle’s hand. “You’re the only one I could ever love.”

Michelle quickly pulled her hand away. “Don’t come here again.”

***

They’d been back in the tent for less than fifteen minutes when Fish-Eye stomped into the bar, grabbed Hawk’s-Eye by one ear, and dragged him towards the shower. “Ow! What are you doing, Fish?” Hawk’s-Eye asked.

“I want to show you something,” Fish-Eye snapped.

Most people would classify being pulled by an earlobe in the same category as being called by their full name. It tended to be one of those sure signs that you were in trouble and that it was time to either come up with a great excuse or start packing.

Hawk’s-Eye was not most people. His current thought process was that he must have been a bad boy and that he would need to be punished. Considering the circumstances, he tried to think of something else. I wonder if Tiger’s-Eye’s found Pegasus yet. I wonder what Fish is going to do to me… He smiled, then shuddered. Can’t think about that, he could be my sister…

“Do you see this?” asked Fish-Eye.

“The shower?”

Fish-Eye held up a bottle. “This.”

“Conditioner?”

Sighing, Fish-Eye pointed to a glittery Strawberry Shortcake sticker on the bottle. “This means that this is my conditioner. And someone else has been using it!”

Their eyes met. The conditioner hit the floor.

***

Tiger’s-Eye slumped on a barstool. “I can’t believe it,” he whined. “The best looking ones are always such prudes! And she didn’t have Pegasus!” He suddenly grinned. “I did get to see some hot girl on girl dream action though.” He leaned over to nudge Hawk’s-Eye and nearly fell. It was then that he realized he was alone.

***

“Wait a minute,” said Sailor Moon as the victim of the day silently walked off. “Wasn’t that Michelle?”

The scouts turned towards the rapidly disappearing girl. “You’re welcome!” Sailor Mars shouted after her.

***

“Where are you going?” asked Tiger’s-Eye as Fish-Eye and Hawk’s-Eye passed him in the hall.

“We have to ask Zirconia something,” said Fish-Eye. His hair was loose, and he was missing an earring.

“I can’t believe the target you two stuck me with,” Tiger’s-Eye whined as he followed them. “She was the unkinkiest lesbian I’ve ever…what happened to your shirt?”

Hawk’s-Eye looked down. “Uhm…”

Tiger’s-Eye glared at him. “I thought we agreed that we weren’t going to do that kind of thing anymore.”

“Shut up, Tiger’s-Eye. This is completely different.”

“No, it’s not!”

Fish-Eye stopped walking and slowly turned around. “Wait, you two…?”

Hawk’s-Eye and Tiger’s-Eye blushed. “I was young and needed the money,” Hawk’s-Eye snapped.

Fish-Eye’s jaw dropped. “When did…when was…”

“Two weeks ago,” Tiger’s-Eye and Hawk’s-Eye mumbled.

The Trio looked at each other, then started running towards the center ring.

***

“What is it now?” Zirconia snapped.

“Can you have sex in Heaven?” the Amazon Trio asked.

Zirconia had to think this one over. It wasn’t one of those easy questions like “What’s so great about Pegasus?” or “Do we really have to go after the ugly ones?” In fact, it didn’t seem to have anything to do with capturing Pegasus. Also, the way s/he had aged, it took him/her a little while to remember what sex involved. “No,” s/he finally said.

“We’d better get back to work,” said Hawk’s-Eye.

***

“Ow! What the hell’s wrong with you?”

“Watch it, geek face!”

“You watch it!”

Fish-Eye grimaced. “I don’t think this is going to work,” he said. “It’s just too small.”

“You heard him, Tiger’s-Eye,” said Hawk’s-Eye. “Get out.”

“You get out.”

“I was here first.”

While the shower had seemed like a good idea at the time, the Amazon Trio was quickly learning that it wasn’t large enough to accommodate three people. They’d already learned that the circus didn’t own any tables that could support the weight of three adult men.

“What about the bathtub?” asked Fish-Eye.

Tiger’s-Eye and Hawk’s-Eye shuddered. “No,” said Tiger’s-Eye. “Last time I nearly broke my perfect neck.”

Fish-Eye stared at them. “The bathtub?”

“I told you he’s a messed up bastard.”

“You’re the one with the whip,” said Hawk’s-Eye. He smiled and licked his lips. “Where is the whip?”

“I can’t move my arms.”

Fish-Eye sighed. “Who has the biggest bed?” he asked.

“We’re not using a bed unless we can tie Tiger’s-Eye to it,” said Hawk’s-Eye.

“Fine.”

“Hey!” Tiger’s-Eye snapped.

Zircon fluttered into the shadows as the three fell out of the shower. “Did you hear something?” asked Fish-Eye.

“What’s wrong with right here?” asked Tiger’s-Eye.

“We can’t tie anyone to the floor,” said Hawk’s-Eye.

“Don’t do that, geek face! You might scar my perfect earlobe!”

Fish-Eye and Hawk’s-Eye exchanged a glance. “Can we gag him?” asked Fish-Eye.

“The sky’s the limit, Fish,” said Hawk’s-Eye.

***

“I can’t believe this,” said Serena.

Raye rolled her eyes. “Oh, get over it, Serena. It’s not even the bitchiest thing she’s ever done.”

“But everyone thanks Sailor Moon,” Serena whined. “Even people I don’t even know thank me!”

Rini glared at the floor. “No one ever thanks Sailor Mini-Moon,” she muttered. No one noticed.

***

Hawk’s-Eye and Fish-Eye each lit up a cigarette. As usual, their post sex smoke of choice was a Lady Laramie Ultra Light 100.

“I think it was worth it,” said Fish-Eye.

“If there’s a hell, we were probably going there anyway,” said Hawk’s-Eye.

“Can you untie me now?” asked Tiger’s-Eye.

“No,” said Hawk’s-Eye.

Fish-Eye sighed. “I told you we should’ve gagged him.”